Clean Start

by S. M. Shade

  Awe glows on his face as he watches a male lion approach a female who lies in a sunny patch of grass. The female doesn’t appreciate his presence and jumps up, swatting at him. The male lets out a roar that rattles my teeth and makes Aiden slam his hands over his ears.

  He wanted a roar, he got one.

  “She got mad!” he exclaims, giggling.

  The rejected male ambles over and lies right in front of us, his fur pressed against the glass. It’s a photo opportunity if I’ve ever seen one. “Let’s get your picture with the lion.”

  “’Kay.”

  Aiden sits cross legged on the ground, right in front of the lion, and I snap a couple of pictures. Just as I’m getting ready to tell him I’m done, the lion gets to its feet and snaps at the glass, trying to get at Aiden on the other side. I quickly switch to video, and a small crowd gathers as Aiden puts his hands to the glass, laughing as it tries to bite them.

  “He wants to eat me!” His giggles mix in with the laughter of the crowd.

  Aiden turns and smashes his butt against the glass, wiggling it back and forth, and the lion obliges, trying again to get a bite. I’m doing my best not to laugh too loud and ruin the video, but this kid is killing me. Bailey was such a calm, reasonable kid, even at this age. Boys are a different breed.

  Finally, the lion loses interest, and walks away.

  “That was awesome!” Aiden exclaims, taking my hand again as we head toward the meerkat exhibit. I can’t wait to show Veronica the video.

  Bailey and Veronica walk toward us, both wearing matching smiles as they talk. Since Veronica has been spending time with her, I’ve noticed Bailey has seemed more relaxed and happy. I do everything I can for her, but I think there are some things that just have to come from a woman.

  “Mom! The lion tried to eat me! Did you know they’re related to dinosaurs? And so am I! Neal knows because he went back in time!” Aiden rambles bouncing around his mother.

  They crack up, and Veronica ruffles his hair. “That’s great. Now we know why you snore like a T-Rex.” She looks at me, her lip tucked in at the corner. “A time traveler, I had no idea.”

  Her red hair blows around her face, and I have to remind myself she’s ten years younger than me. And that I’m not dating right now. “I don’t tell everyone. It’s top secret.”

  “I got to hold a python,” Bailey tells me with a grin. “Did the lion really roar?”

  “Yaaas, it was Gucci.”

  “Dad,” she groans, but a snort of laughter sneaks through.

  “What?” I put my arm around her as we walk. “You should’ve come with us, it was totally litty titty, fam jam.”

  “You have no idea what you’re saying,” she laughs.

  “Mom says animals have titties. Girls have breasts,” Aiden volunteers.

  “I’ll keep that in mind, buddy.”

  The meerkat exhibit is set up as a hands-on play experience. Glass tunnels wind around the enclosure and kids can crawl through them, getting a close view of the meerkats.

  “Stay with Bailey!” Veronica calls to Aiden, as the kids run off to play, and we take a seat on a nearby bench where we can keep an eye on them. “I’m glad Bailey is here. I’ve had to drag my ass through the tunnels before. She’s so good with him.”

  “She’s always wanted a little brother. She’d take him home with us if she could.”

  Veronica sits back and takes a sip of her water before she says, “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to talk about it, but she mentioned she doesn’t see her mother.”

  It’s more unusual for a man to have sole custody of a daughter. I’m surprised it’s taken her this long to ask. “It’s okay. Her mom split when she was six. She hasn’t seen or talked to her since.”

  “Same for Aiden’s dad. I took him to court to have child support taken from his check, and he got visitation rights, but never uses them. Aiden knows who he is. He’ll show up every once in a while and pretend to give a shit, but it doesn’t last.” She brushes an ant off her leg absently. “Aiden’s better off.”

  “Were you married?” She’s so young, just like I was when I had Bailey.

  “No, he wanted to get married, but I didn’t see the point. I don’t ever plan to marry, anyway. We lived together at his mom’s house, but when I got pregnant, they kicked me out. Accused me of trying to trap him.” She rolls her eyes and huffs. “Because I’m after all that money he makes as a parking lot attendant. What about you? Divorced?”

  “Yeah. We got married at twenty and had Bailey a little over a year later. I divorced her three years ago. Had to have a lawyer track her down to get the papers signed. As long as I agreed to no child support, she gave up full custody.”

  Veronica shakes her head. “I don’t understand some people. No one could ever get Aiden away from me. You do a great job with her. She’s kind, and that’s a rarity in girls that age.”

  “I appreciate you spending time with her. I think she was lonely for some female company.”

  “Same goes for Aiden. I know he’s a handful, so you have to let me know when he’s pestering you.”

  “That is one hilarious kid. So much personality.”

  A gorgeous smile lights up her face as she watches her son pop his head up from one of the holes in the tunnels. “It’s been hard, but he’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

  That smile makes me want things from her I have no right thinking about. She’s ten years younger than me, and I can’t have a real relationship right now even if I decided the age difference doesn’t matter. She keeps her distance as well, and I can feel the invisible wall she’s built around her.

  She needs a friend, not another guy checking her out. God knows there are enough of them.

  Chapter Three

  Veronica

  The day at the zoo was a wonderful idea and I think I had as much fun as the kids did. The hotel has been busy since the weather has gotten warm, and I’ve had to work all week, so when I clock out for my two days off, I breathe a sigh of relief.

  Aiden waits for me at the edge of the playground. When he sees me approach, he yells “I’m out of here!” and shakes his ass at Eddie, who shakes a fist at him from the top of the slide.

  “Dude, you have to stop shaking your butt at people,” I tell him as we’re getting in the car. “It’s weird.”

  “Well, you said I can’t tell him to kiss it.”

  I have to swallow back a chuckle. Fair point.

  “Can we order a pizza tonight?”

  “No, but we can make pizzas.” Ordering in is a rarity reserved for special occasions. It’s too damned expensive.

  “Yay! I want sausage.”

  “We can do that.”

  “Can I have a soda? Can I stay up late tonight? And play video games?” Give the kid an inch and he’ll hit you with the whole damn ruler.

  He smiles at me in the rear view mirror. “You can have a root beer with dinner and then play your game. Bedtime is the same. Nice try, though.”

  He shrugs. “I had to try. You always tell me to try.”

  He’s got me there.

  If we’re having pizza, then a stop at the grocery store is necessary. It’s not crowded so I hope to get in and out quickly since I’m filthy from work and probably look like a homeless person. It never works out that way though, does it? If you dress up and your makeup and hair are perfect, you won’t see anyone. Leave the house in pajama bottoms with your hair in a struggle bun and it’s high school reunion time in the produce department.

  Aiden grabs a kiddie cart and follows me down an aisle to grab his root beer. I don’t let him have soda very often, but at least root beer is caffeine free. We manage to grab all the ingredients for our pizza and I’m almost to the cashier when I hear a laugh I could go my whole life without hearing again.

  Aiden’s father, Clint, stands a few feet away, digging through a bin of candy bars, a thin blond girl at his side. Aiden is oblivious, and I really don’t want this
to turn into an ugly confrontation in a grocery store.

  “Here, why don’t you go play the claw machine,” I tell Aiden, handing him some quarters. “Stay right there where I can see you.”

  “Thanks!” He runs off to the machine, in the opposite direction of his father, who has now noticed us.

  He does exactly what I expect him to do, which is why I didn’t want Aiden to see him. He sneers at me, grabs the girl’s hand, and gets in the line farthest away from me. After he checks out, he walks right past his son, just a few inches behind him, moving like his heels are on fire so Aiden won’t see him. Because what could be worse than having to say hi to your kid?

  Fucking waste of space.

  Worthless piece of shit.

  There’s no anger in this world like the anger you feel when someone hurts your kid or does them wrong. Every time I see him, my hatred grows. I have to remind myself that Aiden is better off without people like that in his life.

  I manage to swallow down the rage and plaster on a smile for my son as he rushes up to me carrying a stuffed dog. “I won!”

  “That’s great!” I hug him. “You’re getting good at that machine. What are you going to name it?”

  Aiden rattles on as I put the groceries in the car, but I don’t hear much. Poor kid is placated with a few uh-huhs and yeahs while I chew on my anger and try to shake it off. It’s been nearly a year since I’ve seen Clint. He stopped by and promised to return that evening to take Aiden to the park. Of course, he didn’t, and watching my little boy stand in the door for over two hours waiting for him tore pieces out of me.

  All I can think is the horrible stuff I’d wish on him.

  Like a bout of uncontrollable diarrhea combined with a prolapsed anus. I flipped through a medical book once and found a picture of a prolapsed anus that gives me nightmares to this day. Who knew your asshole could just decide to jump out of your body? Horrific. And perfect for him.

  When we get home, Aiden makes a beeline for his video game, and I take a quick shower while he’s occupied. Since I’m usually kind of strict when it comes to screen time, I know he’ll be glued to it until I pry him away. It’s late, and I have no intention of going anywhere else tonight, so I throw on some leggings and a long shirt, then put my hair up in a messy bun when it’s only about half dry. I’ll regret it later when I have to work out a bunch of knots, but I’m tired and all I want to do is get dinner ready then relax with a book.

  After I fry the sausage and chop up some green peppers for my side of the pizza, I yell for Aiden. He loves to put the toppings on.

  “Coming!” He runs into the room and jerks out the chair, making me wince at the horrible scraping sound. “I’m on level five!”

  “Yeah? What’s your record?”

  “Level ten. I’m going to beat it tonight.”

  He grins at me, and I notice he’s wiggling a tooth with his tongue. “Do you have a loose tooth?”

  “Yeah, it won’t come out though.”

  “Let me see.”

  The tooth barely moves when I touch it. “It’s not ready. Don’t worry. It’ll fall out in its own time.”

  “Then I can take it to the park and gross out the twins.”

  The poor twin girls who visit their mother here on weekends are his intended victims. They’re his age, and they probably wouldn’t tease him so much if he didn’t take every chance to tell them they aren’t as cool as Bailey.

  “Don’t be mean.”

  He raises an eyebrow at me, and I swallow back a laugh. “They tried to put lipstick on me last week.”

  “What did you do?”

  “Ran. And Bailey made them stop.”

  Bailey to the rescue.

  With me overseeing him, Aiden spreads the sauce, sprinkles on the cheese and sausage, and then hops off his chair. “You can do the yucky green stuff.”

  “Wash your hands before you touch the controller!” I call, as he sprints back toward the living room.

  The sound of running water from the bathroom tells me I caught him in time. While the pizza cooks, I actually have a few minutes to sit at the table and read a chapter of the horror book one of the neighbors loaned me. It’s really getting good. I see how I’m going to be spending my night.

  After the pizza is cool, Aiden wolfs down two slices and goes back to his game. Yeah, I’m going to be that terrible parent tonight. He can play until it’s time for a bath and bed.

  “You can play until nine. Then bath and bed, kiddo. You hear me?”

  He nods, his eyes never leaving the screen.

  My phone beeps with a text from Neal.

  Neal: Can you come over? I have a bit of an emergency.

  Neal has never asked me for help. I hope Bailey is okay.

  I can see Mallory sitting on her front step, so I stick my head out my door. “Mallory? Do you think you could come and sit with Aiden for just a few minutes? I’m just going across the street to Neal’s.”

  She gives me a knowing grin and pulls her front door shut. “Sure. Take your time. I got nothing going on tonight.”

  She follows me into my living room. “Aiden, Mallory is going to stay with you for a few minutes while I go across the street.”

  He doesn’t look up. “’Kay.”

  “He’s in video game land so it’ll be like babysitting a plant. I’ll be right back. Help yourself to some pizza if you want. It’s on the stove.”

  Mallory takes a seat on the couch, and I rush out the door.

  Neal meets me at his door, looking harried, and ushers me inside. “What’s going on?”

  Bailey sits on the couch. She looks miserable and a bit pale. “Dad wants to take me to the hospital!”

  “What’s wrong?” I turn to regard Neal, and he runs a hand across his face, his palm rasping against his five o’clock shadow.

  “I didn’t know what else to do. I tried to reach my sister, but she’s not answering, and she’d probably tell her to wear a fig leaf and do a rain dance or some shit.” He’s rambling on, and I still have no idea what the problem is.

  “Bailey, are you feeling sick?”

  Her cheeks color, and she looks at her feet as she mumbles, “I’m bleeding.”

  Bleeding? I don’t see any blood. Then it hits me.

  Surely not. He is not freaking out and threatening to take her to a hospital for that.

  “Did you get your period?” I ask, softening my voice and sitting beside her.

  She nods, still staring at her feet, and a tear drops to her lap. “I don’t need a hospital for that, do I?”

  “No, honey.” A snort jumps out, and I cover my mouth.

  She gives me a bemused look. “I’m sorry. I’m laughing at your dad, not you. He’s completely lost it.”

  A tentative smile crawls across her face. “Yeah, he has.”

  “How do you feel?” I ask, brushing her hair back.

  “My stomach hurts. Other than that, okay I guess.”

  “I’m going to run home and grab you a pad, then we’ll go shopping for the stuff you need, okay? Everything is going to be all right. I know it’s scary when you see the blood for the first time, and it’s okay to be afraid, but it’s not as bad as you think.”

  It’s a week of hell where your baby box declares war and takes no prisoners, but she’ll find that out in her own time.

  She hugs me, and I wrap my arms around her. “It sucks in a lot of ways, but it also means you’re growing up. Joining the exclusive club that’s for women only. That’s something to celebrate, and tradition insists we do it with chocolate.”

  She smiles, and I whisper. “Look at your dad. I think you broke him.”

  Giggles spill out of her as we stare at Neal, who is frozen in place, watching us like we might explode.

  “Neal, relax. She’s fine. If you want to go stay with Aiden, we’ll go to the supercenter and get her taken care of.”

  “Thank you,” he breathes.

  I make a quick trip home and back to bring her a pad. �
��Just peel the back off and stick it on your panties. The wings wrap around the edges to keep it in place.”

  “Do I have time to take a quick shower? It’s kind of…everywhere.”

  “Sure. Take your time, hun. And if you rinse the clothes with cold water, the blood will probably come out.”

  I leave her to get cleaned up and find Neal pacing the living room. His eyes are wide when he looks up at me. “I’m not ready for this. She’s my baby girl.”

  He is fucking adorable right now.

  “Yes, but she’s not a baby. Were you really going to take her to the hospital?”

  He shrugs, a sheepish smile in place. “I figured they could handle it.”

  “It’s a period. You aren’t disarming a bomb. And what the hell was that about a rain dance?”

  He bursts out laughing. “You haven’t met my sister yet. She’s into all that holistic, homeopathic stuff. She would’ve had me giving her wheat germ supplements to grow more blood or some shit.”

  He takes a seat across from me. “Seriously, tell me what I need to do to make this easier for her.”

  “Just be understanding when she’s moody or acting out. Periods are hard enough when you’re grown. During puberty, it’s brutal. Let her be angry or cry or laugh or do all three at the same time and don’t look for a logical explanation because it’s all hormones.”

  “Puberty, fuck. I thought I had until thirteen at least.”

  “Girls mature faster. I started at eleven, so I know how she feels. I’ll take her to get what she needs. Do you have any painkillers?”

  “Tylenol.”

  “I’ll get her some Naproxen. It works better for cramps.”

  We hear the shower shut off. “Expect some stained sheets and clothes. If you use a stain blocker stick and wash them on cold, most will come clean.”

  He nods and smiles at her as she walks in, her wet hair pulled into a ponytail. She’s wearing a pair of sweat pants and a hoodie. “You’ve nailed the uterus uniform,” I tell her. “Leggings are good too.”

  She gives us a reluctant smile. “I’m ready.”

  Neal hugs her and kisses the top of her head. “Sorry I freaked out.”