Bending her head, she closely examined the petals on the tea roses. “I’ll be honest, Conall, I considered not coming to work this morning. But I didn’t want Fiona to have to fill in for me. So I made myself drive over here.” Turning slightly, she leveled her brown eyes on him. “I’m sorry, too, Conall. I overreacted about you—about everything. I was expecting too much from you. I realize that now.”
Relieved that she no longer appeared angry, he walked over to her. “I’m glad you’re here,” he confessed. “And if you don’t want to talk about things right now, we won’t.”
Her glaze flickered away from his face and back to the roses and Conall was struck by how very beautiful she looked this morning. Her hair was swept up and off her neck, while a heavy fringe fell in a smooth curtain over one eyebrow. Her dress was white, the neckline fashioned in a deep V. Faint freckles dotted her chest and lower down a hint of cleavage teased his senses. The pale pink color on her lips reminded him of a seashell and he realized he’d like nothing better than to kiss the shimmery color away, kiss her until her lips were ruby-red and swollen.
“There’s nothing to talk about,” she said wearily. “I can’t marry you.”
Desperate to touch her, he planted his hands on either side of her waist. “Listen, Vanessa, I have no idea what happened in your marriage or what kind of man your husband was, but please don’t compare me to him.”
To his surprise she laughed with disbelief. “Oh, Conall, you can’t imagine how…well, how opposite you are from Jeff. He didn’t have an ounce of ambition. He was perfectly content to let me support him.”
Trying to understand, he shook his head. “I’m guessing you didn’t know this about him before you married?”
Grimacing, she stepped away from him. “Of course I didn’t! When I first met him he was doing contract electrical work for the casino where I was employed. At that time he owned a small building company and he and his men had more jobs than they could handle. He made very good money, plus he was from a nice respectable family that had resided in Bullhead City for many years. There was nothing about Jeff that warned he would turn out to be a deadhead.”
She started into his office and Conall followed her to the coffee machine. As she poured herself a mug and stirred in a measure of half-and-half, he couldn’t stop himself from asking, “When did you learn he was less than ambitious.”
Cradling the mug with both hands, she turned to face him. “About six months after we were married. He began to find all sorts of reasons not to take jobs. Mainly he would use the excuse that he wanted to spend more time with me—because I was so irresistible he didn’t want to leave me for a minute of the day,” she added with sarcasm. “Dear God, was I ever stupid to believe his lines. But he…well, he had a charming, lovable way about him that was hard to resist and I—” Pausing, she shook her head with self-reproach. “I guess he’d come along in my life at a time when I was feeling very alone. My brothers were long gone and I was watching my parents grow old. I wanted a family of my own and Jeff kept promising we’d have one. I hung on hoping and praying he’d change. But in the end, I think all he ever wanted was to have fun and a woman to take care of him while he was having it. I should have seen that from the very beginning, but I didn’t. And it’s taken me a long time to convince myself that I’m not a fool. That I’m worthy of better than…him.”
The faint quiver Conall heard in her voice touched a spot in him that he’d long thought dead and he was amazed at how much he wanted to take her into his arms, to whisper how beautiful and precious she was to him. Did that mean he loved her? No. It couldn’t mean that. He’d forgotten how to love. But he’d not forgotten how to want and he wanted Vanessa in his life. He wanted to be a father to Rick and Rose.
I wanted a family of my own.
Her words had pierced him right in the heart and twisted home the reality of his condition, his failed marriage and the total emptiness he’d carried inside him for all these years. Maybe he should confess to her right now that he couldn’t father a child. But she was already reluctant to trust him, to believe they could have a good marriage together. He didn’t want to wham her with that kind of revelation. She would automatically think he was only interested in the twins. Later, he told himself. Later, after he’d convinced her to marry him, he would explain it all. He would make her understand just how perfect the four of them were for each other.
“Oh, Vanessa,” he said lowly, “you are worthy of better. And I like to think I can give you better.”
Her gaze dropped awkwardly to the brown liquid in her cup. “Yes, you could give me better in so many ways,” she conceded. “Except you can’t give me what I need the most.”
She sounded so defeated, so sure, and that worried Conall more than any words she could have said to him.
“What is that?” he asked.
She looked up him and he spotted a mixture of defiance and resignation swimming in the depths of her brown eyes.
“Love.”
The one word caused Conall to rear back and unwittingly drop his hands from her waist. “Love,” he repeated, rolling the word around on his tongue as if he’d never spoken it before. “You mentioned that word last night, but you didn’t give me a chance to have my say on the matter.”
“All right,” she said in a faintly challenging tone. “I’m giving you the chance right now.”
Finding it difficult to face her head-on, Conall moved away from her and over to the huge plate glass window overlooking the stables. “And I’m telling you right now that love is a fairy-tale state of mind. That’s all. It’s just a euphoric condition that doesn’t last. In fact, it only makes living with a person worse.”
Her light footsteps sounded behind him and he turned to see she’d joined him at the window, but she wasn’t looking out at the busy shed row, she was looking at him with so much disappointment that she might as well have struck him physically.
“No wonder your marriage crumbled.”
Now, a voice inside his head shouted, now is the time to explain everything, to defend yourself and your actions. But he couldn’t push the words off his tongue. She was already looking at him with disenchantment; he didn’t want to add even more to it.
The tiny hammers pounding at his skull grew harder and he wiped a hand over his face in hopes of easing the pain. “I loved Nancy when we married,” he said with gruff insistence. “And I loved her for a long time afterward. But love can’t hold up to life’s interventions. At least, it didn’t for me.”
She didn’t reply and he used her silence as an opportunity to plead his case. Latching a hand over her shoulder, he pressed his fingers into her warm flesh. “Think about it, Vanessa. Love didn’t give your marriage a happily-ever-after ending. Nor did it mine. But you and I have the chance to build a marriage on a solid foundation. Not something that crumbles at the slightest hint of trouble.”
Her nostrils flared with disdain as she drew in a deep breath and let it out. “I’ve never heard of anything so…unfeeling,” she muttered.
Before she could guess his intentions, he took the mug from her hands and placed it on the wide window ledge.
“There is nothing unfeeling about this, Vanessa. Maybe I ought to show you.”
Pulling her into his arms, he fastened his lips roughly over hers. A moan sounded in her throat at the same time her mouth opened like flower petals seeking the hot sun. His tongue thrust past her teeth and began to explore the sweet, moist contours.
With his hands at her back, he pulled her closer, until her small breasts were flattened against his chest, until he felt the mound of her womanhood pressing into his thigh. Heat was rushing through him, gorging his loins with the unbearable need to get inside her. His sex was rock-hard and pushing against the fly of his jeans.
He couldn’t remember the last time, if ever, he’d wanted a woman like this, and when her arms slid around his waist and her soft body arched into his, it was all he could do to hang on to his self-control, t
o lift his head and speak.
“Let me go lock the door,” he said hoarsely.
His words must have hit her like a cold wall of water. Jerking away from him, she stumbled backward and pressed a hand against her throat. “No! You’ve made your point, Conall. You want me physically. And I admit I want you. But that’s not enough. I’m not going to let it be enough. Not now. Not again.”
She started toward the door and though Conall wanted to go after, he realized it wasn’t the time or the place to press her. But, oh, God, he desperately wanted to.
“I’m going to work,” she said over her shoulder. “If that isn’t enough for you, then hire yourself another secretary!”
He stood where he was until the door between their offices shut firmly behind her. Once it was obvious she wasn’t going to reappear or change her mind, Conall stalked over to his desk and sank into the lush leather chair.
Damn, damn, damn. What would it take to make her cozy up to the idea of marrying him? Or would she ever come around to his way of thinking? She wanted love, but how could he give her the one thing he didn’t have?
With a frustrated oath, he picked up the phone and punched in Liam’s cell number. His brother answered after the third ring.
“Yeah. What’s up?
“I…just wanted to see what time the plane with the horses would be departing the airport.”
“Probably around eleven this morning. Why?”
Pinching the bridge of his nose, Conall closed his eyes. “I’ve changed my mind. I’ve decided I want to see Red Garland off.”
Liam grunted. “What’s brought this on?” he asked bluntly.
Conall grimaced. “Do I have to explain myself?” he countered gruffly. “Maybe I want to see her one last time. In case…she doesn’t come home.”
The line went silent for long moments, then Liam gently cursed, “Hell, Conall. I promise I’ll bring the filly back.”
“You can’t make promises like that.” He swallowed hard and glanced at the closed door between him and Vanessa. “Don’t let the plane leave until I get there.”
The next two days Vanessa was bombarded with an extra flurry of work while Conall was continually tied up with issues both in and out of the office. She’d done her best to deal with tractor dealers, feed suppliers and tack salesmen even as she plowed through mounds of paperwork.
Being busier than usual was a good thing, she supposed. That gave her less time to dwell on Conall. Since that fiery kiss they’d exchanged, they’d been polite and civil to each other, but the words and the touches they’d exchanged had hung in the air between them like a heavy humidity, leaving Vanessa uncomfortable and emotionally drained.
At the end of the second day, Vanessa was sitting at her desk, finishing a phone call and wrapping up her work for the evening, when Conall strolled through the door and eased a hip onto the edge of her desk. After two days of tiptoeing around each other, his casual nearness jolted her.
Looking up at him, she asked briskly, “Is there something you need?”
“I need a lot of things, but I won’t have you make a list now.” He gestured toward her work. “Are you nearly finished?”
“Yes. As soon as I make a few notes in my message book. Why?”
The faint grin on his face was the warmest thing she’d seen since the morning he’d wanted to lock the two of them in his office and his gray eyes had been hot with lust. She had to wonder about the abrupt change.
Folding his arms against his chest, his expression turned sheepish. “I wanted to see if you’ve forgiven me enough to have dinner with me this evening?”
Forgiven him? She’d not been expecting anything like this. Maybe a request for her to work later than usual, but not anything sociable, like having dinner together.
“You’ve been all business the past couple of days,” she bluntly pointed out.
“So have you.”
Her gaze dropped from his face to the vase of roses he’d given her a few days ago. She should have thrown them out or at least taken them home and given them to Hannah. But they were still as pretty as the morning she’d found them on her desk and she couldn’t bring herself to get rid of them.
When she didn’t reply, he said, “I thought we both needed some time to cool off.”
That was an understatement, Vanessa thought wryly. Her gaze flickered back up to his face. “And you think we’ve cooled off enough to have dinner together? Alone?”
“We’ve eaten together alone before,” he reminded, as if her memory needed refreshing. “At your house. And in Vegas.”
She sighed. He’d been so sweet, so helpful during that trip to Las Vegas and for as long as she lived, she would never forget the look on his face when he’d held the twins for the first time. He’d looked at them with affection and tenderness and for those few moments she’d seen the part of him that she admired, wanted, loved.
“I remember,” she told him.
“I’d like to do it again. Would you?”
She’d be lying if she told him no. These past couple of days as she’d kept her distance, she’d constantly argued with herself that it was better that way. The only thing she could ever expect to get from the man was sex. Yet even knowing that hadn’t been enough to stop the hunger inside of her, the need to be near him in all the ways a woman could be near a man.
“Yes,” she answered. “But—”
“What? Afraid you might find out that you like me after all?”
In spite of her torn emotions, she chuckled. “Oh, Conall, you know that I like you. Very much. That’s the whole problem.” She closed the small book where she scribbled down daily notes and stuffed it away in the top drawer of the desk. “We… Well, I’m not going to go into any of that tonight. Going out with you is out of the question. I’ve already promised my father I’d visit him after I got off work. And I’m not going to disappoint him for any reason.”
“I wouldn’t want you to disappoint him. We’ll go by and visit him together,” he said.
While she looked at him her thoughts swirled. “He’s in the nursing home.”
“I’m well aware of that, Vanessa.”
Jeff would have never stepped foot in a nursing home, she thought. Not for anyone. In that way he’d been a thoughtless man. Unfortunately, she’d learned about Jeff’s unpleasant traits after they’d been married, a fault she could only place squarely on herself. She’d been so eager to be loved, so anxious to be a wife and mother, that she’d been blinded by Jeff’s charms and his quick press for them to marry.
With a mental sigh, she did her best to shove away the dark memories before she glanced down at the simple wrap dress she was wearing. The pale green geometric print still looked fresh enough, but it wasn’t exactly what she would have picked to wear for a date with Conall. A date? If that’s what this was supposed to be then he was going backward, she thought. Dates were supposed to come before marriage proposals, not after. But then she could hardly forget that Conall’s proposal had not been the conventional sort, where a man promised his love for a lifetime.
“We can’t go anywhere fancy,” she finally said. “I’m not dressed for it.”
He reached over and plucked one of the dark pink roses from the bouquet he’d given her. “You are now,” he murmured as he tucked the flower behind her left ear. “A rose in your hair to match the roses on your cheeks.”
Clearing her tight throat, she said, “I didn’t know you could flirt.”
He grinned. “I’ll be happy to show you what else I can do.”
Forbidden images raced through her mind. “I’ll go get my handbag so we can be going.”
Rising from the chair, she purposefully moved away from him and the desk before she lost all sense and reached for him, before she could tell him that the only place she wanted to go was straight into his arms.
Chapter Nine
A few minutes later they were traveling toward Ruidoso in Conall’s plush black truck. Only moments ago they’d watched th
e sun slip behind the mountains, and now in the western sky rich magenta threads laced together a cloak of purple clouds.
Being cooped up in the cozy cab with Conall was a temptation in itself and so far she’d been doing her best to concentrate on the scenery instead of his long, lean presence. But since they’d departed the ranch, he’d been in a surprisingly talkative mood and she’d found her gaze lingering on him far more than it should have.
“How long has Alonzo been in the nursing home?” he asked as he capably maneuvered the truck over the steeply winding highway.
Back at the office, he’d tugged a black cowboy hat low on his forehead and now as Vanessa glanced at his profile, she could only think that this man was living his days out not really in the way he wanted, but as he thought he was expected to. As a teenager she’d spent enough time on the ranch to see that Conall had been an outdoorsman, a horseman. She sensed that deep down, he would much rather be working hands-on with the horses than dealing with business issues. But apparently he considered managing the ranch his family duty and from what she could tell about the man, Conall would never shun his family responsibilities. In that aspect, he would be an excellent husband and father. But did duty mean more than love? Not to her.
“About six months,” she answered. “After his stroke he was in the hospital for nearly a month before he was well enough to go to the nursing home. He’s doing much better now, but he still has a way to go. I’ve hired a speech therapist to work with him and that’s made a great difference. He’s actually beginning to talk again with words that are understandable.”
He nodded. “Do you think he’ll ever get to come home?”
“If he continues to improve, his doctor says it’s highly possible. But he’ll not be able to live alone.” She sighed. “I’m hoping when, or maybe I should say if, that happens, the twins won’t be so demanding of me.”
Chuckling lowly, he shook his head. “I’m sorry, Vanessa, but I don’t think it’s going to work that way. I have a feeling that the older the twins get, the more they’re going to demand of their mother. Especially since—”
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