Providence p-1

by Jamie McGuire

  “Well, we can just get it at the….” Beth said, pulling her key out of the door as she walked through with Chad. “OH!” she squealed as Jared pulled his shirt over me.

  I cowered behind Jared’s body, covering my face with one hand. “Hey, Beth,” I said, still trying to catch my breath and peeking at her through my fingers.

  “Hey! What’s up? I mean…how are you guys? I’m…we’re….” Beth looked at Chad, mortified.

  “We were just leaving,” Chad said, pulling Beth’s arm with one hand and shutting the door with the other.

  Jared playfully collapsed on top of me, and groaned with frustration.

  I kept my hand over my eyes, too embarrassed and frustrated to speak.

  Jared eased onto his side and pulled my hand from my face. “You’re blushing.”

  “I know.”

  Jared kissed my hand. “I’m starting to think there is a reason for all the interruptions.”

  I grimaced. “What is that supposed to mean?”

  He chuckled. “Here,” he said, holding my sweater.

  I pulled the thin lime green fabric from his hand and sat up.

  “The only thing the constant interruptions mean is that one of us needs to change the locks,” I grumbled, jerking my sweater over my head and buttoning my jeans. I smiled as an errant thought crossed my mind. “We have an entire week in Nicaragua.”

  “With Cynthia,” Jared pointed out. “I’m there to work, you forget.”

  I felt the crease between my eyebrows deepen. “You promised it was going to be a real vacation.”

  Jared took my hand and held it between his, sitting higher on his elbow. “It will be. For you and Cynthia.”

  I rolled my eyes and reached for my phone, sitting up to through the numbers. I sent Beth a text message, giving her the all clear and to let her know I would be at study group later.

  Jared slipped his shirt over his head and then pulled me onto his lap. My phone buzzed and I smiled at Beth’s apology-ridden reply. I tried to send her back my unconditional forgiveness, but my attention was drawn to the nibbling at my neck.

  “I thought you said it was a good thing we were interrupted,” I smiled, tilting my head against his tickling breath.

  Jared’s head jerked up to face me. “I never said that. I said I was beginning to think there was a reason for it.”

  “And by that you mean…?” I prompted.

  “I was thinking about what Eli said. Surpassing a certain point of intimacy could hinder my ability to protect you.”

  “He also said they weren’t sure because we’re different.”

  “I’m not sure we should chance it,” he frowned.

  “What are you saying? That we can never…?”

  He pressed his forehead to my cheek. “I’m saying that it might not be a good idea to test Eli’s theory while we’re in the middle of a war.”

  “War,” I grumbled.

  “Nina….”

  I stood up and walked to the other side of the room, crossing my arms. “No, I get it. Abstinence it is, then. I don’t want you upset that I’m not taking things seriously, again.”

  “Nina,” he said, patient, “I’m not happy about it, either. But I have to put your safety first.”

  “You sound like a Planned Parenthood commercial,” I snapped.

  Jared burst into laughter. “That’s not the safe I was referring to.”

  “I know,” I said, narrowing my eyes at his infuriating amusement.

  “I’ve never seen a woman so beautiful when angry…especially when you’re angry about this. It’s very endearing.”

  “I’m glad this is so entertaining for you,” I said with thick sarcasm.

  Jared shook his head, trying not to smile. He held out his arms. “Come here.”

  I stood there a moment, arms crossed, eying him suspiciously. The plan that he would change his mind from my protesting had backfired. He was maddeningly resolved.

  I didn’t want to give in, but his arms looked so inviting I couldn’t help myself. Before I knew what I was doing, I curled up in his lap.

  “You’re making me crazy, you know. I don’t know why you’re being so stubborn,” I grumbled.

  Jared’s shoulders shrugged around me. “I’m being cautious. Beth and Chad walked in on us.”

  I looked up at him with a dubious expression. “Since when do you care what other people think?”

  “I didn’t hear them. They caught me off guard,” he said in a low voice.

  I felt one corner of my mouth turn up. “Obviously.”

  “That’s never happened before. I should have been able to hear them exit the elevator. I should have heard her pull out her keys. I heard nothing until they walked through the door. If that had been one of Shax’s men, you would have been dead.”

  My grin faded quickly, and I struggled to push away any worry. “What does that mean?”

  “That means Eli was right. When I’m with you like that, I can’t focus. I’m not only fighting my feelings, Nina. When we’re alone and things get intense, I struggle with your…desires as well. Can you imagine what you were feeling doubled? It’s impossible to think about anything else.”

  “Doubled? I don’t think that’s possible.” As soon as the words stumbled from my mouth, I felt my face flush with crimson. “I just meant that I wouldn’t complain about it.”

  “I’m not complaining,” he said, kissing my forehead. “I’m saying we’re going to have to wait until I can afford to be distracted. If anything happened to you …I’ve already put you in danger from my selfishness, Nina. I have to keep my priorities straight.”

  I grudgingly nodded. By keeping me safe, he was safe. I couldn’t argue with that.

  Jared stood up, taking me with him. “Let’s get out of here. Get some fresh air,” he said.

  I smiled. “We’d better.”

  Jared chuckled and held the door open for me. He had the quilt his father had bought me when I received my acceptance letter from Brown. It had the school colors in different scraps of fabric that somehow formed the Brown University crest.

  “What is that for?” I asked, stopping in the doorway.

  Jared shrugged, the blanket folded tightly under his arm. “I thought we could hang out in the sunshine for a few hours.”

  I fingered the blanket with sentiment. “I haven’t used that blanket, yet. I’ve been sort of saving it as a keepsake.”

  Jared’s mouth turned up into a half smile. “Why?”

  I shrugged. “I don’t know. Gabe bought it for me.”

  “Is that what he told you?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

  “Yes. Why?”

  “I had my mother make it for you when you were accepted into

  Brown. It makes sense, I suppose. He couldn’t tell you it was from me.”

  “This blanket was a gift from you?” I said, my eyes wide with disbelief. “Lillian made this?” I touched the blanket as if it were gold.

  “Yes. So you don’t have to keep it preserved. We can use it for the first time together,” he smiled.

  I knew the touched look on my face was pathetic, but I couldn’t help it. His first present to me had been sitting in my closet and I had no idea. “Aw!”

  Jared flinched. “Don’t say ‘aw’.”

  I couldn’t change my ridiculous expression. “It’s sweet, though.”

  “You say ‘aw’ when your boyfriends give you junk,” he said, his face twisting into disgust.

  The wheels of my mind thrust into high gear, and I scanned over everything Stacy had ever given me, trying to remember if I was ever insincerely appreciative. I came up with nothing.

  “I’ve only had two boyfriends, and neither of them gave me junk.”

  Jared’s face scrunched into a doubtful grimace. “You said ‘aw’ when Chuck Nagel gave you that crappy mixed tape.”

  My mouth fell open. “It was sweet! Do you know what lengths he must have gone to? Where would you get a cassette tape these days?
And he wasn’t my boyfriend,” I argued, shuddering at the thought. “And I can’t believe you remember that!”

  Jared rolled his eyes. “I had to watch that simpleton pine for you for months. You may not have noticed him, but I did.”

  I pressed my lips together in an amused smile. “I love the blanket. Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome,” he beamed, kissing me.

  What I thought would be a peck turned into a longer kiss, and with his free arm Jared pulled me to him, pressing his fingers into my back. I found myself hoping he would pull me back into the room.

  He leaned back with a jerk, keeping his eyes closed. “We’d better go.”

  “Laying on a blanket with me in public isn’t so tempting?”

  “Right,” he said, nodding once.

  We walked to the Main Green hand in hand, weaving through the sea of students. On the few warm days during the school year, the campus lawn went from being desolate to bustling with movement in every direction.

  The clusters moved in a distinct way. A game of touch football was in full swing, guitars were being lazily strummed under the shade trees, and the more studious co-eds were hunched over a book. Blankets peppered the grass in vivid colors, creating a patchwork of chatter and laughter. It was a celebration without anything to celebrate, which made it more innocent, more enjoyable.

  We settled on a spot by a tree near the center. With a flick of his wrists, the blanket under his arm unrolled and slowly fell to the ground, perfectly flat.

  I shook my head in disbelief.

  “What?” Jared asked, smiling cautiously. He sat on the edge of the blanket with his back against the trunk of a budding Tulip tree.

  “Nothing,” I said, standing in place while he clinched his jaw at my impertinence.

  “You’re going to have to quit doing that. I’d gotten used to knowing how you were feeling without the narrative, but now that I can ask you, when you don’t tell me it nearly drives me insane.”

  I smiled at that. “Then we’re even.”

  Jared rolled his eyes as I sat on the blanket. After a moment he smiled and pulled me to his chest. I leaned back against him to rest my elbows on his thighs, letting the sunshine drape over me. I remembered what Jared had said about feeling happy with him, so I let the bliss I was feeling swell into unbridled ecstasy. I opened all of my senses, the warmth of the sunshine above me, the heat of Jared’s skin below me, his amazing scent floating around us, the laughter in the background, and the convivial atmosphere.

  It didn’t take long for Jared to react. “This is amazing, isn’t it?”

  I took the chance to make up for the rejection he’d felt earlier. “It’s a beautiful day and I’m lying in the sunshine with the man I love. This is better than amazing. This is heaven,” I smiled, closing my eyes to the sun.

  Jared took a deep, satisfied breath and intertwined his fingers with mine.

  We remained that way for a long time, listening to the laughter and babbling voices, their words blurring — to me, at least — around us. Jared jostled me a bit when his arm darted out and jerked. He had caught a football inches from my face.

  “Whoa! Nice catch! You wanna play?” A winded male voice said from the foot of our blanket.

  I lifted my hand to block out the sun in order to see the person standing above me. I didn’t recognize him. He was tall and slender, had shoulder-length brown hair, and was wearing only a pair of long khaki cargo shorts and running shoes. His hand was outstretched for the football Jared had caught.

  “He looks pretty busy to me, Zack.”

  I recognized the voice right away; it was Ryan. His chest heaved as he struggled for breath, and his bare chest revealed the scar from where he’d been stabbed. I felt a twinge in the pit of my stomach.

  “I can’t say I blame him,” Zack said, smiling down at me.

  “Did you throw that at me?” I asked Ryan, knowing I wouldn’t be surprised either way. It was his idea to come to the Main Green with a blanket, and I turned him down only to come here with Jared.

  “No! I can’t believe you’d think that!” Ryan scoffed.

  “That was me, sorry about that,” Zack said to Jared, breathless, resting his hands on his hips. “Can we have our ball back?”

  Jared showed no signs of surrendering the ball. “I think you owe her the apology, not me.”

  Ryan rolled his eyes and looked at me, and then to Jared. “It was an accident, Jared. Give him the ball.”

  Jared waited.

  “You’re right,” Zack said. “I’m sorry. I should have been more careful.”

  “It’s okay,” I said, uncomfortable that Jared had forced him to apologize.

  Zack eyed the football in Jared’s hand. “Did you want to play? We’re short one player.”

  “He’s not going to play. He doesn’t want Nina to see him trip over his feet,” Ryan snorted.

  Jared stood up, towering over me and both of the other boys. He looked past Zack to the other team. Tucker and Josh stood among them, waiting on the opposite side of their mini-field. Jared reared back his arm and launched the football across the greens like a missile. It soared through the various tree branches, straight into Josh’s chest. Josh caught the ball, but it still made an audible thud that caused him to double over. He immediately stood up, although looking somewhat like a hunchback, trying to mask the fact that the wind had been knocked out of him.

  Zack and Ryan had matching shocked expressions. I smiled at their surprise.

  “I am busy. My feet have nothing to do with it,” Jared said, reaching for my hand to pull me up to stand beside him. He leaned over to kiss my forehead.

  Ryan reacted with disgust.

  My heart fluttered in my chest at the testosterone in the air, and Jared looked down at me. “Unless you don’t mind.”

  A wide smile spread across my face. “Absolutely not. Go get ‘em tiger.”

  He grabbed each side of my face and planted a quick kiss on my lips. His eyes narrowed as he looked across the grass to the other team. “I assume we’re skins.”

  Zack nodded and Jared pulled off his shirt, handing it to me. I was supposed to be good, but it was hard seeing him so animated, not to mention half-naked.

  Jared pressed his cheek against mine. “You’re going to have to tone that down or I’m going to get pummeled,” he whispered in my ear.

  I couldn’t help but laugh. “Like it would hurt you.”

  He jogged out with Ryan and Zack, and the other team met them in the center of the grass.

  I watched them over the next hour. The skins team quickly realized that with Jared they had the clear advantage. Zack assigned Jared the quarterback position, and I laughed and cheered as his team ran in one touchdown after another. Before long, they had drawn quite the crowd. A small group of girls were soon drowning out my feeble cheering each time Jared made a play.

  Jared’s face was exultant, and I wondered when the last time was that he was free to let loose. He’d always had to keep an eye on me from afar, and now that I was just yards away he had more time for himself. I realized that it was like that at night as well, and guilt swept over me for making him spend the night in his car instead of beside me in his warm bed.

  Jared fired the ball in a perfect spiral, and Ryan caught it flawlessly for the winning touchdown. The crowd cheered, and Josh’s team ambled around their side of the makeshift field, notably less enthusiastic.

  Jared jogged over to me, glistening with sweat and grinning from ear to ear. He lifted me and then twirled me around, kissing me with boyish enthusiasm.

  “You were amazing!” I squealed.

  Jared lowered me to my feet. “Agh…I’m sorry honey, I’m all sweaty.”

  “I don’t care!” I said, flinging my arms around his middle.

  “You ready to go?” he asked. When I nodded, he cleared the crowd from our blanket.

  As Jared shook off grass and folded, Ryan approached us. “Good game, Jared,” he said, sounding only h
alf-sincere.

  I heard Jared mumble a thank you as he tried not to watch us converse.

  “You were great!” I said, waiting as others agreed with me. “It’s safe to say you’re fully recovered.” I held up my hand for a high-five and Ryan smacked it. His fingers intertwined in mine.

  I instinctually pulled my hand back, tucking my hair behind my ear to avoid drawing any more attention to the situation.

  Ryan smiled. “Thanks. I’ll see you in a couple of hours, okay? You want me to swing by?”

  “I’ll meet you there. I have a few things to do, first.” I said.

  Ryan stared at me as if he was debating something, and then he leaned over to kiss my cheek, his lips soft against my skin. I gave him an awkward, polite smile and then he walked away. The excited chatter around us died down dramatically, and I felt everyone’s eyes on me.

  Jared glared at Ryan as he walked away. I met him in the middle of the dispersing crowd and took the blanket from his hands.

  “Ready?” I asked, trying to sound unconcerned.

  Jared’s eyes hadn’t left Ryan’s back; he looked as if he wanted to punch a hole through it. “Yeah,” he said through his teeth.

  Jared took my hand and led me through the stragglers that still meandered around us. He stopped at the door of Andrews as he opened it for me. “Claire is close. I’m going to run home…get a shower. I’ll catch up with you later.”

  I eyed him suspiciously. “You’re sure you’re going home?”

  Jared smoothed his features and chuckled. “Yeah, why?”

  “You’re not going to go find Ryan or anything, are you?”

  His jaw tensed. “No. But if Claire wasn’t his…he gets under my skin.”

  I leaned in to kiss him. “I’ll talk to him.”

  Jared nodded and gave me an anxious look. “You’re staying at Andrews tonight?”

  I fidgeted, trying to decide if my unwanted independence was really more important than Jared spending the night in his vehicle to watch me.