Necessary Heartbreak

by Michael J. Sullivan

  But then she had called for Yochanan during the night. Was it just a dream or her deepest wish? He shook himself free of the blanket and struggled to stand up. Awaked by the sudden movement, Leah opened her eyes.

  “Sorry, Leah, I fell asleep. I should have brought you back downstairs.”

  Leah stood up silently, placing her hand on his cheek. “Michael, I chose to stay.”

  “Really?” Michael whispered to her.

  “Yes,” she said, cradling his face now with both hands.

  He looked around shyly. “Would you . . .”

  Leah looked puzzled. “Would I what?”

  Michael paused. He gently removed her hands from his face and turned away. He walked to the other side of the roof. He took a deep breath, watching the sun break over the mountains.

  What are you doing, Mike? Especially after last night . . .

  He could hear Leah’s footsteps approaching behind him. Turning to face her before she got too close, he whispered, “This is all so confusing. You know I’ve got to get Elizabeth back home, right?”

  “I know,” Leah said, leaning forward and touching his arm.

  Michael pulled her close to him. “Leah, if I could . . .”

  “I know.”

  She wrapped her arms around him, and he held her tightly. His head was now down on her shoulder as he breathed in the scent of her hair and neck.

  She started to rock back and forth, a simple dance between them.

  “Have you ever done this?” she asked, reaching down to hold his hands.

  He smiled. “Many, many years ago.”

  Michael held her hands up to his chest and leaned lower so that their foreheads touched. “How long have you lived here?”

  “For as long as I can remember.”

  “Do you want to live here the rest of your life?”

  Leah stopped slowly and pulled back from him. “Why, Michael, why do you want to know?”

  He paused, releasing her hands from his. “Oh, Leah, it’s a crazy thought . . . I’m sorry. I really should go get Elizabeth up.”

  “Of course,” she whispered back, heading toward the ladder. “Let me get you some clean garments.”

  Michael followed her down the ladder. He could see to the right that Elizabeth was still peacefully sleeping.

  Leah handed him a fresh robe. “I will get Elizabeth up for you.”

  He smiled warmly at Leah before descending the ladder with the fresh garment in hand. Before he headed to the back alley, he could see a flickering of sunlight coming through the fig leaves in the courtyard.

  Another morning, another day.

  When he closed the door behind him, he paused to look around at the washing tub and the toilet beyond. He shook his head in amazement.

  This seems so normal now. He stopped abruptly, uncertain if he could laugh on a day like today.

  He took a chip of soap from the bowl and lathered it up on his chest with the water from the tub. Am I really here? Nobody would ever believe this.

  After he finished, he put on the clean robe and walked quickly back inside. As he climbed the ladder to the second floor, Michael could see Leah sitting beside Elizabeth, rubbing her back.

  “Come on, Elizabeth. Wake up. Daddy wants you to wake up.”

  Michael smiled. “Come on, sleepyhead,” he called up to her. “It’s time to go.”

  “Huh?” Elizabeth said as she stretched out of her blankets. “Go where?”

  “Go home.”

  “Oh . . . really?”

  Michael walked closer to her. “Yes. C’mon. Get ready now. We need to leave soon.”

  “Okay, okay.”

  “I’ll be back in a few moments,” Leah said, patting Elizabeth one last time on the back.

  Elizabeth watched Leah climb down the ladder before turning to Michael. “Daddy, why are we leaving now? What about the soldiers? What about Jesus?”

  “What about him?”

  “Well, we can see if he really rises from the dead, right? If we stay another day, we would—”

  “I don’t need another day to know what I saw. What I need is to get you home.”

  Leah made her way back up the ladder and stood behind them now with a white shirt in her hand.

  “Michael, perhaps you’re right to leave now. With Passover finished, Pilate has gone back to his palace by the sea. There won’t be any of his soldiers around.”

  “Well, then, that’s it. We’ll leave this morning.” Michael retreated down the ladder to grab a cup of water.

  Leah handed Elizabeth the Springsteen shirt. “I cleaned this for you.”

  “Thank you.” Elizabeth gave Leah a hug. “Thank you for everything.”

  Leah smiled and handed her another garment and veil. “Be sure to wear these.”

  Elizabeth thanked her again.

  Michael was sipping from a cup of water out in the courtyard and marveling at the well-constructed house when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

  “Michael?” Leah asked. “Would you like something to eat before you go?”

  “No, thanks. I’m really sorry we have to go. I need to get Elizabeth back.”

  Before he could finish, Elizabeth came downstairs wearing her new garment but with the veil in hand. “Could you help me with this?” she called out to Leah. “I’m having trouble with it.”

  Leah took the veil and lovingly wrapped it around Elizabeth. “I will miss you, Elizabeth.”

  “I’m really going to miss you, too.” She handed Leah her Springsteen T-shirt. “Please take this. It’s something to remember me by.”

  Leah hugged her closely. “That’s something to remember me by.”

  “Okay, are you ready, Elizabeth?” Michael called out from the kitchen. He had seen them holding each other, but now needed to turn away.

  “Yes, Dad, I just want to say good-bye to Cassie.”

  Michael watched Elizabeth sit down next to the lamb. She was whispering softly while petting the animal. He couldn’t help but chuckle.

  “Please, whatever you do, Leah, please take good care of Cassie,” he said, trying to lighten the moment.

  Leah turned away. “Of course.”

  “Bye, Cassie.” Michael patted the lamb on the head. “Okay, Elizabeth, let’s get going. It’s getting really light now.”

  Elizabeth gave Cassie a big hug.

  “Baa,” the lamb cried as she walked away.

  “Baa back at you,” Michael said with a smile.

  Leah walked with Michael and Elizabeth out the front gate. “Are you coming with us to town?” Michael asked.

  Leah shook her head. “I can’t. I just can’t.”

  “Bye, Leah,” Elizabeth said, turning to her.

  Leah leaned over and kissed her on the cheek. “Be well. Take care of your father.”

  “I will. Thank you. Thank you so much.” Elizabeth smiled at her, then walked away.

  “I’ll catch up to you,” Michael said to his daughter.

  A moment passed before he turned back toward Leah, looking down at her bare fingers.

  “Thank you for everything.” Michael reached over to hold her hand, which she took in her own, placing it over her heart. He bent over slightly and kissed her softly on the lips.

  “Good-bye,” he whispered.

  Leah nodded and stepped back. Quietly, before she closed the gate between them, she said under her breath, “I found you, Michael.”

  Michael watched Leah walk across the courtyard until she was out of sight. He turned back to the road and saw Elizabeth waiting for him. He walked slowly to her, his head down.

  “Dad, I know you always said it would be just us two forever, but, you know, I can deal with three—”

  He stopped her in midsentence. “We come from different places, Elizabeth.” He looked back at Leah’s humble home and shook his head. “It would never work.”

  “Oh, Dad. How do you know it wouldn’t work if you never try?”

  “Sometimes trying can really hurt,�
�� he said, looking back at the house and seeing Leah now up on her roof. She’s watching us.

  Michael waved, but instead of waving back, Leah pointed at them and placed her hands over her heart.

  He wrapped his arm around Elizabeth’s shoulder, turning her back to the road.

  “C’mon. Let’s go.”

  They walked in silence for the next twenty minutes or so. Finally Michael noticed a familiar building with flowers growing over the ornate front gate. “We’re getting close!” He squeezed Elizabeth’s arm in excitement.

  She picked her head up and looked into his face. “Dad, how did you know Mom was the one for you?”

  Michael stopped, surprised at her timing. “Why are you asking me that now ?”

  “Because you never told me how you met.”

  Michael started walking again, looking skyward. “Not a cloud in the sky today, Elizabeth.”

  “Yes, Dad, not a cloud in the sky.” She rolled her eyes. “But back to Mom. How did you meet?”

  “If I tell you, can I call you Liz in front of your friends?” he asked, teasing.

  She frowned and took a deep breath. “Okay.”

  “Wow. You must really want to know if you’re willing to suffer that public humiliation.”

  He took a deep breath. “Okay, I met your mother on the dance floor at Aunt Sammie’s wedding. Your mom was an old college friend of Uncle Ken’s. I was walking back from the bar with a Diet Coke when I bumped into her and spilled the soda all over her. Boy, was I embarrassed.”

  Elizabeth giggled. “Nice first impression!”

  Michael laughed again. “So I spent the next few minutes getting napkins and seltzer to try and wash the stain out of her dress. Safe to say your mother wasn’t impressed with my cleaning skills.”

  Elizabeth stared at him. “Was she mad at you?”

  “She tried to make me think she was. She told me it was her favorite dress. But she started to smile so I knew she was just razzing me. After we got most of the soda out, she said I owed her a dance. I could never turn down a lady asking for a dance, Elizabeth.”

  She gazed up toward the sky, smiling. “What song did you dance to?”

  “‘Summer Wind.’ Sinatra. I’ll never forget how she felt the first time I put my arms around her. When the song ended, I didn’t know what to do, but she took the lead.”

  “Well, what did Mommy do?”

  “Well, the soda had left quite a stain on her dress so she wanted to get a sweater from the car to cover it up. I offered to come along. Seriously, it was my fault.” Michael gave Elizabeth a sly smile.

  “When we got outside, the parking lot was covered in snow. She had these big high heels on and started to slip. I tried to catch her so I grabbed her arm. But instead I slipped, falling flat on my back, pulling her down with me!”

  “No way!”

  “Oh, yes way!” Michael said with a big smile.

  “Were you hurt?”

  “Only my pride. Your mom had landed hard on top of me.” He winked at Elizabeth. “Then we shared our first kiss.”

  “Really?”

  “Well, no, not really,” he said, laughing. “I was so embarrassed I started apologizing over and over and over.”

  “What did Mom say?”

  “Well, she didn’t say much. She struggled to get up, pushing down on me. But as she stood up, her feet slipped out from underneath her and she fell back down on top of me again.”

  “Did you kiss her then?”

  “Well, no, not quite. When she fell, she was sitting on my chest.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I was pinned underneath her. And she just sat there, totally stunned, looking at her high heels. One of the heels had broken off. She turned around and looked down at me. ‘Isn’t this great?’ she asked. ‘You broke my heel and stained my dress. How am I going to go back inside?’”

  “She sounded like she was mad.”

  “I was definitely afraid. But then she told me that there was only one thing left to do. So I asked her what that would be. She didn’t say anything but just leaned over, picked up the other high heel, and broke it right in front of my face.”

  “Oh, she was mad!”

  “No, she wasn’t. After we struggled to get up to our feet, we both stood there for a second and then she just kissed me.”

  “Really?”

  “Really.”

  “Did you go back to the wedding?”

  “Nope.”

  Elizabeth looked at her father slyly. “What did you do?”

  “I don’t know if you realize this, but broken heels make for great ice skates. We skated around the parking lot until people started coming out.”

  Elizabeth hugged her father. “Wow, that’s cool.”

  Michael leaned over so he could get closer to Elizabeth’s right ear. “Your mother always knew how to make a great moment out of an embarrassing one. And, you know what, so do you.”

  He looked skyward again, surprised by how good it felt to share his memories of Vicki with Elizabeth.

  “Is Uncle Brian like that, too?” she asked curiously.

  “Oh. Elizabeth. Let’s save my brother-in-law for another day.”

  They walked a few more blocks before Elizabeth turned to him again.

  “What did you really think of Leah?”

  “I thought she was nice.”

  “Well, I really liked her. I spent a lot of time with her. She taught me how to weave. She always asked me how I was doing and whether I needed something to eat or drink. I liked it when we sat down and had dinner together, the three of us. She made me laugh a lot, not because she was different or funny or anything. But, I don’t know, she always seemed to know how to make me smile.”

  “Yeah, I know what you mean.”

  “Yes, Dad, you know exactly what I mean,” Elizabeth said with a coy smile.

  “What are you getting at?”

  “I went up to check on you last night, and Leah was up there with you.”

  Michael stopped walking. “You did what?”

  “Relax, Dad. You were both sleeping when I went up there. I didn’t see anything.”

  “Elizabeth, nothing happened.”

  “Well . . . do you love her?”

  Michael rubbed his forehead, looking down at the ground. “There’s no easy answer here, Baboo. I don’t know if it even matters. . . .”

  Suddenly he started walking at a faster pace. “Let’s get home. We’re almost there, right through this alley. Man, it’s kind of eerie no one’s around.”

  “Leah said it was the Sabbath, Dad. And she was right: I haven’t seen any soldiers.”

  “Good, because the tunnel is right around this corner.”

  They took a few steps out into the street.

  “Hold on!” Michael gasped, pulling his daughter back into the alley. “Look!”

  Elizabeth leaned in close next to him so that she could peer around the corner, too. “Oh, no!”

  A soldier was stationed about twenty feet away on their side of the street with his back to them. His weapon glistened in the morning sun, the shiny blade glaring back at them. The metal helmet disguised his face, but they could clearly see the white cloth attached to it.

  At this close distance, Michael could also see the scar on the back of the soldier’s leg. Finally, he could make out the design: a Roman coin branded into his skin.

  How sick, Michael thought, totally repulsed by him.

  “He’s waiting for us,” Michael said, looking at the bank of six half-mooned sewer grates embedded in the side of a building across the street. “The tunnel’s right there, I think. But I don’t see the shirt!”

  “What shirt?”

  “I tied a piece of your T-shirt to the grate we came from.” Michael kept his eyes on the soldier. “This isn’t good, Elizabeth. We’re the prey. We’re the prey!”

  They watched the soldier leaning there comfortably against the wall, not making a move.

  “Dad,
how are we going to get back now?”

  Michael shook his head. “I don’t know. I really don’t. Let me think.”

  He watched Elizabeth peer around the corner again, obviously terrified that the soldier would find them. Pointing in the opposite direction, Michael said, “I’m going to make a run for it over there. You stay hidden in this doorway. When he passes you, I want you to sprint to the tunnel.”

  “No!”

  “Shh,” said Michael, placing his hand gingerly over her mouth. “Quiet!”

  Elizabeth shook her head several times.

  “I’m not leaving you,” she said, wrapping her arm around his.

  “Please, Elizabeth.” He hugged her close. “Please!”

  She began to cry. “What if I can’t make it? What if he hurts you? How will you get to me? I don’t want to be alone. Please, Daddy, please.”

  “Okay, okay. Please, don’t cry. I need you to be strong. Let’s think of something else.”

  Michael felt a hand on his shoulder. He jumped.

  “I can help.”

  “Leah?” Michael said, turning around. “What are you doing here?”

  “You and Elizabeth need to get home. Let me help you.”

  “How?”

  “Listen to me. I’m going to get the soldier to follow me. I know what he’s capable of and I’m not afraid,” Leah said defiantly as she pulled the ripped Springsteen T-shirt out from under her robe and put it on. “You must not let him stop you.”

  “Elizabeth, give me your veil,” she demanded, taking the white veil and handing Elizabeth the black one. “Put this one on.”

  “We can’t let you do that. You’ll be in too much danger. That soldier would kill you when he finds out you’re not Elizabeth.”

  Leah fastened the white veil around her, then helped Elizabeth with the black one.

  “Please don’t do this,” Elizabeth begged. “There has to be a better way. Right, Dad?”

  “Yes, we’ll think of something,” he said, turning to Elizabeth. He felt a quick kiss on the cheek before realizing that Leah had walked into the street.

  “No!” he gasped, watching as Leah strutted straight toward the soldier.