If I Fall

by Lydia Michaels

  A version of the truth was still the truth. Crossing her legs under her body she folded her hands tightly in her lap.

  “Someone stole my credit cards. They never had a chance to use them because, as soon as I found out, I canceled them and I don’t want to sleep in my apartment because I’m not sure if they were stolen inside my home or from my purse while I was out.” It was a minor fib.

  He scowled. “Someone might’ve broken into your apartment?” Okay, he was outraged. Exactly why he will never know the whole story. “And you’ve been going back there?”

  “Well, as infrequently as possible—”

  “Did you even call the cops? Or have the locks changed at least?”

  “No, but—”

  “Jesus Christ, Jade! Why didn’t you tell me about this? Do you know how lucky you are that all they got were your credit cards? You could have been—”

  “Stop!” Jade held up her hand and gave him a look that communicated one more word and she was leaving. “I didn’t tell you so I could get a lecture and I’m not pretending to be any form of lucky. You have no idea how seriously I’m taking this. You want to help me? Change my locks. I don’t need or want anything else, and I certainly don’t need a speech on the dangers of the world.”

  His nostrils flared as his jaw twitched. “Fine, but you aren’t sleeping there until the locks are changed.”

  “Fine.”

  “And you aren’t sleeping at Dr. Bishop’s either.”

  “Fine.” She huffed indignantly and crossed her arms over her chest. “But I’m also not putting you on the couch in your own home. We’ll just have to share your bed.”

  A slow smile crept across his face. In a husky voice, he said, “Fine.”

  Chapter Ten

  Jade waited in her pajamas while Jeremy showered. A part of her wished she’d packed something a little sexier to sleep in instead of her sheep pajama bottoms and a tank top that said Bahhh! across the boobs, but she figured—unless he was into farm animals—her pajamas would keep things kosher between them.

  Pulling back the covers, she quietly climbed into the queen size bed. The water shut off. Pulling the blankets to her chin, she lay as if she had an iron rod up her ass. A second later, he walked into the room with a towel slung low around his waist. Averting her eyes but peeking through her lashes, she glimpsed the spattering of scars above his left knee.

  Drawers opened and closed as she stared at the ceiling and panic set in. What if he expected sex? Little did he know, her private parts were staying safely tucked away in her sheep pants. It wasn’t just that she was waiting on lab work. Sex could really hurt her—in more ways than one.

  She was living in an emotional madhouse and wasn’t prepared to let him in yet. There would be no flocking around her sheep pants on this night. She tried not to giggle. You’re such a dork.

  The bed dipped and she quickly scooted farther under the covers and turned to her side facing the door. He shut off the light and the room was bathed in darkness. His heavy arm cinched around her waist, dragging her flush to his front.

  Oh, God. This was going to require some major self-restraint because he was definitely aroused.

  “You’re suddenly quiet,” he whispered next to her ear, smelling of soap and mint.

  “Mm-hm.” Goosebumps prickled up her arm as his knuckles brushed the underside of her breast.

  “Having second thoughts about sharing my bed?” His fingers teased as he playfully brushed his lips over her earlobe.

  Her belly swooned. Be strong! She nervously shook her head, the sound of her hair scratching across the pillowcase overly loud in the shadowy silence.

  “What’s the matter? Cat got your tongue?” He gave her hard nipple a quick pinch.

  She moaned and reflexively pressed her bottom firmly against his arousal. She had to stop. She could not fool around with him.

  His fingers trailed upward between her breasts and followed the collar of her shirt to her shoulder. Chills of excitement chased across her spine as he gently pulled the thin strap down her arm. As the fabric rasped against her skin, exposing one breast, her breathing hitched.

  “Is this okay?” The backs of his fingers dragged across the tight bud of her nipple.

  She nodded, when, in fact, she needed this to stop before things got out of hand. Tomorrow she’d talk to Derek at the lab and once she knew everything was okay, she and Jeremy could—Shit!—She forgot about her bruised cervix!

  How long did Lily say? Two weeks? Three? The mere thought of her battered insides hit her like a bucket of ice water. Traces of someone else, proof of mistreatment and abuse.

  Her body stiffened and she could no longer feel his caress or make sense of his words. Her ears buzzed as her breathing quickened. Her throat locked around some ball of emotion trying to get out and she suddenly had the urge to scream.

  “Your skin’s so soft.”

  His smell enveloped her, familiar and grounding. Teetering between delirium and arousal, she couldn’t stay in one place long enough to find her balance.

  The sound of his even breathing and soft whispered words made his touch all the more alluring. Her body relaxed into his heated caresses. Dear God, and the things he was doing to her nipples alone. Applying the slightest pressure to her shoulder, he rolled her to her back and her heart raced as the heat of his mouth closed over her nipple.

  It felt good. Tender. Then his weight settled over her and her eyes closed and something changed.

  “I can’t sleep with you!” she blurted and he froze.

  Lifting his head he blinked those striking green eyes at her. His damp hair was mussed from the pillows. “Do you want me to go to the living room?”

  “No, that’s not what I meant. I mean that I, well, I can sleep with you, I just can’t sleep with you.”

  He chuckled and gently chafed his five o’clock shadow across the tip of her breast. “Okay. Do you want me to stop what I was doing?”

  Why did he have to ask such difficult questions?

  “I can keep things under control, Jade. I’m in no rush. I can keep the game in the north court.”

  She moaned, as he brushed his lips suggestively across her breast. She wanted to fool around within the bounds of Lily’s rules, but she was afraid she might freak out. There was a very strong probability she was losing her mind.

  “We can still enjoy ourselves.” He pulled her other strap down her other arm, fully exposing her breasts.

  His sense confidence was something she craved, but her stupid issues were getting in the way. She didn’t want to stop him. Especially because this was how she wanted him, confident, authoritative, hot. Saying no could give him the wrong message and mess up all future hook ups.

  “Remember the other day, when I made you come?” His voice rumbled as he licked the outline of her areola.

  Guilt crashed over her. She should have never faked an orgasm with him, but she didn’t want to give the impression she was frigid or suffering some form of post-traumatic stress. She just wanted to be normal, damn it!

  “We managed just fine while keeping ourselves half-clothed. Let me make you feel good again, baby.” His hand drifted to the apex of her thighs and she reflexively arched her back, her heart racing. “Is that a yes? I’ll tell ya, I had planned to let you get some sleep, but then I saw these sexy pajamas and I couldn’t resist. I must have a fetish for sheep.”

  She laughed causing his hand to press more firmly against her sex. “Maybe you were a naughty farmer in a past life.”

  So long as there was no penetration they should be fine and she really wanted to have an orgasm with him so she could erase the memory of the fake one.

  “Or maybe it has to do with the sexy woman in my bed wearing cartoon barnyard animals. Can I keep going? I promise I won’t pillage your flock.”

  His fingers found the niche of her pussy and he applied the perfect amount of pressure. Jade’s panties dampened and her knees drifted farther apart, the allure of normal
experiences arousing her more than anything else.

  “Yes,” she answered in a hoarse voice sounding nothing like her own.

  “Good girl.” His mouth latched onto her nipple, causing a sob of pleasure to escape her lips as his fingers rubbed over her pajama pants.

  He was so controlled and so in charge. All her fantasies didn’t do him justice. She never knew what to expect with him. Sometimes he was tender and drugging, while other times he was forceful and firm.

  His mouth tugged at her sensitive breasts as his body moved over hers. The ridge of his cock delved into the dimple of fabric between her thighs. Running her fingers over his defined shoulders, she clung to him, as his mouth worked up her throat to her ear.

  The pleasure built and with each pulsing wave, her desire grew. It was going to happen this time. Digging her heels into the mattress to meet his blunted thrusts, she moaned as his teeth gently tugged at her ear and his fingers pinched her flesh.

  The pressure grew as their pace increased. The friction against her clit, coupled with his licking, kissing, nibbling, and moaning had her panting, begging he keep going. He worked his way back to her breast and held them together in his large hands.

  “I could spend days here.”

  Lacking any obvious inhibitions, he bent and sucked hard on her nipples, plumping her breast, massaging, all the while grinding his arousal against her core. The pleasure left her dizzy.

  Brushing his lips to her nipple, he growled. “You’re so fucking hot.” His lips crashed against hers in a frantic kiss.

  Senses on overload, her body continued to peak. He gave a deep, long moan into her mouth, his tongue dueling with hers as his body trembled. Dampness seeped through her pajama pants.

  She called his name, moaning deeper each time it passed her lips. It had to be him, this spell he wrapped around her, so safe and secure. His touch and need, subdued by their juvenile petting and grinding was so erotic it threw her right into sweet release. Her leg muscles locked as he rubbed over her, finishing himself, and shattering the last of her control.

  Victory!

  As waves of ecstasy crashed through her veins her mind rejoiced. She wasn’t broken. She wasn’t frigid. She was still a functioning woman capable of sexual response—when the man was the one she wanted.

  Trembling, they looked at each other, breathing hard, eyes glazed, shaking from the aftermath of their joint orgasms. We’re amazing together.

  Smiling, he softly kissed her. “That was incredible.”

  Immensely relieved, she smiled. “You have no idea.”

  Chapter Eleven

  Jade awoke to the sound of a car pulling out of the driveway, the rumble of the engine resembling the familiar hum of Jeremy’s Jeep. She frowned as her hand drifted to the cool side of the bed. Groggily, she squinted at the clock. 10:06.

  Deciding to take a shower, she searched for a towel. She was developing new ticks like singing loudly when she was alone or humming to mask the deafening silence. Using a heavy hand, she opened and closed closets, the noise a comfort, as though it might scare off an intruder.

  With every passing day, she accepted more of her emerging quirks, as though her brain could only process at a certain pace. Perhaps it was survival instincts, only allowing so much introspection in at a time.

  Belting out a few bars of Jack Johnson’s Banana Pancakes—he should totally ask me to do a duet with him—the water heated her skin. As the washcloth brushed over her shoulder, she winced.

  Angling her chin close to her shoulder, she held her sopping hair out of her eyes and analyzed the mark in a detached sort of way. The scale of space her ordeal held in her mind was enormous. Even without the memories, she’d never forget. The mark on her skin promised that much.

  It seemed like progress to lock the emotions tied to the event in a mental box. That way they weren’t so scary to face. Acknowledging her fears was terrifying in itself. Nothing would take away what had happened. Nothing.

  The idea of a stranger touching her was… Words failed her. It was a total mind-fuck, a vortex of unanswerable questions that would drive her to insanity faster than anything else. So she pushed the thoughts into the shadowed recesses of her mind and continued to sing.

  As she combed out her tangled mane, making a mental note to pick up conditioner, her phone beeped. There was a missed call from Kat. Thrilled to talk to her best friend and see how things were going on Lover’s Lane, she quickly twisted her hair into a bun and called her back.

  “Jade?”

  Her familiar voice filled Jade with a sense of peace. “May I please speak to Mrs. Adams?”

  “God, that sounds so weird!” She laughed. “How are you?”

  “I’m good. How are the Keys?”

  “Oh, mygosh, Jade, it’s so much fun here. Last night I actually threw up from drinking too much!”

  “No way! That’s so unlike you.”

  “I know! Tyson was not happy. Where are you? I called earlier and you didn’t answer. Did you cover someone else’s shift?”

  “Uh, no. I’m actually at Jeremy’s … sitting on his bed.”

  “What? How did this happen? You aren’t supposed to do anything fun until we get back. Start at the beginning. I want to hear everything! Oh my God, you and Jeremy! I knew you two would eventually hook up. I can’t believe this. Tyson!”

  Jade jerked the phone away from her ear. “Whoa, settle down, Kat. We haven’t even slept together—”

  “What? Why not? Jade, you’ve been pining after him for a year. And I know Jeremy’s no virgin.”

  “Okay, let’s try to steer the focus away from how you know that and settle down a bit. First of all, we didn’t sleep together, but we definitely did some first class fooling around. I, uh, I can’t have sex right now anyway. I, um, I have my period,” she lied.

  She normally told Kat everything, but there was no way she was spoiling even a minute of her best friend’s honeymoon.

  “Oh, that sucks. Did you spend the night at his house?”

  “Yeah.”

  “So are you guys, like, an item now?”

  “Well, we talked about it and we want to see where things go. We agreed not to see other people and we aren’t telling Mia. Yet.”

  “That’s a good idea. Mia gets really attached and you’re already up there with Santa and the Easter Bunny in her eyes. The idea of you and her father would be like… I don’t know, Cinderella joining the family.”

  Tyson’s deep baritone mumbled in the background. Kat briefly muffled the phone and explained the situation to him at an inhuman pace. “Tyson said Jeremy’s a good guy, but you already knew that. Anyway, are you going to work today?”

  “Yeah. I have to go in at three. Why?”

  “Oh.” She sounded disappointed. “Well, is Jeremy with you?”

  “No, he went out. What’s up?”

  “Nothing, it’s just that Gloria has Trixie and it turns out Darrel’s dog allergies aren’t immune to beagle fur after all. I was wondering if you or Jeremy could take her for the rest of the week, but then I thought about you working doubles and that’s too long for Trixie to be left alone. I mean, you could stay at our house if your lease doesn’t allow dogs, but again, with your schedule… Jeremy’s really the best choice. Besides, I’m sure Mia misses her and she’ll be with him tomorrow night so—”

  “Kat.” The girl could ramble for days, worrying herself into a seizure. “It’s okay. Give me Gloria’s number and between Jeremy and me, we’ll work something out.”

  “You’re sure?”

  “Yes, it’s fine.”

  “And like I said, you can stay at our place if it’s easier. You have your key, right?”

  “Yup, and I may just take you up on that.” She thought about crashing there two nights ago but didn’t have an excuse. This was perfect.

  “Thank you so much. We really appreciate it. I miss you.”

  “I miss you too.”

  With everything going on in Kat’s life, Jad
e was sure she had no idea just how much that was true. She longed for the moment her friend was back and life resembled normal again.

  “Okay. Ty’s yelling at me to get off the phone. We have reservations for a couples’ massage and then we’re heading to the airport for our flight to Jamaica. I love you.”

  “I love you too, babe. Be safe and call me when you get to Negril.”

  “I will. And have fun with Jeremy! Bye.”

  By twelve o’clock Jeremy still wasn’t back. After an hour of television, claustrophobia set in. Retrieving her latest issue of Cosmo from her car and a glass of water from the kitchen, she dragged one of the beach chairs off his back deck and placed it in a sunny patch on the lawn.

  Tall sycamore trees offered a bit of privacy. There wasn’t a neighbor for at least a quarter mile. Looking around one last time to make sure she was alone, she hiked up her shorts and stretched out her legs.

  Somewhere in the middle of the 40 Girlie Moves that make Guys Melt article, gravel crunched and Jeremy’s Jeep pulled in the driveway. She shaded her eyes from the sun as he walked around the corner holding a tool kit.

  “Well, that’s a nice sight to come home to.”

  Self-consciously, she stood and unrolled her shorts to cover her thighs.

  “Don’t cover those beautiful legs on my account.” He swaggered closer and placed a soft kiss on her mouth.

  Her body hummed with pleasure. “Where were you?”

  “Your place.”

  She stilled. “What? Why?”

  “You said you needed a new lock, so I installed one. You left your keys by your purse so I borrowed them. Here’s your new key.”

  She took the keys, not quite understanding her irritation. “Wow, I didn’t realize you were in such a hurry to get rid of me.” But that wasn’t it. She was more annoyed that someone went into her home while she was unconsciously oblivious—again. It didn’t matter that it was Jeremy.

  His brows lowered. “No hurry, I just wanted you to feel safe in your apartment.”

  “Oh.” Was that all? Well, perhaps he could replace her memory too while he was fixing things. Then she’d be good to go. “Thanks.” He did her a favor, after all. There was no reason to be bitchy about it.