Rowan

by Terra Wolf

  I tried to lighten things with a carefree tone, ignoring her immediate denial.

  “There is plenty to talk about. Like the fact that you’ve been ignoring me. That’s not very nice of you, study partner. How about dinner tonight?” I asked. “You can apologize to me and I’ll pretend to be mad for a few minutes before we make up.”

  I smiled to end my teasing speech but she remained as aloof as ever. It was like being confronted by a brick wall.

  My smile fell and I became series once more. “Come on, Willa. Meet me half way here. We can talk this out. There is no reason for things to be tense between us.”

  She looked away from me and sighed impatiently. She added insult to injury by looking down at the small watch on her wrist.

  “Look, Rowan. This is not going to work out between us. Not as friends or as study buddies. We should just be classmates from now on. I am here to work hard and I do not have time for messing around with you. I cannot afford to be distracted right now.” My heart fell into my stomach.

  “I disagree,” I said quickly. “We’re both smart people. If we put our minds to it I know we can make it work so that we both do great at school and maintain a stable, healthy relationship,” I said. “We were great together before, Willa. I think we should give this thing between us a chance. We obviously have the chemistry. I know I hurt you before. I should have never shut you out like that. Things will be different this time. I will-”

  She cut me off and stated, “What we had was in the past and we should have left it there. I want to leave it there. Do you understand what I am trying to tell you? I don’t want to do this. Please respect my decision and leave it alone.”

  God, this rejection felt like someone had just pushed a fist through my chest and pulled out my beating heart.

  Old habits die hard and I pulled my playboy cloak around me to hide my hurt.

  I pulled forth a cocky grin even though I was hurting on the inside and said, “If you change your mind, you know where to find me. I will even reinstate our friends with benefits arrangement if you ask real nicely.”

  I wiggled my eyebrows suggestively at her.

  She just rolled her eyes at me and said, “Is sex all you think about?”

  The question was rhetorical because she turned her back without waiting for an answer and left me standing there alone.

  Twelve

  Willa

  I was in the kitchen making dinner while Liam babbled on about his day at daycare and the new friend he made that day.

  It hadn’t been long since we got home and I was so very glad that Liam was able to be on campus with me. It made my life so much easier because I didn’t know how else I would have been able to juggle classes, mothering and working part time.

  I savored spending the quality time with my son, treasuring the minutes because they were becoming rarer with the demands of school. Soon I would have to tell him the truth, but I wasn’t ready yet.

  Dinner was a simple pasta fare with cleverly cloaked veggies that Liam downed without realizing. We had his favorite desert – a slice of chocolate cake.

  He helped me clean up afterward. In the way of kids, he made more of a mess in the process but I had fun watching him have try.

  Next, we moved to the bathroom and he had a bath. I would have to clean up after that too because he got to rigorous in his splashing.

  After Liam was all cleaned up and dressed in Spiderman pajamas, we read a bedtime story and tucked into in to his bed.

  “Good night, baby boy,” I said, smoothing his hair back to kiss his forehead

  “Good night, Mommy,” he returned, speech slurred.

  He yawned and I knew that his droopy eyes meant he would be fast asleep within minutes.

  After cleaning up the bathroom and tidying up the living room, I pulled out my books and knocked out some homework before studying up the chapter that would be discussed in one my classes tomorrow.

  I yawned and wiped my sore eyes after some time had passed.

  Looking at the clock on the wall, I saw that three hours had already passed in what felt like the blink of an eye.

  I put my books away and got up to stretch the kinks out. I checked on Liam, confirmed that he was sleeping peacefully then went to take a shower.

  I dressed in an old tee shirt and a cotton panties. I pulled my hair up into a messy bun then patrolled the house one last time to make sure everything was secure.

  I was about to turn into bed when my cell phone rang.

  My heart jumped in my chest thinking it might be Rowan despite the horrible way the talk we had had gone a few hours before. I had mostly been successful in keeping my mind off him and what had transpired between us earlier but there was no avoiding it now.

  I was resolved in keeping my distance from him.

  For a moment while we talked earlier I had faltered, thinking I saw pain his eyes at my words but the imagined emotion was gone as fast as I thought it appeared. He had been his old, no-care self.

  I was slightly disappointed. A small part of me had harbored a secret desire that he would have fought to convince we that we could be more than fuck friends. His phone calls after we had parted ways at the library made me think he might want more than “benefits”. But when his last words to me have been about sex in bio class, I knew it was hopeless for us.

  Our talk just convinced me that I had made the right decision.

  A clean break from Rowan was for the best.

  Still, I was frozen for a moment as I watched the phone vibrate on the bedside table.

  I slowly reached for it and looked at the caller ID.

  I released the breath I had been holding as I read the name.

  It wasn’t Rowan.

  It was my dad.

  I answered, “Hey Dad, what’s wrong?”

  It was minutes to midnight. He wouldn’t have called so late unless something was wrong.

  “Hi honey, I’m sorry to call so late but I just had to talk to someone. I just had a big blow out with James and he ran out. I’m worried about your brother. He has been hanging with bad crowd lately and he gets testy every time I try to talk to him about it. I’m just worried he will end up in trouble.”

  I bit back a sigh.

  My parents adopted a very overprotective style of parenting and James hadn’t been reacting to the helicopter parenting well lately. He was a young man starting to form his own opinions about the world and their attempts to figuratively keep him protected in bubble wrap was causing tension.

  They had had several blow ups as of late and if Dad didn’t let up, it wouldn’t get better any time soon.

  Dad was most likely worried for nothing. James had a good head on his shoulders and wasn’t easily swayed by others. Still, I told my father what he needed to hear.

  “I’ll talk to him, Dad.”

  He made a sound of relief and replied, “Thanks, sweetie. If anyone can get through to him it’s you.”

  ***

  That next morning, James and I were seated at Angie’s Bakery having scones. I had kept my promise to my father, I’d check in. We’d eat some delicious baked goods and James would tell me he was fine and then we could all move on. I was sure of it.

  Except when I arrived, it looked like Dad had been a least a little bit right. I noticed how tired James looked. Haggard even.

  Finally, James broke our carb induced silence.

  “Let me guess? Dad asked you to speak to me.”

  Looking even closer, I saw that he had lost some weight and his movements were a little nervous in nature.

  I frowned. Dad may be right to worry this time.

  “He is just worried about you, you know,” I said.

  James made an exasperated sound and put his scone down as if it suddenly left a bad taste in his mouth.

  “God, not you too,” he groaned.

  “Why are you being so defensive?” I asked him. “I just want to know how my little brother is doing. Why is that wrong?”

&n
bsp; “I do not need you to look out for me. I’m a big boy,” he replied.

  “You’re never going to be too old for me to look out for you. I’m your big sister. It’s what big sisters do.”

  I reached out and took a hold of his hand. “You would come to me if something was wrong, right? You can trust me with whatever.”

  I was suddenly worried that I had been so wrapped up in my own life that I had been neglecting on my older sis duties. My family may have their annoying moments but I loved them with all my heart and would do anything for them.

  James rolled his eyes like I was being dumb, pulling his hand away. “Of course I know that.”

  “Then talk to me,” I said and I remembered someone else besieging me in a similar way not too long ago.

  I pushed that thought back.

  “There is nothing to talk about,” James said and that response sounded hauntingly familiar too. “I have everything under control.”

  James wiped his hand on a napkin, most of his scone left untouched.

  His last statement didn’t sit well with me and I opened my mouth to grill him more but he beat me to the punch. He stood, towering over me. I stood as well.

  “Look, I have some place I need to be. See you later, sis,” he said.

  Although he leaned over to kiss my cheek, our meeting ended far from satisfactory.

  I watched him leave the bakery and hated to agree with my father by my brother was definitely hiding something.

  I was going to find out what.

  I grabbed my book bag and headed back to campus. I still had one more class for the day before I had to pick up Liam from daycare.

  As I drove, I was plotting how I would uncover what was up with my little brother.

  Thirteen

  Willa

  I kept hitting a road block in trying to get my brother to confide in me.

  A week had passed since meeting up with James at the bakery. And I was no closer to finding out what he was hiding now than I was then. In fact, I felt like I had taken several steps back on that front.

  He had started avoiding my calls and another one on one talk had resulted in him clamming up on me and walking off angry.

  I swallowed a sigh as I walked the hallway of the campus, heading for the organic chem lab. I needed to fit in some studying before I had to pick up Liam in a few hours. I was behind on the material with dealing with my family drama.

  The lab was usually empty around this time and I wanted to take advantage of the quiet space.

  My mind was on my brother and I wasn’t really seeing where I was going, my body moving on autopilot when I stepped into the lab.

  I abruptly stopped as I noticed that I wasn’t only one who thought to use the empty lab to study.

  Rowan was seated in his usual seat, his head bent over an open text book and headphones plugged into his ears.

  My eyes couldn’t help trailing over him in appreciation of his own unique brand of male perfection. Shit, why did he do these things to me?

  His hair was mussed as if he had dragged his fingers through it a few times. It was getting longer as the days passed and falling over his brow. My fingers itched to push it back.

  He wore a simple tee shirt and full-length cargo pants over brown boots. The fabric clung to his hard body. The muscles his arms looked like one good flex would tear the clothes off him.

  Yum, came the unbridled thought even as I fought to control my hormones.

  He had respected my wish to keep things plutonic between us. Apart from a few teasing comments that were rather tame for him, he had made no moves toward me. We still sat next to each other for bio labs but he kept his attention on the lecturer during those times and left with an impersonal smile and goodbye after the professor dismissed us.

  We were just as I demanded – classmates and nothing more.

  I couldn’t explain why the fact left me feeling annoyed when I should be ecstatic. He listened to me, he never fucking listened to me. Why now?

  Yet…

  Yet my heart was silently asking that he ignore my words.

  I should not be here with him. Alone.

  I had a feeling I would do something stupid if he even just looked my way.

  He looked up just as I was about to turn and leave. Of course.

  For a moment, we just looked at each other. So much was said with that lingering look yet nothing at all.

  He pulled the wires away from his ears and the movement mesmerized me. I watched his big hands and remembered the pleasure they could inflict.

  “Don’t leave,” he said eventually and even though I knew I should, I found myself stepping deeper into the room.

  I settled next to him without a word and pulled out my books. He turned his attention back to his books but left the headphones off.

  We were quiet for a time, each of us looking down into our books. There was only the sound of a ticking clock and paper being turned.

  My cell phone beeped. With a few swipes of my finger, I unlocked it and saw a text from my dad, telling me James had skipped school today day. Again.

  He was thinking we needed to have an intervention as a family.

  I frowned, thinking that would only push James further away.

  “What’s the matter?” Rowan asked, pulling my attention toward him.

  He was watching me, concern marring his forehead.

  “What do you mean? Everything is fine,” I said, trying to downplay the whole situation. He didn’t need to hear about my family drama.

  “Something’s bothering you. I can tell. What’s up?”

  I hesitated. I did want to talk to him about it but it felt wrong after I had been so harsh with him over the last two weeks.

  He was being kind when I had turned away from him.

  “Come on, Willa. You can trust me. I just want to help.”

  He leaned closer as he said this, his focus now centered on me and the scent of his cologne wrapping me in a little cloud that excluded me from the rest of the world. He did just want to help. I could tell by the earnest look in his eyes and I couldn’t deny him.

  “James is in some kind of trouble. I have no idea what it might be and it’s driving me up the wall,” I confided.

  I went on to tell him about the call from father, my subsequent meeting with James and my suspicions.

  “I have no idea what I should do to help him, especially since I don’t even know what the hell is going on,” I ended, frustrated.

  Rowan had a thoughtful look then said, “It will be okay. Your brother has always had a good head on his shoulders, even as a kid. Sometimes guys just need time to figure out stuff on their own. Just remind him that you’re there for him and I’m sure it will all work out.”

  He cupped my cheek as he said this and I found myself leaning into that touch.

  “You really think so?” I asked, eyes clinging to his.

  He gave me a little smile.

  “I know so,” he said. “Come here.”

  He pulled me into his arms for a hug. It wasn’t sexual but a gesture of caring, comfort and understanding.

  I closed my eyes and savored the connection. It had been so long since I allowed myself to lean on someone else like this. With the simple hold, he made me feel secure. Safe and protected.

  I didn’t want that feeling to ever go away.

  He was the first to pull away. My eyes fluttered open to find his face close to mine.

  He was going to kiss me.

  I knew it and didn’t do anything to stop it.

  Sparks flew when our lips touched and ignited into a full-blown fire by the time we separated.

  We were both breathing hard. My chest touched his, hard nipples pressing into him, betraying my wants.

  “I know you want me to stay away and I promise that I have tried. I just can’t, Willa. I am addicted to you and I don’t think that will ever change,” he whispered against my lips. “I don’t want it to.”

  I didn’t say anything. I ju
st pushed my chair back. I saw the disappointment in his gaze as I got up.

  I went to the entrance of the lab but instead of leaving, I pulled the door closed. I turned the lock and turned off the light switch.

  Only the small florescent lights above the lecturer’s desk provided dim illumination.

  Rowan was watching me when I turned back to him, a guarded look in his eyes.

  I walked back to where he sat, stopping only when our knees touched. That guarded look turned heated as he watched me as I pulled my top over my head. I removed my bra and shimmied out of my skirt to leave me in only a pair of panties that didn’t shield much.

  “What are you doing?” he asked after watching my little striptease.

  “Seducing you,” I answered.

  “Yeah?” he asked.

  “Yeah,” I returned.

  “And are you going to run away from me after this seduction is over?”

  He watched my face as he asked this.

  “I don’t know,” I told him honestly.

  He nodded then said, “I hope you don’t.”

  I took his hand and pulled him to his feet. I undressed him and he let me, watching me with the same heat that made my skin feel fevered.

  When I was done, I pushed him back into his seat. I made space for myself between his knees then knelt there.

  He was so hard it felt like I hard to force the length away from his skin.

  He hissed when I gripped the jutting tool, eyes closing briefly before shining on me again. He was too thick to wrap my fingers around fully. His hips jerked, coming off the chair before settling back down.

  He looked down at me with desire-laden eyes. He demanded nothing, only watching to see what I would do next.

  I nuzzled him. He smelled warm, musky and clean. Then I licked a path from the root of him to the tip. I moaned softly at the hot, slightly salty taste of him. I licked my lips and made a sound of appreciation at the taste of him there. I went back to him eagerly and closed my lips around his head. I was looking up at him and saw his pupils dilate as his thighs tensed under my actions.

  He reacted to my every action, his control in pieces. Knowing I did this him gave me a heady feeling of power that shot straight to the center of me. Wetness made between my legs slippery and I could feel the lips guarding my center rub against each other as I squirmed with the sweet agony.