If I Fall

by Lydia Michaels

  “Did you have lunch?” He picked up a small toy Mia must have left in the grass.

  “No, I would’ve made something, but I didn’t know when you were coming back.”

  “I left a note.”

  “Where?”

  “On the fridge. Said I was going to run some errands and I’d be back around lunch. I guess you didn’t get it. Sorry.”

  “That’s okay. I kept myself busy.” She followed him into the house.

  “Doing what?”

  “Nothing much. Took a shower, watched some TV, talked to Kat.”

  He gave her an unsure look. “Did you tell her about us?”

  “Yes.” She typically told Kat everything. She could keep their relationship a secret from Mia, but Kat … no way. “I didn’t go into detail, but I told her there’s been some kissing.”

  His gaze skated to the counter. “What did she say?”

  Aw, he was nervous. How cute.

  “What do you think she said, Jeremy? She’s my best friend. She’s known how I feel about you for a long time and she’s married now. Sorry to burst your bubble, but I think she’s over you. She was happy for us.”

  He looked relieved and then took a slow step toward her. Wrapping his arms around her waist he pulled her close and pressed his face into the curve of her neck. Her insides buzzed with tingling excitement.

  “A long time, huh?”

  “Don’t act like you didn’t know.” Rolling her eyes, she playfully shoved him, but he only tightened his grip. “I’m sure you had a good old time towing me along for the past twelve months.”

  “I didn’t ‘tow’ you along. I was waiting for the right moment.”

  “And that moment happened to be when I was all snotty and teary, having a breakdown in your Jeep?”

  “Well, yeah, I picked up on some signals. Clearly, your yearning had driven you to a state of emotional delirium. It was that, and, I guess when you tried to break my nose. All serious come-hither moves on your part.”

  She laughed. “You’re an ass.”

  His lips pressed to hers. “You like it.”

  It was true. His ass was very likable. “Feed me, Seymour.”

  “As you wish.”

  They had a quick lunch of deli sandwiches and chips. “I’m noticing a trend here. Your culinary skills are very bachelor.”

  He shrugged. “I can do the basics.”

  “One day I’m going to make you a real meal.” First, she’d have to figure out some recipes, but the idea of cooking for him seemed domestically sexy.

  After lunch, she, unfortunately, had to get ready for work. She wanted to get in early to see if there had been any headway with her lab work. Her shift started in an hour and she used up an additional twenty minutes making out with Jeremy at the front door. It was the best goodbye she’d ever had.

  “Call me when you’re done work,” he insisted.

  “It’ll be late.”

  He gave her a stern look. “Call me. As a matter of fact, stay with me again tonight.”

  Her smile trembled. “Yeah?”

  He gave her a slow kiss. “Yeah.”

  “O—okay.”

  As she pulled away her heart fluttered like a leaf stuck in the windshield wiper of a speeding car. She was so gone for him. She truly hoped he was at least half as gone for her.

  Chapter Twelve

  Keying in the last encoded link, Jeremy signed off the computer and stretched in his chair. After a fairly productive afternoon getting three case objectives checked off his upgrade list, he finally let his thoughts wander to Jade.

  When he’d been in her apartment to fix the locks that morning he hadn’t noticed anything out of place. However, her apartment wasn’t an area he typically visited so he didn’t know what qualified as normal. Usually, people’s homes felt like the person. Her condo should have been warm, welcoming, cozy, and happy, but that wasn’t what he sensed.

  The building had been eerily quiet. He wasn’t trying to be a stalker, but his protective nature insisted he check things out and take a tour.

  A rinsed dish sat in the sink, her bed was unmade, and her clothing actually wore a fine layer of dust where they lay on the floor. The shower tiles were dry and a stale. Unlived-in scents masked her softer fragrance. Homes usually smelled like food, soap, cleaning products, or pets. Jade’s smelled … empty.

  Her locks were shit, with a hairpin catch and loose hardware. He’d replaced it with an industrial deadbolt and an inner/outer key knob. He also tightened up the weather stripping and replaced the bolts on the hinges.

  If she still wasn’t ready to go back, she could stay with him. He had no problem keeping her in his bed. But the real concern was with her vague explanations for her strange behavior lately.

  Jade wasn’t a skittish woman and something had really scared her. Losing a debit card didn’t match the sort of anxiety she was showing.

  Digging in his cabinets, he found a can of tomato soup and pulled out a pot, finding it sweet the way Jade left the lid right on top. It was odd having someone other than Mia in his house. He’d built it with only his daughter in mind. And every time he found a trace of Mia’s presence a sort of warmth filled him. Now he was finding traces of Jade and he liked that just as much.

  Jade teased him about his decorating, which really couldn’t be considered decorating at all. If he saw something girlie, pink, and sporting a princess, he picked it up for Mia. Other than that, his color scheme was white and beige. Some walls weren’t painted with anything more than primer. His carpets were neutral and his furniture was selected with only necessity in mind.

  Stirring the soup, he flipped his grilled cheese sandwich. He should probably get some more food in the fridge besides Mia’s snacks, mac ’n cheese, and cold cuts. What did girls eat?

  Retrieving a beer, he examined the empty shelves. Girls liked healthy stuff. Next time he went to the store he’d grab some yogurt and produce so she didn’t think he was living off beer and takeout.

  What would Mia think if she found out he and Jade were semi-dating? She’d go nuts. His daughter loved Jade and Jade loved Mia, yet something had him adamantly deciding to keep their relationship a secret from Mia for as long as possible.

  People broke up because of dumb shit all the time. He couldn’t risk Mia getting attached and things falling through. He wanted something monogamous with Jade, but as far as longevity … he wasn’t sure they could make this work.

  Biting into his sandwich, he let his mind drift to the future. Maybe it could work. Maybe she was The One.

  They had something good. Real good. Their chemistry was off the charts. She was girlie as hell, but not overly sensitive—aside from her little outburst the other night. She usually rolled with the punches and he liked that.

  Then there was her beauty. Green, mesmerizing eyes that clouded with lust when she was aroused and bounced with laughter when she broke his balls. He could stare into those eyes for days.

  He frowned, recalling how devastated she’d been the night of the wedding. Her eyes had been so vacant that night, deep pain hidden in the simmering depths. He wished she’d confide in him a little more, but they were still new and he shouldn’t rush things.

  Whatever had upset her, he understood it was a personal matter. Maybe something to do with her family? He wanted to protect her, fix whatever got her so worked up, but the most he could do was let her stay here, listen when she spoke, and replace her locks so she would feel safe in her home. It was a start.

  For a guy who didn’t relish drama, he sure was a sucker for Jade in distress. So used to her boisterous independence, seeing her sad knocked the wind out of him. It made her more … human, less intimidating.

  He hadn’t spent the night with a woman since returning from Iraq. It was too risky. But with Jade, he wanted more than a booty call. He wanted to hold her and wake up beside her. So long as he woke up like a normal guy and not some PTSD tragedy.

  Gasping out of sleep in a cold sweat, mus
cles tense, ready to fucking kill someone was not the guy he wanted to show Jade. Scrambled fucking dreams were not something men cry about, especially not in front of a woman who never seemed to flinch when life took a swing.

  But seeing that she had her own demons to fight—whatever they were—gave him the confidence to chance her seeing him in that unfavorable light. Who wasn’t a little broken at this stage of life? He had to remind himself that no one was perfect and if she did see the scars he hid inside, she might not flinch then either. He believed she wouldn’t.

  Jade was tough, but not invincible. Her sarcasm kept people at a distance. Having her open up to him, show a bit of her vulnerability the other night, enhanced his desire tenfold. It made him feel special, important, knowing she didn’t share those sides of herself with just anyone. His protective instincts kicked in and the urge to shelter her from further distress hit hard.

  Pushing his plate away, he looked at his watch. Only a few more hours until midnight. He liked having her in his home, in his bed. The house already seemed a little empty without her, but she’d be back soon.

  His body hardened with anticipation. He needed to blow off some steam so he headed to the basement for a late night work out. Soon enough she’d be back, and for reasons he didn’t want to identify just yet, that made him incredibly happy. Locks fixed or not, he liked having her with him.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Lily’s text hit Jade’s phone halfway through her shift.

  Meet me in my office in 30.

  With shaky hands, Jade placed her phone back in the pocket of her scrubs and tried not to throw up. Her lab results were obviously in like Derek promised they’d be by the end of her shift. But why didn’t Lily just text her that everything was fine? How the hell was she supposed to wait thirty minutes?

  She swung by the reception desk. “Hey, Rachel. Do you know where Dr. Bishop is?”

  The intern referred to her chart. “Um… Oh, she’s down in the OR. She just finished a C-section and they’re wrapping up.”

  Damn it. “Okay. Thanks. I’m going to take my break.”

  The minutes passed at an excruciating slow pace. She was starving—and anxious—so she destroyed three slices of pizza and tried to pass the time playing Candy Crush on her phone.

  She tried to keep busy as long as possible, but couldn’t take the waiting anymore so she took the elevator to Lily’s office. Luckily, she was returning from the maternity ward just as Jade stepped onto her corridor.

  Lily smiled. “Perfect timing. How are you feeling?”

  She took the smile as a good sign and relaxed. “Much better than I was two days ago.”

  “Good.” She shut the door and waved Jade to a seat as she settled in behind her desk. “Did you happen to visit that place we talked about?”

  She shook her head. “I’m going to file a report after my shift.”

  “Good. Do you need a friend to go with you?”

  One hurdle at a time. “Was there something wrong with my test results, Lily?”

  She folded her hands and took a slow breath. “Well, I have some good news for you. All your labs came back clean as a whistle.”

  A gust of air blew out of her lungs in a full body exhale. The relief was immense. “Oh, thank God.”

  “However, I’d like to run an additional tests. It’s probably nothing, but just to be sure—”

  “But you said everything came back clean.” Her back knotted with tension.

  “You tested negative for all the STD screenings, but I noticed something in your blood work that needs a second look.”

  She sank deeper into the chair. “What is it?”

  “You’re perfectly healthy, Jade, but your hCG levels are a little high.”

  Her mind rapidly shifted through a mental glossary of medical terms. hCG, hCG? She was at a loss but knew she’d used the term before. Human Chemical, no, not chemical… Human Chorionic Guh, Gun, Gonadotrophin. Yes, that was it! Human Corionic Gonadotrophin.

  Oh fuck… “Oh Fuck.” Her wide eyes stared at her friend. “You think I’m pregnant?”

  “Like I said, it could be nothing. That’s why I want to run a second test.”

  She couldn’t breathe. “No. No, no, no, no. Lily, I can’t be pregnant!”

  Rounding the desk, she gripped her hand. “Jade, take a deep breath. You might not be. The blood work was done too early to be sure. I noticed a slightly higher level than normal, but not enough to be a true positive. We can take your blood right now and run it down to Derek at the lab. He can have your results in a matter of minutes. Don’t stress yourself out until you have all the facts.”

  “Lily! What am I going to do if I’m pregnant?”

  She was going to throw up. Jade bent over until her head was between her knees, swallowing great gulps of air that didn’t seem to reach her lungs.

  Her peripheral vision flickered as a tingly sensation chased over her skin. Her name vaguely registered in the distance as her ears made a strange wobbly sound.

  Breathe—

  Mmm, cozy.

  She reached for Jeremy, but her hand gripped air. A tiny beep echoed in the distance. Did she have a voicemail? Where was her phone? Why were her eyes so heavy?

  “Sweetie?” Whose voice was that? “I think she’s coming around. Jade, sweetie, can you hear me?”

  Who was that? Angelic. It was a familiar voice, soft and gentle, maternal, but not her mother’s. It lacked that Jewish, Long Island twang.

  “Jade, can you open your eyes?” The voice had the effect of a lullaby, making it harder to force herself awake. “Can you say something?”

  Jade hummed. “Long Island is neither long nor an island. Discuss amongst yourselves.”

  “Is she high?” a male voice asked.

  “Oh, do shut up, Derek. Jade, sweetie, open your eyes for me.”

  Her lashes fluttered and quickly shut them against the light. “Bright,” she grumbled, trying again.

  Lily leaned over her with a smile. “Good morning, sleepy head.”

  “Where am I?” Jade squinted at the fluorescent light.

  “You fainted in my office.”

  “Oh God...” Jade moaned and rolled to her side. Pieces of her last conversation came hurtling back to her and she wanted to be unconscious again.

  “Derek, can you give us some privacy?” Lily asked and a door clicked. “Jade, honey, look at me.”

  “I don’t want to,” she moaned into the cot.

  “Have it your way then, I’ll talk to your bum. While you were unconscious we ran some more tests.”

  At that, Jade turned to gage Lily’s expression. Blank.

  “Should I sit up for this?”

  “No, I think you’re safer lying down.” A sympathetic curve turned her lips. “Jade, honey, you’re pregnant.”

  Chapter Fourteen

  “And that’s how I ended up here with you,” Jade told Trixie.

  The beagle lay resting its chin on Jade’s lap, sharing a pint of Ben & Jerry’s Cherry Garcia in Kat and Tyson’s bed. After Jade’s second episode at the hospital, she was sent home. Well, not home. She didn’t want to go home and Lily didn’t want her to be alone.

  Crises have a way of improving one’s ability to bend the truth. Needing to get away from people in general, she looked her friend in the eye and lied, swearing she was going straight to Jeremy’s and wouldn’t be alone. Yeah, right. She couldn’t face anyone, let alone him.

  Jeremy expected her at his place around midnight, but that was long over. It was now two a.m. and she had three voicemails and several missed calls she had no intention of returning. She was hiding.

  After leaving work, picking up the essential life crisis ice cream flavors and startling the hell out of Tyson’s sister when she called about the dog in the middle of the night, Jade tearfully explained everything to Trixie. The dog didn’t have any advice but was a good listener.

  She was pregnant. She tasted the word right along with the ice cream, but
bitter resentment soured the sweet flavor.

  Dear God, what was she going to do? She knew nothing about the father aside from him being a psychopath that preyed on unconscious women. Not his age, ethnicity, background, not even his name. Not only was she carrying this asshole’s child, but her hair sample showed traces of benzodiazepine, one of the main ingredients of Rohypnol.

  It was all so wonderfully romantic one could puke. Which she had. Several times since getting the news.

  Her phone vibrated. Glancing at the screen she moaned. How was she ever going to explain this to him? It was fun while it’d lasted, but sadly it was over.

  The idea that she’d never get the chance to actually make love to him built a sob in her throat, choking her, shaking her body to the core. Throwing her face into the pillows she wailed in despair, punching her fist into the bedding.

  Why was this happening to her? The pain in her chest was unbearable. Gasping through her fear, every emotion wrung out of her in an excruciating exorcism of hopeless acceptance. She sobbed until her voice was hoarse and her strength was depleted.

  Focusing on nothing at all, her mind slowly quieted as numbness set in. It was a fitful rest, one in which she cried throughout. With no memory of shutting her eyes, her body jerked awake as Trixie barked like a maniac.

  Her heart pranced in her chest, pummeling her ribs as she drew a pillow protectively to her chest. What was happening?

  Disoriented and startled awake, she recoiled at the rumbling of heavy thunder mixing with the dog’s angered barking and squinted at the empty ice cream container next to the alarm clock. 4:28 a.m. Then the banging continued and she realized it wasn’t thunder.

  Jade sluggishly rolled out of bed and cursed as she stubbed her toe on the nightstand. “Fuck!”

  She hobbled to the window. Her gaze landed on the Jeep parked at the curb. Shit.