Return to Abundance

by Shanna Swenson

  Alright, I’ve had enough! Nate thought. At Eric’s insistence, he’d given Jordan an entire day to hide from him and heal from her wound, but twenty-four hours after the fact, he couldn’t take anymore. He had to see her, had to speak with her, and had to see for himself that she was ok.

  He’d wanted to go to her the very day she’d been released from the ER, but Eric had told him that she needed some space. Nate had been instantly relieved when Eric informed him that Jordan was home. He could rest easier knowing that no severe damage had been done at Scottie’s hand. Nathan had smiled for the first time in days at the relief, and he started to head to the house, only for his arm to be grabbed as Eric stopped him.

  “No, dude…” He’d shaken his head as Nate frowned at him.

  “What the hell do you mean?” Nate remarked angrily.

  “She doesn’t want to see you…” That was all Nate needed to hear. He’d taken a beating for her, gone to jail, gotten charged with battery and owed his brother-in-law a chunk of cash, and he hadn’t even done anything wrong… and yet, she refused to see him.

  Dammit, but why did women have to be that way? He was in love with her, he was concerned for her, and he just wanted to see her…and she wanted nothing to do with him.

  After dinner the next evening, he’d had enough of the separation and climbed the stairs slowly, trying to form the exact words he was going to say to her to ease her anxiety. He knocked lightly on the door and let himself in. Her back was turned away from him, her legs curled into her chest under the covers. He could see her mass of red curls spilled onto the pillow and as he approached the bed, he noted that her eyes were closed.

  “Jordan?” he called, just above a whisper and came closer to her. He sat down on the bed next to her and softly put his hand on her shoulder. She immediately winced and he apologized. “Jeez, I’m sorry. Are you ok?” He leaned over, trying to see more of her face.

  “No!” she grimaced, her face tightening in pain. He noticed for the first time, a cord hanging off the edge of the bed and her hands placed over her lower abdomen.

  “Jor, what’s going on? I thought it was just your cheek he’d hit…” he trailed off as he tried to remember exactly where Scottie had punched her. Maybe she’d injured her side when she’d fallen to the ground. Nate immediately felt his face flush with anger.

  “It wasn’t him.” She groaned.

  “Then who the hell was it?” Nate ground out.

  “No one. It’s…it’s…” She turned onto her back then and turned her face to look at him, a tear streaming down her black and purple bruised cheek. “It’s that time…of…the…”

  Oh! She was on her period, but that didn’t explain how much pain she was in.

  “Are you sure that’s all this is?” Growing up in the house with his sister, he’d known that girls were moodier on their periods, and he’d remembered seeing his sister have to take medicine to alleviate her cramps, but he’d never seen Natalie in this much pain… Or maybe he’d just never noticed.

  “Yes, I’m positive, Nate. This is nothing new for me. Ouch, oh, oh-” she cried.

  “I don’t know, Jordan. This isn’t normal. Are you sure you didn’t hurt yourself the other night when Scottie punched you and you fell down?” She nodded in emphasis as another pain spasm seized her and her head flew back and she groaned in agony. “Jordan, I need to call a doctor or something. Let me take you to the ER, please?” he begged.

  “No. This is what happens. Trust me, it’s my normal.”

  Nate sighed and frowned, taking her hand in his. It was burning hot. “Jesus, Jordan, why is your hand on fire?” She moved the covers to show him a large heating pad covering her from one end to the other. “This happens to you every month?”

  “Not every month, just when I have a period.”

  Nate looked down confused and frustrated. “You’re not having a miscarriage, are you?” The dark thought hit his brain. He panicked for a moment. “You need to see a doctor…”

  “I have!” she yelled back at him. “I know what’s wrong!” She sighed then apologized. He took her hand again and lay down next to her, aligning his chest with her side and leaned down to kiss her forehead. That’s when she started to cry.

  He placed his arm over her, avoiding the scorching heating pad and kissed her cheek as he lay his head next to hers on the pillow. He held her and let her cry, shushing her and stroking her until finally, she quieted down. Once again, he was seeing a side of her that he knew she’d not shown to anyone. He didn’t press her for information, but knew this wasn’t good and hoped she would tell him in her own good time. He just wished she would open up to him. Why was she not comfortable enough yet to do that? Was this cancer? Was she going to die?

  He let that thought plague him long into the night after she’d refused to eat any dinner and any aid he tried to give. He prayed. He begged. He pleaded with God to take this pain from her as he held her and stroked her arm and hair until morning. When morning came, and she still wasn’t forth coming, he tried to offer her breakfast. She refused again.

  “Jordan, sweetheart, you have to eat something! You’re taking painkillers. They’re going to make you sick!” He snatched the bottle away from her.

  “Goddammit, Nate Butler, you give me that back… right now!” she growled at him. He put his hand up in defense as her tear-streaked face looked up at him, her eyes murderous.

  “You can have some- after you eat.”

  With that, he ran downstairs and made her some oatmeal and eggs and brought them back up with a large glass of ice water. She was facing away from him again, legs curled into her stomach. “Come on, darlin’, just a few bites,” Nate insisted. Jordan sat up slowly and shivered as she pulled the heating pad up with her torso. She looked at him miserably, and her eyes fell to the food in disgust. “Don’t make me force feed you! You didn’t eat dinner last night,” he admonished. Jordan grabbed the spoon up and began eating the oatmeal. “See, that’s not so hard.”

  After about the fifth bite, she motioned to the bottle of pills. “Nope, gotta have some protein first.” He grabbed up a scoop of eggs and shoved them to her mouth. Her eyes were pointing laser beams into him until he finally handed her the bottle. She twisted the lid off as if it were her salvation and popped four of them in her hand. “Jeez, Jor, don’t take too many!”

  “I can have 800 milligrams every eight hours,” she retorted freshly and pulled her hand away from his grabbing one. “I’m not stupid!” She looked up at him angrily.

  He huffed, a man in mounting frustration. He watched her swallow the pills back after he handed her the glass of water then he smiled suddenly, a memory of him being the one who’d needed tending not too long ago.

  “This seems kinda familiar, ‘eh?” It took her a moment to recall it. “I was the one who needed nursing, remember?” It was the first time he’d seen her smile in a long while; it didn’t entirely light up her face. It was subtle, but it was there all the same. “I was a mess that night, but there you were… my hero,” Nate cooed and sighed in a mock swoon. Jordan just scoffed and rolled her eyes. “It’s true.” He sat on the bed and took her hands. “You rescued me, Jordan Marie Tate, and I love you. Whatever you’re going through, honey, whatever this is,” he extended his hand to her abdomen, “we’ll get through it together, ok? Life is like a ladder, sometimes we have to climb, but we’ll climb every rung together, you and I.” At that, she began to sob and he scooped her into his arm and let her fall apart.

  “I’m coming!” Natalie ran to the door as the bell rang, praying it didn’t wake Savannah up. She’d literally gotten nothing done today aside from nursing and changing her daughter. There were several items on her to do list that just simply had to be done, but every time she laid Vanna down, she began to cry, so Nat had continued to hold the little turkey, despite her misgivings on spoiling her, until she’d finally fallen asleep. Laundry was right at the top of that growing list.

  She pulled the front door open qu
ickly and her eyes fell on her handsome brother. “Nate!” She smiled and pulled him in for a big hug. He returned it and lingered there for a moment, sighing. She immediately knew something was wrong. She frowned as she looked up at him and took in his haggard appearance. He had bags under his red eyes.

  She’d known the last few days had probably taken their toll- what with being arrested and all. Savannah cried out then. “Dang it.” Nat sighed and huffed. “Come on in. There’s coffee in the kitchen; you look like you need it.” He thanked her and followed her in, closing the front door.

  She grabbed her screaming infant up and shushed her and cradled her, sticking her pacifier in her mouth when she wouldn’t quiet down. She joined Nate in the kitchen, watching him pour some coffee into a mug. She sat down at the breakfast table, looking out into the backyard to their big, beautiful red barn, seeing her husband talking to one of his hands.

  “I swear this girl…” Natalie looked down at her infant daughter’s tiny face; Savannah was sleeping again. “She’s gonna be spoiled rotten! I can already tell.” Nate smiled at the two of them and sat down in the chair beside her, reaching over to stroke his niece’s chunky little arm.

  “Well, that’s alright, I guess. She may be your last one…”

  “I blame Momma,” Natalie said. “She’s sat and held her every minute she could, and you see that this is what happens.” Nate sighed again, his eyes darkening as he looked at her. “Ok, what is it, Nate? I know you aren’t here to see your sister and your niece.”

  “Correction- I’m not only here to see my sister and my niece.”

  “Ok then. What’s troubling you? You know that I’m not mad at you for getting arrested the other night!”

  “I know… It’s Jordan.”

  “Jordan? What’s wrong with her?”

  “I walked into her room last night to find her in the fetal position with a heating pad draped across her…” Natalie looked down then, knowingly. “Nat, please tell me! What’s going on with her? She won’t go to the doctor and she won’t tell me what’s wrong.”

  “Nathan, if she doesn’t want to tell you then why should I?”

  “Because you’re my sister, and I need to know. I spent the entire night worrying about whether she’s dying of cancer or not.” Natalie just sighed at that, feeling bad for Jordan…and Nathan. “Please, Nat, please tell me. Is she going to die?” His blue eyes were so troubled that it cut deep down in her gut.

  It was suddenly obvious to Natalie that her brother was in love with Jordan. She gulped and sighed. It wasn’t her place to tell other peoples’ business, but he was her brother and he loved Jordan, so Natalie had to comfort him somehow.

  “It’s not cancer, Nate.” Nate’s relief was palpable as his hands relaxed on his coffee mug and his head fell back on his shoulders as he sighed. “She’s not dying,” Nat dared to go on, “but she will need surgery… and soon… major, life-altering surgery.” Nate looked hard at her, his brows drawn together. “That’s all I’m saying, big brother. If she wants you to know more than that then she’ll tell you. Don’t press me for more!” Nate gave her a retired look, and Natalie’s eyebrows flared, signaling that the conversation was over.

  “Nat,” Nathan’s eyes fell suddenly and he stared into the dark liquid of his mug. “I love her.”

  “I know,” Nat murmured softly. Her brother’s eyes found hers again, and she gave him a weak smile and held her hand out to him. He took it and clasped it.

  Natalie heard the back door open, and her husband and Dash popped in through the French doors. He’d been joining her periodically throughout the day to see his girls and check up on them. He froze as he saw them, his handsome face immobilized.

  “I’m sorry! Am I interrupting a family moment?” Jack asked awkwardly as Nate pulled his hand back. Natalie smiled over at him.

  “No, my love.” She looked back to Nate, who looked embarrassed. “Nate and I were just talking.”

  “Well, I’m glad you’re here, Butler. I’ve got some good news for you.” Jack moved then to sit at the table, but not before kissing Natalie’s lips and the head of his daughter. “I went to talk to Scottie last night.”

  “Jack, you didn’t have to do that…”

  “I know, but we got some shit out on the table once and for all, and I explained to him how this family has been through quite enough and he needs to do me a personal favor and drop the charges, so he agreed to explain that he was the one who actually started the fight and that you weren’t involved until after he’d hit Jordan.” Natalie could see Nate visibly relax, he smiled and thanked his brother-in-law, shaking his hand.

  “Now, hopefully, the judge will just drop the whole case,” Natalie insisted.

  Nate shrugged. “Well, I don’t deserve to walk away without some penalty.”

  Nat and Jack both stared back at him, surprised by his words. Nate really had changed. He was truly different now. Nat handed the baby over to Jack and pulled her brother to her. She planted her head on his shoulder as his arms went around her and tears came to her eyes.

  “Welcome back, Nate.” Then she cried.

  Weeks went by and the tension between Jordan and Nate seemed to be coming to a head. Two days following her painful plight, Jordan was back to work with no signs of injury save for the green and yellow bruise on her face. She’d not mentioned her painful menstrual cycle or that next morning when she’d cried in his arms over the mysterious illness plaguing her. Nate was both disappointed and concerned, but by the time two weeks had passed with hardly any words between them, he was angry; angry that she wouldn’t confide in him. He loved her, dammit! Didn’t she know that? Why was she rejecting his love and the passion they shared together?

  He missed her; her laughter, her sarcasm, their playful banter. He missed her naked body against him, writhing beneath him, their long hungry kisses, the way she felt around him, the way she called his name when she fell apart to his love-making… Didn’t she miss those things and want those things too?

  Apparently not, he’d decided. He tried to rack his brain and figure out exactly where he’d gone wrong. What had he done? What had he said? It was damn frustrating. It constantly bombarding his thoughts. She was always on his mind and seeing her for every meal and every single day in passing…and at night after dinner…and before breakfast, and at breakfast. It didn’t help his feelings having to see her as much as did, not one bit. He wanted to talk to her, but each time he got up the nerve to do so, her eyes and face literally warned him away.

  What did she want from him? She’d made him practically melt like butter in her hands in the beginning; doing everything she could to make him desire her. Well, he’d desired her with every fiber of his being and he’d taken her that fateful night. He’d given her everything he had to give and yet now, it was as if they’d never been intimate, as if none of it had ever mattered. Maybe she could forget it, but he couldn’t. He didn’t want to. He wanted her.

  All those days apart had cut like a knife to the heart, especially when Nat and Jack called one night wanting to go out with the two of them and Luth and Bella. Luther had some news he wanted to share with them all, so they’d met in Corbin- less than 20 minutes north of Abundance where Luth and Bella lived on their cattle ranch. Jack had told them about a BBQ joint that was a must try, and Jordan had acted like nothing was amiss as she’d put him on speaker that day in the office.

  “So, you guys ok with riding together?” Nat asked, the baby crying in the background.

  “Absolutely,” Jordan sang, like Nathan wasn’t slowly dying inside. “We’ll see y’all at five o’clock,” she confirmed and hung the phone up, her eyes just looking up at him, waiting for him to oppose. He literally just shrugged in response, like being awkwardly stuck in a car with her and his family didn’t bother him at all. And why should it? The way Jordan acted, it was as if he’d never had himself buried so intimately inside of her.

  Later that day, they’d showered, separately of course, and chan
ged. She’d worn a modest three-quarter length sleeved dress that came to her knees, looking more innocent than he knew she was. They’d rode in Jack’s truck in good company, and Jordan once again played her role to the T, deserving a Grammy. Jack and Natalie had been none the wiser. Nathan was a bit more transparent, but he tried to enjoy their outing as best he could. They met Luth and Bella, who both practically glowed with joy. Natalie had noticed immediately that Bella’s ring finger was shining.

  “Luther Boyd! Did you get married?” Natalie’s mouth fell open as she grabbed Bella’s hand, admiring the diamond solitaire that sat there and folded Bella’s frame in her arms. Luth just beamed. Bella cried and Natalie practically jumped up and down.

  “We just got back from Vegas!” Luther laughed.

  Jack pulled Luth in for a half hug as he pumped his hand, gleefully. Nate and Jordan took their turns hugging them too, happy for them, but clearly not quite as thrilled as Natalie had been. They all sat and Jack ordered a round of shots for the table, but Bella refused. Nat squealed again, “No way!”

  “We’re pregnant!” Luth cried and began chuckling. Natalie was cheering wildly again as Luther said, “I don’t even know how it happened and I’m as shocked as anyone, but it’s truly a damn miracle!” Nathan smiled and congratulated them, but didn’t miss the look on Jordan’s face as he caught her gaze. She looked as if she’d just been doused in ice cold water. She immediately tried to recover and smile, but the smile didn’t quite make it to her eyes. She excused herself right away, and Nate stood to go after her, but Natalie grabbed his arm, shaking her head. He sat back down, scowling.

  “Is she ok?” Bella frowned, looking at Natalie.

  “She just got some bad news recently is all,” Nat reassured her and immediately began asking about her pregnancy- distracting her, Nate knew.

  When Jordan returned, she had that ever present iron mask on that revealed nothing, but Nathan knew better. Their dinner with the Boyds had been as enjoyable as ever and had actually distracted Nathan long enough to forget about the turmoil his heart was going through as they’d laughed and reminisced about their fun and carefree high school days, joked around with one another, discussed their work, and their lives. All too soon though, it was getting late and the restaurant was barren; it was time to go.