The Daddy Dilemma

by Karen Rose Smith

“Sara! You came back.”

  Swallowing hard, her heart aching with affection and churning with questions, she crouched down in front of him. “I’m going to spend Thanksgiving with you. How about that?” She looked up at Nathan to see if he’d given any other explanation. Her pulse raced as she looked into his eyes.

  “I didn’t tell Kyle you were coming in case you couldn’t get away.”

  In case she couldn’t get away? Not likely.

  Galen set down her luggage. “I had to practically wrestle her suitcase from her. I don’t know what it is about women today who think they have to do it all.”

  Sara thought she heard some bitterness in Galen’s voice, but it was gone when he asked Kyle, “How about if we make some popcorn before you go to bed?”

  “I want Sara to play with my fire trucks and read me a story.”

  “It’s getting late for more playing,” Nathan told his son. “But if Sara’s not too tired, she might read you a story.”

  Kyle looked up at her with big green eyes and a hopeful smile. “Are you too tired?”

  “Not at all. You can pick one out while I unpack.”

  When Kyle ran to his room to do just that, Nathan shook his head. “I’d like to bottle some of that energy.” He lifted her suitcase and gestured down the hall. “Come on, I’ll show you to your room.”

  Following him, she felt as if she’d just stepped into a parallel life drastically different from her own.

  At the doorway to the spare room, they paused, and their gazes met. “I’m afraid this one is a lot more sparse than the room in your apartment.” Nathan’s voice was gruff, and she wondered if he was concerned that she was judging his house and maybe his life with his son.

  As she stepped into the bedroom, she found it was sparse. There was a lodgepole-pine bed with a hunter-green coverlet, a light pine dresser and nightstand. Wooden blinds were pulled and shut over the windows. On the plank flooring, a braided rug lay on one side of the bed. Yes, the room was sparse, but it was charming in its Minnesota-woods way. She liked it.

  Nathan set her suitcase on the floor while she carried her computer bag to the bed. It was high. Hopping onto it, she bounced a little. “This is great.”

  “You’ll have to share a bathroom with Kyle. I have one in the master suite.”

  “I won’t mind, if he doesn’t.”

  “You’ll mind if you get into the bathtub to take a shower and you slip on one of his toys. Make sure his boats aren’t in the bottom before you get in.”

  Pushing up from the bed, she stood and came over to where he was standing at the dresser. “Nathan, if you really don’t want a houseguest, I could stay in town again.”

  “Would you feel more comfortable there?”

  She could see he wanted an honest answer. “No, I want to be around Kyle rather than running back and forth. But it’s your call.”

  “I invited you to stay here. Let’s just leave it at that.”

  “There could be some advantages to me staying here,” she suggested with a smile. “What are you doing for Thanksgiving dinner?”

  “I was going to order plates from the lodge restaurant.”

  “Would you rather I cook?”

  Her suggestion surprised him. “You know how to roast a turkey?”

  “My mom was a great cook. She taught me the basics, and a holiday turkey was one of them. I can even make chestnut stuffing. Is there a fresh market anywhere around here? Are they open before Thanksgiving?”

  “I think there’s one that’s open on Wednesdays and Saturdays in the old warehouse on the edge of town. I haven’t been there in years. I shop at the grocery store.”

  “If you haven’t been there for a while, you’re probably in for a treat. Do you think I could still get a turkey there?”

  Nathan shrugged. “It’s possible. If not, I’ll show you the poultry department in the grocery store.”

  He gave her a genuine smile and Sara’s knees felt a bit wobbly. That was ridiculous. She couldn’t feel weak from a man’s smile. She was just tired from racing around for the past two days.

  “Can we take Kyle along?” she asked.

  “We’ll have to…unless Dad can watch him. I gave the housekeeper time off until Monday. Ben’s flying in tomorrow night. How far can we stretch the turkey?”

  “I’m thinking maybe a fifteen-pound bird. You can invite whoever you want. There’ll be enough for your dad, your brother and probably a few guests.”

  “I think we’ll bypass the few guests, but Dad and Ben won’t turn down a home-cooked meal. When Val’s off, Kyle and I usually live on hash, hamburgers and scrambled eggs.”

  “And Kyle probably loves it.”

  “Yeah, I think he does. Val leaves casseroles for the weekend, but sometimes we do our own thing.”

  Nathan was wearing a flannel shirt, jeans and boots tonight, and looked more relaxed than she’d ever seen him. Maybe because he was on his home turf. Maybe because he didn’t feel as threatened by her.

  The smell of popcorn wafted down the hall. “We’d better get some of that before there isn’t any left. Kyle dives into it with both hands,” Nathan said.

  She was intending to move past him when he caught her arm. Going still, she looked up. Suddenly neither of them were relaxed anymore. His hand on her arm created a connection she felt to her toes.

  Releasing her, he stepped back. “I just wanted to tell you I made an appointment with Kyle’s doctor for Friday morning. He’ll take the samples for the DNA testing then.”

  “All right.” She might as well tell him now that she was going to stay until she knew for sure whether she was Kyle’s mother or not. “I took a leave of absence to stay in Rapid Creek until we know the results of the tests. As I said before, if you don’t want me here, I’ll find a place in town.”

  “Can you afford to take a leave?”

  “All I do is work, Nathan. I received an insurance settlement from the accident that paid off my school loans. So I’ll be fine. If I do stay here with you, I want to pay you something.”

  “No, absolutely not.”

  “Nathan…”

  “No, Sara. I won’t take money from you. Somehow we’ll figure out how all of this is going to work out. For now, let’s just get through Thanksgiving.”

  She wanted to do more than just get through Thanksgiving. Maybe she could make this a holiday for both Kyle and Nathan to remember.

  As she followed Nathan into the hall, she felt totally out of her element. She was used to planning her life, not randomly going with the flow. Still, something felt right about her being here in Rapid Creek right now.

  For once in her life, she was going to try to stop planning and just live.

  Chapter Four

  “W e’re lucky Sara’s making Thanksgiving dinner.” Kyle was still exuberant about her arrival.

  She had just shown him how to choose the ripest tomato from the stack at a stand in the market.

  At this moment, Sara felt lucky and blessed, but scared, too. Whatever this attraction was between her and Nathan could complicate her relationship with Kyle. At breakfast this morning, she and Nathan had been…polite. Nathan had informed her the market was open from 6:00 a.m. until 3:00 p.m., so they could leave whenever they were ready. He’d intended to have his dad watch Kyle, but when his son had asked, “Can I go along, too?” and Nathan couldn’t come up with a good reason why he shouldn’t, the outing was born.

  Kyle picked out another tomato redder than the others and handed it to Sara. Again she smiled at him and winked. “You’re so good at tomatoes, let’s try broccoli. Pick out a big bunch with no yellow.”

  Kyle did so, while both adults looked on. Sara’s pulse raced with Nathan close by. She had the feeling his focus was on her as much as on Kyle.

  A few minutes later she was leading the procession when she came to a case of turkey products. “No turkeys left?” she asked the proprietor, who stood behind the refrigerated case.

  “Not a one.”<
br />
  “I think you have one set aside for us.” Nathan’s deep voice came from behind her shoulder. “I phoned you this morning. Barclay.”

  “Oh, sure. You called me soon after the sun came up. Good thing, too. Most of my turkeys were spoken for.” He turned around and opened the chest refrigerator behind him, lifting out a huge bag. “It’s a fifteen pounder, just like you asked for.”

  Nathan took out his wallet and they settled up.

  As the proprietor handed the large bag to Nathan, he said, “Tell your dad I said have a happy Thanksgiving.”

  “I’ll do that.”

  As they stepped away from the stand, Sara said to Nathan, “I thought you didn’t shop here.”

  “I don’t, but Davidson supplies turkey products to the lodge. I’d forgotten he had a stand here, too, until you mentioned wanting to shop at a market.”

  As they strolled down the aisles, from food stand to food stand, Nathan recognized many of the proprietors, and nodded and said hello. When they paused at a bakery to purchase fresh rolls and bread, the smiling, round-faced, white-haired woman looked up at Nathan and asked, “Can Kyle have a doughnut?”

  When Nathan looked at his son to see if he wanted one, Kyle grinned and nodded.

  A piece of wax paper in her hand, she picked out a freshly glazed doughnut and handed it to him. “Your daddy liked my doughnuts when he was a boy, too. That’s when I took orders for them from my house,” she explained to Sara. “Every Friday afternoon Galen picked them up on his way home from the textile mill.”

  “Why don’t you give me a dozen of them,” Nathan suggested. “Ben’s flying in tonight. He could always eat four at a sitting.”

  “Your daddy always told me that the three of you boys squabbled over them, and he was lucky if he got one.”

  “I’ll be sure to save him one,” Nathan told her.

  Kyle happily took another bite of his doughnut. Sara’s elbow brushed Nathan’s as they walked away. She felt the current to her eyebrows.

  “I guess in a town this size, everyone knows everyone,” she murmured.

  “It seems that way sometimes.”

  After an awkward silence, she asked, “So your dad worked in a textile mill?”

  “He was a foreman until it closed down. Then he got a job managing the hardware store.”

  “Until you opened the lodge?”

  “It was his suggestion, actually. The place was for sale a long time, and nobody wanted to take it on. After Colleen—” Nathan stopped. “After I became a single parent, I didn’t want to work the hours I was putting in as an analyst. So Dad suggested we buy the lodge, and it worked out well.”

  “Are you happy here?”

  “As happy as I can be.”

  From the pictures of his wife in his house, Sara guessed Nathan still longed for the marriage he’d once had, longed for Colleen’s presence here with Kyle, missed her and always would.

  When Kyle asked his dad a question, Sara took the opportunity to walk ahead, to move away from Nathan’s masculine presence, his deep voice, the furrow in his brow that she’d like to ease away. Instead of searching for more produce, she headed for an alcove with grapevine trellises on three sides, dried flower arrangements and colorful baskets. She was inside the booth, Kyle following her, when she heard Nathan practically shout, “No, Kyle, come here. You can’t go in there.”

  Alarmed, and not knowing why Nathan had called to Kyle, she glanced over her shoulder and saw him take his son’s hand and herd him in another direction.

  She raced after them. “What’s wrong?”

  “The dried flowers, the potpourri, the scents. They could set him off. They’ll cause an attack quicker than anything.” Nathan sounded almost angry, and she realized she could have led Kyle into harm’s way.

  Kyle yanked on his dad’s hand. “Sara didn’t know, Daddy. Don’t be mad at her.”

  Nathan hunkered down in front of him and dropped his bags to the floor. He took Kyle by the shoulders. “I’m not mad at her. I was concerned for you. You have to know to stay away from those things, too.”

  “I forget sometimes,” Kyle responded.

  “I know you do, especially if it’s in a place where everything else is safe for you. But now you’ll know when you smell something pretty and sweet, you should probably go in the other direction, okay?”

  Kyle nodded and looked up at Sara. “Okay?”

  She laid her hand on his head. “I got it. If anything smells sweet or strong, we should go in the other direction.”

  She tried to read Nathan’s expression, but couldn’t. However, she knew what he was thinking. He couldn’t trust Kyle with her.

  As soon as she had some spare time, she would research asthma on the Internet, learn about it and order a few books. More than anything, she didn’t want Nathan to worry when Kyle was with her.

  The boy kept up a constant chatter in the car as they drove back to the lodge. He’d been stimulated and excited about everything he’d seen and done, and it bubbled out. He was grown-up for a five-year-old, and Sara suspected his maturity stemmed from being around adults most of the time.

  He helped them carry all the bags inside, like a little trouper, lugging whatever he could. His green eyes sparkled when he said, “I can’t wait till Uncle Ben gets here…till he sees we bought a real turkey.”

  “We’ve always had real turkey before,” Nathan protested. “It was just already on the plate with mashed potatoes and gravy.”

  “But we never cooked one. Can I help you, Sara?”

  Her gaze went to Nathan’s. “You can help as long as you stay away from the oven when it’s hot.”

  “But I can look in while it’s cooking, can’t I?” Kyle asked, still excited by the idea.

  “I’ll let your dad open the oven door so you can peek in. How’s that?”

  “Super. I’ll draw a picture of the market so I can show Val,” he said and was off to his room, leaving Sara and Nathan in the kitchen.

  Sara stood to one side as Nathan slid the turkey into the refrigerator. Before he could close the door, she opened the crisper drawer and deposited the broccoli and other vegetables there. The awkwardness between them wasn’t going to be dispelled easily, but she had to make a stab at it.

  “I’m sorry about what happened at the market.”

  “You didn’t know.”

  “Maybe we should have a discussion about asthma, and you could tell me everything I need to know.”

  “That’s easier said than done. Most of what I’ve learned has been by experience. But I do have a folder of materials that the doctor gave me, if you’re interested.”

  “I’m interested.”

  They gazed into each other’s eyes for a very long time, as Sara’s words seemed to echo with a double meaning. Flustered, she finally picked up the sack of potatoes. “Where should I put these?”

  He took them from her. “Nowhere. We’ll leave them on the counter. We’re going to peel them tomorrow. Look, Sara, in spite of what happened, Kyle seemed to have a good time. When he was practically skipping through the market, I realized how limited his life has become.”

  “You’ve got the toughest job a parent can have, being protective, yet letting him find his own way.”

  “I’ve concentrated on being protective since he was three. It seemed the best way to be. But seeing him with you today…”

  “I don’t understand.”

  “He’s different when he’s with you, Sara. Maybe it’s because you don’t have a preconceived notion of what he can and can’t do. That sets him free.”

  “I can’t tell whether you think that’s good or bad.”

  “It’s neither. It just is. Truth be told, I’m a little jealous, I guess. He constantly looks to me for approval or direction. I don’t think he sees me as a person he can have fun with.” Nathan seemed unsettled by that.

  “You can change that, you know.”

  “Can I? I’m not so sure. Being an effective parent, I don
’t know if I can be his friend, too.”

  “It might become easier as he gets older.”

  Nathan gave her a wry grin. “Somehow I doubt that.”

  “Are you and your brothers friends with your dad?”

  For a moment, Nathan looked as though he didn’t want to step into personal territory. But then he leaned against the counter and thought about it. “He’s more parent than friend. With three of us, he had to have a strong hand. When he set up rules, we knew if we broke them, there would be consequences.”

  “It sounds as if he was a good role model.”

  “He was. Maybe a little uncommunicative at times, really removed after our mother left. Sam and Ben and I would get bent out of shape when he’d sit in his recliner for an hour, just staring into space, not saying a word.”

  “I imagine he had a lot to sort out. Was your mother’s leaving…” Sara hesitated. “Unexpected?”

  Again, Nathan seemed to be uncomfortable talking about it, but he answered her. “It was like a bomb exploded. Our world blew up, and we didn’t really know what had happened. One day she was there, the next day she wasn’t.”

  “Your dad didn’t see it coming, either?”

  “He rarely talks about it. From what he has said, I think she was dissatisfied, unhappy for a couple of years. But he didn’t know what to do about it.”

  “How old were you when she left?”

  “I was nine, Ben was six and Sam was three. Our mother was from Liverpool and earned her degree in English literature before she came here on a trip and met Dad. She found a job substitute teaching at the Rapid Creek high school and worked part-time at the feed store. The three of us came along pretty quickly. She left us when she was accepted into a doctorate program at Oxford. She hadn’t even told Dad she’d applied. She just packed her bags, insisted it was his turn to take care of us, and flew away.”

  Nathan was telling the story somewhat dispassionately, but Sara sensed that underneath there was a strong current that still ran through his life—the angst of being abandoned by his mother. “Didn’t she come back to see you?”

  “She didn’t come back period. It turns out she’d grown to hate Rapid Creek and its limitations. When she divorced Dad, she moved on. It was as if one day she was one person, and the next she was someone else. Or else she’d hidden who she was all along, and everything she was feeling. At least from us.”