Hell Inc.

by C. M. Stunich

  “Ginger,” he spoke calmly, soothingly. I relented and removed the hood again. He was staring down at me, his eyes catching mine again instantly. “Just stay where you are and try to remain calm.”

  “Calm?” I practically spat at him. “You remain calm on the day you die, and we'll see about that.” Lunen smiled coldly and twisted his staff around 360 degrees then slammed the base into the ground. I sat up as the rubble around me began to rise. On second thought, I mused, we're sinking. Lunen and I were descending on a small circle of red and orange energy. Helena waved sadly at me as we sunk out of sight, the sphinx sitting stoically beside her.

  I didn't have to ask where we were going. It was rather obvious. I groaned and buried my head between my knees. I may have been along for the ride, but that didn't mean I was going to enjoy it. Luckily, it didn't take long for us to arrive at our destination. In fact, we were there in less time than it had taken me to originally set up the spell needed to use the bathroom mirror as my portal. As soon as we had come to a complete stop, I lifted my head and glanced around a somewhat familiar room. The waiting room with the blue indoor-outdoor carpeting. The one where I had first met Levie. My heart squeezed, and I pushed the feelings away, something that it seemed I had become quite accustomed to doing lately.

  I stood up and surveyed the room. Nothing had changed décor wise, but the desk was empty. Apparently, they hadn't found a new secretary yet. Or administrative assistant I supposed I should say. I almost smiled at the thought, but that smile soon became a frown when Lunen opened the door to the hallway I had gone through before. I sighed and slipped out of my coat, dropping it to the floor. Ghost or no ghost, I was sweating like crazy.

  “My father would like to speak with you immediately. There's been a problem with your contract.” My contract?

  “But we broke contract,” I mumbled, my thoughts a whir. But if we'd broken contract, then I shouldn't have even been there. I looked Lunen in his purple eyes, daring him to glamour me again. He just stood silently and waited for me to get my thoughts in order. “Why am I here?” He sighed and reached into his robes, producing a tidy scroll.

  “I've just been granted a new position in the company. My father's erased my previous transactions from the record as a bit of a reward. I'm his new ... errand boy.” Lunen's lip twitched with displeasure. “My first all important task was to come and deliver these papers to be signed by you, thereby nullifying any and all involvement you may have had with the company. However, you were inconveniently dispatched by the lovely Liam's car bomb. This means that, upon your death, all parties involved are hereby required to honor the terms in the original contract.” I stared back at him, not quite understanding. Lunen adjusted his grip on his staff and took a step towards me. “There's a problem, Ginger. You weren't supposed to die until you had received all of your wishes. You still had two left. This creates a bit of a problem for us.” I couldn't believe it. Maybe there was someone watching out for me. Someone who had conveniently gone missing during the whole explosion thing, but hey, I could forgive and forget.

  “Then I wish I were alive and whole again.” I said it without thinking clearly which was of course, dumb. But I was desperate. I closed my eyes and waited. The clock on the wall chimed, and I opened my eyes to find Lunen, face full of pity. It pissed me off. “What's your problem?” I snapped. “And why isn't it working?” Lunen sighed and glanced at the clock.

  “We need to hurry or we're going to be late.” The pity melted a bit to reveal just the slightest hint of fear. “And he doesn't like late.” Lunen grasped my wrist and began to drag me down the hall. I stumbled after him, confused.

  “Why isn't it working?” I pressed again as Lunen knocked on the Devil's door. Vae opened it immediately and ushered us in. Lunen ignored me as he pushed past her and opened the metal doors to his father's office.

  “I don't fucking believe this!” The Devil's voice came crashing out at us. “How could you let this happen?” There was no answering voice, and when I glanced around Lunen's broad frame, I saw that he was on the phone. “No, I don't care if he hits a hundred thousand. I'm the CEO of this company and I'll – ” A pause while Lucifer waited for the person on the other end to speak. He saw us and gestured us in with a violent wave of his hand. “I've got to go,” he snapped. Another pause. “No, I said I've got to go!” He slammed the phone down without another word and slid off the edge of his desk into his chair. He reached up and began massaging one of the tiny horns that protruded from his head. “Sit down, now.” I didn't argue, just slid around Vae and Lunen and plopped into the nearest chair. A leather wing back which was actually quite a bit comfier than it looked.

  The Devil steepled his hands atop his desk and sighed. Lunen and Vae remained standing, and there was an awkward bit of silence as Lucifer collected himself. He lit a cigarette and leaned back in his chair. “Why do these things always happen to me?” he asked. I assumed he wasn't speaking to anyone in particular so I kept my mouth shut. “I have a useless nephew, a useless son, and now this.” He gestured absently at me with his cigarette. “And now the board is after me for – ” The Devil had stopped, his eyes glued to my lap. I looked down and realized that I was holding the genie's bottle. How it had gotten there, I had no idea, but my hands were clenched around it as if my entire life depended on that little piece of glass.

  “What the hell?” I queried at the mysteriously appearing bottle. The Devil scrambled up from his desk and came around towards me. Little spouts of flame burst up in random places from the carpet as his excitement filled the room.

  “Where did you get that?” he asked greedily, hands questing towards me. I pushed myself as far into the chair as I could get, hugging the glass to my belly.

  “You can't touch it,” I declared, sounding far more sure of myself than I felt. He was the Devil after all. “I might need this.” Lucifer pulled away from me with a raucous laugh.

  “Oh, I highly doubt that.” He sneered at Lunen. “What did you tell her?” Lunen shook his head.

  “Only the obvious, sir.” The Devil harrumphed and stabbed his cigarette into the ashtray as if he imagined he was crushing me right along with it.

  “Ginger, my dearest client,” he purred. “Did you ever get around to reading the whole contract?” Right. In the future, I really, truly was going to start reading the fine print on things. Seriously. This time, I meant it.

  “Uh, well, you see there was this whole thing ... ” I lifted the bottle to the light, the swirling pinks and reds of the glass catching the light of the Devil's flames and casting them across the skin on my hand. I couldn't help but notice the covetous way his eyes followed it. There was something going on here that I wasn't quite getting. “I didn't really get around to that.”

  The Devil nodded and snapped his fingers. Vae glided into the room and presented me with a very familiar scroll on a silver tray. I took a deep breath and picked it up gently. Untying the tiny white ribbon that bound the parchment, I was suddenly struck breathless by the thought that this bit of paper would determine the fate of my soul. I unrolled it slowly and stared at the black cursive print.

  “Section 14, paragraph 3, line 12. In the event of the wisher's demise, whether from old age, accident, or intent ... ” I stared at the lines in front of me. It wasn't quite what I was hoping for but it would have to do.

  “So I get one year back on Earth to make my last wish or it's null and void, and I still end up here ... or ... I can wish for a worker's permit here and now. What the heck is a worker's permit?” The Devil waved his hand dismissively.

  “Who cares about that? I'm willing to offer you an even better deal.” I narrowed my eyes at him.

  “I want to know what a worker's permit is.” He ignored me.

  “I feel bad for you, Ginger. I do.” He didn't sound like he felt bad. He sounded sleazy, like a used car salesman. “We had that little deal that was going to get you off free and clear and remove all liability off of the company's shoulders for
your ridiculous wishes. But here you sit, your body burned to a crisp.” Gee, thanks for the reminder. I shifted in my seat and scowled. “So I'm willing to offer you another deal. Take it and I'll give you this offer, one last time. You know how lucky you are? Most idiots agree to sell their soul and never get a chance to undo that grievous mistake.” I wanted to shout that he was the one who sold me the deal in the first place, but I decided to sit quietly and listen. Why not? What did I have to lose? At that point in time, absolutely nothing. The Devil pulled a cigar out of a mahogany box and put it between his lips. “Our Recall and Collections department is on strike.” The Devil stood abruptly and sauntered over to Lunen. Throwing back his son's hood with a scowl, he turned around to face me again. “That's why I took this idiot – and his fool cousin – back. Just agree to work with me until we can get the genies off their labor strike, and we'll call it even.” Bingo.

  “Labor strike?” I knew I sounded cocky, but I couldn't help it. It felt like I suddenly had the upper hand. “Is that why you can't undue the wishes?” What a ridiculous notion, but one I was sure that I could twist to my advantage. “Why would I be any better at that than you? I don't know anything about genies.” The Devil ignored me and poured himself some scotch from a lovely little decanter in the shape of a woman screaming and writhing in agony. How nice.

  “Look,” the Devil said, turning to me with a grin. “I already have the contract written up. Just sign and dot and voilà, you're done. Finito.” Vae glided up to me again bearing a second tray and scroll as well as the needle that I had used before to prick my finger. I picked up the contract and unrolled it. It certainly looked legitimate, but I still didn't understand why they didn't just snatch the bottle from me and make the genie do what they wanted.

  “Something isn't right,” I said, setting the scroll back onto the tray. “There's way too many things that just don't make sense.” The Devil whirled to face me, eyes ablaze, flames whirling around his being and singing the hairs on my arm. He stalked towards me menacingly.

  “You stupid, arrogant, little human,” he roared, his voice taking on a second gravelly undertone. It sounded a bit like something out of the Exorcist. I shivered and shrunk back into the chair. I tried to recall my earlier self advice of not arguing with demons, especially with the master of all demons. I really needed to take some classes on self preservation. Maybe they had one at the community college?

  The Devil grabbed me by my shoulders and shook me. “Do not question me!” His voice rang in my head, and I felt a warm trickle as blood dripped down the sides of my face from my ears. Lunen clasped his father's shoulder, causing the Devil to turn his anger onto him. Lunen held up his hands and spoke before Lucifer had a chance to say anything.

  “Father, please. Allow me to set the girl up with a room in Purgatory. I'm sure with some time to calm down and process all that has happened to her, she will gladly accept your contract.” The Devil shook his hands and bits of flame fell from them onto the floor, cooling and smothering on the already badly singed carpet. Lucifer sighed and rubbed his temple.

  “Fine. Do what you want with her. I don't have time for this. Just deliver me results Lunen or this failure will be your last.” To Lunen's credit, he didn't flinch, just nodded. Inwardly, I sighed with relief. Until I realized what he had said.

  “Purgatory?” I squeaked. What in the hell was that? I mean, I knew what purgatory was in the Catholic sense of the word, but I was coming to realize that organized religions were wrong on so many levels. I was ignored completely.

  Lunen pulled his hood over his hair again, a habit of his I noticed, and gestured for me to follow him. I slid out of the chair as quietly and inconspicuously as possible and slunk after him. Vae gave me a tight-lipped smile as she watched us leave from her position rubbing the Devil's back in comforting little circles. I wondered if they had a 'thing.' That thought didn't last long however as I crept down the dank hallway. We were proceeding in the direction opposite the reception area, and I noticed that as we walked, the air was heating up substantially. I fanned myself with my hand and tried not to complain, but it was really getting to me. The entire front of my shirt was soaked with sweat. How attractive I must have looked.

  “Lunen,” I whispered, jogging slightly to match pace with his long legged strides. “Why am I sweating like a freaking pig? What happened to being dead? Aren't I at least immune to this sort of thing?” He ignored me and kept walking. I was getting really, really tired of being ignored by these people. “Lunen!” I barked. “Answer me, goddamn it!” I felt the tears sting my eyes and roll down my cheeks. I was scared. I admit it. Lunen sighed and threw back his cowl.

  “Ginger, since you are my cousin's mate, I will confide something in you.” One of my eyebrows made an ascent into my hairline.

  “Wait. What?” Lunen wrinkled his brow.

  “I said since you are my cousin's mate – ” I held up a hand.

  “That's what I'm confused about, Lunen. What do you mean by mate?” Was Levie one of those guys that gossiped to anyone who would listen after he got laid? God, I hoped not. Lunen sighed again, a deep heavy sigh and shook his head. He reached up for his hood again. I slapped his hand away. “Stop doing that.” He gave me a strange look.

  “You are certainly peculiar. I suppose that is why Levie chose you. He never did like the girls around here. Or the boys either for that matter.”

  “What did he tell you?” I demanded, planting my hands on my hips. When did he even get the chance to speak to Lunen? I wondered, feeling my checks flush at the thought of the two of them discussing ... that. Lunen frowned at me.

  “Oh no,” he groaned, turning away from me again. “He didn't tell you.” Goose bumps sprouted all over my arms. This wasn't going to be good.

  “Didn't ... tell ... me ... what?” I ground out icily through gritted teeth. My mind was awash with horrid thoughts. Every manner of terrible thing flitted in and out of my brain in the split second it took him to answer.

  “Demons mate for life.” I started choking. Lunen patted my back in a sympathetic manner and waited quietly while I tried to sort out those four little words.

  “What – what does that mean exactly?” I sputtered, wiping sweat from my brow. He didn't mean what I thought he meant ... did he? Lunen checked behind him as if he were worried someone was going to come up on us.

  “It's not for me to explain. I'm sorry. You'll have to talk to Levie.” He continued walking as if we'd never had a conversation. I planted my feet and folded my arms.

  “No. I'm not going anywhere until you tell me what the hell is going on. Everything. From the damn worker's permit to the fucking genies and now this little gem. Spill it. I know you know.” Lunen looked down the hallway again, and I resisted the urge to kick him. “Stop that! The sooner you tell me what's going on, the sooner we can get out of here.” I narrowed my eyes and stared him down. Lunen returned the stare, stone faced, but a little trickle of sweat was forming above his left eyebrow. I was wearing him down; it was only a matter of time.

  The door that I was standing in front of suddenly opened and smacked me right in the ass. I yelped and turned around, rubbing my sore behind, and ready to throw a veritable hissy fit. That was cut short however by the neatly pressed figure that stood in front of me. Khaki business slacks and a terribly dull sky-blue button up shirt could not disguise the arrogant countenance of the one and only administrative assistant demon that I knew.

  “Levie,” I stated stupidly, shocked but not as shocked as he appeared to be. He closed the door behind him slowly and leaned against it, orange eyes wide and disbelieving.

  “What on Earth are you ... ?” His voice trailed off as he caught sight of his cousin standing behind me, head hanging and covered by the hood. “What is going on here?”

  “That's what I've been asking for the past several hours.” It came out snappy though I hadn't meant it to. I was actually quite relieved to see him. I couldn't trust anyone else, that was for sure. “
Levie.” I didn't know how to phrase what I was about to say, but I decided that it wouldn't do to avoid the subject for very long. He was going to find out sooner or later. “I um ... I'm dead.” Wow. That sounded flat. I swallowed and waited for him to yell at me.

  He didn't. He just stood there and stared at me like I was some foreign object that he had never seen before. I cleared my throat and waited. No one spoke. “Levie, I ... ”

  “Is this true?” he whispered. He wasn't speaking to me but to Lunen. Lunen looked up and nodded.

  “A vampire set a car bomb. She got in the way.” Levie turned back to face me, eyes narrowed.

  “You stupid girl, did I not warn you to be careful?” he snapped and grabbed my wrist, jerking me towards him. “What of her fate now, Lunen? Was she not released from her contractual obligations?” Lunen sighed and shook his head.

  “It all happened so fast ... ” he trailed off. My arm began to heat up from Levie's anger. Dead or not, I wasn't looking forward to being singed.

  “Can you please stop that?” I snapped back at him. He released me and turned his anger on Lunen.

  “Can you do nothing right?” Lunen glanced up sharply.

  “It's not as if I was given much warning, Levie. It was twenty minutes from the time of your reassignment to her death. I can't see how you can place the blame for this on me.” I tried to talk, but Levie was in too much of a panic to listen.

  “Have you spoken to your father yet? What is his verdict?”

  “The girl goes free if she can coerce the Recall and Collections employees to come back.” Levie stood silently for a moment before turning and facing me, taking my hands in his. I opened my mouth to mention the whole 'demons mate for life' bit, but he stopped me with a finger to my lips.