What You See

by Ann Mullen

  All the appliances in Cole’s kitchen were white, except the double stainless steel sink. I didn’t see a spot of grease anywhere. The knotty-pine cabinets looked new.

  “The kitchen looks pretty good for someone who doesn’t clean,” I remarked. “You must be a tidy person by nature.”

  “I said I didn’t clean well, not that I didn’t clean at all. That could get pretty nasty,” he responded as he laughed out loud. “Mama did the best she could with me.”

  “Didn’t I just hear that phrase a minute ago in a song?” I toyed as I set the dishes on the counter. “Shall I wash and you dry—since you know where everything goes?”

  “Why don’t we take the lazy way out and put them in the dishwasher instead? I hate to wash dishes.”

  Duh... he must think I’m really backwards. Recovering from being such an idiot, I replied, “That’s a good idea.” What he didn’t realize was that I was having a hard time being so close to him. His aftershave lotion was permeating that soft spot I have for sensual smells, and the warmth of his body was about to overcome me. One more step, and I’d probably fall into his arms.

  “Hand the dishes to me, and I’ll put them in the dishwasher,” he said as he leaned over and opened the door.

  “Don’t you want me to rinse them first?” I asked. “We wouldn’t want the drain hose to get clogged.”

  “No,” he said as he reached out and took the dishes. He stood there for a second, pondering something, then set the dishes back down. He slid his arms around me, pulling me close to him. His lips were on mine before I had time to catch my breath. I could feel the room spinning as I got lost in his kisses. Our soft kisses turned into passionate longing—picking up momentum. I wanted his lips all over my body. I wanted his body all over my body.

  He scooped me up in his arms and carried me upstairs. It all happened so fast. One minute we were standing at the sink and the next we were in his bed. I barely remember how we got there, but that night of passion will be with me forever. Cole was intoxicating. His gentle caresses and his manliness sent shivers throughout ever fiber of my body. I realized I had never experienced a real orgasm until that night. I thought I had, but Cole proved me wrong. I lay in his arms, fulfilled, and totally exhausted.

  He looked at me and said, “I can see you’re going to break my heart.”

  Chapter 13

  The phone rang and startled us both. The digital clock beside the bed read 2:00 AM. “Please tell me it isn’t my mother,” I begged as Cole reached across me and picked up the receiver.

  “Hello,” he muttered, half-asleep. “Yes, she’s right here.” He looked at me and smiled. “It’s your mom.” He buried his head under the covers and chuckled.

  “Hello, Mother,” I said as Cole’s hands explored parts of my body. It soon became difficult to concentrate on the conversation.

  “Honey, it’s late. We were worried. I’m so sorry to bother you. I know this must be embarrassing,” she rambled. “Tell Cole, I’m sorry.” There was a lull in the conversation and finally she said, “What with all the weird cases you and Billy have been working on, we were scared. We thought you were in a ditch somewhere.”

  “I’m glad you called. Cole has me tied up to the railroad tracks, and I can’t get loose,” I joked, sensing a sigh of relief on the other end of the line. Her fears of my lying dead in the road somewhere were only in her imagination. I was alive and well.

  “May I talk to Cole, so I can apologize?”

  “Yes, you may.”

  I handed the phone to Cole and replied, “My mom wants to talk to you.” It was my turn to giggle.

  “Yes, ma’am,” he answered. “That’s perfectly all right. Call anytime you feel the need... Yes, I’ll tell her... As soon as she’s finished cleaning and doing the laundry, I’ll let her go home... I’ll tell her you said that... Good-night.” He hung up the phone.

  “Your mom said to tell you to please call if you’re not coming home tomorrow. She seems to think you’ll never get your housework done here in time to make it home for dinner.”

  “Oh, crap! I’m not going to be home for dinner tomorrow. I forgot to tell her,” I said, remembering Billy’s invitation to his family’s get-together. “I have a party to go to.”

  Cole stared at me with a strange look in his eyes. “Do you have a date tomorrow? Have I lost you already?”

  “Well, sort of,” I said. “Billy’s taking me to his family’s celebration. He says they celebrate various holidays during the year. It’s supposed to be some kind of big shindig.”

  “Is it a date?”

  “Not in terms of a date like I’d have with you, if that’s what you mean,” I whispered. “Billy’s my boss and my friend, but my heart will always belong to you. Did I just say that? What a corny thing to say.”

  I could have slapped myself at that very moment.

  “I don’t think it’s corny,” he said as his face met mine. “I think it’s kind of nice. You stole my heart the first day I met you. It’s about time I stole yours.”

  We made love again... and I was in heaven.

  It was still dark outside when I awoke Sunday morning. I heard noises downstairs. It took me a few minutes to remember where I was, as the night before flashed through my head. I never wanted to crawl out of this bed, or Cole’s arms. I could stay here forever.

  I didn’t get a chance to check out Cole’s bedroom to any great lengths last night, but I knew there was a bathroom up here somewhere. Wrapping the sheet around me, I found his bathroom. I showered quickly and threw on the bathrobe I found on the back of the door. It smelled like him. Hmm...

  I noticed the phone had rung a couple of times while I was in the shower, and it was ringing again when I went downstairs to the kitchen. Cole had the dishwasher running, and was talking to someone on the phone. He didn’t sound very happy.

  “I’m afraid you’re just going to have to deal with it, pal,” he told the other person as he leaned over and gave me a quick kiss on the lips. Thank God, I thought to smear toothpaste on my teeth, and rinse out my mouth.

  The clock on the kitchen wall beside the refrigerator read 6:10. Through the sliding glass doors in the living room, I could see the light of a new day breaking. Life was beautiful!

  I needed some coffee. He pointed to the coffee pot, and continued to give the person on the phone a hard time. I was taking my first sip, when he hung up the receiver.

  “The fur is flying, as they say.”

  “What do you mean? What happened?” I asked.

  “Let’s see,” he responded as he counted on his fingers. “Deputy Briggs called to tell me the perpetrators from the gas station have a rap sheet the length of my arm. It seems the gunman, Tyree Wallace, got released from Attica a week ago after doing a nickel for boosting cars. While he was in the joint, he met up with his pal, Randy Blains, who was doing two to five for robbery. Blains got released the day after Wallace. Seemed they had another connection besides prison—they’re both from Texas. Once they got out, they headed back to Texas. On the way, they met us!”

  “What’s going to happen to them?”

  “They’ve been charged with six felony counts. They’re on their way back to prison. You can count on it.”

  River moseyed into the kitchen and wanted to play. I think he liked the idea of having me around.

  “Would you like some breakfast?” he asked as he retrieved a frying pan from the cabinet. “I thought I’d fix us something to eat.” He went to the refrigerator and took out a package of bacon and a carton of eggs.

  “Who else called? I heard the phone ring a few times.” I didn’t want to sound nosey, so I added, “My mom didn’t call again, did she?”

  “As a matter-of-fact, she did,” he replied. “Billy called your house to say he’d be picking you up around noon, and your mother told him you were here. She’s upset because she didn’t know that you wouldn’t be home for the cookout they’re going to have. Billy was mad because you spent the night with me.
”

  “Oh, boy,” I mumbled.

  Cole put his arms around me and whispered, “Just tell me last night meant something, and I’ll be happy.”

  “It did,” I softly said.

  After breakfast, Cole and I went upstairs with the intention of getting dressed. A blissful hour later, we crawled out of bed. He went to the bathroom to shave, while I dressed. River lay by the bed, taking everything in.

  I decided to push the boundaries of our relationship. I asked Cole if he’d go with us today. Of course, I’d have to talk to Billy about it, but I didn’t think it would be a problem. I wanted to spend my time with him, and hoped he wanted the same.

  I was surprised when he replied, “One of the calls that I got this morning was from my mother. I grew up with the Blackhawk family. We always go to their family gatherings. Ever since my dad died, I’m the one who takes Mom. She just wanted to make sure I remembered. Yet, she always calls to remind me.”

  My heart sank. Was this a rejection? Was he trying to tell me that his mother comes first? Why not? I know mine does.

  He walked out of the bathroom with shaving cream all over his face. He smiled and kissed me, leaving traces of the foamy stuff on my lips.

  “I told her all about you. She said she can’t wait to meet you.”

  “I’m glad to hear it.”

  After thinking about it for a while, I said, “Maybe we could meet up when we get there. If Billy’s as angry as you say, I might need a little time to smooth things over with him. I definitely have to fix things with my mom. Why don’t we just play it by ear?”

  “Hey, I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be here when the dust settles,” he answered. “I’m going to the station for a couple of hours to check on our two prisoners. I’ll follow you out, and call you when I get back.”

  “I’ll let you know if the dust has settled,” I repeated his words.

  He kissed me good-bye as I got into my car. He walked over to his Jeep, turned and then said, “I see you bought a new car.”

  “Yes,” I answered. “I bought it from Billy’s brother, Daniel. He owns a car dealership. But I guess you know that.”

  I put the key in the ignition and started the car. I didn’t want to leave. I was afraid that if I left now, Cole would forget all about me, or maybe decide he didn’t like me as much as he thought. There I go... just another one of my insecurities... abandonment—being cast aside and forgotten. I’m sure somewhere in this world there’s a psychologist I haven’t talked to yet, that could probably help me with that problem. Unfortunately, I haven’t found him.

  In the rearview mirror, I watched Cole drive behind me. He was headed to the Sheriff’s Office, while I was going home to face Mom and Dad. What a nightmare! How would I explain what happened last night? Let’s see, folks. I haven’t had sex in six—maybe eight months—and I had to have it. No, I’ll tell them the truth. The truth is... I spent the night with a man who makes me feel wonderful. He makes me feel like a real person. He does things for me that nobody has ever been able to do. I don’t think I’ll tell them that last part.

  Oddly, no one had anything to say about last night. Mom didn’t bring it up, and Dad wasn’t home. Athena wasn’t even interested. After she jumped on me and licked my hand, she retreated to a corner. Good, I didn’t want to answer any questions. Mom and I did discuss our plans for today. It seems Billy had invited them to go, and since none of the grandchildren were going to be here for the weekend, they decided to join us.

  “I hope you don’t mind, Jesse,” she said.

  “I think it would be nice. That way, you and Dad could get to know Billy a little better. You’ll like him, Mom.”

  “We already like him, honey. It’s just that your dad’s concerned about the kind of work he does. I think your dad might be right.”

  I knew she was talking about that crazy Mrs. Miller, and I had to agree with her. Yet, I didn’t want her to worry every time I walked out of the door. We would both go insane.

  “Sometimes things happen that have nothing to do with the work,” I said, trying to reassure her. “That woman was probably unstable, and would’ve killed her husband eventually. She went off the deep end.”

  “It seems a little dangerous to be dealing with people like that.”

  “Mom, you could encounter someone like that at the grocery store. You just never know. Every time you get out on the road, you face danger. You put your life on the line.”

  Changing the subject, Mom said, “Your Dad walked down to the mailbox. We forgot to check the mail yesterday. He should be back any minute. I’m going to fix us a sandwich. Do you want one?”

  “That sounds good to me,” I replied. “I’m going to change clothes. If Billy’s coming at noon, I need to find a clean pair of jeans now.”

  “Are you wearing jeans?” she called to me as I reached the top of the stairs. “Don’t you think you should dress up a little?”

  “Mom, it’s a cookout. We don’t need to get fancy. Billy said it was definitely a casual affair.”

  I went to the bathroom to brush my teeth and comb my hair. I looked in the mirror. My waist length, (dyed) red hair, was starting to look ragged. It was boring. I wore my hair in a ponytail most of the time. Even that was starting to get old. It was time for a change. I found myself examining every aspect of my physical being. Perhaps, I should start exercising. I’m thirty-one years old. Everything’s going to start falling apart.

  I have to stop thinking like that. Every time a new man comes into my life, I start analyzing myself to death. It’s self-destructive... something I don’t need. I can change the way I look, but I can’t change who I am.

  Keeping that in mind, I put on a little makeup, and went to my closet to see what I had to wear. After choosing a clean pair of jeans and a T-shirt, I dressed, and then headed downstairs. I went to the kitchen and realized I was hungry. Food had not been important earlier. All I could think about was Cole. He was the one. I knew it!

  “Where’s Dad?” I asked. “Shouldn’t he be back by now? It’s only ten minutes to the mailbox.”

  “Oh, he’s probably met up with one of the neighbors,” she said while she sliced a tomato.

  “Mom, I’ve been home almost an hour. Maybe I should walk down and see if he’s okay.” I was quickly becoming consumed with worry.

  “I didn’t realize it had been that long.”

  “Come on, Athena,” I said. “Why don’t you and I go find Dad? Do you want to come along, Mom?”

  “No, honey. You and Athena go. I’ll finish the sandwiches. I’m sure everything’s fine. Tell your dad to get back here. I have a snack almost ready,” she said, trying to hide the fear I saw in her eyes.

  The closer I got to the mailbox, the more concerned I became. It doesn’t take anybody this long to walk a tenth of a mile. Hopefully, Dad had met up with one of the neighbors. All of that went out the window when I came around the bend. Just across the little concrete bridge sat Cole’s Jeep and a police car with its lights flashing. Cole was standing in the middle of the road talking to an officer.

  What was wrong? Where was my dad?

  Instantly, Athena went nuts. She started howling like someone in pain. I knew something bad had happened.

  Cole walked up to me and said, “I’m sorry, Jesse. I was just getting ready to come up to your house. We think your Dad has had a heart attack. They took him to UVA. Fortunately, Mr. Lawson, who lives in the house over there,” he pointed to the house in the bend of the road, “went to let his dog out, and saw someone lying in the road. He called 911 right away. The ambulance just left.”

  “How’s my Dad? Is he all right?

  “We don’t know anything, yet. When they took him away, they were giving him CPR. That’s all I can tell you.”

  Athena sniffed around our mailbox, whimpered and lay down in front of it. Her eyes told me everything I needed to know. Something really bad had happened here.

  “Oh, God,” I whispered, tears finding their wa
y down my cheeks. “Dad, please be okay. We need you. God, please let my dad be all right,” I prayed, racked with uncontrollable sobs.

  Cole put his arms around me and hugged me tight. “Go ahead, Jesse, let it all out.”

  I felt like part of my heart had just been ripped out. I couldn’t lose Dad. He was the one man in my life who would love me no matter what. He was my rock. I wasn’t ready to let him go, and I never would be. Life without him would be unbearable.

  Wiping the tears away with the back of my hands, I cried, “I have to go tell Mom. We need to get to the hospital. Dad needs us to be there for him. I don’t want him to be alone.”

  “I’ll take you and Athena home,” he said. He called Athena’s name and motioned for her to get in the Jeep as I crawled up into the front seat.

  Suddenly, Athena bared her teeth and snarled as if she was going to tear Cole apart. Her back was hunched, and her hair was standing up.

  “Leave her,” I said. “She hates cars. She’ll come home when she’s ready.” How I knew this was beyond me, but after looking into those sad eyes, I saw a pain that nobody could help with, until she was ready.

  Giving it one last shot, I leaned out of the Jeep and called to her. “Girl, we need to go home and be with Grandma. She needs us.”

  To my surprise, Athena stood up, ran to the Jeep and jumped up on my lap. This was no easy feat, considering Athena was almost as big as I am and probably weighed close to the same. I laughed and closed the door. For one split second, the pain of what was happening had left me.

  The instant I walked in the front door, everything came back to me in a blinding wave of sadness. I was so overcome with grief, I couldn’t speak. How could I tell Mom? This is the man she’s been with for most of her life. They lived for each other. If anything happened to my dad, what would happen to my mom? She wouldn’t be able to go on without him.

  Cole went to Mom. “Minnie, we need to get to the hospital.” He didn’t mince words. “We think Mack had a heart attack. We need to go.”