Luci's Lullaby

by Leaona Luxx

  I can’t help but to grin; we’re orphans, and my sister-in-law is an only child who lost her mom two years ago to cancer. It’s just us three.

  “The Three Amigos no more!” We laugh.

  “Naw but I can honestly say, I’m okay with that.” I think I can see him smile.

  “Me too, brother. Y’all decide on a name yet?”

  “No, we can’t agree on anything but her last name, and I won that by default.”

  “I’ve got it, Becca Beck.” I snort, trying not to laugh.

  “Har-har. I’ll share that with Shelley and see if she brings you any homemade cornbread when we visit.” He’s so mean.

  “Why would you do something so evil? I was joking.”

  He chuckles. “I’m just bustin’ your balls.”

  “Good, ‘cause I think her name should be Rebecca Beck.”

  “I hate you.” He laughs.

  I sigh. “Man, do I miss you.”

  “Ditto, dude. We’ll be down there before you know it, and we’ll stay up late drinking beers and running our mouths.” He must be feeling it too; we miss our parents.

  “Shut up! You’re makin’ this thing in my chest hurt.”

  “You mean, your cold, dead heart? Yeah, it’s called feelings and one day, a girl is gonna come along and show you what you’ve been missin’.” He’s so utterly in love. My chest does ache.

  “Whatever, loser. I got a different girl every night, I’ll never settle down. It’s the biz, man; it’s what the heavy hitters do.”

  “You mean, the ‘stars’?” I roll my eyes waiting to hear it. “I promise you, when the right girl comes along, you’ll never be the same.”

  “I’ll take my niece and keep my other options open.”

  “Alright, asshole. Two weeks and we’ll be there. I’m not sleeping on a sofa!” He’s always fucking with me.

  “I’m a grownup now; I have beds and in their own rooms.”

  “So that’s how you do it.” He hesitates.

  “Do what?” I cock my brow, waiting for the punchline.

  “You put them in different rooms and hop from bed to bed.” He snickers.

  “Nope! We share a bed. It’s called a three-some, Google it.”

  The line goes silent for a minute. “Not even right.”

  “No, dude… so right!” We both laugh.

  “I’ll talk to you later, love ya,” Cid says.

  “Tell Shelley I love her. Love ya, Cidney.”

  I stare into my rearview mirror at Charlee’s place. My gut screams for me to go back and take her in my arms and tell her everything I’m feeling and let the pieces fall as they may.

  “I can’t, I have too much going on to add her in the picture.” I put my truck in drive and leave her behind. I plan a few practices and two more gigs before the festival to keep myself busy.

  Just when I think I’m home free—because, without a doubt, I know I’m in deep when it comes to Charlee—Reese texts to invite me to their Memorial Day Cookout the week before the festival. I’m hoping to relax today.

  I park along the wooded drive, late as always, to find the party in full swing. Walking the long road, I spot the one car I don’t need to see but my racing pulse begs to differ.

  “You’ve got to be kidding me!” I jerk my ball cap off and rake my hand through my hair. Checking my breath, I steady myself for this woman who will not get out of my head.

  I walk around the house, scanning the yard for her. I don’t see her right away, so I slide into the place quietly. Or so I had hoped.

  “Hey, Uncle Puddin’!” Walker yells across the yawn.

  I cut my eyes to the back of the house as I join him. “Hey, what’s up?”

  “I thought fun and games, but I guess not. What’s with the scowl?” he asks as his brother, Riley, walks over.

  “Nothing.” I shove my hands in my pockets, raising my shoulders and letting them fall. “Where’s Reese?”

  “In the house with Ava and Charlee.” Riley throws his thumb over his shoulder. Walker’s eyes snap to mine.

  “Dude, tell me it ain’t so.” Walker chuckles.

  I try to feign innocence. “I don’t have a clue as to what you’re talking about.”

  “Just take her home and you’ll feel better.” Walker sniggers.

  I twist my mouth to the side. “You’d think so, wouldn’t you?”

  “I’m not sure I understand what the problem is if you like her?” Walker looks at me and then Riley.

  “Don’t look at me, it took me years to let Ava know how I feel about her.” Riley chuckles.

  “It’s not like that either.” I half shrug as something catches my attention. Charlee walks down the steps in a long white and gray skirt split up her thigh and black shirt.

  The memory of her legs wrapped around me as I was balls deep starts a fire in my belly of lust and greed. Why in the hell is she wearing that? I don’t want anyone else to see her like I do.

  Her eyes flash to mine and then she whips around, returning from the direction she came from, passing the others on her way back. I stalk after her with Walker and Riley laughing at me.

  “It looks like it’s not like that!” He chuckles when I flip him off.

  I walk through the door, shutting it behind me. I meander through the house, looking around corners until I find her by the front door. “Are you leaving?”

  She drops her head, but her hand remains on the knob. “Yeah, it’s getting late.”

  “Are you running from me?”

  She spins, facing me. “You know, not everything’s about you.”

  “You’re right, it’s about you and me.”

  She folds her arms. “Oh, really? Mind explaining how that is exactly because the last time we spoke, it was all about you.”

  “Charlee, I’m only saying we should be friends because we both know,” I wave my fingers between us, “this will never work.”

  She raises her brows. “Now see, that just pisses me off. Who the hell are you to decide what works for me?”

  “I’m only thinking of you.” I shrug. “That’s a lie, I’m thinking of myself.”

  “I’m so surprised!” She covers her mouth.

  I sigh. “Please, I want us to be friends.”

  “Which is perfectly fine, but I can’t just erase what happened. I don’t want to.” The familiar ache when she’s around rears its ugly head.

  “Then don’t.” I bite and release my lip. “So are we friends?”

  She turns her head, staring out the door. “We’ll see, I can’t make any promises.”

  “Fair enough.” She yanks the door open and heads out. I watch as she walks to her car and pulls away. “That seems to be the problem here, I can’t forget you either.”

  I’m parking at Food Lion when my phone vibrates. Pulling it out as I slide from my seat, I don’t recognize the number, so I let it go to voicemail and shove it back in. I’m expecting Cid to call; they’re on the way here, and I need to finish shopping.

  I walk through the doors, closing my eyes as the cool air hits me in the face, and it’s a welcome relief from the summer heat. “God, that feels good,” I mutter to myself.

  “It’s called air conditioning, we need it in the South to stay cool.” My eyes pop open and dart to the blonde standing across from me with a look of concern on her face.

  “Really? I had no clue what this devilish deception was,” I say with a twang.

  She searches the ceiling before smirking. “Correct me if I’m wrong, but I do believe it’s coming from the heavens.”

  I hold my hand toward the vent with wide eyes. “I think you’re right, the gods have chosen us to shine down upon today.”

  “Wow, where you from, country boy?” She giggles, revealing a megawatt smile.

  “Southern West Virginia, I moved down here a little over a year ago with my best friend.”

  “That explains the accent.” She winks at me as I walk over to her.

  “I don’t have an acce
nt, darlin’, y’all do.”

  “Ain’t that the truth, we all do.” She bites her lip before offering her hand. “Charlee.”

  I tilt my head, gazing into her blue eyes. “So, this is how we’re gonna do this, okay.” I take her hand. “Alden.”

  “That’s huge!” She widens her eyes as she stares down at my pants… to the grocery order in my hand.

  “Oh, yeah. Big brother coming to town, I’m pickin’ up some grub.” My phone vibrates again. “Excuse me.” I pull it out, checking it to find the same number again.

  “Girlfriend?” Her brows raise.

  I frown when a sharp pain knocks the breath out of me. “No, I’m not sure, but I better take this; it’s the second time in the last few minutes.” I hit answer. “Alden Beck.”

  “Mister Beck are you the brother to a Cidney Beck?” a deep voice asks.

  “Yes, is something wrong?”

  “I’m Doctor Griffin with Wake Med in Raleigh. We have your brother and his wife here; they were in a car accident. How soon can you get here?” My knees buckle.

  I swallow hard, trying to find my breath. “I’m a few hours away. Are they alright?”

  “We’ll go over everything once you get here. Come to the emergency room and ask for me,” he instructs as my ears ring.

  “Alright, I’m on my way. Thank you.”

  “Please take your time,” he says as I end the call.

  Charlee stands with her hand over her heart, staring at me. “Is everything okay?”

  “No.” I turn, running as fast as my feet will carry me from the store.

  I run to my truck and start it before I’m buckled in. I spin my tires out of the parking lot, speeding down Seventeen to 421. It’s the fastest way there and with the way my stomach is knotting, I know I need to get there.

  I hit traffic on Forty and I’m about to blow by the time I get through it. I run as many lights as humanly possible with my flashers on. I don’t care about speeding tickets; it’s the time it would take to get one.

  I cut across four lanes to whip into the emergency room parking lot. Slamming the truck door as I leap from it, I haul ass through the double doors. Scanning the room, I spot the registration desk.

  I rush over, trying to remember the doctor’s name. “Hi, I’m Alden Beck. Doctor Griffin called me about my brother and sister-in-law, Cidney and Shelley Beck.”

  “Yes, just a minute please.” She wastes no time picking up the phone and making a call. “He’ll be right out,” she says as she sets the receiver down.

  “Thank you.” I begin to pace and realize I haven’t called anyone. “Maybe I should call Walker or Chord.”

  “Mister Beck?” I look up and find a man with green scrubs and a cap.

  “Yes, I’m Alden Beck.”

  He holds the door open and urges, “Follow me.”

  I do as he asks, although I’m ready to put him in a chokehold to find out about my brother. He walks up to another desk full of people and picks up a chart.

  “Let’s go in here for some privacy.” He points across the hall to a room. Not one person at the desk looks at me, and that makes my hair stand on end.

  I walk in, finding the nearest seat. “Please, tell me how Cidney and Shelley are doing.”

  “Did you come by yourself, Mister Beck?” he asks as he writes something in the chart.

  “Yes, we don’t have anyone else. Our parents died when we were in high school in a plane crash, and Shelley’s mother passed years ago; she has no one else.”

  He sits across from me and looks me square in the eye. “Shelley succumbed to her injuries but not before we saved the baby; she’s in Neonatal Intensive Care Unit and doing great. We’re assuming she was close to full term by the baby’s growth. Cidney is in critical condition, but please understand—there’s nothing further we can do. He only has a matter of time.”

  The room spins, and I turn to a trash can to vomit. My ears ring from the sound of my heart breaking. I clasp my chest, falling to my knees. An earth-shattering cry builds deep inside me releasing with a wail.

  My body shakes as tremors rock it from head to toe. Disbelief swallows me whole as I sit here on my knees, silently begging God to be wrong. For all of this to be a lie.

  “Mister Beck. Mister Beck.” The doctor lays his hand on my shoulder, but I can’t speak. “Alden, I think you should go be with your brother as long as you can.”

  I nod as tears flood my face. I fight for air as my chest caves from the crushing thought of saying goodbye to Cidney. “Yeah, say goodbye.”

  “He can hear you, so talk to him. Tell him everything and be there for him,” he explains to me. I turn to him, gasping.

  “Alright.” I struggle to my feet with his help. From this point, everything’s a blur. I know I’m walking, but I have no clue how many steps I’m taking.

  I find myself in a room full of beeping machines. The whirling and swooshing fill my ears, a welcome change to the sound of my heart breaking. How does one process this?

  I walk to my brother’s side, he’s sedated and peaceful. He reminds me of how our parents looked so many years ago. Sitting by his bedside I feel as though the walls are caving in. My breath shortens, and I struggle for air.

  Breaking, the tears fall without restraint. I open my mouth, so I can talk to him, but nothing comes out. I sob, knowing I’ve lost everything. My big brother, my protector, my best friend is no longer.

  Taking his hand, I hold onto it as I did in Kindergarten. I clasp it for dear life, praying he’ll take whatever he needs from me and come back. His daughter needs him, I need him.

  “Cid, please. I’ve never been alone before, you’ve always had my back. All those times I told you to leave me alone, I take them back. This can’t be the end to your story, no way it ends this way.”

  I sit for hours by his side, begging him to stay. “Fight, goddamn it! You’ve always been the fighter.”

  With every passing hour, nothing changes. Day turns into night, just like my life. His body doesn’t move and although I can hear a heartbeat, I know it isn’t his own. “I don’t want to lose you now, you haven’t taught me everything.”

  By morning, I’ve regained some composure. After multiple vibrations, I realize my phone has been getting continuous messages and calls. I didn’t tell anyone where I was going.

  Releasing Cid’s hand, I pull my cell out. I turn it on to see so many people are wanting me, but nobody needs me. I wrap my hand around it and raise my arm facing the wall.

  Before I release it, it rings again. I hesitate but decide to look at it. Reese.

  “Hey.”

  “Alden, where are you, love?” Reese asks, her voice no more than a whisper.

  “Wake Med, Cid and Shelley were in a wreck yesterday.”

  “I’m on my way. Do you hear me, I’ll be there soon.” Her voice trembles like my body.

  “It’ll be too late, he’s almost gone.”

  Her breath hitches, and my stomach rolls. “I’m coming to you. I love you, Alden.”

  “I’ll wait here.” I wipe my face as the phone goes silent. I take my big brother’s hand once again, willing it to move.

  A nurse comes in checking on Cid. She looks over his machines before turning to me. “Mister Beck, if you need anything, please don’t hesitate to ask.”

  “My best friend is coming. She’ll be here soon.”

  “What’s her name? We’ll watch for her,” he asks.

  “Reese. Reese Pennington.” I snub. “Her husband will be with her, Walker Pennington.”

  She nods. “Whenever you’d like to see your niece, someone can take you to the NICU. She’s beautiful by the way, doing wonderfully.”

  “I’m sure, she’s her mother.”

  “We all agree she’s her father.” She pats my arm as she leaves.

  I stare at Cid as my vision blurs. “You see, you have so much to live for, Cid. Please, don’t go.”

  As I sit by his side, minutes feel like seconds as th
e beeping keeps time. Another hour comes to a close, and he’s still with me. I count every one a blessing, knowing time is fleeting.

  His heart rhythm slows and suddenly, my heart knows, he’s leaving. I stand, wrapping my arm around him as if I can keep him here. Two nurses join me, working around me, and my world crashes and burns.

  “Please, Cid. Stay.” I beg of him, knowing there’s no way he can. I gather every ounce of courage I have and tell him what I know he needs to hear, whether it breaks me or not. “Okay, big brother. Do it your way. I’ll be the best man I know how to be for her. I love you. Go.”

  My brother is gone.

  I fist my hair, looking around for help. Everything is in slow motion as the room begins to spin. My feet won’t move, they feel like lead. The same metal that’s weighing my chest down so that I can’t breathe.

  I stagger from the room, searching for something to stop my pain. My sobs can be heard from every corner. I turn in circles trying to find focus. Instead, I find the arms of my best friend.

  “Reese.” I collapse into her arms as we fall into a pile to the floor.

  She rocks me, wiping away my tears. “Shhhh, I’ve got you. I’m here, Aldie.”

  Reese and Walker take me home. Riley came with them to drive my truck back to Cherry Grove. Lea, Chord’s sister-in-law, gave them her plane to fly up to me. I’m numb.

  I don’t remember them taking me to their house. I’m not even sure how long I’ve been here. I do know after several shots of Patron, I finally got some sleep. I’ve been sitting on Reese’s porch since dawn.

  “Mars Bar,” Reese rubs my head as she joins me in the swing, “you should be resting.”

  “I guess I need to make arrangements,” I mumble.

  “Have you given any thought of where you’d like to take them?” She reaches over, taking my hand.

  Tears well in my eyes. “I don’t have a fucking clue of what to do, Reese. I’m sure Shelley has some kind of burial plan, but I’m not positive.”

  “Do you think you may want to take them back home?” She leans in, laying her head on my shoulder.

  “Probably, I mean, that’s where they lived. I have considered here because of the baby.”