Shatter Me

by Anna Howard

  On my way out Christian frowns at me. “Keith Winthrop was here again yesterday. Did Bee tell you?”

  “No.” Bianca and I haven’t spoken or messaged each other since Thursday. “What did he want?”

  “To know where you were.” Christian shrugged. “Things got heated between him and Bee. She said some things to him that made even me blush and he stormed off accusing her of keeping him from you.”

  I grit my teeth. I can only imagine what by bestie said to him. Bianca can get imaginative with verb usage when she wants too. I was sure that the words ‘fucker’ and ‘cock sucker’ were used because those were her favorite vulgar words in her arsenal. “Where is Bianca now?”

  “Brunch with her folks.” He wasn’t a big fan of Bianca’s family just as they weren’t fans of his. The Carrington’s wanted Bianca to settle down, marry and give them lots of grandchildren. Christian, while completely faithful to her was not the settling down type. To be honest I was surprised that the relationship between him and Bianca had lasted this long.

  “Oh yeah, and Blake called last night. He said that he will pick you up around six.”

  I blinked completely confused. “What are you talking about?”

  “You asked Blake to go with you to that dinner thing tonight at the party the other day.” Christian reminded her. “His family are big contributors to the hospital. Remember?”

  I blow out a frustrated sigh. “Yes, I remember now.” I mumble as I toss my keys and my wallet into my purse and sling it over my shoulder. “God!”

  My life was so complicated today! I had a feeling the Blake thought I was interested in him. I had been half drunk and vulnerable when I had issued that invitation, and now I had to spend an evening with a guy I wasn’t sure I would even like without the aid of alcohol.

  Chapter 5

  The Charity Dinner is held in one of Manhattan’s most raved about new restaurants. The entire place has been rented out and the chef has prepared a surprise menu. At fifteen hundred dollars a plate and with the place brimming with supporters the Children’s Wing at the hospital was going to get an overhaul and then some.

  I sit with Blake Avery and two other couples. I have found that yes, I do enjoy the big muscle man without the aid of alcohol but that I am no more attracted to him than I was drunk. He is a nice man, and I want to like him as more than a new friend, but it just isn’t going to happen.

  Thankfully he seems to understand this as the night goes on. After dessert there is dancing and I let my date pull me onto the dance floor as a local Jazz band starts playing softly in the background. I am happy because the dinner along with the silent auction has raised more money than expected and I smile warmly up at Blake.

  “You know, I think we could have been really good for each other.” He tells me.

  “I know.” And I do. If I had felt even the smallest spark of attraction for him I would have jumped head first into a relationship with him. “But we both deserve better than what I can offer.”

  He inclines his head in acceptance. “You are already in love. I think I knew that at your birthday party.”

  I bite my lip, hating that I had been so obvious in my feelings for Keith that even this man that I barely know had seen it. “I don’t want to love him.” I mutter.

  Blake laughs. “Like that is it?”

  I lift a shoulder in a half shrug. “Yes. Just like that.” The music ends and everyone turns to applaud the band.

  As I do I catch sight of a tall, dark haired man who is winding his way through the crowd. My heart skips a beat. No! Why would he come here? He never comes to any of the Winthrop Charities’ benefits.

  Hard green eyes capture mine and I stand there frozen as Keith’s long strides eat up the distance between us. He is spectacular in his simple black tux with his hair in need of a trimming. Every other man in the room dims in comparison to him in my eyes. Blake shifts beside of me and those green eyes darken with something dangerous when Keith notices the other man.

  “I think I will make myself scarce.” My date murmurs before Keith reaches us. “Call me, okay Kari?”

  I can only nod. The sight of Keith has locked up my vocal cords. Blake discreetly disappears just as the music starts again. Without a word Keith pulls me into his arms and we begin to dance.

  My heart is going crazy in my chest and I know that he can feel every frantic beat with my chest pressed so closely to his own. The hand on my waist is skimming over the shimmering material of my new dress, while the other is locked with my own. My breath catches as we continue to dance and the rest of the world seems to disappear.

  “Where have you been hiding?” He asks quietly.

  “My father’s house.” My answer is just as quiet.

  “I went there.” He informs me. “No one had seen you.”

  “No, the house in the Hamptons.” I explain and he grimaces.

  “Of course! I had forgotten about that one.” His fingers are tormenting me with their caresses up and down my side. His thumb grazes the underside of my breast each time and it is all I can do not to moan at the exquisite contact. “Didn’t you like the flowers?”

  “They were beautiful. You must have bought every rose and tulip in the city.”

  “So why weren’t they in your office when I stopped by yesterday?” He asks. “Or in the apartment when I went there?”

  “Because I was overwhelmed and angry. I had the tulips sent to a local nursing home.” I shrug. “And I have no idea what Bianca did with all of the roses.”

  “And the caramels?”

  I bite the inside of my jaw. “I gave them to the girls at the office. I probably have an entire building full of new friends now.”

  His jaw clenches but I think that I see just a hint of amusement in his eyes. “I have never done anything like that before.” He confesses. “Buying flowers and candy like that. I guess I did get a little carried away.”

  I cannot help the grin that caresses my lips. “Well, I’m sure the old ladies at the nursing home really appreciates the thought.”

  “The only lady I want to appreciate it is you!” He growls low in his throat and I cannot hide my shiver.

  “I appreciated it a lot more once I had time to calm down.” And I had. Once I had gotten most of my feelings straightened out I had realized that I was incredibly touched by his gestures.

  “I meant what I said on the card, Kari.” He pulls me a little closer. “I can’t stop thinking about you, baby.”

  “Keith…” I breathe his name.

  “I know you have wanted me, Kari. That you care about me. And I have wanted and cared just as long.”

  “No!” I deny it. “You have never let me get close. Every time I try you always push me away.”

  “I had to. When I first met you…I promised your mother that I wouldn’t touch you. That I would leave you alone.” His hand tightens on my waist. “And then later, when she saw that you cared about me too…She asked me to wait Kari. To give you time to grow up a little more. She made me promise to wait until you were twenty one.”

  My mouth opened and closed like a fish. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing from him. It was just so…So…So incredible.

  “Mindy told me that she wanted you to experience life more. You were only eighteen, the same age she was when she had you. She didn’t want things to get serious between us when you were still so young.” He doesn’t seem to notice that we have stopped dancing. His eyes, those green beloved eyes look tormented. “It has taken a lot to keep the promises I made to your mother, Kari.”

  “Why wasn’t I given a say?” I ask, peeved that they had decided something this huge for me without even consulting me. “What about what I wanted?”

  “You didn’t know what you wanted.” He tried to reason with me. “You were just eighteen.”

  “And now I’m twenty one. My feelings haven’t changed, except that now they are stronger. I still ache to be with you. To be yours.” I pull away from him, hurt and angry. �
�I have been put through so much pain and misery watching you with all of your girlfriends. And now you tell me that all this time you wanted me too?” I shake my head. “I don’t believe you. How can you say you care about me when you have done nothing but hurt me for nearly three years?”

  “I…” He frowns. “I don’t know.” Keith grimaces. “I always thought of it as protecting you. And maybe of protecting me too.”

  My laugh is anything but humorous. “Well if that was you protecting me please don’t ever try to hurt me. I doubt I will survive it.” I take a few steps back, realize that everyone is shooting us interested glances and laugh again. “I’m going home.”

  “Kari!” He comes after me but doesn’t attempt to stop me until we are outside. It is only as I ask the valet to get me a cab that he grasps my wrist and pulls me around to face him. “Don’t go home. Come with me and let’s talk about this.”

  “Keith…” I blow out a long frustrated sigh. “Just give me a few days. I need to think about all of this. You just told me that the entire time I thought my feelings for you were one sided they weren’t. And that hurts me just as much as thinking that you never cared at all.” I toss my tangled blond hair out of my eyes. “Back at Christmas, watching you with Eliza…Trying to make you see how much I care, only to have you say those terrible things to me?”

  “I’m sorry, baby.” He raises his big, long fingered hand and traces the lines around my eyes. “It was never Eliza that I wanted. God, couldn’t you see that she was just a poor substitute for you? Didn’t you notice how I never really paid her any attention?”

  “No. Because I was too busy trying to keep my jealousy from showing so much.”

  A small smile teases the corners of his sinfully sexy mouth. “And I loved every minute of it. May fifteenth couldn’t come fast enough.”

  I feel myself starting to melt a little. I want to be in his arms and, yes, in his bed. But sanity is still holding on, if only by its finger nails, as I step back away from him. “Give me a few days. Then we can talk about this again.”

  Reluctantly he nods and opens the door of the taxi as it pulls up to the curb. “A few days.” He promises. “I’ll call you.”

  

  It is Sunday evening. My apartment is spotless. I have scrubbed every surface, mopped, vacuumed and steamed ever room. Even Bianca’s room, which my friend had been thrilled about because she never wants to clean her floors. All three toilets are sparkling. Even the windows are gleaming from the inside out.

  When I have something big on my mind I tend to go on cleaning sprees. For some reason it helps me to think better.

  But this time the issue must be too big, because I was no closer to deciding where I wanted things to go with Keith. With a tired sigh I toss my cleaning supplies into the little closet in the kitchen and take a long hot shower. When I get back to my room with just a tee shirt and a pair of panties on it is nearly seven and I am ready to call it a night.

  Bianca has gone to Christian’s house for the night because…Well because they have a lot of things to ‘discuss’ before Christian leaves for Japan the next morning. He is going to be gone two weeks and since he and Bianca started officially dating six months ago there wasn’t very many nights that they spent apart. So the next two weeks were going to be difficult for them.

  Honestly I was kind of envious of my bestie. She had a decent man who enjoyed being with her. True the couple had been up and down for the last few years because Christian was so…Well Christian. But I felt that given time the guy could maybe really settle down and make an honest woman out of Bianca.

  Or then again I could be totally wrong. Just as I have been so completely wrong about Keith over the years.

  Frustrated I pull my extra pillow over my face and scream into it. As I’m having my little fit the cordless on my nightstand chirps and I reach for it without even stopping to check the caller ID. “This is Kari.” I mumble.

  “Hey, baby.”

  My entire body clenches with desire at just the sound of his deep gravelly voice. My heart skips a beat and I pull the pillow away from my face. “Hi.” I breathe the greeting.

  “I know I promised to give you a few days. But I am going out of my mind here, Kari.” His laugh is full of weary humor. I imagine him stabbing his fingers through his dark hair.

  “I…” I bite the inside of my cheek, hard. “I still don’t know what to tell you.” I tell him honestly. “And I still don’t know what you really want from me. What exactly are we talking about here, Keith? Do you want to go to bed with me? Do you want a few weeks of being in my bed? Or do you want something a little more risky? Like an actual relationship?”

  There was a long pause and I wondered desperately what was going through that handsome head of his. When he finally speaks he sounds almost angry. “Kari, if all I wanted was sex from you I could have had that long before now. Of course I want something more substantial with you. For the first time in my life I want to see where a relationship can go if given the chance. Can you give me that chance, Kari?”

  Suddenly all my reservations, all my doubts and fears are pushed to back burner. Keith wants more than just a good time in my bed. He really does care for me. “I’m alone in the apartment. Come over.”

  I hear the deep breath he sucks in and the long, drawn out sigh that sounds almost like relief. “I’ll be there within the hour.”

  Chapter 6

  I am beside of myself with excitement and nerves. As the hour slowly goes by I pull on a pair of boy shorts, forgo a bra and then pace. My apartment is spotless so I have nothing to occupy my mind as I wait for Keith to get here.

  My heart is racing. My body on fire because I know that tonight I will be his.

  When the security intercom buzzes I am already standing by the box. I take a few deep breaths to steady myself before pressing the button. “Hi.”

  “Hey, baby.” His voice makes me tremble. “Let me in.”

  Without another word I press the button that unlocks the door. It takes three minutes before the doorbell chimes and I pull it open almost immediately, to excited to see him to care that I am being so obvious in my rush to see him.

  No sooner do I have the door open am I in his arms. I have no time to think as he lifts me off my feet. Instinctively I wrap my legs around his lean waist. We only have enough sanity left to remember to shut and lock the door before his lips are on mine and we have our first kiss.

  God, he is a good kisser. I feel as if I am being absorbed by him as he nibbles on my full bottom lip. My fingers thrust into his thick dark hair, wanting the kiss to never end. The first taste of his tongue makes me moan. It is so incredibly sweet, and I realize that he has been drinking coffee.

  “Kari!” His lips leave mine to kiss a blazing trail down my throat. “Kari you have about a minute to stop this before I can’t.” He nips my shoulder and tightens his arms around me. “Decide now.”

  But I didn’t need to make any decisions. They had all been made from the minute I had picked up the phone earlier. Without a word I capture his lips and show him that I am a good kisser too!

  He growls low in his throat. The strength of it vibrates my chest, causing my already aching breasts to tighten and my nipples to grow diamond hard. I moan and pull back, already working on the buttons on his dress shirt.

  “Kari!” He groans my name as I send a few buttons flying in my rush to touch the hot skin of his chest. “Which room is yours?”

  I point, too caught up in what I am doing to both with words. He carries me down the hall to my room, kicking the door shut behind us before turning and dropping me on my queen sized bed. With a pout at having to stop, even momentarily, I reach for him again.

  But he catches both of my wrists in one of his big hands. “Baby you are going to make me lose my head. Let’s slow this down before I reach the point of no return.”

  “This has gone slow enough.” I tell him. “I have been aching for three damn years, Keith. Now let go of me and giv
e me what I need.”

  I see his eyes dilate with raging desire and know that I have delighted him. I pull my wrists free of his slackened hold and pull him down onto the bed with me. Before his back hits the mattress we are kissing again. I am drunk on the taste of him. My body is inflamed with needs that I have only guessed he can unleash inside of me.

  His hand cups my breast through my thin tee shirt and I cry out at the exquisite pleasure. “So sensitive.” He murmurs as he pinches my nipple and rolls the diamond hard nub around with his thumb and index finger.

  Muscles clench low in my stomach as liquid desire drenches my panties. “Keith, stop teasing me.” I plead. “I don’t think I can take much more.”

  “Hush.” He commands and gently pushes me back against the pillows.

  He shrugs out of his shirt before reaching for the hem of my own. I lift my arms helplessly as he strips it from me. Keith sucks in a sharp breath when my breasts spring free. “So beautiful.” He mutters almost under his breath as he caresses the underside of each swollen globe. “Perfect.” His eyes are glazed with desire and tenderness as he slowly lowers his head to lick first my right nipple then the left in turn.

  The hot, wet heat of his mouth makes me moan. My fingers stab into his hair as I hold him to me, not wanting the pleasure to ever end. Unthinkingly my thighs part and he slides one knee in between. His thick, muscular thigh presses hard against my core and I tremble with so much need. I press down harder, trying to find some small measure of relief from this burning he is building deep inside of me.

  “God, you could come right now, couldn’t you?” He growls as he rubs his thigh back and forward against me.

  “Keith, please.”

  “Hush, baby.” He kisses my nipple one last time before pulling back and reaching for my shorts. In one smooth motion my shorts and panties are gone. He tosses them over his shoulder and sets back on his heels to gaze down at me. “Open up for me, Kari.”

  Thighs trembling I pull up my knees and slowly spread them wide for him. The look in his eyes, the way he couldn’t seem to catch his breath all of a sudden, the tremor in his fingers as he slowly skims them over my wet folds…I know he is not far from losing control and it thrills me.