The Daddy Dilemma

by Karen Rose Smith

  After a few moments he let out a long breath. “We should pack up and get going.”

  “We need to talk about this…about what just happened.”

  As he met her gaze, she glimpsed the turmoil inside him. With foreboding, she suspected what was coming, but when he said the words, she wasn’t ready for them.

  “For now, I think it’s better if we don’t. We know what it was, Sara. We’ve been building up to it since we met. It was a release of the pressure we both felt. But that doesn’t mean it should happen again.”

  The stoic expression on his face told her he was resisting any tender feelings. He was pushing away any emotions that might resemble what he’d once felt for his wife.

  Sara had made mistakes in her life, but right now, this one felt like the biggest of all.

  Chapter Ten

  O n Thursday evening, Sara had left the door to the bathroom ajar, just in case Kyle called for her. He hadn’t seemed upset that his father wasn’t home. Nathan had called to ask if she would mind putting Kyle to bed. Of course she didn’t mind! Although Nathan had reminded her where Kyle’s inhalers were located, he hadn’t mentioned why he wouldn’t be home. She didn’t have the right to ask. As nine o’clock approached, she’d followed Kyle’s usual bedtime routine.

  Now she was trying to relax the tension from her body by taking a bubble bath. She’d been tense ever since…

  Ever since Nathan had decided what happened between them last Sunday at Sam’s cabin had been a mistake.

  She’d never attribute ulterior motives to Nathan. He was a stand-up kind of guy. If he’d wanted to string her along, he wouldn’t have backed off the way he had, would he?

  On the other hand, if he just wanted to keep her off balance…

  The conjecturing would make her crazy. Especially since she’d fallen in love with the man! Last weekend had absolutely brought that fact home. What was she going to do about it if she was Kyle’s mother? What was she going to do if she wasn’t?

  Lost in her thoughts, she was surprised to hear heavy footfalls in the hallway. Her options were limited. She could either emerge from the soap bubbles and wrap a towel around herself, praying she could do that in time, or she could stay neck-deep in the soapsuds and hope Nathan wouldn’t come in.

  After all, why would he? He apparently didn’t want more intimate contact with her.

  “I’m taking a bath,” she called out.

  The footsteps stopped outside the door. “I’ll check on Kyle,” Nathan said gruffly.

  “I’ll dry off. I need to talk to you,” Sara told him. “The doctor’s office phoned.”

  Propriety forgotten, he stepped inside the bathroom, his gaze locking onto hers. “With the results?”

  “You weren’t here, and the receptionist wouldn’t share them with me over the phone. I made an appointment for ten tomorrow morning, if that’s okay with you. If not, I can call and change it.” She stopped. “Or you can.”

  The bubbles were slowly disappearing and she thought she could almost hear the little pops as they did. But Nathan’s gaze stayed on her face, and she wondered how much willpower that took on his part.

  “Ten is fine. Was there anything else?”

  She guessed he thought she’d say no. Well, bubbles or not, bathtub or not, she wasn’t embarrassed by what had happened, even if he was. She had been making love, even if he hadn’t been. They couldn’t ignore each other for the rest of her stay. “Kyle wondered where you were tonight. I couldn’t give him an answer.”

  “Kyle wondered?”

  “I did, too,” she admitted.

  “I went to the Sports Den for a game of cards and a beer. It was a spur of the moment decision.”

  “Because you didn’t want to come home?”

  “Because I needed breathing space.”

  “Look, Nathan, I told you before, if you want me to move to the bed-and-breakfast in town—”

  “Tomorrow we’ll have an answer to the question that’s been plaguing us. After we get that answer, we can decide what happens next. I’m going to check on Kyle and then turn in.”

  Before she had time to worry about another bubble popping, Nathan was gone from the bathroom and possibly gone from her life.

  It all depended on those results in the morning. Everything did.

  Nathan was in shock. Sara knew it, just as she knew she’d fallen in love with him and that he’d want no part of that love. That’s why he’d pushed her away. Why he’d said they’d made a mistake.

  He’d been silent since they’d left the doctor’s office, and he kept his eyes glued to the road.

  As he pulled into the driveway at his house, she leaned over and touched his arm. “Nathan, what do you want to do?”

  When he turned to look at her, there was a stark desolation in his eyes, and she guessed why. He’d been holding on to the memory that Colleen was Kyle’s mother. Now reality might force him to let go of that idea, and he didn’t like it.

  “What I want to do is go back in time a few months, before all of this started.”

  She tried to keep emotion from her face, but apparently she couldn’t.

  When he realized exactly what he’d said, he swore. “I’m sorry, Sara. This isn’t your fault. It isn’t anyone’s fault. It just is. What I’m really having trouble adjusting to is the fact that Kyle won’t have trouble adjusting. He’s going to love the idea that you’re his mother. But are you prepared for everything that follows if we tell him?”

  “You mean his questions?”

  “Not only his questions, but how we’re going to answer them.”

  She’d spent most of last night thinking about what to tell Kyle. “I know he’s only five and we have to put this in terms he’ll understand. But we do have to tell him the truth. We can explain that he was lucky enough to have two mothers. He needs to know that his life won’t change radically, that you’re still his dad and he’ll live with you, and that’s the way it’s going to be. When I first arrived, I told you I didn’t come here to hurt anyone. Sure, I want to be involved in Kyle’s life. But we’re going to have to see how that might work. We can assure him we’re taking one day at a time, because that’s what we’re doing.”

  She saw relief ease the lines around Nathan’s eyes, and that relief almost made her sad. “What did you think I was going to do? Demand he come live with me? Don’t you know me at all by now?”

  Nathan rubbed his hand across his forehead. “It takes time to get to know someone, Sara. Real time. We’ve been in a pressured situation from the moment you stepped into the lodge. Anything you said or did was suspect, and I imagine for you, anything I said or did was, too. Once I’d invited you into my house, I knew I should have listened to Ben’s advice and been more careful, because I realized you could watch my every move. You could be keeping a list of what I do right as a dad and what I do wrong. Now you can use that at any time, since you are Kyle’s mother.”

  No wonder he thought making love had been a mistake. Not only was he still in love with his dead wife, but he was suspicious of everything Sara did. He’d been watching her, too, and she guessed he wasn’t sure that she’d been genuine with him. What a pair they made.

  “Do you want me to leave and not tell Kyle the truth? Do you want me to wait until he’s eighteen to get to know him?”

  Nathan kept his gaze on hers. “Are you saying that’s what you would do if I said that was what I wanted?”

  “I’m saying that you are Kyle’s father, and that from everything I’ve seen, you have his best interests at heart. If you truly thought my staying out of his life was best, I’d have to consider that.”

  Breaking his gaze from hers, he stared straight ahead at the garage door. “Can you stay through Christmas? Kyle will be disappointed if you leave before the holiday.”

  She was so relieved he at least wanted her to stay that long. “I’ll call my boss and arrange it. I told him I might be gone until after New Year’s and he was okay with that.”

>   After a few moments of silence, Nathan said, “I need time to think about the rest.”

  She wanted to ask how much time, but she didn’t. Before she could plead for the chance to be a permanent part of Kyle’s life, she opened the door and climbed out of the SUV.

  Nathan followed her up the walk. When she glanced at him over her shoulder, she could see he was deep in thought. His eyes had a faraway look and he had his hands jammed in his pockets. He believed his life had come to a crashing halt today and would veer off in a different direction than he’d ever expected. But not because she cared about him. Not because he cared about her. Not because they’d been trying to figure out what making love had meant. But because he didn’t want to share his son with a woman other than Colleen.

  As soon as Sara opened the front door, her focus fell to a framed photograph sitting on one of the occasional tables. It was a picture of Nathan and Colleen dressed in snow gear. There were three pictures of the two of them in the living room—two on the bookshelves, one on that table—plus two in Kyle’s bedroom and three in Nathan’s. Not that Sara had been snooping. She’d simply dropped some folded laundry onto his bed one day and caught sight of them. She knew the purpose of the photographs—Nathan had wanted to assure Kyle that he’d had a mother and she’d loved him.

  But now?

  Would Nathan set a photograph of her in Kyle’s room when she left?

  As soon as Kyle saw Sara cross the threshold, he ran to her and wrapped his arms around her. “Sara, Sara, I got a letter. It was for me.”

  She crouched down to him. “Who was it from?”

  She heard Nathan come in behind her, could feel his tall presence towering over her.

  “It was from Uncle Ben. Val read it to me. He can’t come for Christmas,” Kyle said with a frown of disappointment. “He has to work on a…” He looked into the kitchen to Val.

  “A trial,” she said.

  Kyle nodded. “He has to work on a trial. But he’s sending something really special in the mail. And he said I can open it when it gets here. I don’t have to wait until Christmas. Isn’t that great? A present before Christmas!”

  She knew about presents before Christmas. Her birthday was December 19. As a kid, she’d always loved the pre-celebration to the holiday.

  “That’s exciting,” she agreed, realizing she had to go shopping soon, not only for Kyle, but for Nathan and Val and Galen. Then again, maybe Nathan would want her to leave. She almost wished they hadn’t gotten the results yet, but she didn’t want to live in limbo, either.

  “Maybe it’s another arrowhead,” Kyle decided, sounding as if he’d be happy with that.

  “Maybe. Or maybe something completely different. That’s the fun of presents and surprises. You never know what you’ll get or what will happen,” she stated.

  “What do you think Uncle Ben will send?” Kyle asked Nathan, obviously believing his dad knew everything.

  Nathan unzipped his jacket. “Whatever he sends, I’m sure you’ll like it.”

  “Lunch is ready,” Val called from the kitchen.

  After Kyle hurried to the table, Sara stood and removed her coat.

  To her surprise, Nathan rezipped his jacket. “I’m going over to the lodge to see if Dad ran into anything this morning he needs help with. I’ll get something in the kitchen over there.”

  Obviously, Nathan needed not only time to digest the test results, but space away from her. If she’d had any dreams of them being one big, happy family, they were withering fast.

  Nathan waved to Kyle. “I’ll see you later,” he called with forced cheerfulness, and left the house.

  Val cast a questioning glance at Sara.

  “He has something on his mind,” she told the housekeeper, while Kyle took three big gulps of milk.

  “So do you,” Val noted with a knowing look. “Both of you have been a little quiet since you got back after the weekend.”

  Although Sara felt the need to confide in Val, to seek the wisdom of her years, she didn’t, for lots of reasons. Kyle’s presence was definitely one of them. But she also felt as if she’d be encroaching yet again on Nathan’s life if she did. Val was his friend. His dad’s friend.

  Thinking about Galen and Val distracted Sara for a moment. “So, did you have dinner with Galen and Kyle the day we went to Sam’s cabin?”

  Val looked discomfited. “Actually, I did. But…” She sighed. “Fortunately for Kyle, Galen decided we should pop a movie into the DVD player and watch it while we ate. Not that you’re supposed to tell Nathan we did that, of course.”

  Sara smiled. “Of course. But Kyle eventually will.”

  “No, his Gramps told him it was a secret. He really enjoyed it, even though I had to wash ketchup off the sofa from the French fries. But it didn’t give Galen and me a chance to talk at all. And I left when the movie was over. It seemed Galen had sort of expected that. I mean, why would I stay?”

  To cover her self-consciousness, Val went to the table, arranged a sandwich and a few chips on Kyle’s plate and gave him a smile. “Remember, you have to eat carrot sticks, too, if you eat potato chips.”

  Sara wandered over to the table and pulled her chair out. Conversationally, she said, “I was thinking about having my hair trimmed. Can you suggest someone in town who won’t cut off a lot more than I’d like?”

  “It’s been years since I went to a hairdresser. My sister does mine,” Val admitted, as if she’d never considered anything else. However, she cocked her head and studied Sara. “You know what? Ralph Durand from New York bought The Hair Hut. He has two hairdressers working for him. From what I understand, it takes weeks to get an appointment with him but he’s really good. But I know the receptionist he hired. She’s the daughter of a friend. Maybe she can get us in.” The housekeeper’s smile was sly, and Sara laughed.

  Sara hadn’t wanted to insult Val by suggesting a makeover that would shake up Galen’s world a little, but the housekeeper had caught her drift. “That sounds like a great idea.”

  Although Val was a friend of Galen’s and Nathan’s, she was fast becoming a friend of Sara’s, too. Circumstances changed whether Nathan wanted them to or not. He was simply going to have to get used to that idea. Somehow, she was going to convince him she needed to be in Kyle’s life—and in his.

  Twelve days later, Sara entered the kitchen from the garage, her arms full of packages. Not only had she finished Christmas shopping, but she’d bought herself an outfit, too. After all, it was her birthday. She hadn’t told anyone because, well, she hadn’t wanted Nathan to feel obliged to do anything.

  However, when she stepped into the kitchen, Val, Nathan and Kyle all stared at her.

  “Hi, everyone.” She smiled and grabbed at a bag before it slipped to the floor.

  “Why didn’t you tell us it was your birthday?” Kyle asked, looking almost outraged for a five-year-old. “Val would have made you a cake.”

  Uh-oh. How had they found out? She hadn’t said anything to anyone. She’d asked for the keys to the pickup to go into town. She’d spent time by herself, buying a silky scarf and a scented candle, calling Joanne at work over her lunch break so they could chat. Sara had phoned Joanne as soon as she’d found out she was Kyle’s mother, and her friend had rejoiced with her. Sara had needed someone to be happy for her. Val and Galen weren’t making their feelings known one way or the other. And Nathan…

  “You got flowers and big balloons.” There was awe in Kyle’s voice.

  “I did?”

  When Kyle ran to her and clutched her arm to drag her toward the living room, she almost dropped a few more packages.

  Instantly, Nathan was there beside her, gathering them. His large hand brushed hers and she felt the electric charge skitter across her skin. “Should I put these in your room?” His voice was gruff, but his expression didn’t reveal what he was thinking.

  “Sure. Thank you.”

  She couldn’t miss the flowers, let alone the balloons. A dozen red roses we
re arranged in a crystal vase. A rainbow-colored Mylar balloon proclaiming Happy Birthday was tied to the vase, accompanied by various-colored latex ones.

  “Who sent them?” Kyle asked.

  “I don’t know. I guess I’ll have to open the card.” Sara supposed Joanne could have sent them but she doubted that.

  When she opened the small envelope, she was totally surprised. The note read, “Happy Birthday, kiddo. Can’t wait till you get back. Ted”

  She couldn’t believe Ted was trying to woo her into his bed again. What had he said? I like you, Sara. I always have. I’ve missed you…especially in bed. There’s no reason why we can’t enjoy the party circuit over the holidays together, is there?

  No way. No how.

  “They’re from someone at work,” she told Kyle.

  “He must really like you to get you a balloon that big.”

  She hadn’t said they were from a man. But there was no point denying it.

  “Well, I’d better be going,” Val said. “Supper comes out of the oven in ten minutes. I told Galen I’d help him put up a tree at his place tonight.” Crossing to Sara, Val patted her shoulder. “Happy birthday to you. Tomorrow I’m going to make you a cake. What’s your favorite?”

  “I love chocolate with peanut butter icing.”

  “That’s what it’ll be, then. Everyone deserves to celebrate their birthday. You should have told us. Tomorrow night I’ll make something special.”

  “You don’t have to—”

  “I don’t want to hear it. We’re celebrating.”

  Ever since Val had gotten them appointments at the salon, booked for the end of the week, they’d felt like coconspirators. Sara was growing more and more fond of the older woman.

  Nathan put his hand on Kyle’s shoulder. “Why don’t you go finish up that project in your bedroom? I’ll call you when supper’s ready.”

  “Maybe I can finish it before we eat.” Kyle gave Sara a wide, secretive smile and scurried off to his room.