Rowan

by Terra Wolf

  “Stop, baby, please. I don’t want to come this way. I want inside you. Please, Willa.”

  With the taste of him thick on my tongue, I got up and got into his lap. My thighs were on either side of his, feet on the floor. Cupping his face in mine, I got close until only a whisper of air separated our lips.

  “Make love to me. Please,” I pleaded, my heart close to the surface and my lips sharing more than I meant to say.

  All that was supposed to exist between us was sex. Nothing more. Nothing less.

  This time though, I wanted the physical connection to be more than that. I needed him emotionally, I was finally ready to admit it out loud.

  He let out a harsh breath and looking into his eyes was like watching walls drop. It was like looking into my own soul and I knew I had been so stupid I running away from him before.

  “You have no idea how bad I want to love you,” he said.

  He reached down between us and took his cock. He positioned it so that his cap was lined with my center. I let my weight settle on him and gravity took care of the rest.

  “Ohhh,” I moaned as I slid down on him.

  How could I have thought that I could live without this? Without him?

  He conquered every part of me as we became joined as intimately as two people could be joined. Every nerve ending in my body became stimulated and burned for him. I was stuffed to bursting with him and it was the most delicious pain.

  “Damn, you’re tight,” he groaned.

  I bounced on him, my motions growing increasingly fast and hard in no time. He aided me with his hands on my ass and his hips meeting mine halfway. He leaned down to capture my nipple in his mouth.

  One hand snaked between us and stroked my clit.

  Breathy cries and pleading filled the air to mix with the slap, slap, slap rapid, wet sound of our lust.

  “Fuck I’m going to come,” I whispered.

  I was still coming when he stood. In the next moment, my back was on the desk and he drilled into my still spasming core.

  His jerky, erratic movements signaled his imminent release and in the next second he pulled out of me. With a few strong tugs of his hand, he spurted his release onto my stomach.

  He lifted me off the desk a few minutes later and sat me back in his lap. Sweaty and exhausted, I lingered in his arms.

  He kissed my forehead and I allowed my heart to hope that maybe there could be more between us.

  Then my brain reminded me that when he found out my secret, he would likely want nothing to do with me.

  I would have to tell him soon though and deal with the consequences of my dangerous choice.

  Still, I stayed in his arms, having no other place I would rather be in that moment.

  Fourteen

  Willa

  The next day I received another phone call from my father.

  He was panicked and I barely understood what he was saying but when I did, I felt my face lose color and my heart began to beat with dismay.

  James was missing… And he was wanted by the police for questioning in connection to drug case that was currently under investigation.

  What. The. Fuck.

  I had just arrived on the college campus when I got the call. I had been sitting in my car, prepared to walk Liam across to daycare and head to biology lab where I would see Rowan.

  I had been on cloud nine too. Rowan and I had separated on a high note yesterday and even though I knew the news I would reveal to him would be hard to swallow, I had convinced myself I was blowing the fallout out of proportion in my head while I laid in bed last night.

  I knew he had feelings for me. It was there in his touch. In the way he looked at me. In the way he said my name.

  How deep those feelings were I didn’t know yet, but I had hope that we could bury the mistakes of the past and build better, happier future.

  I was nervous but I was also hopeful. It was a weird jumbled up feeling.

  I had made up my mind to tell him today and have faith that it would turn out for the best.

  My little bubble of sunshine burst with that call from my dad. Telling Rowan the secret I kept from him was now the last thing on my mind.

  I listened Dad as he explained that he and mom were currently at James’s school helping the police in locating him.

  “I’ll be right there,” I promised him and hung up the phone, throwing it onto the passenger seat.

  “What’s wrong, Mommy?” came Liam’s voice from the backseat.

  I turned to him, trying to clear the anxiety from my expression.

  “Nothing, honey. Let’s get you to daycare,” I answered him with a false bright smile and overly cheerful tone.

  He gave me a skeptical look and looked like he was going to question me further but I distracted him by mentioning the new students that would be welcomed into his class today.

  His attention was immediately diverted and he started chatting about how he would be really nice to the new girl. He was a very social little person and loved meeting new people.

  I couldn’t bring Liam with me into the drama that centered around my brother so I hurried from the parking lot to the daycare in a half run with him in my arms. He thought the mad dash was fun and giggled in a way that would have brought a smile to my face any other day.

  Not today. My mind was a mess of worry for James.

  A few minutes later, I was driving like a bat out of hell to get to James’s high school. Horns blew and curses followed me as I cut off other drivers. I even almost ran over a pedestrian, only just hitting the brakes. The old woman threw me the bird then took her cool time crossing the road, sending me a spiteful look almost the entire way.

  I tried to be more careful after that but still reached the school in record time. Even though I was trying to suppress them, thoughts of all the worse possible consequences of today’s events on James’s life played in my mind.

  I couldn’t imagine my sweet little brother doing drugs but then I hardly recognized the person he was these days.

  “Dammit James, why didn’t you call me?”

  My angry whisper bounced off the walls of the otherwise empty car. The two of us had been so close. When had we drifted so far apart that he wouldn’t feel safe in confiding in me?

  I felt like I had failed him.

  When I reached the school, I double parked but was unconcerned about that fact. The police were already at the school. There were two police cruisers, one with lights flashing.

  I ran out of my car, leaving everything behind.

  I found my parents a few minutes later, being interviewed by the cops.

  They updated me on what was going on. James had skipped class early that morning and no one had seen him since. A small bag containing a suspicious substance had been located in his locker shortly after. The school was obliged to report this to the police and so they did.

  I listened to all of this in shock and disbelief.

  What the hell was my brother into?

  I could only hope that he hadn’t just thrown his life down the drain.

  “Where are you, little brother?” I whispered to myself.

  Fifteen

  Rowan

  The seat next to me in biology lab was empty.

  My bear felt Willa’s absence as if a piece of me was quite literally missing.

  At first I thought she might just be late but we were already thirty minutes into the class and she was still a no show.

  I pulled my phone out of my bag and sent her quick text covertly.

  Hey, where are you?

  Even though I didn’t expect her to answer - at least not right away – I placed the phone face down next to my text book.

  Yesterday had been great between Willa and me. A turning point in the dynamic between us I thought.

  I had been scared that she would disappear on me – or worse give me the “we can’t be anything more than classmates” speech - like the first two times we had been intimate. After I came, I had actua
lly tried to mentally prepare myself to handle it.

  Willa surprised me though. She had stayed in my arms afterwards. She stayed until we could no longer linger at the very real risk that we might get caught butt naked in the college classroom.

  I had walked her to her car afterward. She had even let me to hold her hand and we had shared a lingering kiss before each driving away.

  Her eyes had been soft and welcoming with no regret in them and I allowed myself to hope that the romp in the lab had been a changing tide in our relationship.

  I meant what I had said to her. I did try to respect her wish for me to keep my distance from her. As much as I wanted her, always watching her turn away from me was killing me and I didn’t know how many more times I could witness it without going totally insane.

  However, when she had taken comfort in my arms, I hadn’t been able to curb the urge to feel her lips on mine again. I expected to get slapped and told off. Now I was glad I took the risk in kissing her.

  Even after we had left each other’s company in the lab, she had called me late in the night.

  I had just stepped out of the shower when I heard my cell phone ring.

  I adjusted the towel around my hips – the only thing I wore – as I crossed from the bathroom to the bedroom. I picked up the device from where in had been thrown carelessly on the bed. My heart picked up when I noticed Willa’s number on the screen.

  I swiped to answer and sat on the edge of the mattress.

  “Hi, sweetheart,” I greeted.

  “Hey.” She sounded breathy and sexy. “I hope I am not calling too late.”

  I glanced at the digital clock next to my bed. It read eleven twenty-three PM.

  “Not at all,” I told Willa. “You can call me any time. What’s up?”

  A pause, then…

  “There’s something I need to tell you but I think I should wait until we’re face to face.”

  That made me pause before I answered.

  “That doesn’t sound good. Are you going to give me the boot again?”

  I made it sound teasing but my heart leapt into my throat at the thought.

  She hesitated and the choked feeling only intensified. Shit.

  “Willa?” I asked, so many questions in that one word.

  “I’m not giving you the boot. In fact, I think it is something you might like to hear. I’m hoping so anyway. Can we talk after lab?”

  Her voice was soft and uncertain and every instinct I possessed wanted to reassure her.

  So I said, “Of course we can. I’m sure we can work whatever it is out.”

  My mind was turning over the possible scenarios of what she wanted to tell me but there was no use speculating. I would find out soon enough.

  Again, she said, “I hope so.”

  We just listened to each other breathe for a little while before she asked, “So, Mr. Johnson, what are you wearing?”

  I let out a relived breath that things didn’t stay tense between us and let myself fall back in the bed.

  “Why Ms. Hudson are you trying to lure me into having phone sex with you because I have to tell you, I really be into that.”

  She laughed a low sexy sound. “Of course you would be. Is there anything you’re not into?”

  “With you, nothing is off the table,” I told her and meant it.

  “Ohhh, I like the sound of that. Now about that phone sex, how long do you think it will take you to make me come with your dirty talk?”

  “Is that a challenge?” I had asked, my cock hardening in anticipation. “Because I am more than up for it.”

  It had taken ten minutes before she moaned long and low from across the line.

  My hand had been beating at my meat and the sound of her gratification sent me over the cliff.

  I felt the feeling engulf me and knew I was about to blow when…

  “Mr. Johnson?”

  I was suddenly thrust out of the memory when I realized that my name was being called.

  The professor along with the rest of the class was watching me. Some of the other students were even snickering and I wondered how long I had been out of it.

  “Are you with us?” the professor said.

  “Yes, Sir. Sorry about that.”

  I was sure my cheeks were as red as they felt. It didn’t help my embarrassment that my cock was a steel pipe in my pants just then.

  “I would remind you to pay attention in this class, Mr. Johnson.”

  He repeated his question to me and luckily, I knew the answer.

  The rest of the class went on without incident and I wasn’t caught daydreaming again.

  An hour later, everyone else filed out of the room and I immediately picked up my phone and called Willa.

  There was no answer.

  I got the same result the next three times that I tried.

  Worry began to settle in my gut. I knew how important passing was to Willa. She wouldn’t miss class unless something was wrong. My bear paced with anxiety. He didn’t like this either.

  I was about to dial Willa’s number again when the phone rang in my hand.

  The number is not recognized by the device and it is not familiar to me.

  “Hello?” I answered.

  “Good afternoon Mr. Johnson. I am calling from the campus daycare. I’m so sorry but Liam is sick. Can you come pick him up? We have tried to contact Willa several times but haven’t been able to reach her, is everything okay?”

  “Excuse me?” I was confused and told the other person on the line, “I think you have the wrong number.”

  “This is Rowan Johnson, isn’t it?”

  “Yes.”

  “Ms. Hudson has you as the emergency contact on Liam’s form.”

  “Willa?”

  “Yes,” the woman on the line answered as if talking to a slow child. She gave me directions without asking anything else.

  After she hung up I just looked at the phone, my confusion turning to suspicion.

  I headed to the campus daycare, a feeling of foreboding making my stomach cramp.

  Sixteen

  Rowan

  This child was a spitting image of me.

  I instantly knew he was mine.

  He had the same sandy blond hair and light eyes. His chin jutted out in a stubborn tilt I remembered from pictures of me when I was his age. He even had the small dimple in the center.

  Oh God, I have a son.

  The words were repeatedly bouncing off the walls of my head, leaving no room for anything else. My mind was reeling and I froze. My limbs felt heavy and it was like I had lost all internal knowledge of how to control them.

  I felt light headed and my vision dimmed. My bear let out a low growl that escaped my own lips. There was as loud roar in my ears and it became hard to breathe.

  Holy shit. I was a father and all these years I had no idea.

  I had missed so much.

  Along with my shock and amazement, anger began to simmer in my mind.

  “Hello Mr. Johnson, we spoke on the phone. I am Veronica March, the supervisor. Thank you for coming in so quickly. As you can see Liam is not very happy to be sick.”

  The woman’s voice grounded me. It gave me something to concentrate on instead of what was going on in my head. I didn’t have time to dwell on my turbulent emotions because my son needed me. Right now he was fussing, demanding his mommy.

  The little boy called Liam was wailing. Big fat tears were falling down his cheeks and he squirmed in the woman’s hold.

  I held out my hand to catch him when he almost fell out of Veronica’s hold when he pushed hard at her chest. He registered my nearness and stilled, leaning into the middle-aged, brown-haired woman now as he watched me wearily.

  Tears were still falling from his eyes but he had stopped letting out those gut-wrenching sobs.

  “Come on, little guy, we need to get you home,” I said, my voice was croaked as if I hadn’t used it in years.

  I reached for him, keeping my mo
vements slow and deliberate.

  Liam shook his head then hid his face against Veronica’s neck, stating, “I want my mommy. Where’s Mommy?”

  “He doesn’t seem to be very comfortable with you,” the woman observed, bouncing Liam on her hip.

  Maybe because he has no fucking clue who I am I thought angrily, the hot emotion surging in me. My bear growled again.

  I had to get myself under control though or they wouldn’t allow me to walk out of here with my own son, especially if I let the bear take over completely.

  I pulled my military training around me and suppressed the violent mix of emotions. There would be plenty of time to feel them later.

  Right now, I had to be a father to Liam. He needed me and I wouldn’t fail him. I had already failed him for all these years by not being around.

  To the woman, I summoned a charming smile and said, “I have only recently come back into his life and we are still adjusting to each other’s company. We’ll be fine though. He is completely safe with me.”

  I watched her fall under my spell, a blush making her cheeks pink as she unconsciously patted her bob length hair back.

  She nodded as if she completely understood what I was saying and said, “Ms. Hudson has always had you as her emergency contact so I see no reason he can’t be released into your care. Just show me your ID so I can make a copy and you’ll be on your way.”

  “No problem,” I pulled my license out of my wallet and she still held onto Liam as she walked over to the copy machine. So that’s why they called me, Willa had me written down. Did that mean she had always thought I would come back? Or that she would tell me about him? Did he even know? Who I was? What I was?

  She returned, handing me my ID. “Looks like it’s all in order.”

  Still bouncing Liam, she coaxed his head away from her neck and told him, “Be a good boy now, Liam. Go on with Mr. Johnson. He will take good care of you and you’ll feel better soon buddy.”

  When she passed Liam over to me, my arms wrapped around the cub like I had been doing it for years. It felt natural and right to hold him and I fought the urge to smother him closer.