Delicate Scars

by Alta Hensley

  And the truth of the matter was I was fucked up. I was fucked up in so many ways that I didn’t even recognize myself anymore. This wasn’t the woman I was. I would have never been this… dark, mean, low, and fucked.

  Jillian’s scream caught everyone’s attention nearby. All eyes nearby now cast in our direction. I glanced over to where Axel sat. I felt instantly grateful the loud club music concealed what was going on. Axel had no idea what was happening. I released Jillian’s hair and returned her glare.

  She reached for her head and tried to rub out the sting. “You don’t know who you are messing with. I could have you fired for this. Hell, I could have you banned from every club in this town.”

  My rage exploded. “Do you think I fucking care? You have no power over me, because I don’t give a fuck about much right now. Stay the hell away from me or else.” I got right into Jillian’s face, challenging her to push me past my very fragile limit.

  I quickly glanced in the security guard’s direction. He was approaching the crowd, getting ready to break up the fight. He surprised me when he gave me a small nod of approval, letting me know he was on my side and backing my decision to give Jillian a taste of her own venom.

  Jillian leaned in and spat, “Fuck you! What are you going to do?”

  The woman really was insane. Hell… I was insane.

  I pulled my arm back, and, with as much force as I could muster, I brought my closed fist to the side of Jillian’s face. The punch caused her to stumble back against the wall behind her.

  I ignored the shooting pain working its way through my hand. “When you start something with me, you better damn sure be prepared to finish it.”

  I then grabbed her hair once again and rammed her head into the wall she was up against. “You stay away from me.”

  Jillian crumpled to the floor and looked up at me in disbelief. “Wait until I am done with you!” she screamed.

  I took a deep, calming breath. I was out of control. “Do your best.” I turned as fast as I could, not being able to take her any longer. I should have walked away before and hated myself for my actions. I was just as fucked as she was.

  The fight was over, and even though I had lost control, I felt great. I was happy Axel didn’t witness my temper because I was sure it didn’t show me in the best light. But it was about time Jillian got taught a thing or two. And frankly, I had nothing left to lose. Who gives a fuck?

  Getting ready to leave, my eyes locked with Axel’s. For a long moment, we simply stared at one another, the days spent apart falling away as though they’d never happened.

  Axel’s face seemed to soften, giving me the courage to approach him. Maybe I was crazy, but I had to try. I had to talk and explain. I would apologize a thousand times if that’s what it took. I missed and loved Axel more than I thought possible.

  “Now’s not the time, Quinn,” Axel said, his voice barely heard over the music.

  “Axel…” My voice trailed away. “Can we talk? Please.”

  His face hardened, losing its momentary softness. “There’s nothing left to say. I’ve heard your apologies, your constant messages begging for forgiveness. I’m over it.”

  “I don’t know what to do to make this right! I love you, and…”

  Axel had already started shaking his head before I could finish speaking.

  I wiped away the tears from my cheeks, but I saw the uncertainty in Axel’s eyes before he looked away. I felt as though my entire world fell apart around me. I forced a smile shakily past the tears and nodded my head, finally accepting defeat. Axel was over me for good.

  Exhaling a long, shaky breath, fighting back the emotions, I shot out, “I didn’t realize our relationship was so delicate.”

  Tension in Axel’s jaw and the glistening of tears in his eyes indicated that I’d hit a nerve. I had managed to chip away at the wall Axel created around his heart.

  He stood up and advanced on me, not stopping until he stood so close I could smell the unique scent that seemed to belong to him alone. I closed my eyes, taking an involuntary deep breath, sparking the familiar desire that melted me and devastated me at the same time.

  My gaze dipped to Axel’s mouth—full, perfect, and inviting. What would he do if I kissed him? Would he push me away? Maybe it was worth the risk.

  My eyes trailed lower, down the line of his throat, to the simple V-neck black tee he wore beneath his jacket. His chest beckoned to be touched.

  “Don’t you dare turn this around on me,” he hissed only inches from my face. “I’m not the one who destroyed us. You are.”

  “Then let me fix us,” I pleaded.

  “Fix us?” he asked, laughing harshly. “There’s no ‘us’ anymore. Our relationship isn’t just delicate, it’s scarred!”

  I decided to take a huge risk and brought my hand up to Axel’s face, trailing my fingers along the flush that stained his cheek, left behind from his anger. He jerked his head away angrily and his chin hitched up, but I saw the flare of emotion in his eyes before he jerked away from me.

  My face inches from his, I ran my gaze over Axel, watching the wall crumble even further. I didn’t want to stop. It was a temptation I couldn’t resist. I kissed him.

  The minute my mouth made contact with his, I released a low moan, my body reacting as though it had been an eternity since we last touched. I pressed closer against his body, forgetting we were in a busy nightclub.

  Axel didn’t just kiss me, he consumed me. His tongue stroked across the seam of my lips, demanding an entry I desperately wanted to give.

  In a rushed movement, he grabbed me by the hand and led me out the doors into the parking lot. Without saying a word, Axel grasped my butt and lifted me up, placing me on the hood of a car, before pulling my thighs apart and settling within my spread legs.

  When the velvet smoothness of his tongue stroked inside my mouth, I opened my mouth wider, meeting his tongue with my own in a hot, desperate dueling match.

  “Axel…” I whispered against his mouth when he broke the kiss, running his tongue over my lips. I moaned as his hand tunneled beneath my skirt, cupping my moistened panties.

  Axel’s hand slid under the fabric and stroked over my mound, dipping past my silken folds. Pressing past my entrance, he thrust his finger in and out without breaking the next passionate kiss.

  Feverish, I brought my hands to cup Axel’s erection, my eyes fluttering closed as his finger pumped deeper within. I couldn’t get close enough to him, couldn’t get enough of his kiss, enough of his finger pulling the passion from my body.

  God, I thought I had lost this. Lost the chance to make love to him ever again. My heart beat so fast I could barely catch my breath. I had Axel back. Axel was in my arms again.

  I wrapped my legs around his lean waist, my body on fire from his touch. I attacked Axel’s mouth with carnal ferocity, my tongue pushing past his lips to breach the cavern of his mouth.

  I released a ragged moan, one that came from deep within my soul, from my broken fucked up heart. I had missed Axel so much, his touch, his kisses, but more importantly… his love.

  With a low growl, he pushed away, turning his back to me, striding a short distance away, enough space to cool the heat between us.

  “Axel?”

  He kept his back to me, standing there in silence. Very slowly, he faced me. “At least it’s clear what you’ve always wanted. I guess I was a fool to think you were more than just a groupie.”

  Axel’s statement felt like ice thrown on the heat of passion that had threatened to consume me only moments ago. I eased myself off the hood of the car, heat covering my entire body as I met his cold, emotionless stare. Fighting back the flood of tears, I desperately searched his eyes for explanation. The sudden need to escape—flee from this pain—made my heart pound even harder against my chest.

  “What are you talking about? Are you treating me like a groupie?” I could barely say the words.

  What I saw in Axel’s eyes now brought a pang to
my heart. His anger reached out and nearly strangled my very being in its intensity. Anger for lying, for keeping my reason of moving here a secret, for not trusting in our love. Anger for destroying the relationship we had built in such a short time.

  “If you act like a groupie, you get treated like one. An emotionless hookup,” Axel stated quietly, his voice carefully matter-of-fact.

  “Axel, please don’t be cruel. It kills me—”

  “I’ve been used more times than I can count. People I think love me, or even like me, for me, are just using me for a connection. I had no idea you were doing that. I was blind!” he snapped, his words like a knife, carving into me.

  “It wasn’t like that. You have to know that,” I said, taking a step toward him before stopping, wiping at the streaming tears coursing down my face. “No matter what you now believe, I… I love you.”

  “Love me?” He laughed with venom. “You fucked with me,” he said, anger tightening his features. “You wanted the inside scoop on Axel Rye, son of the all mighty Jamison Rye. You lived the party scene and snorted my coke up your nose. And you fucked with me! Nothing different than all the other groupies of my life.” Fire burned in his eyes.

  Unable to stand seeing the pain in Axel’s eyes, I turned. My voice low, I said, “I was insecure. I was afraid that any wrong step I made would mean losing you. I didn’t have enough faith in us as a couple. I guess I didn’t have enough trust in you. I should have told you the truth. It was the stupidest thing I could have done.” I stopped, taking a deep breath as a sob choked me. “I—I was acting like a stupid love-struck child. I created drama that didn’t need to exist.”

  I stopped, my throat clogged with grief, blinking rapidly in an attempt to stop the tears burning my eyes. Afraid if I kept crying, I’d never be able to stop. I fought to keep it together, forcing myself to go on.

  “I’m sorry, Axel. I owed you the truth about what I do for a living and this stupid book. I just didn’t know what to do as the lie grew each time I let you believe otherwise,” I said, offering a helpless shake of my head. “I made it a bigger deal than it was.” I paused and drew in a breath. “And it was probably the biggest mistake I’ve ever made. I didn’t mean to hurt you.” I paused before continuing. “I wasn’t using you. I wasn’t faking my desire to be with you. I wanted what you wanted, but I don’t expect you to believe me. I know I lost that trust. I’m so sorry.” I merely whispered my last words.

  As if a miracle just happened, Axel strode over to me, dragging me into his arms, holding me close. “Quinn, didn’t you know how much I loved you?” he asked, pulling away enough to stare into my face. “That if you had just told me the truth, I would have understood? I wouldn’t have acted like an asshole. I would have trusted in our love. You were my world,” he said as he brushed his fingertips over my tear-stained cheeks, cupping my face with his palms.

  “Then forgive me,” I whispered.

  “I loved you. I pictured building a life with you. When you got caught in the lie, my entire world crumbled. All those dreams I had, they were dreams of us, places I wanted to go… with you.” Axel glared. “I wanted to be with you. Didn’t you know that?”

  I saw tenderness and hurt mingled in his eyes. I also saw lingering anger, an anger I deserved.

  “I’m sorry.” That was all I could verbalize right then. So many conflicting emotions coursed throughout my body that I felt almost crushed by the weight of them as I moved my hand slowly to Axel’s. Tears pooled in my eyes, burning them. But I willed myself to hold them back for once.

  “I know you are,” he finally whispered.

  “I’ll do whatever it takes to make this right with you,” I said, seeming to find my voice. “I want to earn back your trust. Do you want me to stop writing the book? I wasn’t going to use your name, but I will stop writing it altogether if you want.” Even though I made the offer, deep down I didn’t know if I would be able to follow through with that. I didn’t know how far Harrison had gone with it.

  Axel shook his head, his voice even as he spoke. “I don’t expect you to do that. I would never ask that of you.” He sighed and ran a hand through his hair, his eyes moving heavenward for a moment. “I guess I’ve known that you never really used me. Your intent at the beginning maybe was to, but I have to have faith in knowing you didn’t mean to hurt me—at least not once we fell in love. It was just a lie, but I know, deep down, that your heart has been in the right place.”

  “I know that none of this would have happened if I had just trusted that you would understand,” I murmured. “This shouldn’t have been an issue.” The tears I had held back finally gave way. “I embarrassed you in front of your friends.”

  Axel shook his head. “You don’t need to worry about them. They’ve seen a lot more drama than that.”

  “I don’t want them to ever doubt my love for you. I don’t want you to ever doubt my love, either.”

  “That’s a tough one,” he murmured in a voice so quiet I almost didn’t hear him. But I did, and the tears fell faster.

  “You cared about me once,” I said as I wiped at my moist face. “Maybe you could learn to care about me again—someday?” I sounded like a little girl desperate for affection and I hated it, but I needed Axel. I wanted Axel. Not just because he made me feel appreciated and cared for, but because when I was in his arms, I felt complete. And I loved Axel and hoped our love deserved another chance.

  “I didn’t stop caring about you. I’ll always care about you and want what’s best for you.”

  “You are what is best for me.”

  Axel shook his head. “I wish I could say I one hundred percent believed that. Because you stole my heart the day I saw you in the club.” He smiled a bit. “But that was… like a dream, Quinn. We lived this fast and furious love affair that maybe was always bound to come crashing down.”

  “Don’t say that,” I pleaded. “Don’t give up on us. Please.”

  “I think I’m just facing reality.”

  “Do you love me enough to stay with me?” I asked as more tears slid down my face.

  “I love you. I have since I met you. The whole issue with this book and Harrison reminded me that you still have a life in San Francisco. You still plan on going back and building your career. As much as I want to be selfish and just take you in my arms, make love to you and promise you everything will be all right, I can’t. I know that long-distance relationships don’t work out.”

  “I decided long ago, long before this whole mess, that I was staying here… with you,” I cried.

  Axel looked moved by my admission and slowly pulled me close to his chest. I closed my eyes for a brief moment as I felt a whisper of a touch on my face as he began to dab at my tears with the pads of his warm, gentle fingertips.

  “I think you need to move back,” he said in a hushed voice as I opened my eyes and stared at him in shock. “I can’t do this.”

  In one swift motion, Axel turned around and walked back in the club without saying another word, leaving me standing there stunned.

  What the fuck just happened?

  We were so close.

  So close.

  And just as I was about to crumble to my knees and give up on everything, a sound from the depths of hell occurred.

  15

  Fucking Jillian

  Quinn

  “You don’t know who you fucking messed with!” I jumped at the wicked declaration suddenly right behind me. I turned around to see Jillian standing with a knife pointed in my direction. Her dilated eyes revealed an evil inside. Drugs, alcohol, hatred, and a weapon made a deadly mix. My heart stopped as Jillian charged.

  My head whipped back from the force of the blow. Blood shot from the corner of my mouth as Jillian’s knuckles made contact with my lower lip. The evil in her eyes shone in the dim light of the parking lot. The stench of her breath only added to the demon-like figure before me.

  Swiping my fingertips over my mouth, I struggled to my feet, but Jillian was
suddenly on top of me, her fishnet-clad thighs straddling my chest, pinning me to the cold asphalt below. I tried not to focus on the crazed face looming over me. Her face showed a fury that made me realize she would indeed try to kill me. She was too far gone to stop in her attack.

  I had knocked the knife out of Jillian’s hand when she unexpectedly lunged at me. But the knife remained within my reach. If only I could stretch out my arm and—

  “Stop fighting me, bitch! I’m going to show you what happens when you mess with me. Do you know who I am? How dare you punch me in the club! You’ll pay for that now!”

  I blocked the pummel of hands, feeling Jillian’s skin beneath my nails as I clawed at her face. I let out a scream even though no one would hear. The music in the club was too loud. No one was there to save me. I had no choice but to save myself.

  Jillian grunted, beads of sweat dripping off her forehead. I could feel Jillian’s strength weakening. Hope washed over me. I could still fight her off. I just needed to outlast her power. Stamina and sobriety could save my life.

  Jillian was breathing hard, her scrawny body heaving from each jagged pant. She had me trapped on the cold ground, but I knew I had a chance to break free as Jillian’s energy faded. I struggled to draw air into my lungs, but Jillian’s weight on my stomach almost suffocated me. I couldn’t wrestle out from her hold, let alone take a breath. My own energy faded just as fast. I sucked in much-needed oxygen, refusing to look at Jillian’s disgusting face only inches from my own as she continued to punch at my head. From the corner of my eye, I saw a flash of silver.

  Her knife. I needed to reach her knife.

  Reach for the knife.