Dead Men Don't Eat Cookies

by Virginia Lowell

  Olivia heard pounding, then a cracking sound. “I think someone is taking down a wall, and I doubt it’s Calliope. I’m going up there. Maddie?”

  “I’m in. Ellie, why don’t you stay here and call someone. If you can’t find Del, call Lucas.”

  Ellie’s hazel eyes darkened. “You forget, Maddie, that I’m the black belt here. Someone is vandalizing my future craft school, and I’m going to stop them.”

  They heard a loud thud above their heads. Ellie sprinted toward the kitchen door. Olivia and Maddie were close behind.

  “Any idea what room is directly above us, Mom?”

  “Room seven.” Ellie poked her head into the hallway and signaled the others to follow.

  Olivia led the way up the rickety staircase. She chose speed over stealth, hoping the racket on the second floor would drown out the inevitable squeaks and groans from the old steps. As they neared room seven, Olivia realized the door was slightly ajar. She put her finger to her lips. As she reached toward the door, it slammed shut.

  Olivia whispered, “Do you think they heard us?”

  “There are no working locks on these inner doors,” Ellie said. “Perhaps we should—” Her next words were drowned out by a piercing shriek that trailed off with . . . The phrase “dramatic precision” came to Olivia’s mind. “Was that Lenora?

  “Such a distinctive voice,” Ellie said. “Lenora so excelled as the captive maiden in horror films.” As if she’d heard Ellie’s compliment, Lenora performed an encore, followed by a feeble cry for help. Ellie’s eyes narrowed as she twisted the doorknob and opened the door.

  Five startled inhabitants stared at the intruders. Alicia stood in a corner of the room near the window, her pale face framed by tangled long hair. A tall, thin man stood next to her, a protective arm around her shoulders. Olivia assumed he must be the mysterious Jack. Robbie and Crystal Quinn stood together. Pale blue bits of plaster dotted Crystal’s honey-brown hair. Robbie’s powerful hands opened and closed repeatedly, as if he were preparing to make a fist. They stood in front of a jagged hole in the wall, which the broken plaster had once covered.

  Dressed in black, Lenora perched on a wide ledge that might once have been a window seat. She reached out one thin hand as if she needed help getting down. When no one budged, she curled into a tight ball. “Oh, Livie,” Lenora said in a stage whisper, “I’m so glad you’ve come. I knew you would rescue me.” Olivia wondered if she had downed a fortifying tumbler or two of Pete’s merlot before making the trek to the boarding house.

  Olivia stiffened as Robbie lifted the nasty looking hammer he was holding. She didn’t know the implement’s proper name, but she’d heard Jason call it a brick hammer. He’d used the sharp end to break up an old stone walk at Calliope’s farm. As a weapon, that hammer might not be as quick as a gun, but it could do as much damage. The powerful muscles in Robbie’s upper arm tightened and bunched as he took a step toward Olivia.

  “Robbie, no.” Crystal’s tone reminded Olivia of her own mother’s voice when she had reached her wit’s end with her children. Robbie made no response, angry or otherwise. Crystal reached out to him, one small palm upturned as if to receive the weapon.

  Robbie frowned but said nothing.

  “Come on, honey, we can share with these good people.” Cajoling now, Crystal made it sound as if unexpected guests had shown up at their private picnic. “We probably won’t find any antique cookie cutters in there, anyway.”

  Robbie hesitated a moment before his angry expression dissolved. “Sure, honey, why not.” He lowered the hammer.

  “How utterly delightful!” Lenora clapped her hands. “Now I’ll be able to finish my play. I’ll just peek inside this wall to make sure there’s no—”

  “There is no treasure in there,” Robbie said.

  “You might get your lovely outfit all covered with dust and dirt,” Crystal added.

  When Lenora slid off her window perch and tiptoed through the plaster, Olivia realized the aging ingénue was wearing black silk pajamas and a flowing black scarf around her neck. Olivia shivered as she imagined Lenora trekking over to the old boarding house in such thin clothing.

  “Isn’t it exciting, Livie?” Lenora clasped her hands together under her chin. “This evening is turning out even better than I’d hoped.” She poked her head through the hole in the wall and withdrew it quickly. “Ugh,” she said. “Nothing but dust and broken wood. So disappointing. However, I shall persevere. We will simply try another room. I’m so glad I won’t have to search for the Chatterley treasure all by myself. It would have taken me all night with only my little hammer.” She waved a dismissive hand at a small hammer on the floor. Olivia wondered if it had come from Lucas’s hardware store.

  “All right, then, it’s settled.” Crystal clapped her hands like a kindergarten teacher calling her noisy class to order. “Robbie will clean up in here, while we explore another room.”

  No one moved. Robbie raised his more substantial hammer enough to suggest a threat. Jack’s protective arm tightened around Alicia’s shoulders as she snuggled closer to his chest.

  “Do hurry, everyone,” Lenora begged. “Dawn will be here before we know it. The Chatterley collection is in these ancient walls. I can sense it.” She strode toward the door, pajama legs flapping. “If I must, I shall unearth the collection all by my—” As Lenora flung open the door, her silk scarf unwound from her neck and slithered downward. She made no attempt to fling it back over her shoulder. Instead, she stumbled back as Kurt Kurtzel stepped into the room.

  Kurt was dressed all in black, minus the knit face mask he had worn when he’d forced his way into the Gingerbread House kitchen. Kurt’s confidence was understandable given the weapon in his hand—a knife with a long, thin, and undoubtedly lethal blade. Olivia was fairly certain it was a switchblade, though she’d never seen one before. How did he manage to obtain a weapon like that on such short notice? Just hours earlier, he’d had only a pocket knife.

  Kurt stepped into the room, slamming the door behind him. “Don’t anyone move.” His eyes darted about as if he expected weapons to come flying toward him. “Alicia, come over here and stand next to me.”

  “No,” Alicia said.

  “Not a chance, kid,” Jack added. Olivia heard a quiet firmness in his voice, as if he were accustomed to dealing with hotheaded delinquents.

  “You belong with me,” Kurt said.

  “You stay away from my daughter,” Crystal said. “You killed her father.”

  “Oh, come on, everyone,” Lenora pleaded. “Let’s please get into the spirit of our treasure hunt.”

  Kurt gave Lenora a disdainful glance up and down. “What are you supposed to be?”

  Lenora straightened to her full five-foot-three-inch height and planted her fists on her prominent hip bones. “I, young man, am Lenora Dove, star of stage, screen, and television commercials.”

  Kurt stared at her, his dark blue eyes nearly black against his pale skin. “You’re nothing but an old has-been. Nobody will miss you.” He aimed his knife at Lenora’s throat.

  Evidently, Lenora had mistaken Kurt for an actor with whom she was sharing an impromptu scene. Resting her right hand at the base of her throat, Lenora said, “I have but a little neck.”

  Only Olivia heard Maddie’s faint chortle. “Lenora thinks she’s playing Ann Boleyn,” Maddie whispered. “We must save her from herself. Diversion time.”

  Several chunks of plaster lay at Olivia’s feet. She scooped up two pieces and quickly tossed one. It hit the wall behind Kurt’s back. When he spun around, knife at the ready, Maddie rushed toward Lenora. Olivia threw the second hunk of plaster, hitting the wall above Kurt’s head. As he looked up, bits of plaster fell on his face. Maddie had just enough time to grab Lenora around her tiny waist and yank her out of reach. Lenora, thank goodness, was too startled to make a sound, melodramatic or otherwise
.

  They had rescued Lenora for the moment, but Olivia had no idea how to subdue Kurt. Robbie would be no help. He leaned against the wall near the door, his arms crossed over his thick chest, seemingly content to let the intruders exhaust themselves until only he and Crystal were left standing.

  Kurt had dropped his knife but quickly scooped it up. Olivia was out of ideas, as well as handy bits of plaster. However, her petite, exercise-addicted mother took the reins. Ellie stretched her arms toward the ceiling and executed several perfect forward flips while managing to avoid the clutter dotting the floor. Her acrobatics brought her to Kurt’s side. His lower jaw went slack. Without hesitation, Ellie kicked her leg straight up and whacked Kurt’s extended arm. His knife flew from his grip and landed amid the detritus on the floor.

  Kurt, however, had come prepared. He reached into the pocket of his black jeans and produced a pocket knife. His face twisted with rage as he lunged at Ellie. Olivia’s peripheral vision caught movement on her left as Jack raced past her. Jack was a full head taller than Kurt and far stronger. His upper arm muscles bunched impressively as he grabbed Kurt’s wrist and twisted his arm behind his back. Kurt cried out in pain and dropped his knife. Jack kicked the knife toward Olivia. Robbie lunged toward the knife, grabbing it before it could reach her.

  “Well,” Lenora said, clasping her hands together like a delighted child, “I’m so glad that’s all settled. Now, can we all move on?”

  Jack’s weather-beaten forehead furrowed in confusion. “Shouldn’t we call the police and wait here for them?”

  “Oh, don’t be such a spoilsport.” Lenora waved her claw-like hand dismissively. “That silly boy only had a knife.”

  “What if he used a knife to kill my father?” Alicia shivered. Jack held Kurt’s upper arm and searched his pockets for more weapons. He found none. Kurt yanked his arm free and ran from the room.

  “There, you see?” Lenora said. “He’s merely a silly boy showing off. I’m sure the real killer is long gone, my dear. You must move on with your life. Now we really should explore more rooms. I simply know there’s a fortune in antique cookie cutters hidden throughout this old monstrosity of a building.”

  “Yes, why don’t we at least take a look around?” Crystal sounded chipper, as if she were proposing a pleasurable excursion. She shot a quick glance at her husband.

  “Excellent idea.” There was more than a hint of command in Robbie’s voice. “I suggest we split up. We’ll clean up in here while the rest of you wait for us in another room of your choice. However, to make sure no word of the treasure leaks out, please hand over your cell phones.”

  “Keep your hands off my cell phone,” Lenora said. “That’s my private property.”

  “She is correct.” Ellie, still a sixties radical at heart, pumped her fist in the air. “We know our rights!” More angry voices joined in as Ellie began to chant, “Hands off our phones!” Olivia was familiar with her mother’s tactics. Ellie was creating a diversion.

  Red blotches spread across Robbie’s face. His fists tightened. Crystal touched his arm. Robbie shook off her hand. When he picked up the brick hammer he had brandished earlier, Olivia punched 911 into her cell phone. The call didn’t go through. She searched frantically but saw nothing that might serve as a weapon.

  Lenora showed no interest in the battle escalating around her. Tilting her head like a curious sparrow, she peered through the hole in the wall. She reached inside with both thin arms and lifted out a piece of wood about a foot and a half long. It looked as if it might have been split lengthwise, leaving a splintery, jagged edge. Lenora shrugged and slid the wood back through the hole.

  “Why aren’t you joining the riot?” Maddie whispered in Olivia’s ear. “It might be our only chance to overpower those two.”

  “Keep up the good fight,” Olivia whispered back. “I might have a couple ideas.”

  Maddie nodded and rejoined the chant.

  Olivia turned her back and tried her cell phone again. Still no signal. She’d been able to call from the kitchen, but maybe the tree branches outside were dense enough to interfere with the signal. So much for that idea.

  Robbie and Crystal were arguing with each other, so Olivia sneaked away to join Lenora at the damaged wall. “Mind if I take a look at what you found inside that wall?” Olivia asked.

  Lenora shrugged. “This is just a broken board or something. There’s no treasure in there.”

  Olivia peered through the hole in the wall and saw nothing but broken plaster. The piece of old wood Lenora held might make a good weapon, though. Olivia assumed she was looking at the back of room eight’s closet area. It seemed odd to find open space between the plaster wall and the back of room eight’s closet, but she knew nothing about construction.

  Lenora’s thin, penciled eyebrows pinched together as she studied a darkened area along the broken edge of the wood. She shrugged, and said, “I hoped to find a secret message carved into this board, but this is probably just an old water stain.”

  “May I see that board for a moment?” Olivia asked.

  Lenora released an Oscar-worthy sigh as she handed the wood to Olivia. “In a movie, everything is important. Life simply cannot compete with the theater.”

  While Robbie and Crystal argued, Olivia quickly examined the wood. As a weapon, it might be awkward. Robbie’s hammer would easily smash it. The stain looked old, so Lenora was probably right. Only in fiction were puzzling details important.

  Despite Ellie’s efforts, the protest had begun to wind down. Olivia slid the board back through the hole in the wall. As she turned around, she saw Crystal watching her.

  Robbie opened the door to the hallway. “The fun is over,” he said. “Time to leave.”

  “Hah!” Lenora said. “You want all the treasure for yourself.”

  “There is no treasure.” When no one budged, Robbie’s jaw worked as if he were grinding his teeth.

  Ellie stared him down. “I own this building,” she said. “You are the ones who must leave.”

  “You want to bet on that?” The brick hammer was still in Robbie’s hand. He lifted it. “Get out of this room, all of you,” Robbie yelled. “I don’t care where you go, but don’t let me see you again. Search the other rooms, tear the building down, I don’t care. Just leave.”

  Drained of her adrenaline-fired energy, Olivia felt confused. Something seemed off to her. Robbie wanted them gone from the room, that was clear. However, why wasn’t he chasing them out of the building? What was he trying to accomplish?

  “Well,” Lenora said, “I, for one, intend to search other rooms before the night is over. There’s nothing in here.” She sashayed toward the door as if adoring fans were watching her. Jack and Alicia followed.

  Olivia frowned at the damaged wall. Why had Robbie smashed a hole in it? The narrow enclosure had looked empty except for the stained board, which was probably accidentally walled inside during construction. Unless . . . Olivia glanced toward Robbie and saw him check his own cell phone. He smiled and slid the phone back into his pocket. She guessed he might be relieved to find no signal. Was he hoping to disappear?

  Ellie had plunked down cross-legged on the floor. With his free arm, Robbie grabbed her around the waist and carried her out the door.

  Maddie sidled up to Olivia. “What just happened here?” she asked quietly. “Robbie gave up on confiscating our cell phones too easily.”

  “Just what I was thinking. Come on. We won’t have much time before they realize we stayed behind.” Olivia hurried over to the hole in the wall and pointed to the board. The narrow wall cavity was backed with strips of plywood. Why was there a cavity in the first place? Calliope might know, but that would have to wait. “We must be looking at the back of Horace Chatterley’s closet.”

  Before Olivia could stop her, Maddie lifted the broken board out of the enclosure. “What’s this?”
she asked in a whisper.

  Crystal poked her head into the room. “What are you two still doing in here?” She blanched when she saw the board in Maddie’s hand. “Where did you get that? It shouldn’t be—”

  “What’s going on in here?” Robbie pushed past Crystal and closed the door behind them.

  “Robbie?” Red splotches appeared on Crystal’s ashen face. “Robbie, you promised you’d gotten rid of—”

  “Be quiet!” Robbie grabbed Crystal’s frail upper arm and shook her.

  Crystal struggled fiercely and broke his grip. “You promised. You said you’d protect me, that you would fix everything so I’d never be blamed. You said you’d take care of everything so . . . so we could be together.”

  “Stop talking, Crystal.” Robbie spoke in a low, firm voice, as if he were hushing an excitable child. “You need to trust me.” Crystal quieted down, though fear and confusion showed in her eyes.

  Olivia’s mind raced as she tried to understand what was happening . . . and what to do.

  “I’ll take that,” Robbie said, reaching toward the board.

  “Sure.” Maddie handed the board to him. “I was just curious to see the other side of Horace Chatterley’s closet.” Her cheeks flushed as Robbie studied her face.

  The snake tattoos on Robbie’s arm slithered as his muscles tightened. “This is just some junk that got left behind when this place was built. No builder is perfect,” he said with a faint smile. He turned the board in his hands until he saw the stain.

  “Robbie?”

  “It’s too late, Crystal,” he said. “They know. Leave the room. I’ll take care of things. I always do.”

  “Robbie, no, please.” Crystal touched his arm with her fingertips. “Can’t we just disappear?”

  “And leave my construction company? Don’t be stupid. What would we live on? Trust me, Crystal. Haven’t I always taken care of you?” Robbie headed toward the door of the room. On the way, he scooped up his hammer. A shiver of dread coursed through Olivia’s body as she watched Robbie take several long nails from his pocket. He nailed one end of the stained board to the door jamb and the other end to the door. He had nailed the four of them into the room together. But why? Did he intend to kill Maddie and her and then disappear with Crystal?