The Daddy Dilemma

by Karen Rose Smith

  Sara could feel Nathan’s gaze on her. “I’d better go put away what I bought today.” She started for the hall, too, but his voice stopped her. “Sara.”

  Slowly she turned.

  “Who were the flowers from?”

  “Like I told Kyle, they’re from someone at work.”

  “A man?”

  She kept quiet.

  “Ted. The man you dated?”

  If Nathan had any feelings for her, she wanted to know. “Why does my love life matter to you?”

  “Love has nothing to do with it. But you and I…” He stopped and then shrugged. “If you’re dating someone in Minneapolis and you slept with me…I just didn’t think you were that type of woman.”

  Suddenly all the frustration, hurt and anger she’d felt because of his attitude after they’d made love erupted. “I’ll tell you the type of woman I am.” She kept her voice low so Kyle couldn’t hear, but it was filled with vehemence. “I’m the type of woman who believes in commitment. I dated Ted. I thought we had the start of something good. But then he walked away two weeks after my accident, because he learned I couldn’t have children. Before I came up here, he wanted to start something up again. But not a real relationship. One for mutual satisfaction. And I told him I didn’t know if we could even still be friends. I could never trust him again. When a man walks away once, I know he’ll walk away again.”

  Without giving Nathan a chance to comment, she left the living room, went into her bedroom and shut the door. The realization that Nathan had the power to hurt her without even half trying hit her hard. She wished it wasn’t so, but it was.

  So this was what love felt like.

  No, this was what one-sided love felt like. From now on she was going to concentrate on Kyle and her relationship with him. She’d always wanted to be a mother, and now she had her chance.

  She wouldn’t let Nathan take that away from her.

  Chapter Eleven

  A ll right, damn it! He was jealous. It had only taken Nathan a hike around the lake with ten tourists to admit it to himself. Now he had.

  As the guests from the lodge thanked him, Nathan smiled and said all the right things. But inside, he was planning what he’d say to Sara. He’d hurt her last night. He’d seen the pain in her eyes. And he felt like dirt. He kept pushing her away because he wanted her close too much. He kept pushing her away because he didn’t want her to take Kyle from him. Yet the morning they’d had sex at the cabin, he’d realized how much he needed her, and that didn’t sit well any more than the rest.

  He physically needed her. That was all.

  So are you any better than Ted what’s-his-name? Nathan’s conscience asked him.

  He didn’t answer the question. He just took out his cell phone and called the house. Sara answered.

  “Are you busy?” he asked.

  There was a brief hesitation and her voice was cool when she replied, “I’m playing dominoes with Kyle.”

  “Can you come over to the lodge when you finish the game?”

  He was met with silence.

  “I want to show you what I got Kyle for Christmas—one of the presents that wasn’t on his list,” Nathan pressed.

  The distance between them seemed to grow wider.

  “I also want to talk to you about last night.”

  “All right.” She finally acquiesced. “It’ll probably be about fifteen minutes. Is that okay?”

  “That’s fine. I just returned from a hike and I want to document who went and how long we were out. Bundle up before you walk over. The wind’s picking up.”

  “I will,” she replied quietly.

  At least she hadn’t told him to go take another hike. Though she still might. “See you in a little while.”

  When Nathan hung up, he started rehearsing in his mind what he was going to say to her. It had been a long time since he’d had to apologize to a woman. Colleen used to say that I’m sorry were foreign words to him, words he had trouble fitting into his vocabulary. She’d been right. He hated admitting when he was wrong. Even more, he hated to admit when he’d hurt someone.

  And you even did it on her birthday, his conscience reminded him.

  He swore, shook his head, then went to tell his father where Sara could find him when she came to the lodge.

  Twenty minutes later, Nathan was in the storeroom in the basement when Sara came down the stairs.

  “Nathan,” she called.

  “Over here.”

  As she descended the last few steps, he motioned to the nearby bed. “I wanted you to see this before I took it apart. On Christmas Eve I’ll set it up in the garage, and leave a note under the tree for Kyle to find it there.”

  As Sara’s eyes moved over the twin bed, she smiled. It looked like a huge fire engine, with its wooden sides, headboard and footboard. As she came closer, she saw the ladder painted on the left, Rapid Creek Fire Company on the right.

  She pointed to the dalmatian dog painted on one side of the headboard. “He’s adorable.”

  “Do you think Kyle will like it?”

  “He’ll love it. Where did you get it?”

  “A guy I went to high school with is a carpenter. He makes the beds and his wife paints the murals on them.”

  “We’ll have to buy a red bedspread to go with it.”

  “Yes, we will,” Nathan agreed.

  Their gazes met and held. She was standing six feet away and not coming any closer. He remedied that by walking around the bed and approaching her, his heart beating more rapidly. “About yesterday…”

  Her expression changed. It was barely perceptible, but he saw it.

  “Why didn’t you tell me it was your birthday?”

  Apparently that wasn’t what she’d expected him to say. Her shoulders relaxed a little. Just a little. “I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to feel obligated to do anything. You’re the kind of man who always wants to do the right thing. I didn’t want you pretending something you didn’t feel.”

  Resting his hands on her shoulders, he gazed into her eyes. “I don’t pretend when I’m around you. I can’t. I feel too raw.”

  Her mouth rounded and he could see her surprise.

  “That’s why sometimes I don’t say or do the tactful thing.”

  “Like suggesting I sleep around?” Hurt tinged her voice.

  “I’m sorry, Sara. The truth is I was jealous, and knew I had no right to be. I was…disappointed you hadn’t told me about your birthday. After all, with what happened at the cabin—”

  “You regretted what happened.”

  “It wasn’t regret. Our situation is a lot more complicated than that. But I shouldn’t have made a judgment about you. I had no right to say anything.”

  “You don’t want anything to change.”

  She was right about that. But his life was changing…because of her. She was so damn beautiful. Need coiled inside of him and he brought her closer. But when he bent his head, her hands flattened against his chest. “What do you want from me, Nathan?”

  “I want to give in to the chemistry. Do you?”

  “Without regrets?” Her eyes searched his.

  “Without regrets.”

  His lips found hers, and simply the touch of mouth on mouth was like a jolt of lightning. They were sealed together by it, and the air around them sizzled. His groan was gut deep, and he pressed her to him and plunged his tongue into her mouth. She was ready for him, responded instantly, stroking against him, making him need more. Her jacket was an unwelcome barrier, and he suddenly wanted her in his bed with him, with nothing at all between them.

  Suddenly footsteps sounded from above and Galen descended the steps. Before Nathan could break away from Sara, his dad saw them.

  “Well, well.” Galen’s eyes were twinkling. “What have we here?”

  For once in his life, Nathan didn’t know what to say to his father. Finally he asked, “Did you want something, Dad?”

  Sara stepped back, and he
removed his arms from around her.

  Trying to keep his amused smile in check, Galen replied, “Yeah. I need you to help me shove some furniture around on the second floor. One of the guests lost a necklace and we moved everything this morning. My back’s pretty sore, so I need help pushing it back in place.”

  “Did she find her necklace?”

  “Yes, she did. It had fallen down behind the dresser. And she checked out, so that’s why there wasn’t any hurry. But now there is, because Doris is going to make up the room.”

  “I’ll be right there.”

  “Sara could come along and peek into the empty rooms on the third floor. You haven’t seen the lodge yet, have you, Sara?”

  “No, I haven’t. Kyle told me about the attic, though. He thinks you have wonderful things stored there.”

  “There’s an antique chest from way back when, filled with old clothes. Another one with old photographs. There’s a tandem bike and an antique spittoon. I’m not sure why he’s fascinated by all of it.”

  “Maybe because he senses the history behind it.”

  “That could be. I didn’t think you were old enough to see the value in an attic full of junk.” His smile was teasing.

  “I have a few antiques of my mother’s. I appreciate them a lot more than my new furniture.”

  Galen nodded, then turned back to the stairs. “I’ll meet you up in room 24,” he called over his shoulder.

  After he’d left, Sara said, “I felt like a teenager caught on Lover’s Lane.”

  “I know what you mean. Why is it we still feel like kids around our parents?”

  “Maybe because we are. You’re lucky to have your dad.”

  “I know I am. We have our battles, but for the most part, we are friends.”

  Awkwardness settled between them for a few seconds. “You don’t have to look around the lodge if you don’t want to.”

  “I’d like to see it. Can I just go on up to the third floor?”

  “Yep. The six people staying up there came in a group, and they left this morning. All of the rooms have been cleaned, so you can wander in and out.”

  As she started up the stairs, he called, “Sara.”

  She turned.

  “Happy birthday. We’ll celebrate at dinner tonight.”

  The smile she gave him made him forget all about the flowers and balloons she’d received from another man. That smile made him want her as much as he did when he was kissing her.

  It took Nathan about fifteen minutes to help his dad rearrange the furniture in room 24. After they’d shifted the dresser into place, Nathan was eager to hear what Sara thought of the lodge.

  But Galen stopped him before he turned to go up the stairs. “Do you know what you’re doing with Sara?”

  Nathan met his dad’s gaze. “She’s Kyle’s mother.”

  Galen didn’t look surprised. “Then the question’s even more important. Do you know what you’re doing with her?”

  “I only know I haven’t felt this alive since Colleen died.”

  After a pensive check of Nathan’s face, Galen clapped him on the shoulder. “Just take it slow and make sure it’s real.”

  As Nathan climbed to the third floor, he knew that nothing could be more real than Sara’s kisses. Or her response in his arms.

  He found her standing in the corner room, facing west. She’d removed her coat and laid it across the rose-and-blue quilted spread. This was one of the more refined rooms, with cream, flowered wallpaper and elegant maple furniture. He studied her as she stood in profile, the slanting sunlight behind her. She wore jeans and a soft pink sweater that invited him to touch it…to touch her.

  “What are you looking at?” His voice was gruffer than he expected it to be.

  “The beauty of the scenery. Tourists pay to get lost in it for a vacation that lasts a few days, maybe a week. You’ve got it all the time.”

  Crossing to the window, he stood beside her. “I try not to take it for granted. That’s why I like hiking and cross-country skiing. It puts me in the middle of firs and lakes.”

  “Don’t forget snowmobiling.”

  “I wouldn’t forget snowmobiling.” He slid his hands under her hair and tipped her chin up with his thumb. “I wasn’t finished kissing you when we were interrupted.”

  “I wasn’t finished kissing you, either.”

  The simple truth of it brought them together again, and this time no interruption was big enough to stop the kiss. The kiss overtook them and had a life of its own. It became more than Nathan ever expected, and he fought for the control to keep it in line. As his tongue explored her mouth with increasing fervor, his arms pressed her tighter to his body, until he realized he couldn’t touch her the way he wanted to. Somehow he slipped his hand between them. Somehow he found the edge of her sweater. Her skin was so warm, so soft, so Sara. His need pulsed, his heart beat faster, and thought fled in the wake of the passion between them.

  Sara’s breast was small and fit perfectly in his hand. She moaned and returned his kiss more ardently. There was no going back now. Though their arms and hands were tangled, she found him, cupped him, and he practically exploded. Embracing her again, he walked her to the bed and they fell onto it, only breaking their kiss when they landed, and then coming back for more.

  As he ridded her of her clothes, she went to work on the buttons of his flannel shirt. While she undid them one by one, he unfastened his belt and unsnapped his jeans. He had to sit up to get rid of his boots, jeans and boxers, but it only took a few seconds. Then they were together again. While he sucked on her nipple, she stroked her fingers through his hair. The turning point came when her soft hands drifted down his chest, slid over his stomach and found him hot and hard and ready for her. He mounted her, never wanting anything as much as he wanted her at that moment…never needing anything as much. In the cabin, they’d been quick and fast and regretful. No regrets this time. They’d both agreed.

  When he looked down at her, her eyes were open, gazing into his. “Tell me what you need, Sara. I want to make this good for you.”

  “I need you,” she said simply, and the pure honesty behind her words urged him to thrust into her. He’d intended to maintain control. He’d intended to prolong their pleasure. But he soon found out pleasure had a mind of its own.

  “Raise your knees,” he commanded.

  When she did, she received him all the way. He got lost in the satiny softness of her, the green of her eyes and the desire on her face. When she clutched his shoulders, he drove into her again and again and again. All at once he realized this was more than sex. This was losing himself. And he didn’t like it at all.

  Sara’s orgasm brought a gasp from her, and she dug her nails into his shoulders. Her muscles contracting around him set him off, like a firecracker. He couldn’t hold back. He couldn’t stop it. His orgasm was off the seismic meter.

  As he collapsed onto Sara, he knew he still hadn’t had enough of her, and he’d want her again.

  After a minute or so, he hiked himself up on his elbows and looked down at her. There were questions in her eyes.

  “I don’t have any answers, Sara. I just know that sex like this is rare. Whatever we’ve got between us isn’t something I’ve ever experienced before.”

  She didn’t say what she was thinking, but he could almost hear it. What about with your wife?

  He wasn’t going there now. He wasn’t going to feel guilty, damn it. He was alive and Colleen was dead. He still felt married to her in so many ways. But this combustible energy between him and Sara was theirs alone.

  “We need to talk about what this means to both of us,” she murmured.

  “No. No, we don’t. Can’t we just enjoy it? Can’t we just go day by day and see where this leads?”

  He could usually read what Sara was thinking, but right now he couldn’t. Her expression was blank, and he wondered what she was hiding. Resentment because they hadn’t told Kyle the truth yet? She couldn’t have pretended
this, could she have? Pretended desire, so she could stay close to him and close to Kyle?

  Finally she said, “I don’t think you’re the type of man who just lives for today.”

  At his lack of response, she asked, “What are you thinking?”

  He hiked himself away from her and sat on the edge of the bed. “Nothing that matters.”

  “Everything that matters,” she countered, and clasped his shoulder. “I can practically hear your mind working. You still don’t trust me, do you?”

  Trust her? When she could possibly steal his son from him? “Tell me something, Sara. Have you consulted a custody lawyer yet?”

  She looked guilty for a moment, but then shook her head. “No, I haven’t consulted one. I do have the name of one, though.”

  “Just in case,” he said.

  “Nathan, put yourself in my shoes. What would you have done if you went to a stranger and wanted to claim paternity? I didn’t know you. I didn’t know how you’d react. I just wanted to be prepared.”

  Had he ever put himself in her shoes? Had he thought about what the waiting around was like? First, to find out if she was Kyle’s mother, and then for Nathan to make up his mind when it was time to tell Kyle? Once they told him, though, they could never take the words back. Nathan had to be sure it was the right thing to do.

  “I do understand your position, Sara. I do.” He didn’t want tension and distrust between them. “Let’s get dressed and find out what Val made for your birthday dinner,” he said at last. “My guess is Kyle’s so excited about it he’s in her way. When I left, he was lobbying for balloons. Apparently he had some left from his own party.”

  Sara slid to the edge of the bed. “I want to change into something I bought yesterday.”

  “You’re already wearing your birthday suit,” he teased.

  “Val would be a little shocked if I appeared like this.”

  “But I wouldn’t. If you happen to wander into my room tonight, I wouldn’t be shocked at all.” He’d just issued an invitation if she wanted it.

  He really had no clue whether she’d accept.

  Tears came to Sara’s eyes as Val cut her a piece of chocolate-peanut butter birthday cake. “There you go,” the woman said. “And it’s so good, you’ll forget that Kyle made you wear that silly hat while you blew out your candles.”