Once Pure

by Cecy Robson

  “Yeah, they’re real good.”

  “You on the Pill?”

  My sister never did mince words. “No. We haven’t gone that far yet.”

  Her expression softened, bordering on a sense of sadness. “Does he understand—your need to take things slow, I mean?”

  I nervously slid my fingers over the keys, unable to look directly at my sister then. “He does. But things are speeding up pretty fast.” I couldn’t keep still and began playing with my hair, only to return my hands to my keyboard and skim them along the edges. “Can Brody hear me?”

  Lety turned around just when Brody began to stir. From where Lety sat, I could only see the foot of the bed. Well, that and Brody’s big bare feet. “You awake, big shot?” she asked him, her voice soft and full of affection.

  “Sort of.” He groaned. “Getting hungry.” The sheet covering his calves rumpled as he moved. “Shit. We missed lunch.”

  “No, I got up and made something. It’s ready if you want it.”

  “Thanks, pequeña,” he said.

  “Brody, wait,” she said when he began to move. “Sofia can see you. We’re Skyping.”

  He ceased his movements. “Does this mean I have to put on pants?”

  Lety turned back around to face the screen, her hands covering her eyes but her grin wide as she laughed. “Yes, baby,” she told him.

  “Uh…okay.”

  I heard him yank on a pair of pants before his chiseled abs appeared in front of the screen. He bent to kiss Lety’s lips, then waved at the camera. “Hey, Sofia. How’s it going?”

  “I’m fine. You guys having fun?”

  “Yeah. Trying to finish up my work, hoping to hit Paris this weekend.”

  “Nice,” I said.

  He winked. “I’ll let you girls talk.” He rose so only his abs and part of his chest were visible on the screen. “That isn’t kidney pie I smell,” he said.

  Lety laughed. “No. I made you filet mignon stuffed with blue cheese and mushrooms—”

  Brody smashed his lips against hers. If he hadn’t held on to her shoulders, she would have toppled off the chair. I tried to look elsewhere. Lety and Brody weren’t shy about making out in front of me, but I was still shy about watching them.

  My eyes scanned the room, waiting for them to finish. They broke apart seconds later with Lety giggling. “You know how to turn a guy on, you know that?”

  “By wowing you with my cooking skills?” she asked him.

  “Hell, yeah—oh, and the sex is pretty hot, too,” he said. He grinned at the camera again. “Later, Sofi. Come visit if you can make some time.”

  I waved, blushing on his behalf. “Bye, Brody.”

  He disappeared, but then yelled from further away, “Lety, you want me to wait so we can eat together?”

  “No. You go ahead. I want to talk to Sofia.” She tucked her knees against her. “I’m sorry, baby girl. You were talking about you and Killian, and how things were going between you. They’re good, right? He’s good to you?”

  I shrugged. “Yeah. He is.”

  “Then what’s wrong?”

  “I just find it a little odd, you know? For him to like me like he does. Wren says he has since we were kids. I never would have guessed.”

  Lety smiled. “You were pretty tight. Always playing with those little cars, sharing candy. He’s the one little kid you always seemed comfortable around.”

  I tapped my fingers against the dining room table. “I thought so, but then he forgot all about me.”

  Lety shook her head. “He didn’t forget, Sofia. He just grew up a little quicker, that’s all. I never realized how bad you had it for him, though. How come you never told me?”

  I made a face. “I was supposed to be a nun—nuns weren’t supposed to like boys.”

  She rolled her eyes. “God, Ma and all that bullshit. If it were up to her and Teo, you would have taken your vows by now and I’d be visiting you in some tripped-out convent.”

  “Teo wants me to be a nun? Still?”

  She threw out a hand. “He’s protective. Short of putting you in a bubble and surrounding you with weapons of mass destruction, he probably thought nunhood was the next best thing.” She smiled playfully. “This thing you’ve got going on with Killian is better, don’t you think?”

  My temperature rose slightly. “It is. It’s just not what I originally imagined.”

  She placed her chin on her knees. “What do you mean?”

  “I’ve done things with him—to him. Stuff I’ve never done before.”

  Lety was well aware of my past and yet met me with kindness. “You’re in an adult relationship. Physical intimacy is a part of it and can be something that brings you closer.” She took another sip of her tea. “There’s nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about. So long as it’s consensual, I’m certain it will lead you in a direction you’ll both enjoy and grow from.”

  “Mmm.”

  She knitted her small brows. “What is it, Sofi?”

  Just come out with it, Sofia. If you can talk to anyone, it’s your sister. “Can Brody hear me from where he is?”

  She craned her neck. “I don’t think so,” she whispered. “He’s in the kitchen heating up the food I made him. You should see this cottage we rented. It’s the sweetest little thing—”

  “I’ve been tying Killian up,” I blurted.

  Her legs dropped to the floor, joining her jaw. For a second, she fell speechless. So not a good sign seeing how outspoken and opinionated my sister was. “When you say you’ve tied him up, what do you mean exactly?”

  I closed my eyes and spilled more TMI since, hey, I was on a roll. “I bind his wrists behind his back so he can’t touch me.”

  “With cuffs?” she squeaked.

  I held out my hands. “No, with an old blue tie he owns.”

  Lety covered her mouth with one hand and pointed at me with the other. “Holy shit. With the tie he wore on confirmation!”

  “Ah…”

  “It’s okay, it’s okay,” Lety repeated over and over, although it didn’t really seem like it was. “It’s consensual—and that’s all that matters. It’s all that fucking matters.”

  It was almost as if she were trying to convince herself. I groaned. “So you and Brody have never…”

  Lety shook her head. “I can honestly say I’ve never tied Brody up—”

  “You can if you want!” Brody yelled from another room. “I’ll take one for the team.”

  “Brody!” Lety yelled.

  “Fine. You can go first.”

  Lety covered her face, laughing, while I did my best not to melt from the heat of my rising humiliation. “Baby, this is a private conversation between me and my little sister!”

  “So you don’t want to tie me up?” he asked, sounding confused. “Is this another Cosmo quiz thingy?”

  “Brody!” Lety yelled again.

  “Did I fail this one, too?” he questioned.

  Lety stood, laughing so hard she curled into her body. “Hold on, Sofi,” she managed before vanishing from sight and whispering something to Brody.

  I couldn’t hear what she said as she spoke to him between bouts of choked laughter. Whatever it was seemed to satisfy Brody and lessen her amusement.

  A door clicked shut before she reappeared and sat back in front of the screen. Her head cocked to the side and her smile grew more demure as she took me in. “You know what I think?”

  “That I’ve left purity behind and driven straight into Smutville?”

  Lety chuckled. “No, I think Killian’s trying to get you to trust him. That’s a good thing. Especially since he knows everything you’ve been through.”

  Guilt burned its way up my throat. “He doesn’t know everything, Lety. If he did, his opinion of me would change.” I pinched the bridge of my nose. “God, if he ever finds out about those boys I’ve been with—and what I let them do to me—he’d never let me touch him again.”

  “Sofi, that’s not true.
”

  “I think you’re wrong.”

  Lety considered my words. “Have you thought about telling him?”

  I returned to playing with the ends of my long hair. “I have. I just don’t think it’s the right time.”

  Lety hugged her body. I thought she’d agree with me until she said, “Killian can have anyone he wants.”

  I made a face. “Thanks for the reminder.”

  “You didn’t let me finish,” she added gently. “He can have anyone, Sofi. But he’s waited for you. He’s with you. And he’s taking his time. He wouldn’t bother if he didn’t care. Men, the kind who aren’t worth it, won’t wait for sex if they have other options.”

  As much as my insecurities tried to argue otherwise, Lety had a point. Killian could have his needs met elsewhere. Yet despite his seeing how damaged my past had left me, and how pathetically fragile I remained, we spent very little time apart.

  “What if he decides I’m not worth it? I come with a lot of baggage. Baggage he doesn’t need in his life.”

  “Then he’s not the man you think he is, and you need to move on.” Lety tossed her hair behind her. “Sofia, the shit we were raised in—stuff we’ve seen and the pain we were subjected to—it’s not something I’d wish on anyone. And it fucked with our heads long before we took our first steps. But that doesn’t mean we don’t deserve to be loved. If Brody has taught me anything, it’s that.”

  “I wasn’t talking love,” I said quietly, although I knew it was too late for me. I couldn’t remember when I’d fallen for Killian. I only knew it was long before this.

  Lety sighed. “Take a step back, Sofia, and take a look at what he’s risking. For a big guy like him—to let you tie him up and allow himself to be vulnerable—that speaks volumes. That’s trust. Killian trusts you. I think you need to try to trust him.”

  I let her words sink in. “Okay. I’ll try.”

  “Good.” She smiled. “I miss you, you know.”

  “I miss you, too.” I tried to smile back and work up my nerve. “Lety, you have way more experience than I do. Do you have any advice—you know, something I absolutely have to do when it comes to Killian?”

  “Get on the Pill,” she said. “And while you’re at it, get a Brazilian.”

  As I mentioned, my sister didn’t mince words. “A Brazilian?”

  “Just trust me on this.” She waved me off when I continued to stare at her. “But forget that for now. You seriously need to get on birth control. Teo will go batshit crazy on Killian’s ass if he knocks you up.”

  I took a moment to glance down. “You’re assuming we’ll definitely have sex. What if I can’t go through with it?”

  “Then you shouldn’t and won’t. Either way, it’s better to play it safe.” Lety’s kind dark eyes met mine. “But, Sofi, the way you talk about him, the way things are going, it’s just a matter of time before you give yourself to Killian….”

  Chapter 10

  I started running with Killian in the mornings. Well, sorta. We’d run for a while together, then he’d take me back to his place when I thought I might die. In my defense, I’d have breakfast waiting for him when he returned from his “real run,” as he called it.

  He was trying not to laugh at me when he drove us to the gym one morning. It wasn’t working. “So what if I had to carry you? It’s nothing to be ashamed of. You’re getting better, faster, lasting longer than you used to.”

  “It wouldn’t have been as embarrassing if Mrs. O’Hara hadn’t seen you carrying me.”

  “I told you to pretend you’d tripped.”

  “I wasn’t going to lie to an old lady.” I covered my face, knowing I probably should have.

  “Is that how you young’uns lure the boys to bed, Sofia?” Killian said, trying to imitate her Irish accent.

  “Oh, God,” I buried my face deeper.

  “Excellent strategy, m’dear. I can see that it worked.”

  “I can’t believe she said that!” Or how she’d given Killian the once-over following a very approving nod. I’d heard Mrs. O’Hara was a snarky old biddy, but I’d never been subjected to her scrutiny. I dropped my hands to my sides when he continued to laugh. “It’s not funny. She attends mass with my mother.”

  Killian pulled into the back lot. “Is that so bad? Your mother knows you’ve been staying with me.”

  “Knowing I’m with you is one thing.” Which she wasn’t the least bit thrilled with. “Hearing our exploits from another source is something entirely different.”

  “There was no exploiting.” He chuckled. “Unless you count what we did back at my house.”

  I groaned, surprised yet eternally grateful that Mrs. O’Hara hadn’t tried peering through the window.

  “Don’t sweat it, Sofia. Mrs. O’Hara could have seen a lot worse.”

  Oh, yeah. True dat.

  I unbuckled my seat belt and reached for my laptop. Killian lifted it from my grasp. “Here. I got it.” He laughed when he caught the humiliation continuing to heat my face. He considered me for a moment. “Teo used to be out all the time. Your mother knew what he was doing and who he was doing it with.”

  “It’s different for men—especially in the Latino culture, and especially when you consider how traditional my mother is.”

  He tickled my chin. “You saying you’re regretting our time together?”

  He knew the answer to that. I could tell by the softness in his smile. “You know I don’t.”

  “Then come here and show me.”

  His arm hooked around my shoulders when I inched closer, pulling me to him. Our kiss, like our time in the bedroom, quickly became heated. I edged away when I heard Finn approach in his Mustang. “Finn’s here.”

  “Mmm-hmm.” His mouth found that spot behind my ear that never failed to make my eyelids flutter.

  “Honey…it’s time to work,” I told him.

  Killian groaned and slumped back. “Yeah. S’pose it is.” He watched me for a beat. “Your mother gets back from Boston tonight, doesn’t she?”

  “Yes. Sometime around dinner.”

  “Does that mean you’re going to stay with her?”

  “I was planning on it. Why?”

  “Maybe you should think about staying with me again.”

  I considered his offer. But as tempting as it was, I wasn’t so sure I should spend the night again. The church group for seniors my mother was now involved in had been traveling quite a bit lately. It took a lot of convincing for her to join, but now that she had, she seemed to be enjoying herself. Niagara Falls had been the first trip, Boston had quickly followed. Cape Cod was coming up, but that wasn’t for another week. She didn’t have to worry about my father anymore. And with Teo’s business doing so well, he made sure she could finally go to all the places she’d wanted to visit. “I should be with her tonight. Make sure she’s okay.”

  “All right. It’s just not going to be the same in my house without you.” He paused as if debating what to say and how much to admit. “I like you with me.”

  Disappointment clouded his perfect features. And it killed me! I’d been dreading my mother’s return, knowing it would mean less time at Killian’s place. But I’ll admit, it felt good to know I’d be missed. As attentive as Killian was, sometimes a girl needed to hear that she mattered. “I like being with you, too,” I told him.

  “But you won’t stay with me tonight.”

  “I should go home.” He waited a moment before nodding. He understood, but he didn’t seem any happier. I began to slip out of his truck when I stole one last glance his way. “You know, maybe I’d be a better runner if I got more sleep,” I mused.

  The corners of his lips curved into a sexy grin. “Hard to let you sleep when I see you lying naked next to me.”

  I knew what he meant, but I shimmied out of his truck without telling him. He recognized as much when he caught my blush.

  Killian passed me my computer bag when we reached the front of the gym. I waited for him and
Finn to open the metal gates then hurried inside. The overhead lights were just flickering on when I was already halfway to his office. “What’s the rush, baby?”

  “Phone interview. I have to be ready,” I called back over my shoulder.

  “Phone interview?”

  “Yes, Killian.”

  “With who?”

  “Epic Sports.”

  “Did I know about this?”

  I cleared my throat. “I told you last night.”

  “When?”

  I so didn’t want to have this conversation with Finn there. “Ah, before bed—before we went to sleep—yes, before sleeping.” Son of a gun. Sometimes I could have slapped myself senseless.

  Finn started laughing. Of course he did. It didn’t take a genius to realize we hadn’t gone right to sleep. Killian laughed, too. “Right. It’s coming back to me…sort of.”

  I opened up my laptop as he strolled in. “Remind me again why you need to talk to them.”

  “I’m trying to get you some free gym equipment—treadmills, weight training devices, benches, the kind of macho thingies you like.”

  “Macho thingies?” He scratched his head at my nod. “I remember that much, but I never asked you why.”

  I answered a quick email as we continued our conversation. “Why what?”

  “Why the hell they’d give me free equipment. They’re not sponsoring me for the fight.”

  “But they might. They saw how many followers you have on Twitter and are thinking about hooking you up in exchange for a few shout-outs.”

  “Twitter?” He scowled. “You’re messing with me, right?”

  My fingers swept over my laptop as I responded to an email from a promo company wanting Killian to autograph some posters for his upcoming match. “I told you I was going to set up a Twitter account and a Facebook page for you.”

  “I thought you were kidding.”

  I blinked back at him. “Why would I joke over something as important as this?”

  “This isn’t important.”

  “Of course it is! You’re running a business. Social media is a part of it.” I crossed my arms when he continued to frown. “You said, and I quote, ‘I don’t have time for this shit, Sofia—you handle it.’ So I did.”