Blind Faith (Shattered Lives, Book Four)

by Blakeley, Rissa

  “Sounds good.”

  He stood and they walked away, Jake glancing over his shoulder with a small smile, unable to take his eyes off her. After he tripped over a chair and the table next to the entrance, the library door clapped shut.

  Falling back to the floor, Josie slapped her hands over her mouth when a squeal tried to work its way out. In disbelief, she kicked her feet and flailed her arms over the chance that she might finally have a real relationship.

  Chris chuckled. “Smooth move with the trip, bro. Did I interrupt you in a heated make out session?”

  “Oh, shut the hell up. And no.” Jake smirked.

  “Hook me up with the deets.”

  Jake shrugged. “We just kissed.”

  “No knob polishing? Taco eating? Digging for buried treasure? Sausage tasting? None of that?”

  “You’re twisted,” Jake said with a laugh. “It was just…” His fingers traveled up to his lips. “Her kiss… It rocked me.”

  “Nice!” Chris punched Jake in the shoulder.

  “Ow, you asshole. What the fuck is wrong with you?”

  “It’s about time you got yourself some play. Christ. I never thought you would let yourself go.”

  “I wouldn’t consider it ‘play’.”

  “That’s cool then. I’m happy for you.” Chris gripped Jake’s shoulder. “Really, I am. It’s long past time you moved forward.”

  Jake nodded in appreciation, pushing back his thoughts about Nadia, hoping Chris wouldn’t suspect a thing.

  Chapter 16

  Once again, Gunther sat on the couch, watching Cora mend clothing. Over the past several weeks, things had been very awkward between them. They exchanged few words, with the exception of parenting the kids. Still feeling guilty over having sex, he let out a sigh and sank back into the cushions.

  Her gaze drifted to him, then back to her stitching. She felt humiliated, thinking there could have been something between the two of them. Nothing worse than being used like a toy and thrown away the moment it ended.

  “Can we talk?” he murmured.

  “What’s there to talk about?” she bit back.

  He glanced to the side, pursing his lips. “I just feel I owe you an apology. There is nothing but silence between us now and I don’t like it.”

  “I don’t want to talk about it,” she snapped. Cora stood and tried to get past him, but he grabbed her arm before she could escape.

  “Please,” he pleaded. Their eyes met, the pain unmistakable on both ends.

  Cora sat across from him and placed her sewing down on the table. As she leaned back into the sofa, she drew her legs up, using them in an effort to deflect whatever he was about to say.

  Gunther leaned forward, elbows on his knees, steepling his hands in front of his mouth. Sighing a few times, his eyes met hers once again. “I’m really sorry, Cora.”

  She jumped up. “Forgiven,” she snapped and headed to the door.

  He launched himself off the couch, blocking the door. “Let me explain.”

  In a growled whisper, hoping not to wake Callie and Grey, she said, “I don’t want to hear any of your lame excuses. Let me by.”

  “No. I want to talk this through.”

  She rested her hands on her hips. “There’s not a damn thing to talk about.”

  “Cora, please, hear me out.”

  “Why?”

  “Because… Maybe you’ll understand more if you do.”

  She turned away from him and stalked back to the couch.

  Sitting in the same position he was before, he began, “I’m sorry. I really needed a physical moment.”

  “Then use your hand,” she snarled.

  “No, just hear me out. You don’t even know how I feel, Cora. I shouldn’t have done it.”

  “You sure know how to make a woman feel good about herself.”

  He watched her wipe away the tears trickling from her eyes. “I’m just not ready for anything more than that.”

  “Then maybe you should have mentioned that before.”

  “You’re absolutely correct. I should have. I didn’t realize it meant so much more to you.”

  “I thought we were going to have something.”

  “I’m sorry to mislead you in any way. I don’t know what else to say about it.”

  “Thanks for nothing,” she growled.

  “Cora…”

  Her fixed stare made him drop his head. “We could be amazing together, Gunther.”

  “I’m not ready. I thought I could handle the situation, but that obviously isn’t the case.”

  “Do you think for minute I could possibly miss Peter as much as you miss Quinn?”

  Just the sound of her name made Gunther hiss through his teeth. “I imagine you do.”

  “I loved and lost him just as you did her, but you haven’t even considered that maybe I hurt, too. I do everything I can to help everyone here, regardless of the effort it takes. I hand-stitched a wedding dress and shirts, repair wounds, assist in births, been a shoulder for anyone, give blood regularly, breastfeed a child who lost his mother… All things I want to do because it’s appreciated.”

  “You are wonderful, Cora, doing so much unselfishly. It humbles me to see your actions. You’re very strong and I admire that.”

  “Do you even understand that I hurt, too?” Her eyes welled again and she choked on a sob. “I hurt every day, Gunther. I look at my children and worry what this world holds and what I’ll be able to give to them…to teach them. It pains me to know there’s no security for them.” He nodded, feeling the same. “But I turn all that pain into something positive, instead of dwelling or hurting others. One thing you need to understand is you are not the only needy one here. I need a healing touch, someone to lean on. I need more than what you gave me. A roll in the sack is not it. I need love, reassurance, respect. All things everyone in this community, except you, has given me. You took everything I’ve done for you and used me for sex? Is that all I’m worth to you? After all I’ve done for your son? I thought we could finally take a step forward together, but you obviously had ulterior motives. You fed yourself, instead of feeding us.”

  Her words stung like a thousand bees, but every last one was true. “Cora… Fuck. I really screwed up.”

  “Yeah. You did.”

  Unable to look in her eyes, he said, “I truly am sorry. I didn’t mean for it to happen the way it did. You mean a lot more to me than just a moment of passion. You’ve done so much for my son and me. I will be forever grateful for your compassion.”

  Someone pounded on the door. Before either one could answer, it flew open.

  Jake and Josie decided to take it slow and only kissed and cuddled since the confession in the library. She wanted more and, at times, it was obvious Jake felt the same, but they spent most of their days getting to know each other.

  Even with knowing his big secret, Josie didn’t judge him. Jake was feeling a little freer and less burdened, but he still struggled and battled as to whether or not to come clean with Chris.

  He worried what would become of their relationship. Chris was the only family Jake had left. The knowledge would certainly change them, but to what extent?

  After a sleepless night, Jake showed up at Josie’s door, knowing what he needed to do. He knew she would stand by his side.

  In a skin tight, green tank and even skimpier shorts, Josie opened the door, not expecting to see a disheveled Jake. Eyes bulging, he couldn’t get over how hot she looked. He had to look away to keep his thoughts on track.

  “Hey, Jos.” She tried to hide herself behind the door. “Sorry. I can go,” he mumbled as he thumbed over his shoulder.

  “No. It’s fine. Just…ah… Let me get a shirt.”

  The door closed with a quiet click and Jake waited patiently in the hall. He shook his head, trying to get the vision of her near nakedness out of his mind. “Goddamn,” he whispered, adjusting his arousal. She was the first woman to make him crazed with lust. It was grow
ing more difficult to stifle his physical need.

  He paced the hall, waiting. His thoughts drove hard through his entire body, making him sweat. Finally, Josie re-opened the door and invited him in.

  “I need to talk to you,” he said, jamming his hands in and out of the pockets of his track pants.

  The tone in his voice and nervous twitch concerned Josie. “Okay, well… Let’s sit.” She motioned toward the bed.

  When she sat, she leaned up against the wall, pulling the blankets up over her bare legs. Jake sat beside her, knees pulled into his chest, resting his forearms on them. Even in his bunched state, the space he took up was easily three times what Josie occupied.

  She waited for him to talk, but he wasn’t saying anything. While he chewed his lip and rocked his body, she said, “This whole talking thing usually starts with someone talking.”

  He smirked and glanced at her. “Yeah. I’m just having a hard time trying to put it together. Like, I know what I want to say, but I don’t know how to say it.”

  “Just say it.”

  He rubbed the blanket between his fingertips and sighed. “I want to tell Chris.”

  “Tell him…?” she asked, unsure where he was going with this.

  Jake tucked his face into his knees. “I want to tell him about Nadia. About what happened.”

  “Oh. Right.” He let out a soft whimper. Josie circled her hand on his back and his breath shuddered. “Jake…” She wrapped her arm around his shoulder as he trembled. “Let it out,” she whispered in his ear. “It’s just you and me here. You don’t have to be the tough guy.”

  With the permission he needed, Jake fell apart.

  He hadn’t truly cried about Nadia since he found out about her death when he woke up from surgery. A few sad or angry tears here and there, but not a full sob, choking breaths and muscles spasming so violently, he felt his body would snap like a twig.

  Ten years of hiding and covering up his pain caught up to Jake. Josie held him tight while he tried to gather himself. He struggled through the strangled sobs and waves of tears.

  When Jake was finally able to speak again, he hated himself, as usual. “I’m such an asshole for not telling anyone. God, Jos… They deserved to know. I don’t even know how to start the conversation. ‘Hey, buddy. I knocked up your sister.’ I don’t know what to say, but he deserves to know the truth.”

  “He does deserve to know. When do you want to tell him?”

  “Soon before I talk myself out of it for the thousandth time.”

  “Do you want me to go get him and bring him back here?”

  Jake nodded and tucked his face into his knees.

  Josie hoped the conversation with Chris wouldn’t be disastrous, but she knew it would be. She kissed him on top of his head as she stood up. He glanced up at her and the pained expression in his eyes resonated. All she could do was hope relief would follow soon.

  It was now or never.

  As Josie walked past the cafeteria to go find Chris, she saw him bent over a table, chatting with Mara. He stroked her cheek with his finger and she got all giggly-flirty-nasty with him. Josie wanted to warn him to stay away from her because she was pretty sure Mara would blow anything that had two legs and a dick.

  As she approached, Josie heard Mara mutter, “Oh, joy. It’s the emo police…”

  “Chill, Mara. She’s a nice girl. She’s really making Jake come out of his shell. I’m glad to see him finally acting with others like he does with me.”

  “Sorry. Didn’t know you had a screaming man crush on the scar face.” She snorted.

  Chris shook his head. “Totally not cool. He’s been through a lot.”

  “Hey, Chris,” Josie said as she approached.

  He greeted her with his usual smile. “What’s up, Jos?”

  “Can I speak to you in private?”

  Chris squinted his eyes and cocked his head.

  “One’s not enough for you, Josie? Have to fuck them all? First Nick, then Josiah, Jake, and now you want Chris? Sluts ’R Us called and they want their whore back.” Mara chuckled.

  Angrily, Josie growled, “You have no idea what the fuck is going on, Mara, so keep your filthy cockhole shut.”

  “Fuck off, emo.”

  “Whoa… Calm it down, ladies,” Chris said, trying to diffuse the situation. “Josie, what’s going on?”

  “It’s Jake.”

  Chris stood up and furrowed his brows. “Is he okay?”

  “No, not really. He needs to talk to you.”

  “All right. Lead the way.”

  “Buh-bye, Cwissy-poo. Enjoy your threesome.”

  “Whatever, Mara.” He rolled his eyes as he turned away, looking at Josie. “Brief moment of stupidity. Thanks for the interruption.”

  “Any time,” Josie murmured, thinking he was probably better off being stupid with Mara than facing what Jake was about to say.

  “That girl brings crazy to new levels. Still hot, though.”

  “Meh,” Josie said, opening the door to her room.

  Still sitting on the bed, Jake hid his face. She suspected he hadn’t stopped crying since she left.

  “Jake, my brother. What’s going on?” He glanced up at Chris. “Whoa… Dude, you all right?” Jake shook his head. “Talk to me.”

  Jake stood and paced the room, then turned to Josie. “I can’t do this.” His hands shook while he fidgeted with his shirt. “I can’t. This was a really stupid idea.”

  “Yes, you can. You’re brave. I’m here to support you.”

  “Jake, just tell me what the fuck is going on,” Chris demanded.

  He stopped and looked at Chris. They were about five feet apart, staring at each other. “Nadia…,” he choked out.

  Chris sucked in a loud breath, hand hovering over his heart. The sound of his sister’s name felt like a hot poker in his chest. “What about her?”

  “It’s my fault she’s dead.”

  Confused, he stared with furrowed brows at Jake. “No, bro. It was an accident. No one thinks you did anything wrong. Is that what this is all about? We’ve been through this so many times. You need to let it go. I promise you that I have long since forgiven you.”

  “If it weren’t for my actions, she would be alive today.”

  “What are you talking about?” Chris shifted his weight, putting his hands on his hips. “Tell me you didn’t purposely crash-”

  “No.” Jake paced the floor again. He scratched at his head and rubbed the sparse beard on his face.

  “Dude, you have to tell me what’s going on here. I’m lost and you have me totally concerned.”

  “Remember how I took her to the movies about two months before the accident?”

  Chris shrugged and put his hands on his hips again. “Yeah?”

  “Well, we went and hung out afterward.”

  “Okay… I’m still confused. Not seeing what the big deal is.”

  “No… We hung out.”

  Those three words caused the air to leave the room. The silence lingered until Chris found his voice again. Squeezing words through his teeth, he growled, “S’cuse me? Tell me again what you did to my baby sister?” His hands balled into fists, echoing the emotion in his words.

  “Fuck, fuck, fuck,” Jake whispered, looking at Josie. “I can’t.”

  “You’re this far. Finish it. You can do this,” she encouraged.

  Jake nodded, then looked at Chris. “We had sex. Shortly before the accident, she told me she thought she was pregnant.”

  Chris stepped closer to Jake. “I surely hope this isn’t some sort of a sick fucking joke! Either way, I will fucking kill you!”

  The situation was getting further out of hand with each heartbeat. “Chris, calm down,” Josie begged. “This has tortured him for a decade. Just hear him out.”

  Chris grumbled a string of obscenities and crossed his arms, motioning for Jake to continue. “The day of the accident, we were coming back from buying a pregnancy test.” The only sound was
Chris’ temper flaring to an uncontrollable level. “It was positive,” Jake choked out.

  Chris shouldered up to Jake as if he was going to say something, then threw a massive right hook that dropped Jake like a sack of potatoes.

  “No, Chris! Jake!” Josie tried to grab their shirts and break them apart.

  Jake rolled on his side and spit out a mouthful of blood. “That, motherfucker, is for the loss of the innocence of my baby sister.” Chris pulled Jake up to a sitting position and hit him in the face again. Blood misted in the air from Jake’s nose. “And that’s for my mother who cried every hour of every day until she, herself, died!”

  “Chris! Stop!” Josie bellowed, seeing all the blood pouring out of Jake’s face. Chris punched him repeatedly, but Jake wasn’t fighting back. Sprinting out of the room, Josie went to find Henry or Gunther.

  “And that, motherfucker, is from me!” Chris screamed, throwing blow after blow to Jake’s head and body.

  First, she pounded, then Josie burst through Cora and Gunther’s door. “Gunther, hurry! Chris is beating up Jake!”

  “Fuck!” Gunther launched off the couch and ran out behind Josie.

  After blowing through the door, Gunther pulled Chris off Jake, who was unconscious on the floor. Fists still flying, Chris was in such a fury, he had no idea Jake wasn’t awake.

  “Let go of me, you fucking pig! That motherfucker is dead to me! Do you hear me? Fucking dead! Don’t ever come looking for me again! I will gut you!”

  As Chris flailed around, Gunther held strong. “Calm yourself!” Chris fought against Gunther until he shoved him up against the wall, bending his arm behind his back. “Calm yourself before I do the same to you!”

  “Jake! Jake!” Josie shook him several times. Nothing. “Gunther, he’s not responding!”

  “Go get Cora and get him to the clinic. I’m going to take this one somewhere.” Josie opened the door as Gunther pushed Chris out, then she ran out behind them.

  Elaina rested her head on my naked chest, continually running her fingers over my abdomen. I squirmed and laughed a few times from the sensations. She tried to curl her body into mine, but her belly got in the way. I reached down and placed my hand over the life that we created.