Learning to Forgive

by Sam Crescent

  Chapter Five

  Molly stood outside the hospital room staring through the window as each of his boys hugged him. Her hands were shaking, and her mind couldn’t rid itself of the image of him falling. What would she do if he left her? She shook her head.

  Don’t think like that, Molly. He has hurt you too much to think about everything else.

  “Are you listening to me, Molly?” Malcolm asked.

  She shook her head. “I’m so sorry. The last health check up said he was fine. I don’t understand how this can happen.”

  “I know what you mean. Illness and disease can strike at any time. Also, the time taken to interpret the test results can be a factor. I imagine his doctor would have told him the results from his last tests within the next week..”

  Molly nodded her head batting the tears away. “I’m sorry.” She wiped the tears away. Malcolm offered her a handkerchief. “Thank you. So, this could have happened to anyone?”

  “Yes. David’s health is probably what stopped it going into a full scale heart attack, but even the healthiest forty-year-old or even younger can have a heart attack.”

  “Thanks for that, Malcolm. Just another fear to keep me up at night.” Malcolm pulled her in close and hugged her. She’d known him for as long as she’d been married to David. He’d been one of the few friends who accepted her. Most of his friends had thought she’d gotten pregnant for his money. His money had been the last thing on her mind when she had gotten pregnant.

  “I’ve been talking to David. He told me about the divorce,” Malcolm said.

  She chuckled. “He won’t sign it. I’ve had my lawyer make copies, but he just keeps burning it.”

  “I’m sorry, Molly. David loves you. You should know that.”

  “No, he loves his first wife. Always has and always will.” She thought about what he had said before he collapsed. He must have been drunk or something.

  There was no alcohol with him.

  He was telling the truth!

  She forced those thoughts down. In the early years of their marriage he’d spent every available moment telling her how he could never love her. She didn’t hate him for that. David had made sure she never expected something he couldn’t give. How, after twenty-five years of not expecting anything, could she easily give in to his few declarations of love?

  Their children were now grown. There was nothing keeping them together except the love she felt for him. She was tired of feeling this way. Molly knew she should never have started their marriage expecting nothing. At the beginning of their marriage, she’d thought it would be easy to live without love. She’d been wrong.

  “I’ve known David all his life, Molly. He loves you. Yes, he believed that crap his father said, but I think he knows the truth.”

  Molly shook her head. She couldn’t think about that right now. Too many years had passed with the seeds of doubt inside her, and now she couldn’t give herself the time to hope. Hope had been her only company for the years of her marriage. Hope that he’d fall in love with her and hope that he’d come to see her as someone other than a babysitter.

  “Anyway, I don’t think now would be the best time to bring up the divorce or to leave him. He needs rest, Molly.”

  “What about a nurse?” she asked. Spending all that time caring for him would make it impossible for her to slap him with a divorce now. She would never be able to do it. Molly knew she still loved him with her whole heart.

  “I don’t think a nurse will help him as much as you. You’re his constant, honey.” He tapped her shoulder. She pulled out of his embrace and stared through the glass. David was looking at them. She smiled then raised her hand to wave.

  “You know I’d never do anything to hurt him, right?” she asked, turning back to their friend.

  “I know.”

  “I guess I’m staying.” She gave him a smile then signed whatever paperwork he needed.

  “I’ll go and fetch the prescription. I want you to remain here overnight so that he will rest. I know how he gets when he’s away from home,” Malcolm said.

  She didn’t understand his comment. “I’m going to go and sit with him.”

  Molly walked into the room. She took the seat next to him. He moved his hand across to her. She smiled and took his hand, interlocking their fingers as he continued to talk with the rest of the boys.

  When visiting hours were over, she kissed each of their boys and then took a seat next to the bed. Chris was on his way back to the beach house. She sat down, staring at the monitor that was attached to David’s finger. Her hands shook as she rubbed at her temples.

  “Are you all right?” he asked.

  She nodded her head. “I’m a little tired. You gave me a fright.”

  “I’m so sorry. About the divorce—”

  Molly leaned over cutting off his words. “Don’t even think of that, David. I’m not going anywhere.” She kissed his cheek then settled back into the chair. The television in the corner was playing all by itself. “Are you going to watch that?” she asked.

  “Nope, I’m happy looking at you.” She turned back to him to see his gaze was on her. A blush filled her cheeks making him smile.

  “After all this time, I can still make you blush.”

  “You were always good at it. Nothing you said could stop that.” She chuckled then brushed off a piece of fabric on her clothes. They’d been together twenty-five years, and she felt like she was in the room with a stranger. David was the love of her life even if she wasn’t his. Over the years she’d accepted that fate. Why was she behaving like he was a stranger?

  “Come here, Molly,” he said.

  Molly looked at him. He was stroking the bed. She shook her head. “You need your rest.”

  “I haven’t rested in months. Do you know why?” he asked.

  She shook her head. Molly was starting to realise that there was a lot of stuff she didn’t know.

  “Because the woman I’ve slept next to for the last twenty-five years decided to sleep in one of the guest bedrooms. I haven’t slept properly in months. Please, come here.”

  Her sleep hadn’t been perfect either. David was her comforter and always had been. He held her through the nightmares she’d suffered. When the moon was full in the sky they would lie in each other’s arms and talk. It was at those moments where Molly thought they could get past all of their problems.

  She stood up, removed her shoes, and climbed onto the bed next to him. His arm went underneath her head. He pulled the blanket over the pair of them. At first she was tense. Two to three months of being alone had made it awkward. The bed was only single, and it was a tighter fit. She felt him surround her like so many times before. Molly closed her eyes relishing the feel of him. She hadn’t thought about being with him in so long.

  His arm covered her stomach as he pulled her close. His breath teased her ear and the hair at the base of her neck.

  “I’ve missed you, Molly.” He kissed her neck. They both settled down together watching the movie. The hour passed, and slowly her eyes began to droop.

  ****

  When he’d seen Malcolm cuddle his woman, David had struggled to remain in the bed. No one touched his woman. He didn’t like it, had never liked another man even lusting after Molly. She was all his, and there was no way he would accept any man treating her as anything other than his wife.

  Getting her into his bed had been a dream. She lay down, tense at first and slowly, but she began to relax until she fell asleep. Her head snuggled in close next to him. David stroked her hair feeling each of the silky strands passing through his fingers. It had been two months since he’d been able to do this, to hold her and feel her next to him.

  Malcolm stopped at the door. David ignored him for several moments and basked in the beauty of his wife. She wasn’t wearing the ring he had given her. Seeing the sight of her bare hand was like a kick in the gut.

  “Are you okay?” Malcolm asked.

  “I am now. She hasn’t
fallen asleep next to me in months. Thank you for doing this for me,” David said, turning to look at his friend.

  “I know I’m only your friend, but it looks to me like you’ve hurt her badly, David.”

  Malcolm walked into the room carrying a briefcase and his jacket.

  “I did. At times I think I still do. I don’t know what to do. I love her so damn much, but I’ve spent so long telling her I won’t love her that she believes the lies I’ve told her more than the truth.” David kissed her lips loving the sigh that escaped.

  “I know many of our friends didn’t like her like they did Isabella. I did. I saw the way she looked at you, and I knew you’d found a keeper in her. Do whatever you can to make her happy. Molly deserves it more than most,” Malcolm said.

  “I know. I’ve got a lot of stuff to make up for. I can do it now that you’ve given me a chance.”

  “Don’t mess it up, David.”

  Malcolm put the bottle of pills next to his bed. “That is your prescription. Take it.”

  His friend left. David turned back to Molly. Her lips were slightly parted in sleep, and her cheeks were a rosy shade of red.

  She always looked beautiful to him. He stared at her, and the years melted away. The few shades of white disappeared along with the few lines around her eyes and lips. He stared down into the face of the woman he loved. His sweet, young, innocent Molly.

  He kissed her lips, settling down next to her. Sleep claimed him within minutes. For the first time in months, he didn’t wake up searching for her. His woman was right next to him, and he’d do everything in the world to keep her happy.

  When he woke up the following day, Molly was looking refreshed and standing by his bedside.

  “What’s up, baby?” he asked.

  She chuckled. “You’re a little old to be calling me that,” she said.

  “I’m never too old to call you that. You’re mine.” He caught her round the waist pulling her down to the bed. She went willingly. The wire on his finger stopped him for a moment. He pulled the blasted piece of equipment off then kissed her lips.

  “Please, don’t do that guys,” Blaze said.

  David kissed her again then pulled away.

  “What’s going on?” he asked.

  “You can go home. We’re just waiting for the papers to be signed for your release. I have a list of instructions from Malcolm and your clothes.”

  “But you’re not going home, home. You’re going away on holiday. Somewhere else where no one can interrupt,” Blaze said.

  “I promised the doctor I’d come for check-ups.”

  “And you will. You don’t need to leave the country to go away.”

  David didn’t argue when Malcolm walked in. His son left, and Molly turned to leave. He caught her hand before she had a chance to take a step. She looked down at his hand and smiled.

  “You need to get dressed. I’ll be outside waiting for you.”

  “Where do you want to go?” he asked.

  “Nowhere.”

  She tapped his hand then moved to leave. He thought about the small cottage he’d bought in the country several years ago.

  Malcolm gave him a run-down of all the symptoms he might suffer from the medication along with a few other points. He listened while getting dressed.

  “Are you sure you can do this?” Malcolm asked.

  “You’ve given Molly instructions on how to take care of me. I’ll be fine, and in the meantime I’m going to make up for the pain I’ve caused my wife.” David turned back to see his friend holding his belt.

  “You’d better. Now, enjoy your vacation. I’ve given Molly the emergency contact information. Get away if you can. Didn’t you buy her that cottage in the country or something?”

  David felt ashamed. His best friend knew about the cottage when Molly didn’t have a clue what he’d done.

  “She doesn’t know.”

  “Why?”

  David didn’t speak. He’d missed the holiday she’d planned, but years later he’d found the plans she had made. He’d gone to the cottage she’d booked to find the original occupants had gone out of business and the cottage was left to go into ruin. On the spur of the moment, he’d bought the cottage and begun to have it repaired. The repairs had taken years, and he’d employed several different companies to have it rebuilt to its original model. David had used the picture she’d kept along with some of the main architectural plans of the building. The only problem was he’d never told her about it. He’d bought the cottage five years ago, and the repairs had been completed for two. The process had been the longest he’d gone through in renovating a cottage. After all this time, the cottage remained in perfect condition because he employed the company to hire some people clean the place in his absence, and he’d never told her.

  He slapped his head. So much crap over the years. Why? Why? Why?

  David couldn’t even find an excuse as to why he never told her. The more he thought about what he’d done over the years, the more he realised what an ass he’d been. There had been moments where they’d really connected as two people. He’d wasted so many years fearing his father’s words and living with his own problems. David knew he should have told her sooner how he felt.

  “I take it you’re hitting yourself for being a crap husband?” Malcolm asked.

  “You have no idea how crap I’ve been over the years.”

  “Look, take it steady. Angina may not be a heart attack, but it is still serious.”

  “Malcolm, I’ll take care of myself. There is no way I’m going to leave Molly without letting her know how I feel.”

  His friend nodded. David shook his hand. “Thank you for everything.”

  “You’re welcome.”

  David walked out of the hospital room to see Molly and his sons waiting for him. She looked so gorgeous. Why had he wasted so much time?

  It seemed no matter where he turned he was always wondering why.

  Staring at her across the room he was hit by a memory. A memory so painful that he’d cut it off for most of his life.

  Chapter Six

  David knew he needed to go and see his first wife’s grave. It had been a year since he’d talked to her stone. Trent was eleven today, and like so many other birthdays his son did everything to avoid him. There was too much pain and guilt inside David. His little boy shouldn’t be hiding on his birthday. David never blamed him for what happened. Trent was completely innocent in all of this.

  He went to work after the kids were being dropped off at school. Molly always made sure she was out of the house on this day. He’d woken up to see she was gone. The coffee was left in the percolator along with pancakes in the oven. At lunch time he’d waited for Molly, only for the hour to disappear without her showing. When he could bear it no longer he made the drive to the cemetery where Isabella lay. He’d placed her where her family wanted her to rest. David had respected her family's wishes even if he’d disliked Isabella.

  The cemetery was completely empty as he pulled up. He parked the car and made his way along the concrete path. There was a tree that stood near the line of gravestones where Isabella rested. He turned the corner then stopped in his tracks. Molly stood with Trent and Luke in the pushchair. All three were near his ex-wife’s headstone. He hid behind the tree, and he heard their voices clearly.

  “It looks so small,” Trent said.

  “Your mother is here, Trent. She would have loved you,” Molly said.

  Tears sprang to David’s eyes. Molly had no idea how wrong she was. Isabella had hated having children. She hated his attentions inside the bedroom and out of them. They had nothing in common. Why did he ever think he was in love with her?

  “I want you to be my mummy,” Trent said.

  It broke his heart listening to them talk about a woman who would never care for them. He loved them both so much. David stayed behind the tree as they talked to Isabella. He wished he could tell them the truth.

  When they walked past, h
e moved farther behind the tree so they wouldn’t see him. He saw the tears in both of their eyes, and he’d heard the pain. Any other man would have let Molly go by now. She was too perfect for him.

  Shaking his head, he moved to the gravestone where his wife lay. Tears were streaming down his face.

  “Another year and I’m here again,” he said. David could never bring himself to say her name. It was too raw and painful to even think about saying. “I have no idea how our life would have turned out if you’d lived.” He wiped the tears from his eyes.

  Molly and Trent had left red roses by her side.

  “This will be the last time I come here. You didn’t want me in life, and I sure as hell am not going to spend another moment waiting for your forgiveness. Goodbye.”

  Again, he tried to say her name but didn’t. He walked away without looking back.

  ****

  Molly watched him across the cemetery. She’d seen him hide behind the tree. The moment he walked into the grounds she’d felt him. His pain and despair clung to him like a cancer on these days. She refused to let his son pay that price. Trent deserved to celebrate his birthday, no matter what had happened on it. Molly knew she shouldn’t have taken him out of school. When she’d told them about this day, they’d let him have it as a sick day providing he did extra work. He was playing with Luke in the pushchair while she watched his father.

  He was much farther away, and she couldn’t make out what he was saying. His arms were flung out, pointing all around him. She watched him kick something and then walk away. When he was out of sight, she moved with Trent back to the house.

  They were watching television, and she walked up the steps to the bedroom she shared with David. In the closet he kept a large box that contained all traces of Isabella.

  She stared at that box for some time wondering if she should run. Take her baby and leave. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t bring herself to leave the only man she’d ever loved.

  Closing the closet she turned and jumped. David was standing behind her.