Protector
Page 6
“There’s always someone watching.”
“What does that mean?” I glance at him, frowning lightly.
“It means there will always be someone watching you. Griffin just wants to make sure you’re safe.”
Hearing Griffin’s name makes the hair rise on the back of my neck. “Does that mean you’ll be following me around?”
“Not as long as you have Charlie with you.”
That’s a bit of good news. I nod and walk away, not wanting to give him a chance to start up a conversation. I’m not ready for people. That’s why I want to go for walks at night so I can avoid running into anyone.
I open the sliding door just wide enough for Charlie and me to squeeze through. I close the door behind us to show Miles that I want to be alone. If I leave it open, he might take it as an invitation.
I walk to the shore of the lake and sit down. Charlie comes to sit next to me. It’s a bit chilly out so I scoot closer to Charlie.
Charlie is the best company a broken soul could ever ask for. He doesn’t give you empty promises, saying time will heal all. He’s just there, a silent strength to keep your head above water.
It’s only been a few days but Charlie has become my protector. He makes me feel safe. I know it sounds stupid but as long as Charlie is by my side, it feels like karma can’t dig her nails into me.
Griffin~
I’ve killed before. I’ve watched a person take his last breath. I’ve watched his pupils dilate as his heart thudded its last beat. I’ve smelled the acidic stench of death as it burned down my nostrils.
They say the first kill is the hardest. That was not the case for me at all. My first kill was a suicide bomber racing a beaten-up car towards marines who were doing house to house searches. It was an easy choice to make.
I never saw his face. I took the shot from a secure rooftop. I never heard him gasp his last breath, and that made it so much easier.
My ninth kill was the one that shook me to my core. It was a kid. He was running with a grenade towards our group.
He couldn’t have been older than nine … ten. Fuck, he didn’t even have hair on his balls.
Watching that small body fly backwards from the impact of the bullet.
Watching his arms and legs settle in the dust with a dull thud.
Watching his lips pull back over his bloody teeth as he gasped his last breath.
Watching his pupils dilate as his heart stopped.
That was brutal.
I sat and cried next to that little boy as if he was my own flesh and blood.
Anger got me through that. Anger at his parents, his country, his god for allowing that to happen to him.
It took me a long time to accept that I had to do it. It was either the boy or my entire team. But that was never a choice I should’ve had to make.
That was never a choice that kid had to make.
I got to blame his parents and the god they prayed to. I got to blame someone … something.
This time the blame is all on me.
I might not have pulled the trigger, lit the lighter, or used the blade – but I killed them. Riley’s right, I’m a murderer.
I killed my best friend.
I killed his brother.
I killed his mother.
I killed his father.
I might as well have killed his sister, too, because there’s not even a ghost left of the person she used to be.
She’s fucking right. I’m nothing but a monster.
At this moment I don’t know which is stronger - the guilt that’s telling me to let her go, or the promise I made to always protect her.
I’ve been watching her the past week. Not actually following her, but keeping a close eye on the monitors. She goes for a walk every night when she thinks everyone’s asleep.
I’ve taken over the night shift for this week. Next week will be Mike’s turn. Amelia is the only one not on night watch because she’s more valuable during the day with keeping things running smoothly around the house.
The sensor beeps, and my eyes go to the screen showing the living room. Riley is early tonight. It’s only just gone past ten.
I get up and watch as she closes the door behind her and Charlie before I walk to my office and slip through the sliding door entrance there. I had it put in after I decided to make the servants quarters our offices, just so we had a quick exit in case of an emergency. Now I’m thankful for it. I slowly start to walk in Riley’s direction.
She goes to sit by the lake and just stares out over the water. Josh used to call her Riley-Star, but I have not once seen her look up at the stars, only the water.
I keep my distance, but stay close enough so I can get to her quickly if something happens.
I crouch down after a long while and pick at a blade of grass.
“I liked it better when Miles was on night duty. He never followed me outside,” she whispers, not looking away from the water.
I glance at her. She looks small and fragile next to Charlie’s big frame.
“It’s for your own safety,” I whisper.
She huffs and it sounds resentful.
More silent minutes tick by and then I hear, “Where are they?”
I get up and look in the direction of the cemetery. “Follow me.”
I start to walk and glance over my shoulder to make sure she’s following me. She keeps the distance between us as we walk to the cemetery. I don’t know if this is a good thing or bad thing, but I figure it will help seeing her family’s last resting place. Maybe she will find some closure seeing the graves.
Riley~
I was angry the first night I saw Griffin following me outside. I’ve spent the last three nights ignoring him. I even tried coming out earlier but that obviously didn’t fool him.
As I walk behind him, I wonder if this is a good idea. I keep glancing down at Charlie, hoping he’ll tell me if I should rather run in the opposite direction.
When Griffin reaches a fence that’s situated around a cemetery, I stop.
Charlie presses his face into my hand and gives my fingers a lick.
I saw them being killed, but somehow they never died in my mind. Somewhere in the darkest parts of me, there’s an empty hope that it’s all just some horrible nightmare.
I’ll wake up in my own bed. I’ll smell bacon and pancakes. I’ll hear Mom humming, ‘Somewhere over the rainbow.’
I’ll hear the rumble of Dad’s voice and then Mom’s naughty giggle.
I’ll hear the screech of wheels as Logan comes to a stop in front of the house. No matter which car he drove, he always stopped with screeching tires. Mom would yell at him for driving like a maniac.
I’ll hear the determined footfall of Josh. He’s the only one I could recognize by the way he walked. I’ll see strength and safety in his eyes.
I’ll be home with my family … if only this were all some awful dream.
Charlie nudges my hand again, bringing me back to the present.
Griffin doesn’t go in but opens the gate for me. I take cautious steps closer and stop just shy of the gate. My eyes jump over the cemetery. There are no tombstones.
“It’s too dark.” I’m not sure if I’m referring to the night around us or the situation I’m faced with.
Griffin holds his hand out to me, and for a moment I stare at it as if it’s something dangerous.
“I’ll show you where to walk.”
I glare at him, not at all forgetting his part he played in this tragedy. I place my hand reluctantly in his and let him pull me past the gate. We only walk a few steps, but they feel like forever.
Griffin pulls me slightly in front of him and says in a hushed tone, “Here they are.” He points to my right. “Your dad.” His right arm brushes against my shoulder as he points to the grave next to Dad’s. “Your mom.” My heart squeezes painfully at the thought that my parents are under the ground I’m standing on. His arm brushes against me again as he points to the left of me. “Logan.
”
My chin drops to my chest and my nose starts to tingle with tears.
His arm comes half around me as he points to the last grave. “Josh.”
A whimper slithers past my clenched teeth. I want to lift my hands to cover my mouth so no other sounds will escape, but I can’t bring myself to move. Agony is wrecking me, making me a prisoner of pain.
Tears sneak out of the corners of my eyes, trailing down my cheeks. I take a shuddering breath and it makes a sob float up my throat.
Griffin’s arm comes totally around me, and he takes a step forward, pressing his chest to my back. He holds me as my eyes dance over the dark shadows of my family’s final resting place.
He holds me as I mourn the smiles I’ll never get to see again.
He just holds me as I break again and again.
I let him hold me, not because I’ve forgiven him, but because I need him to keep me from falling to pieces. I’m only allowing him near me because I need him.
“Why are you doing this?” I ask and I start to pull away from him. “Why do you care what happens to me? Like you said, we hardly had any contact before.”
“I made a promise to Josh.” His voice is as dark as the night.
“What kind of promise?”
“I promised to take care of you should anything happen to him. I promised to protect you.”
“Can you?” I don’t know where that question comes from. It’s a stupid question. No one can really protect another.
“I can,” he says with steel in his voice.
I walk to the gate. I try to bite the words back but they’re poisoning me, so I let them out. “The same way you protected Josh?”
I hear him walk closer and then I feel him at my back. There’s an intense feeling that comes off of him in waves. It feels like those strong winds that shake your house before the storm hits.
“The same way Josh protected me?” My voice falters but I say the words because if they stay trapped inside me, I’ll just rot away. “Are you a coward like Josh? Kill together, lie together?”
I turn to face Griffin and I feel the bitterness swelling in me.
“I used to think the world of Josh. He was my hero.” Griffin just looks down at me, his blue eyes shining in the moonlight. “I believed that Josh would always save me. There wasn’t a doubt in my mind.”
I watch as Griffin swallows. My eyes dance over his face.
‘I’m sorry.’ Josh’s last words drift through me.
“He didn’t save me. He didn’t save any of us. He let us die with two empty words … I’m sorry.” My voice cracks from all the emotion raging in my soul.
I turn around and walk away from Griffin. “Sometimes life just gets to break us and there’s nothing we can do about it. You’re already too late, Griffin. You might as well pack up this show you’re giving everyone. I don’t fall for it. You’re a fake, just like Josh turned out to be a fake.”
I walk away and the fact that Griffin doesn’t say anything in response to my accusations just seals the deal.
It’s been four days since I’ve said all those ugly things to Griffin. I keep telling myself not to feel guilty, that he deserved it, but my conscience refuses to let it be.
My conscience being Charlie.
He keeps giving me disapproving looks and then huffing out a deep breath.
“He deserved it,” I mumble to Charlie as we both stare out over the water.
It’s peaceful out here. The water has a calming effect on me. I can’t bring myself to look up. Stars go hand in hand with Josh.
Charlie nudges me and when I look into his brown eyes I can see the words clearly. ‘No, he didn’t. You said hurtful things because you’re hurting. It’s not right.’
I shake my head as I refuse to listen to Charlie.
‘You know what you did was wrong. You’re blaming him for everything. It’s been four weeks and he’s been nothing but honest and nice. Don’t you think you’re being a bit too hard on him?’
I shake my head again. “No, Charlie.”
“Are you talking to the dog?” someone asks behind me. I quickly get up and when he steps out of the shadows, my stomach sinks. It’s Mike. I haven’t seen him since that day in the living room. I haven’t given him much thought, to be honest. I’ve been too caught up in my own pain and suffering.
But now that he’s standing a few feet from me and it’s dark out, and there’s no one else, I feel that same uneasy feeling creeping up my spine that I felt the day we met. There’s just something off about this guy.
I start to walk back to the house, and I’m glad when Charlie comes to walk on my right side so he’ll be between Mike and me.
“Did I do something to offend you?” Mike asks as I walk by him.
I quickly shake my head. “I’m not good company. Sorry.”
I quicken my steps and sigh with relief when I step inside the house. I still feel that uneasy feeling which is urging me to run. I walk quickly and when I reach the stairs, I hear the sliding door opening. Mike is coming inside.
“Riley?” My gaze darts to where Griffin is standing in the entrance to the kitchen with a mug of steaming coffee.
I hear the sliding door close behind Mike and fear makes me move forward. My steps are hurried as I walk to where Griffin is standing. I glance over my shoulder and then quickly ask, “Can we talk? In your office?”
“Sure.” I follow Griffin through the kitchen and only once he closes the office door behind me, do I feel a semblance of safety.
I sit down on the couch but I feel restless and get up again.
Griffin just watches me as he places the mug on the desk.
“I’m sorry.” The words make me laugh cynically. Those words were so empty when Josh said them, and now I’m trying to use them to apologize to Griffin.
I wring my hands together and then start to apologize. “What I said to you … it was wrong of me. I was, no, I am so angry. It feels like it’s the only emotion I can control since it all happened. I can choose to be angry and I made you my target. You’ve been nothing but kind to me.”
“I understand, Riley. You need someone to blame and it’s okay. It’s my fault.”
“That’s just it!” I sit down again. “Is anyone really to blame?”
“What do you mean?”
“I’ve been thinking a lot. I’ve been trying to justify why I should blame you, but my mother raised me to be a better person. I don’t know all the facts about that mission that killed that man’s family. Did you know his family was there with him? Did Josh know?”
“Yes,” he answers without hesitation and for a second the anger I’ve come to cling to twists in my chest. “They had a choice to either eliminate him while we had the chance, or to risk losing him. He had helped kill so many people. It was either him or thousands more.”
My head snaps up and I frown. “They?”
“The CIA. We were working with them. They needed an independent contractor in case things went wrong.” There’s a bitter smile that pulls at the corner of his mouth. “I never should’ve taken that mission.”
Just then I realize that this thing is much bigger than me and my family. If the CIA were involved, then it had to be something terrible.
“Why didn’t you rather arrest him?”
“The worst of the worst never stands trial. The risk is too big. They sign their own death warrants when they become international threats.”
I nod, not really understanding all of it. My eyes flick to the door and I wonder if Mike is somewhere out there.
“Is there something else?” Griffin asks. His voice is too formal, too serious as if I’m just another mission. I don’t know why it stings, and after all, I was the one who pushed him away from the start.
“Mike is a part of the team, right?”
He stands up straighter and crosses his arms. “Yeah, he’s been with us for just over two years.”
I look right at Griffin, making sure to capture his eyes. I want
to see if he hesitates.
“Do you trust him?”
I can see how Griffin weighs my question before he answers.
“His background checks all checked out alright. He’s never given me any reason to not trust him. Why do you ask?”
“Do you trust him with your life?” I ask and for the life of me I can’t explain why I’m so persistent.
“I have before. He’s always had our backs.”
I nod, and I know I should let it go but still I ask, “So you trust him with my life, too?”
Griffin walks over to me and crouches down. He catches my eyes and then says, “No, I don’t trust anyone with your life.”
I frown, not understanding. “But you have different men on night watch. Surely you trust them with my life?”
He shakes his head and then stands up. He holds his hand out for me to take and I reluctantly place mine in his. We walk out of the office and I can’t help but scan the passage for any sign of Mike. We walk into a room and I drag in a slow breath. There are so many monitors. Camden is sitting in front of them, his feet propped up on a desk.
“Hey,” he says, giving me a lazy nod.
I give him a lame wave as I let my eyes go from one monitor to another. The kitchen, the living room, rooms I haven’t seen yet, and then there are the ones that show different views of outside.
“We’re always watching,” Griffin says.
It makes me feel better to know that there is an extra set of eyes watching.
“Not the bedroom?” I ask.
“No, but that’s why you have Charlie.” This makes a glimmer of a smile pull at my lips.
Camden smiles, and I try to pull my lips into a friendlier smile. It feels foreign to smile.
We walk back down the passage and I look up at Griffin when we go back into his office. When we get to the sliding door, he pulls it open and waits for me to walk out before he follows me. Charlie also joins us.
“So you only trust Charlie?” I ask, and this time I do manage to smile.
“Yes, it’s easier to trust a dog than a person.” We walk in silence for a little while and then he asks, “I take it you don’t feel safe with Mike?”