I Love You Again

by Khardine Gray

  But, she found out the hard way that all that belief was nonsense, and only a figment of her imagination. Brad never loved her. He was too selfish to love anyone besides himself and thought so little of her that he left her, just like that without saying goodbye.

  She didn't find out until she went to meet him for the special date he'd planned at the new Italian restaurant that had opened up near his house. Ciao Bella, it was called. She remembered it now. She’d gotten so dressed up in a new dress she’d bought the day before and six inch heels. She’d had Elena –her best friend at the time –do her hair and make-up, and spray her all over with expensive perfume Elena’s mom had gotten from Paris.

  Then of she ventured to meet Brad at the restaurant where she waited for him until they closed.

  He never turned up.

  Deciding not to believe the obvious she'd gone to the police station to check if he'd been arrested again, but he hadn't. She looked for him everywhere, for days, for months and no one knew where he went. Even when she left for Stanford, she still continued to search for him. Posting on the net, checking with the police, filing a missing person’s report.

  Her life was made worse months later that year when her father died. She was home for the holidays, still hoping Brad would show up.

  Her father saw Christmas Day, but died in his sleep the next day.

  After he died she found out he'd had a brain tumor he kept from her. He wrote her a letter with a lengthy apology, but it wasn't enough. Nothing was enough, and at the time she felt the only person who could have comforted her was Brad.

  She felt for sure Brad would come to her father's funeral, but he didn't. It was only then that she came to accept that he really had left her for good, left them, and true depression worked its way into her soul. She’d thought that he was truly despicable, after all her father did for him. Brad could have at the very least gone to pay his respects. But no, where ever he’d ventured to must have been more important and he was too selfish to even do that.

  She could have accepted and understood that he didn't love her, and he didn't want to be with her, but to disrespect her father like that...

  It told her everything, and that was when any love she felt for him turned to hate.

  Tonight, her soul tore apart all over again as she saw him walking next to Neil. It was as if the past meant nothing to him.

  "Can I have another one of those please," she asked the very cute bartender with his sharp haircut and classic good looks. He gave her that concerned look again with his baby blues, like he did when she first came in crying.

  Trina had ended up at this bar and had been here for the last hour.

  Or maybe she’d been here a little longer. She couldn't be certain. Her mind felt fuzzy and bruised as if someone had been rubbing it against a grater. She didn't recognize her surroundings at all but thought she'd eventually work her way back to her room.

  There was no way she was going back yet though. Her friends would be there with their questions. And maybe Brad would be there too.

  She couldn't believe he thought he could explain anything to her. She wasn't interested in whatever it was he had to say.

  "Are you sure? This will be your fifth. Most people can only handle two or three." The bartender smiled revealing gorgeous dimples.

  She didn't realize she'd had so many. Maybe she could handle it because she didn't drink. Trina never liked the taste of alcohol but knew it was the best remedy for shock.

  "It tastes nice." She bit her lip and straightened up. "The way you do it makes it taste nice."

  "Okay, since you like how I make it let me make you something else. Less strong."

  She'd come in and asked for the strongest drink he had. He'd made it for her, and it was strong indeed with a super bitter taste, but he'd put lots of fruit and syrup in it.

  "Okay then," she slurred.

  With that, he winked at her and moved away to make it. As she pulled in a breath the room spun and she had to hold on to the edge of the bar counter to stop from falling off the stool.

  "Here try this." He set down a glass filled with pink and orange liquid. It looked like something you'd give a child at a kid's birthday party.

  "What's this?" She narrowed her eyes at him.

  "Drink it. You'll like it." He smiled

  She took one sip and decided it tasted too ordinary to have alcohol in it. "Taste like fruit punch." She eyed him quizzically.

  "Trust me, princess, you'll thank me in the morning."

  The bar spun again before she could answer and she had to tighten her grip again on the counter. Seeing her struggle, he gave her a glass of water.

  "Take that and go make yourself comfortable over there," he said pointing to the sofa area with palm trees on either side. Earlier it was heaving with people, but now it had mellowed out, and there was a space she could sit in and rest her head.

  "Thank you." She wanted more alcohol but decided to take it and listen to him.

  Feeling giddy, she made her way over to the sofa to sit. This was probably best because she was starting to feel quite odd. Her goal was to obliterate her mind and body of everything she felt for Brad. Past love, hate, disgust, disappointment. Everything. She didn't want him to mean anything to her. Nothing at all. She wanted to erase him from her.

  She didn't even want to contemplate the fact that he was Neil's best man and she was Jennifer's maid of honor. God and the universe were having a real good laugh at her. What were the chances of that happening?

  She wasn't aware that Neil had visited hell. That was the only place he could have met Brad. Neil was a great guy, a really great guy. How did he know Brad, and how could he pick someone like that to be his best man?

  Worse yet, why was this all happening to her?

  She was in Hawaii, one of the most beautiful places on earth. She was here for her best friend's wedding and for the perfect summer getaway, but now disaster had struck.

  She was a good person who didn't deserve this. How many people's lives had she saved? How many families had she given support to?

  Trina wasn't just a surgeon, she loved her job, and she valued everyone she came in contact with. She did her best to save people's lives and for her it was personal because she'd lost two parents.

  Her mother died from an undiagnosed heart condition when Trina was four, and a brain tumor took her father. She understood what loss meant. She understood what pain, suffering, and worry meant to those she operated on and those who left their loved ones in her hands.

  The tears came, and her hands started shaking again, followed by her whole body. Instead of staying there to attract attention she got up and left, deciding to find her way back to her hotel.

  Trina had never felt so sick in her life. So sick that she didn't think she'd live to see the sun rise. She made it back to her room before the first wave of sickness hit her, and hit her it did hard. She just managed to get to the toilet where she felt like she’d vomited everything she’d had since she was six. There she stayed until she passed out on the cold tile floor.

  It was the sound of birds that woke her up the next morning, and when she lifted her head, it felt like it would fall off and explode.

  "Damn." She cursed, trying to get up. Her brain felt weird and her memory patchy. She almost, almost forgot what had happened, but then she remembered.

  She remembered that she'd seen Brad, and now her heart ached so much that the only thing that would make it stop was to rip it out of her chest and crush it. On that thought, she ran into the bedroom and downed several bottles of miniature drinks. She didn’t even know what they were, only that they all contained alcohol.

  Drinking last night must have helped if it made her forget the situation for a few minutes. What she needed was more drinks. She'd need it because Jennifer and Neil had a brunch scheduled today, where their families would be in attendance. Regardless to the shit that was happening, Trina needed to be there. Her drama last night was bad enough, and Jennifer an
d Neil didn’t deserve it.

  Trina drank everything she could get her hands on and when she started to have that giddy, floaty feeling she knew she'd manage to get through the brunch.

  There was a knock at her door.

  "Trina if you're in there you better open up now." It was Jennifer.

  "I'll knock the door down." That was Mandy.

  Trina waddled to the door and stopped before she got to it when she caught a glimpse of herself in the floor to ceiling mirror that ran along the wall. She looked truly bad. Her hair that she took endless care off looked like a bunch of rat tails and was all messy like she'd been rolling around in a field. Her poor skin that she spent so much money on looked puffer fish puffy and beetroot red.

  And her eyes...

  She couldn't tell what color they were anymore. They used to be a lovely brown.

  Another knock sounded at the door.

  "Trina," Jennifer screamed.

  "That's it I'm kicking the door in," Mandy yelled. "Lizzie, launch me."

  Trina rushed up to the door just as Lizzie took hold of Mandy. The three of them stopped in motion and glared at her. Shock filled their faces at the sight of her.

  "Ay, Dios mío," Lizzie gasped in shock as she looked her over.

  Jenifer clutched her hand to her chest, and Mandy's mouth dropped.

  "You look terrible," Jennifer stated.

  "Hey you guys." Trina attempted but she sounded more like Sloth from The Goonies.

  "Don't you hey us. We've been looking for you all night," Mandy snapped.

  Trina had suffered the wrath of her friends before for causing them to worry. She knew exactly what was coming from the wild, worried looks on their faces.

  The minute Lizzie opened her mouth and started going all Spanish on her, unleashing her Colombian roots, and Jennifer started barking, Trina knew she had to escape.

  She understood their worry, but she couldn't deal with them all right now. They all spoke at once and she couldn’t concentrate. And, the alcohol didn’t seem to be helping. Last night it gave her a buzz. Now she felt like she'd been sucked into the twilight zone backwards.

  Feeling overwhelmed and suffocated Trina looked at the open door behind them and ran straight through it. She'd been half dressed in her skirt and bra and wasn't wearing any shoes, but she didn't care. She had to get away from here.

  They followed, calling after her but she kept going.

  She ran down the stairs and chanced a look back when Jennifer screamed out her name. That one look caused her to crash straight into someone. But, luckily the person, a man, grabbed her and stopped her from falling.

  Trina looked up to apologize, but the words escaped her as she found herself staring up into Brad's bright blue eyes.

  "Trina," he attempted, but the sight of him made her heart wrench and her soul scream.

  "No." She wriggled out of his grasp and backed away as her friends reached them.

  She couldn't do this. Before anyone could say anything else, she rushed past Brad and continued her flight, running straight for the side entrance that led to the pool and the beach.

  Once again, she didn't look where she was going and ended up crashing into several people. This time no one saved her from falling… straight into the pool.

  Chapter 4

  Damn who knew that agreeing to be your best friend's best man could lead to such a commotion?

  This was hell.

  Brad realized he'd somehow taken a wrong turn somewhere and landed straight in hell.

  He'd visited hell before when he left Iowa and turned his back on Trina, but he comforted himself with the knowledge that she was better off without him.

  Right now he was back at that place where he felt numb from his decision to leave her, and he was uncertain of what to do.

  He rescued her from the pool and watched her pass out from the impact of it all.

  With Jennifer and her friend's in tow, Brad took her back to her room. While her friend's got some warm clothes on her, Jennifer grabbed his arm and ushered him outside.

  "Brad. You'd better start talking right now. I'm serious. This is my best friend. When it comes to Trina nothing is more important. So spill it. How do you know her, and what the hell did you do to make her so upset?" Jennifer's eyes blazed as she folded her arms and stared him down.

  He didn't want to say anything to anyone first before explaining things to Trina, but he felt that he owed Jennifer and Neil something on account of the upset he'd clearly caused everyone.

  "We used to be a couple, back in Iowa. I broke her heart in the worse way possible."

  "You cheated on her?" Jennifer pointed at him and squared her delicate shoulders off like she was going to take him down.

  "No." He could never even contemplate cheating. When he'd been with Trina, the world revolved around her. "I left. I left, and I wasn't there when she needed me." He was referring to when her father died.

  "That's it? There must be more than that. I've known Trina for over ten years, and she's never behaved this way. Never. She won't even have chocolate if there's any alcohol in it. But now she smells like she's been swimming in a bath full of rum. There has to be more."

  He nodded, deciding to be truthful. "There is more, but that part I have to tell her before anyone else." He found out where Trina was staying from Neil. He was on his way to talk to her when she ran into him.

  At that revelation, Jennifer's face softened. She looked back towards the door then returned her gaze to him.

  "Okay." She pulled in a breath. "But whatever it is, you need to fix this. I don't know how we've known you all this time, and never knew you knew Trina. We've known you almost the same length of time. It's completely bizarre."

  "I know." He couldn't explain it himself, but he knew how to fix the situation and the problem.

  The solution was simple. He had to leave again, tonight. He couldn't be here and cause such problems and pain. Also, Jennifer and Neil deserved a magical wedding. They didn't need his mess.

  "You never even knew she lived in Chicago?"

  Brad shook his head. He couldn't believe the coincidence of that either. "I should go sit with her till she wakes up," he suggested.

  Jennifer nodded agreeing.

  Brad watched her for hours while she slept. Trina hardly stirred, and he feared what would happen when she did wake.

  As he gazed ahead to the French doors that opened out to her terrace, he went over what he would say in his mind.

  It was turning dark now. He'd been here all day and had kept Jennifer and the others updated. Neil came by twice to check on him.

  A soft sound escaped her lips as she turned on her side. It was the first time she'd actually moved properly since he'd been here.

  His stomach clenched when her eyes fluttered open, and she turned her head to face him.

  She looked as furious as he imagined she would and jumped at the sight of him. At least the sleep had done her some good as her face wasn't as blotchy and swollen as it was this morning.

  "Get out," she cried, sitting up and moving back over to the far corner of the bed.

  "Trina please let me explain."

  "No. Please, just go." She brought her hands up to her head as tears streamed down her cheeks.

  "I will, but you have to know the truth," he insisted.

  "I already know." She snapped. "And it doesn't matter. Go away Brad."

  There was no point reasoning with her. She was stubborn then, and he could see the trait was still very much alive. The best thing to do was to start talking.

  "I promised your father I would leave you alone.” He blurted. “I promised him that I'd leave so that you could have a better life. It was his dying wish."

  There.

  That grabbed her attention.

  Her head snapped up and she dropped her hands to her lap. She stared at him never breaking eye contact while her mouth dropped open.

  "What? What are you saying? And… you knew he was sick?" More t
ears ran down her cheek.

  Brad nodded and straightened up in his chair. "He wanted to make sure you were happy and had the best life possible."

  "So, he told you to leave me?" She looked at him in complete disbelief.

  "Trina,” he gazed into her eyes. “Your dad knew you wouldn't have had the best life with me. He wanted you to be happy."

  "Knew?"

  "I was a thief, who was in and out of jail. I wasn't a good person." Losing what he treasured most made him change. In that one night, he whipped himself in shape. The first right thing Brad did was pay for the ring. That signaled the end of his bad lifestyle. "Your dad wanted the best for you, and it wasn't me."

  She held his gaze with those beautiful eyes he'd fallen in love with from the first time that he saw her.

  When he moved over and sat next to her on the bed, he was glad she didn't move away.

  He started talking again when she looked at him, and he told her everything.

  Brad told her everything she needed to know, except any details about the engagement ring and that whole crazy plan to propose. It was ridiculous now that he thought about it. Him with his criminal record, asking someone like her to marry him.

  When he finished telling her what happened fresh tears spilled from her eyes.

  "You shouldn't cry, Trina. It was a good thing. I wasn’t a good person."

  "Did you change?" She held his gaze again the way she used to whenever she begged him to stop getting in trouble.

  "I did."

  "Why didn't you come to my dad's funeral?"

  "I did." He said again. Unknown to her and everyone else Brad had gone. "I watched from the pinnacle of the church as they conducted the service, then I followed to the grave site, and I watched you for hours until your aunt took you away."

  Her hands shook, and she broke down. He pulled her towards him and his spirits lifted when she sunk into his embrace and rested her head against his chest. To Brad holding her felt like coming home.