A Piece of Mine

by J. California Cooper

  Finally, now, James was balding, treasured teeth left at the dentist. Both of them! Just changes! One thing at a time, one hair, one tooth. A piece of skin wrinkles here, another piece loosens there. A piece of brain sets, won’t move again. Just things … don’t you know?

  James kept his wife, and home, satisfied but with no fringes. After being married 25 years he got an extra woman, Sally, who he also kept but gave none of the fringes to. Sally even paid a small rent. He insisted on that, saying his wife, Middy, would know if she, Sally, didn’t pay. But he would give half of it back to her later and she, being a quiet and gentle type woman thought that was very nice and accepted it and was very nice back to him and remained faithful. She made him her own life. James always came to the house she rented from him to make love and he never took her anywhere, except fishin sometimes … his wife, you know. So she was very deeply involved in the church for her social life and the sewing circles, which three or four times a year went to the County Fairs. James really had a nice, even life and it suited him fine, leaving him time to work on his houses and use his truck to haul things to the junk yard for the white folks. He got a lot of clothes and furniture and stuff for his two women that way. He didn’t really need or want another woman besides Middy, but there was a long-lived rumor still going round that a man had to have an extra woman on the side or he wasn’t a man! So he had one … cause he sure was the man … in both houses … he said!

  Now Middy was a small but energetic woman who did her work but, with the children being grown and gone, her life had been given over to readin books and magazines and looking at TV. She could care less about a sewing circle. She watched all the civil rights action and had wished she wasn’t too old for it. And now, the last few years, television was full of liberated women and was about men and women being equal and all! In the talk shows she would shake her fist and scream and yell and argue with the TV and James would get less, whatever. She had already told him she wasn’t gettin up cooking breakfast anymore, only dinner and several other little changes which didn’t really bother James. He just attributed these things to “womenfolk” and went on over to Sally’s for breakfast or whatever. Middy knew about Sally and at first, years ago, she was mad and scared but held her own council and soon after she had thought about it enough, she knew she wasn’t going nowhere, she had a home for life. Besides, several times, she got looks at Sally who was a fairly nice-looking, clean woman, not a flaming Jezebel, so she decided to be quiet and accept the help. Let it be. Middy never thought of another man for herself, hell, she had one! He took better care of her than some of the women she knew. Besides, one little wiggling thing couldn’t be too different from another little wiggling thing up there … so what for? Middy had never known another man to make love to, so she could make no comparisons. She would rather watch TV, read or work on her list. Middy kept a list of all the things she would do if she had money and was free. It was a long list but a few of the items were: a fur coat, learn to drive, get a car, a diamond ring, a diamond watch, silk underwear, go to Europe or India, a face lift, a real hairdresser and last, but not least, clothes made just for her or bought off the rack just for her! At that time all her clothes, even the dress-up ones, were second hand from James’ truck. Because James complained all the time of being broke she had quit bothering him, and after she checked to see if Sally was ever wearing anything new, and she wasn’t ever, she just tried to look the best she could in what she had and did her own hair and shopped at the Five and Dime for her perfumes and creams. She liked to bathe and cream her body all over, put her perfume on over her patched nightgowns and sip a little cheap wine out of the chipped crystal glass (from the truck) before she went to sleep. Champagne was on her list. That TV really was her window to the world. She was 56 and holding on to her living for dear life. James often told her, after some declaration or argument of hers, that she was watching too much TV but she would laugh and say she “never would see too much TV! TV was a liberator!” Well, that’s how the last 10 years or so passed. Life goes on, you know, and on and on and on for some.

  One day the television broke at the same time the library books were all read. The repair man came and said it was gone for good, they needed a new one. James said “No, they couldn’t afford it” “Maybe next month, or so.” He really should have run down then and got another one but, instead, he laughed to himself as he said “Not right now, can’t afford it!” Well Middy turned herself to doing things around the house that you really never feel like doing. Cleaning out drawers and closets. Not just hers, but James’ also. Now happy accidents are almost only somethin you read about, but sometimes they really do happen! That’s what happened to Middy! As she was throwing James’ clothes across the bed to clean his closet a bank book fell on the floor. She picked it up with no special interest because she knew they had a little money in the bank. James often showed the book to her. But when she took it from its case and opened it, it was not the same book … this one was still in both their names, but it had $38,978 listed as balance. Middy thought at first there was some mistake or a joke book, but her hands just kept moving with a life all their own and she went through those clothes and found the other book he had always shared with her. It had $2000 as balance. She put all the clothes back, struck too dumb to even think about cleaning anything. She was in a daze. She replaced both books in his clothes and went to the kitchen and drank all the rest of her little cheap wine and went to bed, drunk!

  It was at least two weeks or a month before Middy had formed her plans. During that time, James would catch her looking at him in wonder (she hadn’t told him she knew) and ask “Whats wrong with you?” and she would answer “Nothing wrong with me!” She was thinking now about all them little pieces of property he had rented out and how long he had been doing carpentry work and hauling things in his truck … 40 years! More than a thousand dollars a year he had saved! And still sent the kids to college and all! But she also thought of all he had made her do without, so he could save money! It was good … but not so good when she thought she had passed the age to enjoy some things that she would never be of an age to enjoy again! Just passed! Gone! Somehow, she knew, if this bank book with $38,000 was in her name also, all the property was too, cause if he was going to hold anything back to call his own, it would have been the money! After a few calls, anonymous, to the bank to find out how accounts worked and if she could withdraw any money, she learned about the “and/or” business and checking the bankbook it said “or”, somebody’s mistake, the clerk’s, not James’. Now when she pulled her list out, and she did that often now, she smiled all through her little body, head to toes. The next fishing trip James planned, he would be gone all day and all night. She was ready. She went to the bank with the book and started to withdraw $18,000 but changed to $20,000 because he would have the other account of $2000. She wanted cash! The bank said “What a large amount for cash!” Middy calmly replied James sent her for cash because he was buying another piece of property and the seller wanted CASH. They told her to come back in an hour and she did. Then she took a bus to another small town and got a safe deposit box and put $18,000 in it and came home, but not before she signed up for driving lessons and bought herself a large diamond ring and watch, a bottle of champagne and a NEW satin nightgown! All the rest of that day she glittered and sipped and ate a Filet Mignon steak with all the trimmings and read a stack of the latest NEW fashion magazines. Bought and paid for by herself! Hadn’t no rich white woman read or used them first. Everything was put away in the morning.

  When James returned, laughing under his brain at how smart he was and how he fooled Middy and had enjoyed his little trip with Sally, they sat over cups of coffee, smiling at each other!

  Middy wasn’t worried about James finding out … she wasn’t scared of him and it was rightfully half hers! But oddly enough, the bank didn’t say a word to James. Thought he would know about his own money, I guess. She did think he would take the ring and watch if he knew
, so she did not wear them. She learned how to drive while he was busy at work, then went to her safe deposit box and took half the cost of a new car out and put the other half on credit … after all half was his. She parked it in a safe place and went home.

  It was now time to go see a little of the world. She felt some pity for Sally and wanted to go talk to her but decided to leave well enough alone and didn’t. She announced she was going to visit the daughter who taught school over in Atlanta. James smiled and said “that is nice,” so after he left for work or wherever, she got in her car and drove to Atlanta, went shopping at the best stores, bought a suitcase and packed it in the store! The salesgirls laughed at her behind their hands but she didn’t even see them cause she was fulfilling HER dreams, not theirs! She drove on to her daughter’s, whose mouth opened in surprise when her mother drove up and announced she had come to see some City Life, some of the World! The daughter was just a country girl living in the city so the places she took her mother were ordinary places. A restaurant here, a nightclub or two there, very ordinary places. Middy asked her daughter, “This what an education and a good job got you? This kind of life? What’s exciting in your life?” But campus parties and drinking and makin love were what her daughter had been doing since her divorce and she really did not know what her mother was talkin about, so her mother left her, sayin “Better save your money so you can learn to do somethin someday fore you get too old! It comes a time when it’s too late for dreams … makin em or makin them come true!” Daughter laughed and said “I don’t have to worry mama, daddy told me I’ll be well taken care of when he die!” Middy drove off, scarf flying in the wind, saying “He got to take care me first!” Middy stopped to get “just one more little thing” before leaving that shopping heaven and right next door was a travel agency. She went in and browsed a minute or two then pulled a page torn from her fashion magazines from her purse … a trip to Europe. Mostly Paris, France, but including Greece and Switzerland! She left the agency saying the “money will be forthcoming!” She drove home.

  James was sitting on the porch … looking as if he had been dragged across fifty miles of hard road. He had even been cryin. The first thing he said was “Middy, where my money?” “What money?” Middy asked, deciding to leave her bag in the car. “Where you get that car? Whose car is that?” She started to answer “Ours” but changed to “Mine! you like it?” “No I don’t! Where is my money? That what you doin with it? Spending it on every foolish thing? Spending it?” Tears in his voice.

  Middy took a deep breath and resigned herself to go through whatever was to come with as little trouble as possible.

  “That’s what money is for James, to spend if you need to and to save if you don’t need it.”

  James was almost crying again. “I spose you NEEEEEDED that car?”

  “You got a car and a truck, James.”

  “I work . . I need them … sides theys yours too!”

  “I couldn’t even drive, James. Wasn’t no car mine!”

  “Why didn’t you tell me what you wanted?”

  “Been tellin you 40 years, James.”

  “Well … gimmie the rest of the money and keep the car and all the rest them things you bought up there in Atlanta with our daughter! But gimmie the rest! I’ll see can I put things back together!” He held out his hand.

  “What is that money for, James?” Middy looked up at James.

  “Our children, Middy, yours and mine!” Hand still held out.

  “We paid for their education, James. They can get their own!” She was still standing at the bottom of the porch steps. Suitcases still in the car, too heavy for her to carry and she didn’t want to ask James to carry them!

  James sighed and wiped his brow. He didn’t look like the proud owner of two women anymore.

  “Gimmie that money back Middy! I worked for that money Middy! Give it else I’m a hafta keep myself from half killin you! I mean it!” His nose was runnin now and he didn’t care.

  Middy sighed and wiped her brow under the pretty scarf blowing in the breeze. “Can’t James! Just can’t. Done worked for that money right long side of you. Its mine too! And … if you almost kill me … I’ll go to court and take half these houses and that will kill you” She didn’t shout tho, she talked soft, but firm. James snarled through snot and tears, but he did not move to half kill Middy.

  Middy came up a step. “James,” she said softly, “You ain’t never gone nowhere in 40 years you wasn’t wearin something I washed, ironed, sewed or hung up or folded. Not in 40 years without somethin I hadn’t cooked, cleaned, stirred and shopped, in your body. I made the bed you sleep in every night for 40 years!” Her voice almost lost control and shouted, but she caught it. “I am your wife … was your wife before them kids was your kids. I’m the one you spose to work for and with now. We did it for them already! I’m suppose to be more than a maid or a cook or a flat back in your bed! We work for each other!” She lost control, the voice went on up. “The kids have 40 or 50 years more to get what we got! We don’t! I’m going to live a little before I get on away from this earth! You can come if you want to, but if you don’t I’m goin anyway! Got to go! Been dreamin about things all my life! If you goin to make any more dreams come true, James, they sposed to be your own and your woman’s!”

  James’ hand was still out but his head was bowed down to his knees and he was rockin back and forth and wasn’t in no rockin chair! Middy kept on coming, “I love my children … but to hell with them kids! They still gonna have plenty when I die! And the most important thing they will have is BREATH! To fill their own dreams and plans!”

  James, a truly responsible man, bowed his head lower and cried. He wanted to hit her so hard her head would soar and fly like a bird … but he didn’t want to divide his property … so he cried. Middy went on in the house and called the travel agency.

  In a few weeks, after many hours of silence with James dragging around, losing weight and sometimes snapping at her, punishing her by eating dinner out (over at Sally’s, who thought he was falling more in love with her and out of love with Middy), Middy drove her car to Atlanta, bought a fur coat, put the car in storage and boarded a plane bound for Europe. She sat in the seat, her list and plenty money in her purse which she patted unconsciously … she cried. Not from pity for James, not from fear … but for the joy in her heart at being able to live a few of her dreams. She thanked James in her heart for being the kind of man he was … a saving man. As the plane moved out on the runway and gathered speed to lift itself to the skies, Middy looked through the bright window, smiled through her tears … and flew away.

  Switzerland first, for a rejuvenation program. Mud packed, mud bathed, massaged, exercised, coifed, manicured, relaxed, handled gently but body coaxed somehow into looking like she had always wanted to look. Waking to a soft knock on her door, someone bringing fresh juice and fruits and breads ten minutes old, eating beside a window out of which mountains stretched to forever, sparkling white with snow. Tall green trees everywhere dripping icicles while inside her room the fireplace crackled with flames of warmth. Middy snuggled down into her satin covered bed and thought to herself “I never even dreamed of this” and slept. Oh My, she looked good when she left there two weeks later. On to Paris to a splendid hotel. She decided not to spend money on clothes made custom for her, she’d rather travel! There were beautiful clothes everywhere anyway!

  The gentlemen in Paris, wealthy and middle class, looked interestedly at the little, healthy, brighteyed, brownskinned well-dressed woman and sent flowers to her room and champagne to her table. She glowed and gleamed and spoke haltingly in French and English, sipped champagne held in the hand of the sparkling diamond ring and watch, to which diamond earrings had been added and one stone at her throat. They smiled in anticipation beneath their mustaches, but she allowed no one in her room after light dancing in the night clubs was over. She kissed once or twice, her few false teeth firmly glued in place. Ohhh and the French perfume she
wore! Her nose was as happy as the rest of her.

  The one man she noticed most, sent the most flowers, candy and champagne, but beyond a nod and smile, never approached her. She began to look for him in the lobby or dining room. One morning near the end of her stay (she had cancelled out Greece but still the time was coming to leave Paris) she came down for breakfast and passing him with a smile where he sat with his roll and coffee, she stopped and said “Bon Jour!” He answered, “Good Morning.” He was French, however. Being the kind of black woman I know, she went directly to the point. “Why are you so generous to me with flowers and candy and champagne, yet you never say anything to me?”

  He replied, standing and indicating the seat opposite him, “Will you join me for your breakfast?”

  “Yes,” she said, laughing softly, “I will, thank you.”

  She sat and asked again, “Why?”

  He answered with a question, “Why?”

  “Why do you send so many pleasant thoughts and never speak to me?”

  He said, “I was waiting.”

  She said, “Waiting? For what?”

  He smiled, “For you to come to me.”

  She smiled, “And so I did. Too aggressive!”

  He smiled, “Too slow! But you are here.”

  She said, “Well … now … what were you waiting for?”

  He said, “To spend my day with you.”

  She laughed lightly, pleased and smiling, then she raised the crystal glass of sparkling water to him, with the ice tinkling as she pressed it to her lips.

  They spent the day at the Louvre and the sidewalk cafes between the sights he showed to her. Paris! It was a beautiful city. The evening was spent over dinner and wine with many glasses of champagne later at the club he took her to hear soft singing entertainment. The few remaining days were spent in much the same way. All pleasant. The last day before she was to leave, he stayed the night. I cannot describe it to you for I am not a poet. It was different and it was good. Perhaps because of the luxury hotel, the beautiful days spent doing beautiful things with delightful meals in lovely clothes, perhaps the expensive champagne. She had not even known this lovemaking was on her list of dreams, but she thrilled to all his touches and the woman in her who was neither young nor old, was passionate, thrilled and satisfied beyond even her knowledge of her dreams. She left the next day. For home? Where was home? On arriving in Atlanta much later, she cried again … for a different reason.