Sin's Haven

by Carlene Love Flores

  Ben’s chest slowly rose, giving sporadic life to his leopard print shirt. He’d rolled the sleeves up high enough that she could now see finely haired forearms peeking out between the material and his rubber bracelets. All these tiny glimpses she was getting kept sending her to the edge of attraction and curiosity but also worry for his emotional state.

  What was she going to do with him? Do for him?

  Now her chest heaved as she considered her options. Asleep, or wasted anyways, his cheekbones looked more pronounced, which gave a sunken look to his closed eyes. But he was young, younger than her.

  What was it with her fingers and their mind to keep reaching out to him? His clean shaven face fooled her when she let a fingertip fall to his jaw and found a prick of whiskers, much lighter than his caramel brown hair. The roughness of the short hairs tempted her. What would it feel like to have him rake his jaw against the neglected skin of her breasts? What if he went lower, softly scraping her tummy along the way and ended up cradled between her thighs? She shivered, unsure why she felt so comfortable picturing this stranger in her most private places. Her eyes trailed over his squared chin and she imagined it resting between her breasts as he looked up at her in the sexy but safe place. To be able to provide that comfort for someone again. Then there was his rather perfectly straight and model-like nose. Even the man’s nose was a turn on. She’d dab some of her jasmine perfume behind her ear just to feel him nuzzle her there.

  Just like Jay had done.

  She couldn’t help but think of Jay because Jay had been her life and the last man she’d been this intimate with. And her Jay, every part of his body had been strong and thick. It scared her to no end that a person so physically powerful could turn out to be the most vulnerable. Would Ben be okay? Maybe after a day or two had passed and if he stayed away from Tennessee whiskey. She probably shouldn’t worry and she definitely should stop fantasizing. Surely he’d be fine when he woke up and went on about his life.

  How many people had thought Jay was living the dream life?

  The smell of the ocean breeze air freshener she’d stuck to one of Mark’s shelves had just enough scent left to mix with Ben’s whiskey and peanuts breath. Coming off most people, she’d have pinched her nose closed and winced but there was something keeping her from doing that. Maybe it was her guilt. There was just no way she could do anything against this guy, not even turn her face at his less than stellar breath. She’d played a part in this, even if she hadn’t meant to.

  Hazel considered calling a cab to come haul him off and let the grown man lying before her figure out where he should be and how to move on. Instead, she scooted on her knees closer to the futon frame and leaned down. She watched his mouth, taking it more seriously now that he wasn’t drunkenly and mistakenly fumbling around with bad balance and a kiss. His lips let in and pushed out short gusts of air. Fixated on how his bottom lip was fuller than the top, tempted, she leaned into him and after holding back and giving it a second thought, gently gave him a kiss. “I’m sorry for you, Ben. Happy birthday,” she said quietly.

  Ben rolled toward her, causing his shirt to hike up on the end and expose his stomach. A sexy, fine trail of dark hair reminded her he was a living, breathing man, not just fantasy, but he stayed curled up on his side. He looked so vulnerable this way. Seeing him like that gave her an idea of how she could right the wrong that had been done to him tonight.

  She quietly got up and went to Mark’s desk and pulled out some paper and pen, thinking about her fantasies for inspiration.

  Ben-

  Thanks for such a wonderful night. It was amazing. You were amazing.

  Take care,

  H

  Wondering what a night like that might have actually been like with him, she felt her fingers touch her lips, still caught up in how nice and soft his had felt. Her body began to respond and she’d have liked to give in to it. The tender throbbing coming from between her legs, the swelling of those lips as she pictured his long fingers touching her. Would her wetness be pleasing and help him delve deeper inside, exploring what she wanted so badly to give to another? Would a man like Ben enjoy her taste? She forced herself to stop again and squeezed her thighs together until some of the ache went away. The truth was, she’d never know.

  And then she made her way to the door, hovering there and vowing never to get herself in another situation like this again.

  The unexpected and strong connection scared the hell out of her.

  He’d be fine.

  She’d done what she could to boost his ego back up. She prayed the note would be enough. That he’d go back to his crowd, feeling good about the mind-blowing night he’d spent with her, or so he would think, and find someone kinder than Erby Wells the next time.

  From the doorway, she looked at the clock on the wall. It was closing in on one in the morning. Mark would be back to open things up for the coffee crowd by six. She should stick it out in Mark’s desk chair for a few more hours, just to be sure nothing bad happened to Ben. Quietly, she tiptoed back to the desk. Her next note was to Mark, explaining that she was taking him up on his offer for one of those days off. She just couldn’t be here when Ben woke up.

  Moving as carefully as she could, she got up and tucked Ben’s note into his front shirt pocket before returning to the chair. That space between his chest and knees and the back of the futon carved out so perfectly for the shape of a woman nearly shattered her resolve.

  Life was on to her, knowing the truth when she couldn’t admit it.

  She needed someone.

  Was that why their paths had crossed?

  A rumble of cold sweat broke through her pores and sickened her stomach. Life had sent her Jay. Their paths had crossed, too. Their love had been beautiful. Until it hadn’t been enough and she just couldn’t go through that again.

  Chapter Five

  Ben woke up wishing he’d drunk a half dozen less Jack and Cokes last night. His tummy rumbled, reminding him it was empty and he was ready to eat since at some point during the night, he’d thrown up his dinner nachos.

  The evidence was all over the floor.

  Crap, the guys would have a field day with this if they ever found out. Good thing he was alone.

  Sliding his tongue up and over his teeth and gums, he had the immediate need for water. “Dude, when did I kiss her? Please let it have been before all this.” His stiff bones refused to cooperate, making him take more time getting up off the small futon.

  He had no idea what time it was now but there was no time to waste with that awful smell lurking nearby. He rubbed his eyes and located the trail of disgustingness just to the side of a small trashcan near a desk tacked with club and café posters. At least he knew where he was, even if how he’d gotten here wasn’t all that clear.

  There weren’t any towels lying around so he knew this meant opening the door and taking the walk of shame to the bathroom. Hopefully he didn’t startle anyone who might be in the club. He vaguely remembered some of the staff from last night. One in particular ... with cinnamon colored hair. The one he feared he’d kissed.

  Finally, after finding out he seemed to be the only person there, he tossed the last paper towel he’d used to clean up his mess and plopped down on the toilet seat where he sat now. What he wasn’t prepared for was the note he found tucked into his shirt pocket. He patted it and pulled it out carefully.

  “Holy crap. No way.”

  He read it again.

  Apparently he’d had relations with her, pretty good ones at that, but had no recollection of it. What was her name? He couldn’t remember but it started with an H according to the note. Crap. He’d had hot, amazing sex last night with her? With Haven?

  He closed his eyes, and tried to remember more, considering dropping his pants and inspecting his stuff. He didn’t go that far but adjusted himself in his briefs, now conscious that he’d been inside a beautiful woman who he’d somehow brought some pretty decent pleasure to. More amazing than that, s
he hadn’t been turned off when she’d seen him. God, this was the weirdest feeling in the world.

  But straining to remember more was no use. It only gave him a worse headache, not a name of the woman he’d slept with so carelessly. Or any remembrance of touching her. No way would he have not touched her. Ah, he did remember feeling something. He was an idiot. She’d sung him happy birthday, which would have been cool if he hadn’t just been crowned king of the losers by Erby. Wait, before that. The chorus of his favorite song as he’d sat there in silent chaos had touched him, even if he hadn’t let it show.

  Somehow, after all that, he’d gotten close enough to kiss this other woman. Back on that well-meant futon. But how in the world did a guy like him end up hooking up with a woman like Haven?

  She probably felt bad for him.

  Story of my life, he thought.

  Where was she now? Was she okay? They’d been in the office together. Which meant she could have seen him tossing his nachos. Surely she’d written the note and left in time to spare them both that lovely experience. And apparently, she was well. Better than well.

  He shook his head, trying to understand last night. The problem was, his pride might be swelling on one hand but on the other, he felt like a huge ass wipe. He’d slept with a woman whose name he couldn’t remember and oh yeah, he didn’t do that kind of thing. It wasn’t anywhere in his nature. Jaxon and Stefan made women melt at the mere thought of the things those guys could do to them. Unless a chick was super into a personalized website or slick Facebook banner, Ben didn’t have much woo factor to offer. And a one-night-stand-to-blow-your-mind was definitely not on his menu. He wouldn’t have slept with Erby on their first date and he’d known her for six years! Okay, maybe he would have last night...

  “I suck and ow,” he said, holding his head in one hand while his elbow dug into his knee. Closing his eyes, he tried to remember Haven’s hands on his legs, maybe playing with his knees. It was a hot fantasy, but he got nothing. “Great, just great,” he muttered and then stood up and flushed, even though he hadn’t even dropped his trousers.

  It was time to make his way out.

  But what if she was out there, waiting?

  An apology. That’s what he owed her. A big ole I’m sorry. This woman might have been pleased with her experience but she should know he wasn’t that kind of guy.

  As he dragged his reluctant feet from the stall, her kiss popped onto his lips. He remembered. She’d tasted like sweet cherries. He was so screwed. He knew he’d messed up and had no idea how to deal with this which meant avoidance until he figured it out. What would Jaxon do?

  “You’re not Jaxon, dip wad. You’re Saint Benjamin,” he told himself as he swallowed, and followed the narrow hallway from the back office up to the café.

  Coffee.

  He needed some and if she was up there, he could invite her to have a cup with him. And maybe talk. Nerves brewed heavy in his stomach as he pushed open the curtains that divided the club from the café. Why in the world he chose that very moment to start worrying about condoms was beyond him. But he fumbled for his wallet and found the one he kept still tucked into his bill fold.

  “Oh shit.”

  The confused and hurting part of Ben couldn’t help but wonder if there was a back entrance for the club. And somewhere else he could get coffee. He should kick himself for even having those thoughts. Who had he become overnight? He was a stand-up guy.

  Before he could decide on anything, a hand with chipped black nail polish slinked through the slit in the curtains and someone he recognized was soon standing in front of him.

  Chapter Six

  “You look like you could use a week’s worth of sleep.”

  Even though it was the truth, one never wanted to open their door to those exact words. But Julie was only being honest and Hazel appreciated her coming by with Hazel’s tips she’d forgotten and left at the club last night.

  What a crazy night. So many darn questions and regrets. About what she’d done, about what she hadn’t actually done. About him.

  “Thanks,” she said to Julie who plopped down on the couch. Julie was one of the few people Hazel could let in like this anymore. “Is Mark really okay or is he shorthanded? I could come in tonight. I know I look like hell but I’m not that bad off.” She really wanted to ask if they’d found Ben in the office or if he’d been gone by opening.

  Julie smiled.

  “I’m to tell you to stay away today and tomorrow too. But I think he and I both know that is useless. What a night, huh?”

  They sat together on Hazel’s couch. Was Julie fishing?

  “Yeah,” she said into a pair of crystal blue zircon eyes framed by shocking silver hair on a young angel’s face. Mark was a lucky man. He had it all in Julie. Hazel thought she’d had it all in Jay. She’d probably always be sad at the thought that he’d been her everything while she’d been not enough to him.

  Hazel tried to bury that insecurity and remember what Mark, Julie and her parents had told her about mental illness being the cause of Jay’s suicide and not any fault or inadequacy of her own. That still didn’t sit right with her. Did they have any idea what a strong person it took to take one’s own life? Doubtful.

  “So,” Julie drew the word out. “Did everything go okay with Jack?”

  “Very funny, haha. His name is Ben and it will probably be awhile before he touches that stuff again.” Hazel knew it would be of no use to leave holes in the answer Julie was looking for. She’d get it out of her eventually and besides that, Hazel’s ears were heating up to hear if Julie was the one who had anything to share.

  “Oh, I’m sorry. Ben,” she drew his name out now. “Gosh, I felt so bad for the kid.”

  “He’s not a kid. He’s thirty-one years old.”

  “Oo, touchy touchy. Let me rephrase that then. How did it go with the big man last night?”

  Hazel snorted at Julie’s easy going teasing. “That wasn’t rephrasing anything and I guess I can say everything ended up going well because nothing happened…exactly.”

  “Unh unh. You better spill it. Did you two get cozy in the office?”

  Julie was the one and only person on earth who treated Hazel like a girlfriend and not the poor little victim whose fiancé had taken his life in the apartment they shared. The place they had loved, played and made promises together. Mark tried his best not to look at her like he was always ready to protect her but failed most days. It had been a year. Maybe it was time to accept new faces, ideas, disasters even.

  “I messed up big time last night, Julie.”

  “How so, hun?”

  Hazel sniffed and then confessed what she’d done. “You saw what happened to Ben last night. Humiliated by Erby Wells. I, I just felt so awful for him and then the fact that I was even involved in the whole mess…I couldn’t think of any better way to help pump his ego back up. So I—”

  “You what?”

  “Not that. Not exactly.”

  “Hazel Marie Temple…”

  “I stayed with him until just before Mark got in to open. Then I left Ben a note implying we’d been intimate and that he’d rocked my world.”

  “Oh my Good Lord Jesus. No you didn’t!”

  “Yeah, I sort of did. Well, write the note that is. I thought Methodists didn’t take the lord’s name in triplicate.”

  “Well this sort of calls for it. Wow. I can’t decide if I’m more shocked or more proud of you.” Julie rubbed Hazel’s folded hands.

  “Well, you shouldn’t be proud. I’m not. I lied to him and then I snuck out before he woke up. Which has been eating at me. Did you happen to go in with Mark this morning? Did you see Ben? Was he still there?”

  Julie just smiled then rubbed her lips together, working in a shimmery clear gloss. She then frowned, which was very uncharacteristic. “Oh, he was there alright. Him, Jaxon James, Stefan Calderon, Will Cordero, Marion. It was a regular old Sin Pointe reunion. They didn’t say much. Just wanted to know what
our final amount was on the fundraiser so they could match it. Your friend, Ben, he was pretty quiet until the guys cleared out. But before he left, he passed Mark a note. I don’t know what it says, but here you go. It’s why I came over here.”

  Hazel could strangle and hug Julie right now. She took the folded up paper being offered to her by a feminine, steady hand. “Thanks.”

  “You’re welcome. So I’m gonna go now. Let you read that with some privacy. If you need anything, you call me. And Hazel, don’t come in until you feel up to it. Be that tonight or next week. I know tough doesn’t even begin to describe last night for you, hun.”

  It was as if Julie knew the anxiety that both excited and terrified Hazel. That was why she loved her. “I will, thank you Julie,” she said, holding the anxiety inducing note in her hand.

  Julie nodded, gave her a hug and then left Hazel’s small apartment, silver earrings dangling a baby-light jingle on her way out.

  “Okay, this is not a big deal.” She whooshed out an exhale. Convince her hammering heart of that. Why this had her acting like she’d never had contact with the opposite sex was silly. Maybe it was just as Julie had said, her nerves were still shot from the ordeal of last night. The wonderful parts of knowing she had done good for a misunderstood cause, but then the emotionally depleting parts that losing someone to suicide coated a person with.

  Meeting Ben, other than the bad timing, made her feel good. Knowing she’d lied to him, not so good a feeling. But again, there was that bitter sweetness to it. That note she’d left him had been twofold. And now it was time to find out what effect it had had on its recipient.

  This could be good.

  Or this could be very bad.

  She unfolded and recognized the peach-colored paper which was a past act’s flyer that had been stapled to the bathroom wall.