Hell Inc.

by C. M. Stunich

  “What on earth were you thinking? Do you desire death?” I rolled my eyes.

  “Oh yeah Levie, I want to die.” He narrowed his eyes at me.

  “It was all for that fop, wasn't it? You desire him.” I coughed on my own spit and tried not to scoff. Hell hath no fury like a demon lover scorned ... or something like that I guess. As much as I would have liked to dwell on the thought that maybe, just maybe Levie had some genuine feelings for me, I wasn't going to get a chance to. At that moment a rather ostentatious limousine pulled up to the curb.

  I should have known the white, Hummer-fronted monstrosity could have harbored nothing short of the Devil himself. The tinted back window rolled down with an expensive purr, and Lucifer stared out at me over the tops of his enormous sunglasses. Vae sat next to him, white gloved hands clasped on her lap, and gave me an almost apologetic smile. Great.

  Levie slunk in behind me and stood cowering, wings over his head like some enormous leather umbrella as droplets started to fall, rhythmically hitting the roof of the overpriced piece of vainglory. I moved my right hand in what I hoped was a surreptitious manner behind my back in an attempt to hide the genie's bottle. The Devil sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

  “This latest wish of yours is becoming a PR disaster and much as I would like to think my nephew has been doing his job, I highly doubt that fact. Therefore, Levie,” Levie cringed as if he'd already been dealt a blow, and I fleetingly wondered what on Earth the people walking by were thinking. I did notice that the fire in the trash can had been put out which was good, but the stench still clung to the air making the gray overcast day even gloomier with the smell of toasted, rotted garbage. Yum. “I'm reassigning you.” Now it was my turn to act like I'd been struck.

  “Wait, what do you mean 'reassigning'?” I practically yelped. Without Levie, I was surely going to get myself killed, not to mention Erin. Plus, there was that whole 'losing my virginity to the guy' thing to deal with. “I can't handle this situation on my own!”

  “Precisely,” the Devil said, sneering. “Which is why I'm going to assign you a new and hopefully this time, semi-competent caseworker. Levie, I want to see you in a janitor's uniform sometime in the next fifteen minutes.” He narrowed his eyes and the flames that danced there reflected back at me from his sunglasses. “There was a little incident in one of the storerooms today and there's a lot of blood to clean up. Now, hurry up.” I was shocked, stunned even. This, I hadn't expected, though I should have. My mouth opened but no sound came out. I tried to meet Vae's eyes in the hopes of finding some support, but the slender elf wouldn't even look at me. I turned around and saw the same horror reflected in Levie's eyes.

  “You can't leave,” I practically pleaded with him. “You just can't.” Levie tore his eyes away from mine and looked down at the sidewalk.

  “I am sorry but there is nothing that I can do at this moment. I cannot go against my uncle's orders.” I stifled the urge to sob by putting my fist in my mouth. It wouldn't help. It would only make me seem weaker. I whirled around again to face the Devil, but Levie spoke again before I could get anything out. “Though you know she cannot take on another caseworker, Uncle.” I was shocked to see that this was said with a slight sneer. The Devil ignored him completely.

  “Oh and don't think I'm done with you,” he hissed pointing a nail at me. “Your little escapades are becoming tiresome. If the genies weren't on strike right now, I'd have your little wish undone come morning.” I squeezed the bottle harder, the cool glass offering hope where there really, truly hadn't been any before. I guess Terrence had been good for something. “But you really haven't broken any rules either so I suppose I must cut you a deal.” I gulped but kept my mouth shut, no sense in interrupting this particular train of thought. The Devil snapped his fingers. “That's it. How about this,” he leaned his arms on the window seal as if we weren't discussing a supernatural contract that bound my soul to Hell. “You forfeit your last wishes, give us permission to undue your last lapse of judgment and voilà, your soul is yours again.” My heart leapt into my throat. A second chance. Not that I'd had much in the way of regrets about it before but ...

  “Can I add one more thing?” My voice came out squeakier than I would have liked. “Let Levie stay as my caseworker.” The Devil frowned.

  “I suppose I can withhold reassigning him to janitor, but what do you care? He'll still be leaving today. You take this deal and your contract with us is up. Done. Kaput. Finished. You understand me?” I did, but I didn't want to. I turned around again, but Levie was already gone. The sphinx cocked its head.

  “Perhaps a jewel is even more treasured at the bottom of the sea than atop one's own finger.” I balked at the empty square of cement. How could he have just left me here alone? And beyond the moral part of it all, how was it even possible? I turned around slowly and faced the smirking Devil who was, uncharacteristically, patiently awaiting my answer. After another moment of my shocked silence, he sighed irritably and took the bug-eye glasses off his face.

  “Is it a deal or not?” It was hard to think beyond my emotions, but I needed to. Get a grip on yourself, Ginger. I shook my head to clear the cobwebs and tried to look at the situation from a rational angle. He would undue the wish. Just what I wanted. And then what? Was I off the hook? With the vampires, the fairies, and the yetis? Would the Devil even know?

  “Fine. We have a deal but will this, uh, you know clear everything up?” The Devil raised his eyebrows, and the smirk returned to his lips.

  “Oh, you should know that better than I would. Once people want to see something, who can stop them? We're just undoing the wish and limiting our liability in the whole situation.” The window began to roll back up, and I grasped the edge of the glass.

  “What do you mean by that?” The Devil removed his hand from the button and stared me straight in the face, irritation building to anger.

  “I mean, you stupid fool, that this problem is still yours to deal with and yours alone. Now, if you won't take your hand off my window, I'm afraid that I'll be procuring your permission to cut it off.” I snatched my hand back and watched as the window continued to close. “I'll have someone swing by with the papers later today. Don't worry about a meeting place; we'll find you.”

  The rain had increased from a light drizzle into an all out pour as the limo sped away from the curb. I pulled my coat tighter around me and stood stone still as people shouted and ran for cover around me. Misery set in like a black cloud around my heart, and I felt the urge to sob even stronger than before. I put my hand to my mouth again and stifled back a cry. The situation hadn't gotten much better; it actually seemed to have gotten much worse. Sure, my soul was mine again which if I had really given it much thought should have been a joyous ending to an ill thought out plan to make my life more interesting. I still had all of my previous problems to worry about but this time, I would be doing it alone. No Levie to catch me before I fell. I kicked an empty beer can into the middle of the street and watched as the wheel of a car crushed it almost immediately. I didn't think much of it until I realized that the car had stopped moving.

  It was another fucking limo. I rolled my eyes and tried to pretend that I hadn't noticed it. I glanced down at the sphinx who stared back at me with its usual blank expression. Strengthened by the resolve that at least someone – or something I suppose – had stuck around with me, I lifted my head back up to the car. The door opened and I was greeted to a very long, very pale expanse of thigh in a shiny pump. I raised my eyebrows and watched as the figure of Helena stepped out at me.

  “Well hello there,” she said with a grin, her fangs a stark white against the blood red of her lipstick. “Now, tell me this, what on Earth would possess Leviathan to leave a little bird like you all alone in the rain?”

  “He went back to Hell,” I said simply. Not that I owed her an explanation, but I needed to hear it from my own lips. Her mouth turned down at the corners and she sauntered across the street, heels splashing
in the newly formed puddles. She took my chin in her hand and studied my face. I didn't resist, and I found myself wondering if her glamour would work on me now that I wasn't under the protection of the Devil's magic anymore. I had to admit I was rather relieved when it didn't.

  “You're leaving out the little details, and it's the little details that make the story.” She released my chin and gestured at the limo which the sphinx was already in the process of climbing into. “Come with me. I'll take you somewhere nice, and you can tell me all about it.” I wasn't about to climb in the back of a car with a vampire that was part of a group that was giving me death threats.

  “Thanks but no thanks, I'll call a cab.” I turned as if to walk away when I saw the yeti couple pounding down the sidewalk towards me. They both had identical clubs gripped in their massive furry hands, and they didn't look happy. I didn't know what Levie did to get them out of his way outside the genie's house, but I didn't want to find out. “Ah, actually, that'll be just fine.”

  The sphinx and I didn't waste any time finding my own way into the limo. It took me a second to realize that it was the very same one that I had ridden in only days earlier. There was still a small blood stain on the carpet. I tried not to stare at it as Helena gracefully folded herself in next to me. With her fingers resting on the door handle, she froze. She did it the way that only vampires can do. They don't breathe; they don't blink. There is nothing about them that looks alive. Helena became like a statue, pale and frozen. The only movement about her entire frame was a light breeze ruffling the tips of her hair. Vampires are scary when they do that. It's that point in time in which you can't just pretend they're people with fangs. It's the moment that you realize that they are a different species entirely.

  My stress level was skyrocketing. I could feel my throat constricting and my flight or fight response kicking in. It wasn't just Helena but the two yetis. They would be on us any minute if we didn't get moving. “I don't mean to intrude, Helena, but we need to go.”

  The words had barely made it past my lips when the sphinx let out a scream like a wounded house cat and started to hiss. The window between us and the driver's seat burst inwards in a spray of glass and blood, and I found myself clutching at my neck. A piece of glass had sliced along the side of my throat. It wasn't incredibly deep, but it hurt like hell. Red was starting to soak into the collar of my shirt. The sphinx was climbing out of the vehicle, shaking its fur to rid itself of the shards of glass, and Helena was nowhere to be seen. I turned towards the open door and made as if to leave the car.

  I never got the chance.

  I didn't see the explosion. Not really. Because by the time I realized what was going on, I was already dead.

  Dying by explosion doesn't hurt, not really. My body was already incinerated by the time I noticed anything had happened. I was standing outside the burning ball of metal, wondering what the hell was going on when I finally realized it. The water in the puddle I was standing in wasn't pooling around my ankles; it was going through them. I stared at it for several moments not quite understanding what I was seeing, and before I got the opportunity to really process this newest bit of information, a crash drew my attention elsewhere.

  Helena's body smashed into the window of a nearby boutique, sending mannequin parts flying in all directions. She snatched a bright yellow T-shirt covered in peace signs from her face and snarled at the man who was stalking patiently towards her.

  It was Liam with his goatee freshly shaved, a single gold earring glinting in his left ear, and a sequined shirt that would have been more at home on a twelve year old girl. He was smiling an oily smile at her as he stepped over the threshold of the shattered window. Helena scrambled up quickly and took up a defensive crouching position. Liam paused next to a rack of women's shoes. He glanced back at the flaming limo, and his smile turned into an all out grin.

  “I can see that we caught you off guard.” Liam took another step forward, and Helena pulled a gun from her boot.

  “Don't move, you piece of trailer trash shit,” she said as Liam growled low in his throat and slammed his fist into the shoe rack. Heels went flying everywhere. One particularly ugly blue wedge came flying right at me. I ducked out of reflex (which was entirely unnecessary since a second shoe passed directly through my left shoulder). I didn't feel a thing. At least, not shoe related. My stomach (at least it felt like my stomach) was flip-flopping nervously, and I could feel my emotions beginning to close in on me. I tried to push them aside, at least for the moment, so I could concentrate on what was going on in front of me. If I was still standing here, that meant that I was at the very least a ghost and from personal experience, I knew that Helena would still be able to see me. She could help me work through this. She had to. Someone had to. “And how's your father?” she chuckled, sneering. “Enjoy his flight down the stairs did he?”

  “Daddy – er, Nathaniel, left the business to me. I'm the boss now. You think you have the right to speak to me with that kind of disrespect? Is there no honor in the world anymore?” All this coming from the man who had decapitated my mother and tried to rape me. It would have been almost funny if I hadn't been near hysteria from finding out that I was dead.

  “Fuck you.” Helena fired the gun at Liam. Unfortunately, his vampire reflexes made it simple for him to dodge the bullet which ended up lodged several feet behind him in the wall. She acted like she had expected just that and grinned as the sphinx leapt out from behind the checkout counter. It landed atop Liam with lightning speed, knocking him to his back and proceeding to go straight for his throat. Liam grasped the sphinx by its lion's mane and tossed it aside as if it weighed nothing.

  The sphinx skidded across the rubble strewn floor and dug its claws in for support. It crouched, golden fur sliding over its muscles as they gathered for another attack. Liam was already up, his attention focused on the sphinx when Helena appeared at his side. She moved so quickly that I didn't even see her until she had the gun pressed to his temple.

  “Nice try,” she whispered against his ear, and I jumped as the gun went off. The bullet went straight through his brain, and I cringed as I watched, for the third time that day, someone's head getting blown off. If I could have vomited, I would have. The combination of my nerves and the gore right in front of my face was a bit much. Helena's head jerked in my direction, and I watched her brown eyes grow round with surprise.

  “What the hell?” Exactly what I was thinking.

  “Can you help me?” I choked out, my hand going to my throat in a nervous gesture. Helena glanced down at the sphinx and then back at me. The sphinx sat and licked some of the blood from its mane. She raised her gaze back to mine.

  “You're a ghost,” she said. Great, I thought, thanks for stating the obvious.

  “Yeah, I kind of came to that conclusion, too,” I said, my voice rising an octave and my hands beginning to shake. I could feel hot tears streaming down my cheeks. Apparently, I could still cry.

  “There's no need to be so upset.” I turned towards the voice and saw Levie's cousin, Lunen, standing several feet behind me. He was holding a gnarled wood staff in one hand, his hair covered by a cloak. The image reminded me somewhat of a grim reaper. I swallowed hard and tried to push the idea out of my head.

  “What are you doing here?” I asked. Lunen's mouth turned up at the corners, but I wouldn't really call it a smile. His purple eyes were mesmerizing. I tried to look away when I heard Helena and the sphinx crunching across the rubble, but his gaze held me.

  “You're going to come with me,” he whispered, his voice low and melodic. I could feel myself succumbing to his glamour. I admit, I was a bit surprised. It was the first time it had been used on me since I'd signed the contract and been successful. Either the Devil's magic had finally worn off, or demons did it differently. Either way, I didn't resist when he reached for my hand. I expected his to pass right through me like everything else had, but his fingers were smooth and cool where he laid them across my arm.

>   “What are you going to do with her?” Helena asked from my right. I couldn't turn and look at her so entranced was I in Lunen's magic, but I could hear the guilt in her voice. “What are you going to tell Levie? He'll kill me.” Lunen looked up at her sharply, hood falling from his head and pooling around his shoulders. His hair was silver, and it was drifting in a breeze that I couldn't feel. Even though his eyes were no longer on me, the magic had already taken hold, and I was frozen in place.

  “I'm taking her to my father.” Oh yeah. I guess I was going to Hell. Great. The enormity of the situation hit me like a freight train. I gasped, and the spell broke. It was almost tangible, like water being poured over me. I collapsed to my knees in the dirt. A wail escaped my throat and echoed around the strangely empty street. In the panic I had been in, I hadn't even given a second thought to the fact that we were in the middle of a shopping district and not a single shouting person or cop car broke the silence. It was just the four of us, but I was getting to the point where I no longer cared.

  Lunen and Helena had stopped talking after my dramatic display of grief. They exchanged glances and then stood by patiently while I sobbed into the pavement. The sphinx trotted up to me and tried to nuzzle my side, but its body went right through me. This only made things worse. My sobs became hysterics, and I curled up into a fetal position, pulling up the hood of my coat in an attempt to hide. The moments dragged by without anyone saying anything, and I began to wonder if they were even still standing there. Feeling just a bit foolish, I pulled the faux fur away from my eyes and glanced up.

  “An apple is still an apple, even when it falls far from the tree,” the sphinx mused unhelpfully. Whatever that meant, it didn't sound like a compliment to me. I jerked the hood back down over my eyes with a huff. I heard the footsteps coming towards me but didn't expect the light that began to coalesce around Lunen's booted feet as he stood inches from my face.