Believing Again (Finding Your Place Book 3)

by Rebecca Barber

  His fingers digging into my scalp was an exquisite combination of pain and pleasure. I couldn’t wait another moment. Running my hand across the front of his underwear, I felt the warm, wet patch on the front. His scent was intoxicating and empowering at the same time. I couldn’t wait a second longer.

  Jerking his briefs down, I got my first glimpse. My eyes nearly bugged out of their sockets. He was huge. Pointing directly at me. Wrapping my hand around his steely shaft, I noticed he wasn’t just long, but thick. My fingers barely enveloped his impressive girth. Unable to hold back a second longer, I leant forward and licked the pre cum from his weeping tip.

  “Fuck, Jo!”

  Swallowing his head, I heard him puff out the breath he’d been holding before his hands twisted in my braids, locking me exactly where he wanted. Encouraged by the grunting and groaning, I knew I had to be doing something right. I sucked in him deeper until he hit the back of my throat. I felt him thicken on my tongue as I took hold of his balls, massaging them in my palm.

  I was hot everywhere. Every cell in my body was on fire…except my own panties. They were drenched. The only thing keeping me from reaching my fingers down into my own jeans and easing the ache was the fact my hands were too busy to move them.

  Nate was starting to lose his mind. He started thrusting faster and harder, making my eyes water. Any control I thought I had was gone. Nate had taken over. He was taking what he wanted, seemingly with reckless abandon. As he fucked my face, I could feel myself soaking through my jeans. If I didn’t get some relief soon, there was a very good chance I’d spontaneously combust.

  “Josie…” His voice was raw with passion and want. “I’m…gonna…”

  He didn’t get a chance to finish his sentence before he filled my mouth with his saltiness. The moment I felt the warmth touch my tongue, my whole body shuddered as my own orgasm shattered me.

  Swallowing down the mouthful, I sat back on my heels as I took a second to get my breathing under control. Wiping my mouth with the back of my hand, reality hit me like a freight train.

  While Nate looked satisfied and sleepy, his pants still around his ankles and his deflated dick dangling in front of my face, I jumped to my feet and took off out the door.

  As I stepped on the street, the rain pounding my head and cooling my heated skin, I tipped my head up to the sky and screamed, “What the fuck did I just do?”

  Chapter 14

  Nate

  I hadn’t been expecting that, but fuck me! Seriously! Josie was definitely a surprise. A surprise in the best possible way. When I planned to take her out on the bike for the afternoon I’d never expected to end up receiving the best blow job of my life. I’m not going to say it wasn’t a fucking fantastic way to end an evening, but it definitely wasn’t premeditated. Appreciated, but not premeditated. Thoroughly enjoyed, but not expected.

  Yanking my pants up and tucking myself back in, I looked around. I assumed Josie would have come out of the bathroom by now. Running my hand through my hair, I grabbed a couple of beers from the fridge and popped the cap before leaning back against the counter. Taking a long swallow, the very recent memory of Josie’s swollen lips wrapped around my cock made my dick twitch. Again.

  “Where is she?” I sighed as I drained the last of my beer before placing the empty bottle in the sink and heading towards the bathroom.

  Knocking on the door, I was answered with silence.

  “Josie?” Still no answer. “Josie? Is everything all right in there?”

  The door was pushed closed but the latch hadn’t caught. Nudging it open, I think I heard my jaw hit the floor. There was no sign of her. Even the window was still shut. She’d never come in here. So where the fuck was she?

  Racing through the house, I was out the back door and standing in the middle of the yard with my hands on my head, rain battering down on me as thunder boomed above. When the lightning lit up the sky, I got a brief look at every corner of my yard but Josie was nowhere in sight. My heart sped up and I felt the headache building behind my eyes.

  “Fuck!” I boomed, unable to control my frustrations a second longer.

  I don’t know what I’d done wrong, I just know that I felt like shit. It was more than that, though. I felt guilty and worried. Worried like I’d never been before. Darting back into the house, I found my phone on the floor and called Derek without even pausing to think about the repercussions. I fully expected to get my ass kicked. I deserved it, and I knew it would come. Right now though, right now my priority was finding Josie and making sure she was okay. Then, I planned to do some ass kicking of my own. Namely hers.

  “Nate! Didn’t think I’d hear from you tonight.”

  There was humour in his voice and I wanted to knock it out of him. Now was not the time for teasing. “Yeah, well…have you heard from Josie at all?”

  He coughed loudly. It was that choking cough you made when you fell over your words. “What do you mean? Isn’t she with you?”

  “She was…”

  “What-the-hell-did-you-do?” All his words ran together. I could picture him on the other end of the line, his face turning red as a vein popped out on his forehead.

  “You don’t want to know. It doesn’t matter. Is she home?”

  “No. Haven’t heard from her. Hang on a minute, Nate,” he left me hanging while he called out to Mia asking her.

  It felt like forever that I was sitting there doing nothing. Nothing except pacing wet, muddy footprints back and forth across my family room. I saw the mess I was making but couldn’t bring myself to care. I’d deal with it later.

  “You still there, Nate?”

  “Yeah.”

  “She’s not answering her phone. Mia’s jumped in the truck. She thinks she knows where she would have gone, so she’s going to have a look. She’ll let me know in a minute.”

  “Can you let me know?”

  “You going to tell me what happened?”

  “Derek, please! Can you just tell me she’s okay?”

  “Yeah, I’ll put you out of your misery. But this conversation is not over.”

  “Never thought it was.” I disconnected the call and threw my phone across the room, watching it bounce on the couch.

  I don’t know if it was five minutes or five hours, but it felt forever. I was freezing and wet. Needing to keep my hands busy, I stacked the kindling in the fireplace before tossing a match in, watching the flames roar to life. The brighter they burned, the warmer the room became, making my damp jeans cling to my legs uncomfortably.

  After some more pacing and yanking painfully at my hair, I stripped off my shirt and jeans, dropping them where they fell before stomping down to the bathroom and starting the shower. Maybe once I warmed up and dried off, this uneasy feeling gnawing at the pit of my stomach would ease. At least I hoped so. Feeling like this sucked ass. While the water steamed up the bathroom through the groaning pipes—one of the drawbacks of owning such an old house—I ran through the house and dug my phone out from between the couch cushions. If it rang, I needed to get it. This call I couldn’t miss. I wouldn’t miss.

  Setting it on the chipped bathroom counter, I stepped in the shower, throwing one last look over my shoulder while my phone laid there lifelessly, taunting me. Groaning, I stepped under the hot water, hoping it would wash away my frustration and annoyance. That’s when it hit me. As much as I was worried about Josie, as much as I needed her to be okay, I was as pissed at hell at her too. I was annoyed. Pissed off. Confused. Fucking livid. And all of that was before Derek got his hands on me. I couldn’t understand what the hell happened. One minute we were hot and heavy, my cock in her mouth, then the next I had no idea where she’d run off to. As much as I wanted to wring her soft, sweet-smelling neck, I was more worried about where she was and what was going through her pretty little head. Something had gotten in there and shaken her.

  Three hours and half a dozen beers later, I couldn’t stand it a minute longer.

  Nate: Any news? />
  I didn’t want to message Derek but I had no choice. I was going out of my mind.

  Derek: She’s home.

  “What the fuck!” I boomed through my barely furnished house, hearing the echo bounced back at me. Josie was home. I’m assuming safe and sound, and Derek, the fucktard, hadn’t even bothered to let me know. I wanted to smash his face in. Right now though, I had bigger issues.

  Nate: And???

  Derek: She’s okay.

  Nate: Okay? Seriously?

  This whole night had gone to hell in a handbasket. All I wanted was a nice night with a beautiful woman. And I’d gotten it. Then before I’d even had the chance to enjoy it, something had spooked Josie in a big way. I wasn’t sure what exactly what I’d said or done, I just knew I didn’t like it. Not one little bit.

  Dialling, I didn’t even bother to look at the clock.

  “What the fuck?”

  Okay, I know I should have led with a simple ‘hello.’ Instead I’d snapped and lost my shit. Probably not the best way to start a conversation with someone who already wanted to kick my ass.

  “Nate, calm down.”

  “Don’t, Derek. Just don’t.”

  “Nate…” There was warning in his voice.

  “What the fuck happened? What’d I do? I just don’t—I don’t get it. Not at all.”

  “It’s late, Nate, and I’ve had a shitty night. Josie’s home and safe and asleep. Just leave it until tomorrow. Please. I’m begging you, just give her some space.”

  “She told you what happened?”

  I hoped she hadn’t. I didn’t need Derek, who was pretty much my only friend in this god forsaken town, wanting to kill me. I didn’t need him to get the wrong idea. I couldn’t even remember the words we’d exchanged. I’m sure I’d done something wrong, something stupid to send her sprinting out into the rainy night.

  “Yeah, she did.”

  “I don’t know what exactly I did…”

  “It wasn’t you, Nate. I’m not one hundred percent sure what’s going on in Josie’s head right now. Hell, I’m not sure what goes through her head most days, but I don’t think it was necessarily you. Just give her some time and space. Once she settles, I’m sure she’ll talk to you.”

  “Wait. Just wait. That’s what you’re telling me to do? That’s your profound words of wisdom? Am I hearing that right?”

  “Yeah, Nate! That’s what I’m telling you.”

  “Okay.”

  “Okay?”

  “Yeah, okay.”

  “Just trust me. Look, I’ve gotta go, it’s been a long night. Matilda wouldn’t settle and go to bed. I lost count how many times I sang “Twinkle Twinkle.””

  I heard myself snort. Derek wrapped around a tiny pink bundle singing “Twinkle Twinkle” wasn’t an image that popped into your head naturally. He didn’t seem the type. Or maybe that was just me projecting.

  “Sounds like a wild night. I’ll let you go. Thanks, Derek. Let me know if I can do anything.”

  “I will. Get some sleep, Nate.”

  Derek hung up, and as soon as I heard the line go dead, I released a deep breath I was holding and let my arms fall loose. Every muscle in my exhausted body ached. I’d been so stressed, so tense that I hadn’t even realised what I was doing. Rolling my neck from side to side, the loud crick made me nervous. Grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge, I flicked off the lights before walking through my dark house and collapsing onto my bed, not even bothering to pull back the covers.

  I woke with a pounding headache and a hard on that wouldn’t go away. The dream I’d been having was so vivid I didn’t want to even be awake. The image of Josie on her knees, my fingers tangled in her hair, her cheeks flushed and her lips swollen as they wrapped around me filled in my memory. It was a sight I wouldn’t soon forget. I may not ever see it again, so there was no way in hell I was about to let it go. Not now. When I wrapped my hand around my rock hard cock, it was already weeping. Embarrassingly, it only took a few rough strokes before my balls tightened and a I groaned out my release. Puffing and panting, I pulled my sticky hand away, disgusted with myself. My hand, stomach, and the sheets were covered in my mess. Something I hadn’t had to deal with since I was a horny, frustrated teen trying to hide my night time activities away from my nosy mother.

  “Shit!”

  Cleaning myself up the best I could with the corner of the sheet, I jumped from the bed and headed for the shower. After quickly washing off, I wrapped the towel around my hips and headed for my kitchen. I needed coffee.

  After downing my second cup, I tugged on some work boots and worn jeans and got busy. I figured if my hands were busy busting up the walls in the laundry, then I wouldn’t have time to think. Turns out, yet again I was wrong. It seemed no matter what I did, I saw Josie’s face. When I mowed the lawn, when I tossed the plasterboard sheeting that once clung to the laundry walls into the oversized bin, not even when I found myself halfway up a tree cutting away rotten branches could I shake the picture in my head. At least the R-rated images had taken a break, for now. Now I was haunted by the look on her face when she thought I’d taken her into the middle of nowhere. A picture that brought a smile to my face.

  ***

  On Monday, everything sucked. The kids were little shits, more than likely from being kept cooped up inside all weekend. With the wet weather, most of them had played computer games or watched movies, now they were feral, wanting to get outside and play. By two that afternoon they got their wish. I was exhausted and frustrated, and there was no way in hell I could get them to concentrate on handwriting, so I conceded. Not something I did often, and definitely not something I enjoyed.

  Marching them across the concrete quadrangle, I spotted a tiny woman up ahead, her hand resting on her cocked hip. There was something intimidating about her posture, something that made me fortify myself. If this obviously angry ball of woman was about to let loose, I could only pray she had enough sense not to do it in front of the kids.

  “Come on, guys. Into the hall. Eloise, can you get the balls out of the cupboard? Hayden and Tyson, can you guys grab the bins and set them up?”

  “Are we playing bin ball?” Hayden asked hopefully.

  All day, he’d been one of the worst behaved kids I’d ever seen. Practically bursting with energy, my choice had been easy. Either give him something to do or slap him. And slapping children was frowned upon in the education system. Unfortunately.

  Mia fell in step beside me but remained silent. I was thankful but surprised. I didn’t know her well, although I could read her body language, and she was ready to burst. Maybe I should pit Hayden against Mia and see who came up trumps. At least that way, I’d be safe.

  In the hall, I quickly separated the kids into teams and set them in place before stepping out of the way. The moment I stepped to the sideline, my back plastered against the cool metal wall, the lower part of my arm burned. Looking down I soon realised why. Mia was plastered against me, a sad, tortured smile on her face.

  “You going to yell at me?” I asked.

  “Should I yell at you?”

  “Probably.”

  “Feeling guilty?”

  “Feeling like shit, actually,” I answered honestly. I didn’t want to play games. I didn’t want drama. I’d lived through enough of that and I’d barely survived it the first time. I had no interest in going through that shit again. “I think I’m more scared of you than Derek.”

  “You should be,” she deadpanned.

  I almost choked on the lump that had taken up residence in my throat. Mia was a tiny little thing, but there was something about the way she carried herself, a confidence she possessed that set me on edge. Squeezing my eyes shut, I willed the headache that was forming behind my eyes to go away.

  When I opened my eyes, I spotted Elizabeth sitting on her butt, crying. There was nothing I hated more than tears. I hated them with kids and I hated them with adults. At least with kids, a band-aid and a kind word usually cle
ared them up. With adults, especially women, they held onto that shit forever.

  Blowing the whistle that hung around my neck, the balls rolled to a stop as I crossed the hall in long strides to where Elizabeth sobbed and rubbed her knees. Set on target, I didn’t even notice Mia trailing me.

  Crouching down next to her, I asked, keeping my voice soft and steady, “Where did you hurt yourself, Elizabeth?”

  “My knees,” she whimpered as she wiped her nose on her sleeve, leaving a sticky, shiny stain.

  “Can you show me?” Mia cooed as she nudged me out of the way, instantly taking control of the situation.

  I stepped back and turned my attention to the other kids, who were getting restless. I could hear Mia behind me, speaking in hushed tones to Elizabeth. She seemed to know what she was doing. She was so good with her. I guess being a mother would do that to her.

  It took a few minutes before the game was back underway and Elizabeth’s tears had dried on her cheeks and she sat on the wooden bench beside Mia chatting animatedly. Feeling relieved that Mia’s attention was diverted elsewhere, I concentrated on what I needed to be doing. When the bell rang, everyone looked at me, stunned. The afternoon had raced by. Quickly the kids dropped the ball and the game officially ended.

  “Okay, calm down. We need to go back to the room and grab your bags.”

  If I thought for a second having them running and throwing the ball at each other would tire them out, I was delusional. But thankfully, they weren’t my problem a moment longer. Now they could go home and annoy the crap out of their parents while I headed home to collapse with a beer.

  Ten minutes was all it took for everyone to be sorted and out the door. Silence fell across my empty classroom. I slumped, exhausted into a chair, my fat, adult ass hanging over both sides.