Shifting Again

by Shifting Again (ant

  "But?" Erlend prompted, his hand squeezing Ronan's. He was surprised when the selkie's long fingers intertwined with his.

  Ronan took a deep breath. "But I'm not your wife. And I'll not be your housekeeper. And if we're going to make this work, you need to remember that I am as male as you. Just...different."

  Erlend smiled a little at that. "You said that your mother was half-human. Did she tell you stories about growing up here?"

  "That was so long ago..." Ronan trailed off. "We don't measure time in years as you do. We don't age in years either. Grey seals might see thirty seasons if they're lucky, but selkies stay around a lot longer than that." He looked around the kitchen, most pointedly at the refrigerator and the television that sat on the counter next to the microwave. "The world my mam knew, when she was small as Bryn, is nothing like the world today. The language is different. You've forgotten most of the Norn-speak, except for a word here and there."

  "Peedie," Erlend said softly, looking at his daughter in her basket at his feet.

  "Peedie," Ronan echoed. "For the ancestors' sake, Erlend, please name that child. I know that the hospital gave you an extension, but doesn’t that end in a fortnight?"

  "What about Olivia? The olive branch was the first sign of hope that the dove brought to Noah after the flood waters receded." Erlend reached out his free hand to trace Peedie's round cheek.

  "Liv, for life," Ronan said, following Erlend's gaze. When Erlend shot him a questioning glance, the selkie smiled. "My mother's name."

  "How many are there of you, if you live so long?" A part of him knew that Kirsten would have loved this opportunity to know the truth behind the myths that he grew up with.

  "Fourteen thousand gray seals around Orkney, and maybe one percent of that are selkie." At Erlend's surprised look, Ronan laughed. "Did you think there would be more?"

  "Less, actually. No one's seen your kind in years," Erlend answered.

  Ronan shrugged. "We're more careful about it in this age of science. The old ways are dying out, and so are we." His tone was light, but Erlend could still hear the sorrow in it, and the fear. "We were just as human as you were thousands of years ago, but when the Norsemen drove us into the ocean, we grew apart from you. Our lives were longer so we didn't have to cram as much passion into them as you do. Children grew fewer, and now…" He spread his hands out. "What do we have left?"

  "Moonlight dances on the shore to lure young blood back into the gene pool," Erlend suggested half-seriously. "Why were you out of the water that early? I thought that you liked the night."

  "Less chance of getting sunburned," Ronan answered in the same light tone. "Why were you out walking the shore at that hour? Shouldn't you have been getting supper with your family?"

  Erlend conceded with a nod. "Point." He yawned. "About that bed situation..."

  Ronan cocked his head at Erlend, studying him carefully. "Do you snore?"

  "That was Kirsten," he responded, trying to ignore the slight twist he felt in his heart.

  "Well, no lass has ever complained of my snoring, so I suppose we shall be well-suited to each other." Ronan stood, scooping up Peedie's basket in his arms. "But if this one cries in the night, you get to deal with her."

  Erlend followed the selkie to the bedroom, not sure of the next step. "The first time. The second time is yours."

  Once they got to the bedroom, and Peedie's basket was installed in its place at the foot of the bed, Erlend found himself staring at Ronan. The selkie stared back, seemingly not sure of the next step either.

  "Pajamas," Ronan said suddenly, going to the dresser to rummage in the drawer that Erlend had cleaned out for him. Kirsten's mother had packed up most of his wife's belongings the day before the funeral, storing some in the attic for the children when they were older, but taking most of them home to Glasgow with her.

  Erlend reached for his own pajama pants, stripping down to his vest. He turned around before shucking off his pants, leaving them in the corner like he always did.

  "That might be the first thing we consider making a rule about," Ronan said from the other side of the room. "Cleanliness isn't godliness or any of that rot, but we have to keep this place in better shape."

  "A housework schedule then?" Erlend asked as he tied the drawstring on his pajama pants.

  "If need be." Erlend heard the sound of covers being turned down on the bed, and the mattress springs sighing as Ronan lay down. "Ready?"

  It was strange to see the selkie lying there, his head resting on Erlend's own pillow. At least he didn't take Kirsten's side. He wasn't sure what he would've done if Ronan had chosen the left instead of the right.

  "Right." He got in beside the selkie, drawing the covers up to his chest. Ronan turned off the light on the bedside table. They lay in silence for a few minutes until Ronan actually spoke.

  "You've never had a man in your bed before, have you?" It was more of a question than an accusation, but the normally self-assured selkie sounded nervous.

  "Not even platonically. You either?"

  He could hear Ronan's sigh of relief. "Not that there's any expectation..." Ronan continued. "Because this is for comfort purposes."

  "Convenience," Erlend added, staring up at the ceiling.

  A hand reached out to grab his. "I'm not your wife," Ronan said softly. "I don't want to be, and I won't try to be."

  Erlend took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. "I know," he answered, squeezing the hand back.

  ***

  Summer passed, and Bryn turned six. Erlend had one more chance to thank his wife’s foresight, even though the “Love Da and Mam” tags on all the gifts made even Bryn pause for a moment before he ripped into them.

  They created a schedule and more or less stuck to it. Ronan proved to have a better head for finances than Erlend did, so he took over the bills. Erlend's dad even talked of having Ronan help out with the accounts for the farm, in addition to the invoices for Erlend's vet clients. The boys seemed to settle into their summer routine just fine, alternating days at cousins' houses and library programs and just running wild on the farm. Peedie was finally sleeping through the night and growing to be a happy, well-adjusted baby. There were still fights as they all adjusted to living with each other, but it seemed like everything was getting better.

  Ronan even learned to drive, much to Erlend's surprise. That had been a royal row, starting with Ronan's distrust of anything that moved faster than he did, and ending with now eight-year old Kieran pointing out that someone would need to drive, if Da ever got kicked in the head by a cow and fell unconscious. Bryn's offer to drive the car was the last straw, and Ronan finally agreed. Procuring the paperwork necessary to get Ronan a license proved to be a bit more of an effort, but Anna proved that money could indeed get you anything, especially if you knew the right people.

  It was around mid-July that they actually started going out in public again, beyond visiting the market at an off-hour or running over to one of his sisters' houses. Tongues wagged, but the local parish didn't put up as much of a fuss as Erlend originally thought. Orkney wasn't as liberal as the city had been during University, and that was a decade and more ago. But because he and Ronan never flaunted their relationship, whatever it was, no one seemed to question.

  Bryn, of course, being the tale-teller that he was, announced to everyone that he met that his da's friend was a selkie. Most of the adults laughed and accepted that that was the way Erlend Kirkness wanted to explain his new companion to his boys. Some of the older folk did give Erlend a look suggesting that they suspected something entirely different. Plenty of divorced wives and young widows still dropped off casseroles and other food to make sure that the bachelor cottage was well-fed, and probably for a chance to see any illicit homosexual action that they could. But all the local priest did was shove pamphlets into Erlend's hand about adjusting to grief and support groups, as if the church itself had given up on him.

  But throughout the summer, he and Ronan still danced aro
und each other. The touches to the hand became more frequent, nudging each other with their shoulders, carefully avoiding each other's eyes as they undressed and dressed each day. Erlend knew the patterns from his own courtship of Kirsten, and couldn't help wondering what his late wife thought about all this, wherever she was. But his body hadn't forgotten what it was like to share close space with another warm body, and there was something about the selkie's company that Erlend never found in Kirsten's good-natured personality. It was a challenge, but it drove him to see if he could outwit Ronan, just to see how the selkie would react.

  It was a rainstorm that finally broke their fragile peace. Erlend was out at a farm in Orphir when he got the call, trying to soothe a colicky horse. His mobile phone rang twice before he finally answered it, wiping his gramps' colic recipe out of his hair that the horse had chosen to spit back at him. "'Lo?"

  "Da?" It was Kieran's voice. Erlend could barely make it out over someone howling in the background. "Da, you have to come home. Ronan's not moving an' Bryn won't stop crying and you need to come home right now."

  "What's wrong, Kier? Did Ronan fall?" Erlend dropped the water bottle on the ground, immediately grabbing his coat and heading for the car. Aaron Stedness, the horse's owner, followed him out to his car.

  "Erlend, what's wrong? You're white as a ghost."

  "Emergency, Aaron. Sorry," he said, struggling with the car door. "Kier? You still there, buddo?"

  "Da, he's not moving and are you coming home yet?" Kieran's voice was shaking. "I called Gran's house but no one was there."

  "Where are you, lad? I'll be there in just a minute." Erlend tried to soothe his son. "Are you at home?" The number was Ronan's mobile phone, another thing Erlend forced him to take, so they could be anywhere on the island.

  "We're at the shore. Bryn wanted to show Peedie the sea."

  Erlend cut across the Kirbister road up to A965, then sped over to the road between Lochs Harray and Stenness to get home as fast as possible. He was out of the car almost before he stopped it, running down to the beach as fast as his legs could carry him. The rain, which had been threatening to fall all day, decided at that moment to pour down. Erlend stumbled down the path to the beach, trying to avoid rocks and mud puddles that suddenly barred the way.

  He spotted Bryn and Kieran clustered around Ronan's body, prone in the sand. Kieran held Peedie, who wailed with all her might. Bryn just stood there, crying silently. "Boys!"

  Both boys ran over to him as fast as they could. "What happened?" he asked, hugging them both in turn.

  "Ronan tried to go into the water, and the water spit him out," Bryn hiccupped. "An' now he's not breathing."

  Erlend fell to his knees beside Ronan's body, listening to the selkie's chest. His heart was still beating, but when Erlend moved to listen to Ronan's mouth, he couldn't hear any breath.

  "C'mon, you stupid seal," Erlend muttered, tipping Ronan's head back. He pinched Ronan's nostrils shut, putting his mouth over the selkie's. He breathed into Ronan's mouth until he saw the other man's chest rise, then breathed in twice more. Pulling back, he began thumping just below Ronan's sternum, like they taught at that silly class in University. "Don't even think you're getting away from me that easily."

  He breathed and pumped twice more before he heard a coughing sound. Erlend barely made it away in time before Ronan coughed up a lung full of seawater. "You stupid, stupid seal," Erlend said, drawing Ronan into a hard embrace. Ronan leaned against Erlend's shoulder, coughing more seawater down Erlend's back in deep, wracking coughs.

  "I wasn't trying to get away," Ronan choked, his arms wrapping weakly around Erlend. "I just wanted to see if I could go back. But I can't go back. I can't."

  Erlend pulled back from Ronan, cupping the selkie's face in his hands. "Is it that terrible, here with us?"

  Ronan shook his head, his wet hair hanging in his face. "No! But I…"

  Erlend leaned forward, kissing him hard. "Then don't you ever do that again," he said fiercely, his eyes burning. "I can't lose you. We can't lose you."

  Then Kieran and Bryn joined the huddle, slumping over Ronan and crying into his wet shirt.

  "No more swimming for me, then," Ronan promised, his voice cracking as he rested his head against Erlend's.

  "No more swimming," Erlend echoed, trying not to think about his mouth against Ronan's and how much it hurt him.

  ***

  That night, Ronan kept avoiding his eyes as they fixed supper and then put the boys to bed. A visit to the local doctor's had declared Ronan fit, if exhausted. Dr. Nelson had warned Ronan to take it easy for the next couple days, with a rather pointed look at Erlend. At least neither of them blushed this time, even if they didn't mention it the entire way home.

  As soon as the boys were asleep, Ronan went into the bedroom and shut the door. Erlend kept Peedie out with him for company. She cooed to herself in her cot, kicking her legs as Erlend finished up washing the dishes. When he peered at her after he finished, she looked solemnly back with Kirsten's wide blue eyes.

  "I know how to do it, don't I, lass?" he asked, picking her up and rocking her. Peedie babbled something back, latching on to the buttons on Erlend's shirt with one small hand. "I didn't mean to, but the thought of losing him…"

  "You get used to having someone around," Ronan's voice broke in from the doorway. He stood there shyly, fiddling with the belt of the bathrobe he wore. "I meant it, Erlend. I wasn't trying to go back. I just wanted to see..."

  Erlend put Peedie back in her cot, making his way over to the selkie. "You're not a substitute for my wife," he said slowly, looking Ronan in the eye. "But you are part of my family, and a part I can't…"

  Ronan smirked at him. "Is this where you get soppy with me like on the telly?"

  "Prat," Erlend said with a laugh. "I'm trying to tell you how much you mean to me."

  Ronan bumped his shoulder against Erlend's. "I already know that, numpty." Then his face grew serious. "Did you mean it today?"

  "Mean what?"

  And Ronan's lips were pressed against his, arms wrapped around Erlend's body. As far as Erlend was concerned, nothing had ever felt better than Ronan's body pressed up against his.

  "Only if you do," Erlend answered hoarsely.

  Ronan's answer was another kiss as he pulled Erlend toward the bedroom door.

  They stared at each other from the safety of opposite sides of the bed. Erlend wasn’t used to this subdued Ronan. The selkie had never been shy about his body before, especially since Peedie wasn’t old enough to care, one way or another. Even his blatant nudity from the first night would have been more welcome than this awkwardness.

  “I don’t know what to do,” Erlend finally admitted. “I never…”

  To his surprise, Ronan blushed. “Me either,” he said, sounding relieved. He laughed at Erlend’s shocked look. “There are those selkies that are called to like sexes, but most of us stick with the ways of breeding—male to female.”

  Erlend crawled across the bed to where Ronan sat, touching the selkie’s smooth cheek with one finger. It still annoyed him that Ronan never had to shave. From what he’d seen, the selkie’s body was smooth all over, except for the waist-length hair that fell from his head.

  “But this is—this is agreeable to you?” Erlend traced the high cheekbones and slanting eyebrows, the long slope of Ronan’s nose.

  Ronan kissed his finger as it brushed over the selkie’s lips. “Aye.”

  They undressed slowly. Erlend found it hard to keep his eyes off the selkie, after months of avoiding any glimpse of the lean body. The selkie was pale in spite of the time he spent in the sun. Side-by-side next to Erlend, Ronan seemed delicate and small. Erlend knew first hand Ronan’s wiry strength, though, even if the selkie tended to shirk from heavy lifting duties to protect his own fragile limbs.

  He couldn’t resist touching the milk-white skin as it was revealed, leaning in to taste Ronan’s collarbone, then one rose-colored nipple, and finally the line of
Ronan’s narrow hip. The selkie’s groin was as bare as a child’s, making the hard length of his cock all the more impressive. At least that was familiar territory. Erlend actually laughed in relief.

  “What?” was Ronan’s offended remark as he edged away from Erlend’s questing fingers.

  “I hoped—you’re the same,” Erlend gasped out finally, dragging Ronan close. “We’re the same.”

  Ronan nuzzled Erlend’s cheek. “I could’ve told you that.”

  When they were both finally bare and on equal footing, Erlend took Ronan in his arms again. They lay chest to chest, Erlend’s hard bits finding pleasure in rubbing up against something that wasn’t his own palm.

  “There’s—there’s ways of doing this, aye?” Ronan muttered as they stroked and moved and thrust.