Blind Faith (Shattered Lives, Book Four)

by Blakeley, Rissa

  “Come on. Open up to dear old Dad.”

  Josie rolled her eyes. “Oh, for fuck’s sake. I’m just in a bad mood, I guess.”

  “This have something to do with when you barged into our room? You seemed quite angry.” She shrugged. “But you looked okay when you picked up the kids earlier.”

  Josie sighed and walked over to the desk, sitting on the top. Swallowing hard, he begged himself to stay composed, but it was damn difficult to do with so much of Quinn around. The orderly pile of her clothes on a shelf made his stomach knot. Gunther snapped to attention when Josie spoke again.

  “I was okay, but then the kids started acting like…kids.”

  “Yeah, they tend to do that at times.” He stared at her, waiting for something…anything. Permission for him to do what he needed. Gunther wanted to talk, as well, but he was torn. Sluggishly, he headed to the desk and sat next to her.

  Once he wrapped an arm around her shoulders, Josie fell into his chest. “I miss her,” she choked out.

  “I do, too, love.” Pulling her tighter, Gunther rubbed her back, leaving one arm free to wipe the trickle of tears coming from his own eyes.

  “Sometimes being here with all her stuff is depressing, but I need to see it.”

  “I understand completely.”

  “Cora gave me some advice earlier on how to deal with something, but it just wasn’t the same. I miss being able to talk to Quinn.”

  “I understand, but Cora gives good advice, as well. Is there something I can help with?”

  Josie snorted. “I don’t think you could give me dating advice.”

  Gunther took a deep breath. “I’m definitely not the man for that, but if he breaks your heart, I will skin the motherfucker and hang him outside.”

  A breath later, Josie pulled away, giggling. She wiped the tears that were still flowing. Gunther chuckled. “Okay, Dad.”

  He lifted a brow. “Don’t be foolish and think I’m joking. Who is it?”

  “I’m not telling! You’ll threaten him.”

  “I have no idea why you would say such a thing. Let’s see. There are only three possibilities…Eli, Chris, or Jake.”

  She rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. “Jake.”

  With a nod, Gunther said, “I see.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” she growled.

  “Calm down. It means nothing. Just an acknowledgment.”

  “Seriously, Gunther. Don’t.”

  “Now, now, lass. It doesn’t do you well to tell your Dad what to do.”

  “Oh god…” She held her face in her hands.

  “I’m not going to say anything, but I may throw him my ‘I will eat you for breakfast’ glare.”

  She dropped her hands. “Please, don’t embarrass me.” He chuckled and let out a sigh. “How are you doing? You looked pretty pissed off in the cafeteria.”

  “I can say I’ve had worse days, I guess.”

  “I hate to ask this…” She let out a breath. “You had sex with Cora, didn’t you?”

  Looking away, he pursed his lips. “Yeah.”

  “Do you regret it?”

  “Yeah.” He scrubbed his hand over his face, not feeling any better about the situation. “God, Josie… I fucked up big time. Quinn would be so disappointed in me. She’s probably up there right now, cursing me out.”

  “No doubt,” Josie muttered.

  The silence between them went on for a few minutes. Gunther wanted to get her out of the room so he could have a conversation with Quinn. “Well, anyway, I don’t want you moping around here and locking yourself up.”

  “Whatever.”

  “I mean it. No moping,” he scolded. “Your miserable attitude is chapping my arse.”

  Appalled, Josie countered, “Like you have room to talk.”

  “Touché.” Gunther looked around the room again. Tucked away in a bookcase was Quinn’s pack. Remembering a personal belonging of hers, he jumped off the desk, walked over, and picked it up.

  “What are you doing?”

  “There’s something I want to show you in here.” He walked back, dropping the pack on the desk.

  Gunther unzipped the main pocket and smiled. There were a few books inside, some he picked out for Quinn while hunting for supplies when they first began living together. Surprised she kept them, he picked one up and ran his fingers over the cover, hoping he was touching the very same places she had.

  “A vampire porn book?” Josie asked.

  With a chuckle, he said, “No. Patience, lass.” He unzipped the small pocket on the inside. As he reached in, he felt the thin metal chain. He pulled out Carrie’s necklace, holding it in front of Josie’s face, the diamond catching the dimming sunlight.

  Her eyebrows furrowed. “Isn’t that the necklace Elaina wore for her and Henry’s ceremony?”

  “Yes. It was Carrie’s. Quinn let her borrow it.” They stared into one another’s eyes, both trying to stay strong, both fighting the tears threatening to fall. He swallowed back the lump in his throat. “Take it.”

  “No.” Josie put her hand on his and pushed it away. “You should keep it.”

  “This is something a mother would give to a daughter. She would want you to have it.”

  Josie bit down on her bottom lip in an effort to stop them from trembling. Gunther took her hand and helped her stand. Slowly, he turned her around and pulled the gold chain around her neck, fidgeting with the clasp for a moment before latching it. He rested his large hands on her narrow shoulders, feeling like giving Josie the necklace was what Quinn would want him to do.

  She turned and faced him—her cheeks pink and eyes welling with tears. He adjusted the solitaire so it landed perfectly just below her throat. “Brill,” he murmured with a smile.

  “I promise I’ll take care of it.”

  “I know you will, lass.” He cupped her chin, his smile reaching his eyes. Gunther pulled Josie into a hug. They both still fought their emotions.

  “Thank you,” she whispered into his chest.

  Stepping back, he said, “Go find something to do. I need a minute here.”

  Josie cleared her throat and tugged on her shirt. She smirked and playfully said, “Whatever, Dad. I’m going to the library to read something for a preschooler.”

  Gunther laughed and watched her leave. After the door slammed, he let out another sigh. That room was the only place he could truly feel Quinn’s presence. He would visit her grave and the area she died, but the room… It was his key to connecting with her.

  He gazed up at the ceiling and whispered, “I’m sorry, Quinn. I feel terrible about what happened. I can’t even justify my actions.” He looked around the room and shook his head. “I’m not sure how to deal with this except to hide from her.”

  Gunther sat in silence for a few more minutes before someone knocked on the door. When he opened it, he wasn’t surprised to see Jake standing there. Nor was Gunther surprised to see the frightened look on his face.

  “Is…uhh… Is… Shit,” Jake stammered, his gaze dropping to his shoes.

  Gunther reached out and lifted Jake’s chin. “Josie went to the library.”

  “Uhh… Okay. Thanks.”

  Just before he headed off, Gunther grabbed his arm, gripping it tight, causing Jake to wince. He stared into Jake’s eyes. “Listen, mate. She’s a moody girl, but she has a heart of gold. If you plan to pursue her, I expect you to handle her with the utmost care. She’s like my daughter and you would hate to have to answer to me. Clear?”

  “Right. Got it. Thanks.”

  Still holding firm to Jake’s arm, Gunther added, “One last thing… Don’t mention this short chat to her.”

  “Yes, sir.”

  After letting him go, Gunther smirked, knowing he still had the intimidation factor mastered.

  Chapter 15

  While sitting on the floor in the library, Josie skimmed through a few books, trying to decide what to read. Most were too young, but it was better than nothing at
all. Frankly, she wasn’t all that sure she wanted to read anyway. She would almost rather lay on her bed and stare at the ceiling.

  When someone entered the library, walking up and down the aisles, she placed her hand on the Sig tucked away in her pants. “Ah, there you are.” She dropped her hand and moaned in a bothersome tone. “Don’t sound too happy to see me,” Jake muttered.

  “Should I be? Or are you just going to insult me some more?”

  Ignoring her question, he sat next to her. “Gunther said I could find you here.”

  “You obviously don’t want to be friends, either, so why don’t you just leave me be?”

  “Josie, I never said that.”

  “Yeah, you pretty much did. Why are you so damn difficult?”

  “I’m difficult…” He chuckled. “Says the pot to the kettle.”

  “Fuck off.” Josie got up, but Jake grabbed her arm, causing her to drop the stack of books. “Perfect,” she growled.

  With tears threatening to fall, she bent over to gather them, as did Jake. They met face to face, staring at one another, absorbing each other’s sadness. He reached up and touched her cheek with his fingertips, wanting to take her pain away. Realizing what he did, Jake cleared his throat, then looked down to help gather the books.

  “I got it,” Josie muttered, pushing her elbow into his forearm to block his efforts.

  “Let me help you.”

  “No. Just back off!”

  “Josie…” She ignored him. “Josie, come on.”

  She stood with the stack of books in her arms, tears trickling down her cheeks. “What, Jake?! What do you want from me?”

  “I don’t know what I want! That’s the problem. I’m ready to talk. This morning, I decided I needed to tell you about my past. No one knows the full story, but I want to share it with you. Then I thought you could decide if I was someone with whom you would want to be friends.”

  Not expecting Jake to open up to her, Josie sank back to the floor. She set the books in a neat stack against the shelves. “I’m listening,” she whispered, glad he gave her the option to make the decision herself instead of dictating what he thought she wanted.

  “I need your promise you won’t repeat what I’m about to share with you because it will hurt Chris. Like, hurt him to the point where he might fucking snap.”

  “I won’t say anything to anyone. You can trust me.”

  Jake cleared his throat and blew out a harsh breath, making the hair hanging over his eyes flutter. As he rested his forearms on his knees, he stared past Josie and down the dimly lit aisle.

  “When I was sixteen, I knocked up Chris’ younger sister.”

  Josie tried not to look surprised, but she was. “How much younger?”

  “She was fourteen. We dated briefly and had sex only once. We wanted to know for sure, so we headed out to buy a test. She took it at the store and it came back positive. As I was driving her home, which happened to be across the street from my house, I hit a patch of black ice.”

  Jake stopped and hung his head. Witnessing the struggle, it became apparent this memory was torturous to share. She watched his Adam’s apple bob, taking note of his twitching and the guilt in his eyes. She reached out to his trembling hand and held on tight.

  “Fuck.” He dragged in a few more breaths before he continued. “The car rolled over several times as it tumbled down the side of a hill. My seat belt failed and I went through the windshield. Nadia’s didn’t. She died when the car burst into flames.”

  “Holy shit,” Josie whispered.

  “I killed her. These scars on my face…” Jake took off his t-shirt, “and these on my body are an everyday reminder of what I did. I can’t look at myself without remembering Nadia. It’s my punishment. I’m full of guilt, regret, and anger.” Jake looked down and picked at the strings on the cuff of his camo shorts. Through deep breaths, he tried to hold back the tears, so Josie scooted closer to him, wanting to provide him with comfort.

  She reached out and traced the heavy pink scar cutting his left pectoral in two, along with the smaller scar under the right. She traced the dark puckered scar going diagonally from his left side and down underneath the waistband of his shorts. Then she reached up and held his face between her tiny palms. Jake closed his eyes as her thumbs stroked the deep, dark scars running across his cheeks, chin, forehead, and brow. The one cutting through his forehead and nose and straight through his lips, ending under the lower lip, suggested most of his face had split in two.

  When she stopped touching his scars, he opened his eyes. “I killed my best friend’s sister. He has no idea about the pregnancy part. He thinks we just went out together that day because we were kind of dating when, in fact, we didn’t really talk to one another after we had sex.”

  “I’m sorry you went through that. I’m sorry you’re still carrying this on your shoulders. Thank you for opening up to me,” she murmured.

  “I’m a horrible person,” he muttered, slipping his shirt back over his head. “And this was why I didn’t think you would even want to get mixed up with me.”

  “How about you let me decide that for myself?” She grabbed his face and got up on her knees, leaning into him. She placed a soft kiss on his lips, then pulled away.

  He sat still, almost stunned that Josie would even want to kiss his Franken-fucked face. “I had to leave school, and my mom homeschooled me until I graduated. The other kids would say things under their breath or to my face, pick fights with me, say shit about my scars. Chris stood up for me many times. After busting some kid’s nose, the principal almost expelled him. If he only knew…” His voice trailed off.

  “Have you tried to look at it from a different perspective?”

  “Like what? Think of it like we were coming home from the movies and the accident happened? The results wouldn’t change? It was how it was supposed to be? Yeah, I have thought about different perspectives thousands of times. I also thought if I could have kept my dick in my pants, we would’ve never been on the road that day.”

  “Do you feel better for sharing your story with me?”

  His whisper cut through the quiet of the library. “I don’t know. Now that you know, I’m worried, Josie.”

  “What makes you so worried?”

  “I’m worried about what you think of me.”

  “I think you’re brave.”

  “Brave?” he recoiled, almost snorting in disgust.

  “You’ve shared the deepest, darkest secret you have with me. I appreciate it and feel honored about the trust you’ve shown.”

  “Don’t you hate me now?”

  “No. Why would I hate you?”

  “Did you miss that I told you I killed someone.”

  “It was an accident, Jake. A really tragic accident.” Again, Josie moved closer to him. So close, their foreheads touched.

  “You don’t think I look like a freak?” he asked in a low murmur. “Everyone stares at me with narrowed eyes, but you don’t do that.”

  “No. You don’t look like a freak. I actually think you’re rather hot.”

  He pulled back a little. “No one has ever said that to me before.”

  “Well, now it has been said and it’s true.”

  “You’re not just pitying me?”

  “Nope. I’m not a ‘Woe is you. Here’s a pity card for ya’ kind of girl.”

  “But-”

  “Jake, shut the fuck up and kiss me.”

  He grabbed the back of her neck as she fisted the front of his shirt, pulling each another closer. It started slow and soft, just their lips fluttering. Then she decided to give it a go and gently pressed the tip of her tongue between his lips. He parted and accepted her advance.

  Jake pulled her onto his lap and wrapped his massive hands around her face, pushing his fingers through her hair. He slid his hands down her body, cupping her waist, fingertips grazing the gun tucked away at the small of her back.

  Wrapping her legs around his body, Josie pushed her
hands up his shirt, her fingertips finding more scars on Jake’s back.

  After several more minutes, they pulled apart.

  “Holy fuck,” Jake breathed, shaking his head.

  Josie giggled. “What?”

  “That was fucking awesome.”

  “You’ve never been kissed like that?”

  “No. No one ever wanted to be near me because of how I look. Nadia was my one and only, and we just fumbled through it.”

  “How long ago?”

  “About ten years.”

  “Well, to all those girls who wouldn’t kiss you, they’ve missed out. You’re very good at it.” A shy smile lifted Jake’s lips. “You want to go for a walk or something?”

  “Uhh… Normally, I would say yes, but I kind of…have an issue.”

  Her brows furrowed. “What? What’s wrong?”

  Chuckling, he said, “Nothing. Nothing at all.” He nodded down at his lap. Her eyes followed to where he was looking, seeing an impressive bulge behind his zipper.

  She blushed. “Oh. Oh, right. Well, we can wait. Help me pick out more books then.”

  After scooting off his lap, she picked up the stack of books. They spent time talking about their favorite childhood stories, pouring over what Josie picked out and finding a few more.

  The library door whipped open, startling both of them. Josie pulled out her Sig.

  “Yo, Jake? You in here, bro?” All the books, carpet, and furnishings muted Chris’ booming voice.

  They breathed a sigh of relief and she tucked her gun away.

  “Ah, yeah. Be right there,” Jake said.

  “Bro, where the fuck are you?” Chris rounded the corner of the bookshelves and saw Jake and Josie sitting on the floor together. “Oh shit. I’m sorry. I didn’t realize-”

  “No. It’s fine,” Jake said, smiling at Josie. “We were just trying to pick out a couple books.”

  “Right.” Chris smirked. “Anyway, Henry wants to go for a run, then hit up the weights. Want to go change into your sneakers?”

  Jake looked at her. “Go. It’s fine,” Josie encouraged, not that she wanted him to leave her side.

  “You sure?” he asked.

  “Yeah. I’ll meet you for dinner?”