Sin's Haven

by Carlene Love Flores

  It was unbelievably defeating knowing she hadn’t helped.

  He reached behind his back and pulled something out. She realized it was a beanie-style hat. The way he just pulled it on and then tugged it even lower over his forehead reminded her of someone who wanted to crawl away and hide and never come back out. And that was something she just couldn’t let happen. Ever again.

  Chapter Three

  “What are you planning on doing with that young man?” asked Mark.

  That was a great question. Right now Benny was nothing more than a heap of dark teal leopard print shirt bunched up at the shoulders and a head full of waves at the back of his head that she hadn’t realized he’d had during her earlier staring sessions. All zonked on the bar.

  Hazel and Mark made eyes at each other while she kept her thoughts to herself.

  His hair has such a nice shine. I bet it feels amazing too, like silk but thicker. He must take really good care of it. When she had a flash of him in a hot steamy shower, his hands directing the water away from his face and back through his slick hair, she knew she’d lost it.

  “He did drop a few hundred bucks into the coffee can tonight.”

  “Really? Well as drunk as he looks, you may want to ask him if he’d like some of it back,” she said, surprised he’d been able to get through the night let alone be charitable. After her unsuccessful attempts to cheer him with “Cling” and then the dreaded bee-day song, he’d sat like a glob of gray clay at his table, until now.

  That had been two whole hours.

  “Geez, what did you serve him all night?”

  “Not me, I just got him started. Dusty took care of him the rest of the night,” Mark said and put a glass away.

  She leaned down and sniffed the breaths coming from his mouth, expecting heavy liquor and getting that plus peanuts, which smelled oddly good. She took in the caramel and sugary oak aroma of the Tennessee whiskey branded on him like only Jack Daniels could do. He had a flake of peanut skin stuck to his full bottom lip. Not thinking, she gently scraped it away. He pouted and then relaxed again but that was his only reaction. Her reactions, on the other hand, were many and reached far and wide.

  Why was she wishing he’d have licked along that fleshy bottom lip she’d just touched? The thought of kissing him sent real streams of heat to places she’d pretended to forget about the past year. The warmth felt nice drawing her knees together but not where it gathered beads of sweat between her boobs. They’d been pushed up and pressed in all day and night. As soon as she got home, she was out of this annoying tight bra. She’d have thought that was one nice thing about being alone now—being able to go braless around her apartment—but Jay had loved and encouraged her free spirit. And parading around naked now just made her feel lonely, not sexy. Would Benny appreciate her body? Was she crazy for even thinking it? They were strangers. Something in her screamed “So what! You’re a woman, he’s a man and you’re attracted to him. Just admit it.”

  “Oh yeah, he was pretty generous, especially after his buddy Mr. James came up and told him it was time to go. This guy,” Mark pointed at Benny, drawing her attention back, “threw five twenties into the can at that point and said he’d rather support a good cause than go home a loser.”

  “And the drink part? Please tell me Dusty mixed something in with the liquor.”

  “Don’t know. Last time I talked to this one, he said he wished his Coke was stronger. I’m guessing he was getting birthday Coke and Jack’s for the past couple hours.”

  “Well, you might want to talk to Dusty about the fine art of cutting folks off before they turn to bar mush.” That was a lot of alcohol, even for a big guy like Benny. Were they trying to put him out of his misery for real?

  “I will. Back to my question, what are your plans for him? Cab?”

  She’d have liked to have had a word with Jaxon James.

  That would have been bullet point number one on her plan.

  Whatever happened to taking care of your own? She didn’t know what the relationship was between the two guys but it had to be pretty significant for Jaxon to have rented their club out for Benny’s birthday. Plus, as tall and lanky as Benny was, Jaxon James had him in the muscle mass department. Benny was nicely broad shouldered, but Jaxon’s upper body reminded her of Jay’s. Like they’d been born of backwoods Tennessee, manly men blessed with rippling muscle. Linebackers or lumberjacks, take your pick. Jaxon could have hauled Benny from the bar easily when he left. And he hadn’t.

  No surprise there really. In her experience, the rockers liked to look good, not be good. If that was the case here, maybe it was a good thing Benny had insisted on staying alone. Maybe he needed a new friend. Someone who genuinely cared.

  “I really think we should give him some of his money back. I mean, it’s his birthday for crying out loud,” she couldn’t help but say.

  “No,” Benny grumbled, startling her and Mark. “Money. For cause.”

  His head stayed fixed on his forearms which were the oddest works of art Hazel had ever seen. He had to be wearing at least fifty of those black rubber bracelets she’d noticed earlier. They reminded her of Madonna’s in the eighties. Those took up about two inches of skin and the rest of his long forearm looked to be marked in black ink, like from an actual marker. She wondered if he’d gotten any flak from locals for his unique way of being. The more she thought about it, he couldn’t be from around here. Just too different, too special.

  “Keep money. Please,” he let out again.

  “Okay, Bud. Thank you. Your money stays in the Can for a Cure,” Mark said, patting Benny’s shoulder. “Hey, is there anyone you want us to call for you? One of your friends for a ride? Maybe there’s still someone nearby.”

  Benny didn’t respond. Hazel wasn’t surprised.

  Her heart had already gone out to the guy and now it was stuck. He was adorable, but sad. Like a gigantic lost puppy.

  Mark mouthed to her now that Benny could obviously hear them. “He can stay in the office on the futon…or I can take him to the house.”

  Did Mark and Julie really want an intoxicated stranger with selfie tattoos in the house when the kids woke up, harmless as Benny seemed? It wouldn’t be the first time Mark had housed a customer too drunk to get home and too down in the dumps to share anyone who could come get them.

  Chewing the inside of her cheek, she mouthed a thank you back at Mark but shook her head no. “Not your house, not a good idea.” Benny was her responsibility. She owed him after the part she’d inadvertently played in his humiliation tonight. Yeah, you just keep telling yourself this is about being responsible. You want to be alone with him. There’s nothing wrong with that, right? She shook off her thoughts, bound to do right by Benny.

  Man, if she never bought another Lonerby or Sin Pointe CD….Jerks.

  Benny lifted his head as if on cue. “Home. Too far. You sing pretty.”

  “Oh boy,” she whispered across the animal print lump to Mark. “He needs to sleep it off.” She doubted the office futon would fit him but her place was out of the question too. She’d entertained that idea until she realized she hadn’t had another guy there since the night the paramedics had come and taken Jay’s lifeless body from her bedroom. A knot whipped around inside her, sending icy hurt to every limb and organ she possessed.

  “Where’s home, Buddy?” asked Mark, trying one more time.

  “Fuffbuffle. Shuffshluffle. Uhh.”

  “Whoa, it’s okay. Let’s get you up and to the back room. There’s a futon you can sleep it off on.”

  “You’re sure?” she mouthed to her boss whose generosity never failed to amaze her.

  He nodded emphatically and then mouthed back. “With his ties to Sin Pointe and Erby Wells, we need to keep him somewhere safe and private. But you’re right, my house probably isn’t the best idea.”

  Just then Julie came up to them, her bags slung over her shoulder and the club’s accounting books tucked in the crook of her elbow. “Ready
to go, babe?” she asked Mark.

  He looked to Hazel, reluctant to leave but torn. Mark waved them over to the front of the café, out of Benny’s ear shot.

  Hazel piped up first. “Everything is fine. I’ll stay here with him. You guys go home to the kids. I’m sure the sitter is up waiting on the both of you. Go. I’ve got it.”

  “Where will you sleep?” asked Mark as Julie’s face grew concerned.

  “I’ll figure something out.”

  He shook his head like a knowing older brother would. “First thing tomorrow, when I get in, I’m sending you home for a couple days off. You need some rest.”

  Before he and Julie left, they helped Hazel shoulder-heft Benny back to the office. They hadn’t meant to drop him onto the futon, but geez, his long legs and arms were connected to a long torso as well, and heavier than she’d expected. He wasn’t beefy by any means that she could tell, but there sure was a lot of him. He was so unassuming that she couldn’t help but be attracted to him, despite all the upset of the night.

  “Thanks for helping me guys.”

  “You’re sure you’re okay staying here alone with him? I can ask Manny to stay until morning.”

  No, that would mean asking their security guy to try and make church the next day without a wink of sleep. “He seems pretty harmless. I’ll be fine. I’ll call if I’m not.”

  It probably seemed ridiculous to them, but Hazel had to be the one to stay. Nothing bad was happening to Benny on her watch. Not after what she’d already done to him.

  Finally, they turned to leave and then it was just Hazel and Mr. Eyes.

  Hazel knelt down to take his shoes off. His legs went on for days and they ended at two very large feet she couldn’t help but notice. The wives tale about the size of a man’s feet definitely played on her mind and piqued her already budding curiosity about him.

  That was a completely inappropriate thought for a woman like her to be having. Didn’t she have any shame? That’s what people would think, anyway. But Hazel had grown curious and the past year had left her so lonely.

  She refocused on making him comfortable and went to his Vans. Very nice, custom-made looking vans she’d never seen in any store, but no laces worked for her as she slid one and then the other off his feet. A thought of how achy hers felt right now reminded her she’d been on them for the better part of twenty-four hours. Her eyes closed, and she remembered the feeling of coming home from a long shift, collapsing on the couch and Jay’s strong fingers rubbing her arches until the pain had gone away. She missed having that special connection. With Jay. But he was never coming back.

  She was still here, and her feet hurt more than ever.

  Benny was here.

  She opened her eyes and softly led her finger down his black sock, from his ankle to the top of his big toe, keeping to the bridge so as not to tickle him in case he was sensitive. She knew she shouldn’t, but Hazel chanced a glance at his crotch, wondering about the shoe size correlation. She felt like a complete pervert with him laying here passed out but his tight pants indeed showed the outline of a very promising bulge hugging his inner thigh. Even though Hazel would have liked to have stayed in that far away little place, harmlessly picturing his naked body and tracing it with her lonely fingers, she stopped.

  He was passed out and at her mercy. Enough of them had let him down tonight.

  What she wasn’t expecting when she raised her head up was to see him propped on an elbow and his eyes half open. She grabbed for her forehead; he rubbed at his. Caught with his foot in her hand and who knows what kind of look on her face, she knew a smile wasn’t right. Not with those eyes looking at her lost and confused, making her feel even worse. But then she saw something else as his gaze slid down and then back up. Was he curious about her too? Her fingers instinctually found their way to the spot behind her ear and she absentmindedly rubbed the skin there.

  “Um, we brought you back here to our club’s office. I hope that’s okay. Promise I didn’t kidnap you. If there’s someone you want me to call, I can.”

  He just looked at her. His green eyes flashed between emptiness and hurt.

  “I’m so sorry about tonight,” she said.

  “Your name?”

  “My name? Oh, it’s Hazel. Hazel Temple.”

  “Hazel. People call me Benny,” he said with a slur.

  She smiled. “I know.”

  Chapter Four

  Benny’s thoughts were a mess but he was sure he wanted her to lean closer. There was some reason floating around in the back of his head why he should be upset with her, but her hair had him feeling drunk. The pretty cinnamon color was easy on his aching eyes. Okay, so the loose, winding feeling making him want to fall on top of her and snuggle was probably the half dozen Jack and Cokes he’d had tonight. But if she leaned in closer, her hair would touch his face and his head pounded but that would soothe it.

  Just because he’d wanted her to lean in to him, didn’t mean she would. He knew that. But a second later, she was closer. Yeah, he was pretty gone. And so was his depth perception. When his mouth touched hers, he only felt the softness for a second because she pulled back far and fast enough to wound his pride. And make him feel like a drunk idiot. Good thing for him that in this state, it didn’t hurt too badly. Not like earlier in the night when Erby…man, he didn’t even want to think her name.

  What a joke, what a mess.

  “Benny?” she asked. She had such a pretty voice. She was really pretty. And soft. She’d just told him her name, but he’d lost it already. He could feel some parts of his face frowning. It was something like Mabel or Heather.

  He’d never liked the name Benny, but it was what Jaxon had shortened Benjamin to the very first time they met. The fact he could remember that right now meant he must not be completely out of it. Just extremely numb.

  “Ben,” he heard himself mumble.

  “Ben?” she asked. Mm, her breath smelled so good, like fruit and vanilla. His probably smelled like disgusting things. Maybe he didn’t care. Not when her mouth opened and she said his name again. “Ben, well I’m so sorry beca—”

  But he leaned in and pressed his lips to hers, on purpose this time. He thought she might have liked it because he didn’t feel her pull away again. For that, he was grateful. Not just numb. He wanted to make sure she knew he didn’t dislike her for what had happened tonight. He’d set his own idiot trap and she really had nothing to do with that. In fact, he did remember that she’d only tried to distract him with her songs.

  “Ben, you should get some sleep,” she said softly to him.

  That’s right, he was on a futon where he could easily pass out and forget this night had ever happened. But he wanted to remember her name so badly his brain ached. He’d felt each movement of her lips against his as she’d said those thoughtful words to him. Okay, he’d probably imagined that. But he did pull away because now he was getting the room-spinning, dizzy feeling and all he needed was to puke or pass out on her. His lips fell away as his head landed on a small pillow. “I’m sorry,” he heard himself say.

  “Don’t be.”

  “Kiss.”

  “Oh, that’s okay,” she said.

  His eyes closed, even though he’d rather be looking at her. Damning himself over Erby floated around in his drunken head but that desire turned cold. He’d known it for a while now that this whole hang up over Erby just wasn’t in the cards. But this, this unknown woman who warmed him had been a different kind of kiss. Her name should be Haven.

  ****

  This guy was a heartbreaking mess. It had to be the reason for the tugging sensation binding her eyebrows together with a throbbing pain. She knew it because Hazel hadn’t stopped thinking about the poor guy sprawled out over Mark’s office futon since she’d waved at him then fumbled through the curtains earlier. She’d never seen him in her life but knew all about his celebrity music friends as did most of the country.

  No ifs, ands or buts. They were definitely troubl
e and if it hadn’t been for the defeated look in Ben’s eyes, she’d have done everything in her power to have found him a ride out of their little club, away from her arms that wanted to soothe him.

  But she couldn’t get rid of him.

  She couldn’t leave him right now, in spite of his worrisome circle of famous friends who she’d read about over the years.

  The guys of Sin Pointe were like disaster magnets. It had been reported that two of them had lost women under tragic, horrible circumstances with hints that their lifestyles had been at fault. And now this thing with Erby Wells. The rocker girl had just given Ben the freezing cold shoulder for no apparent reason, and left him broken-hearted. The only thing Hazel could think up was that Miss Wells was no different than any other famous musician she’d ever known. Selfish. Destructive. To be avoided at all costs because there might not be anything you could do to help someone like that.

  Some people just didn’t belong in those circles. Hazel closed her eyes and tried not to see Jay’s lifeless body. The marks on his neck haunted her but the way his face had permanently set like he’d been concentrating, completely aware of what he was doing… She opened her eyes to escape that nightmare.

  She’d loved Jay with her entire being, was sure they’d been soul mates. Yet it hadn’t been enough to keep him from taking his life. Her love hadn’t been enough.

  Hazel took a seat at the foot of the small futon. She’d seen a familiar look on Ben’s face tonight. When a man withdrew inside himself, it was unmistakable. Especially since she’d seen a brighter side of him, almost childlike with interest at the window earlier that day.

  Couldn’t Ben move or twitch to let her know he was okay?

  She poked him gently on the arm to see if he’d stir. He did. Thank the heavens. The peculiarity of his clothes made her smile. God, she’d been a part of hurting him and she’d stake her last breath on his inability to hurt a fly.

  “What are you thinking?” she asked the ceiling of the office, then let her face fall heavily into her hands. “I’m not ready for this. What am I doing?” she then asked herself quietly, because flirting was one thing, and it helped her get through her lonely days. But feeling this connected to someone after only a few short hours was something else entirely.