Sin's Haven

by Carlene Love Flores

  In one corner there was enough blank room for a small hand-written note.

  It read,

  Hi,

  Thanks for your note. I feel horrible about what I did. Like, really really bad. Can we meet and talk? Coffee? I’ve got work the next few days but I’ll stop by the café as soon as I can. I’m really sorry.

  Ben 949-555-1377

  “He feels horrible? Great, that was not the response I was expecting,” Hazel said to her empty apartment. Her note had made the situation even worse. She’d just shoveled more bad on top of the bad he already felt. And it wasn’t even true what she’d written. “Oh my good God, what in the world have I done to this poor guy?”

  A second later, a new worry washed over her. Hazel’s face felt like she’d been scalded with a lightning fast toss of boiling water. “Why didn’t I even consider that before?"

  The sensitivity he displayed, his unique sense of style, and the complete lack of macho vibe. She hadn’t wanted to admit it, but that kiss he’d given her had been accidental contact of his head moving up at the same time her head had been moving down. And he’d been passed out when she’d kissed him for real. His affection for Erby could have been strictly platonic. What if she’d just convinced a homosexual male that he’d slept with not only a woman but a woman he didn’t even know? Horrible was probably him putting it lightly. Disgusted seemed like a better fit. Guilty. She rubbed her temples deeply while considering what guilt did to sensitive people.

  One of her last conversations with Jay had been about them not spending enough time together.

  He was gone forever two weeks later.

  Best to get this over with sooner than later before she made matters any worse. She’d save Ben the trouble of getting tangled up any deeper with her.

  Walking to the breakfast table with his note in her hand, she found her phone and dialed his number, afraid she’d wimp out if she didn’t do this right now.

  “Hey, this is me. Leave a message already. Peace Ay-out.”

  His adorable outgoing message snuck a remorseful smile on her face but the time she took to recover ate up all her message time. Great, she had to call again. Now she was stalking this poor man. “Just do it, Hazel.” She hit redial. Her heart beat normal again when he didn’t answer and the beep sounded for her to speak.

  “Hi Ben, it’s me, the girl from the club. Um, listen, leaving you that note was a huge mistake. I shouldn’t have. Please don’t feel bad. No harm, no foul.” And then as much as she hated to say it because the idea of seeing him again flooded her with warmth, she forced herself to cut ties. “And no need for coffee. You don’t owe me anything. You take care of yourself. Be well.”

  Why did she feel like slumping down onto the cold floor and crying? A person couldn’t lose something that had never been theirs in the first place. She wiped at her nose, made her way back out to the couch, and gave the radio a hellacious twist until it was loud enough. Grouplove screamed Tongue Tied until all her other thoughts gave up and took the backseat. She’d get a few hours of sleep and then go to work. Time off hadn’t done her any good the past year. No reason to think it would start now.

  “Shh, shh, shh, he’ll be okay. He’ll be okay. He’ll be okay. You’ll be okay.”

  Chapter Seven

  He didn’t dig the darkness the way Jaxon and Stefan and the guys did. Even Trista, with all the happy, light times she was ripping from life right now, he’d still catch her gardening before the crack of dawn from time to time. Ben was in no way a night stalker, yet here he was. Parked outside the club, he sat in his Mini Cooper with the window down, feeling the chill, wishing it hadn’t taken three days to catch a free moment to get back here. Especially after the message she’d left him.

  He could only pretend to be waiting on someone for so much longer. It was a miracle Nashville’s finest hadn’t picked him up for loitering yet. But he’d been hanging outside the club for a half hour now and not a single squad car had driven by. Which made him worry about the late nights Haven spent here.

  A group of t-shirts and jeans wearing big dudes came out of the alley. When they passed by him, they stopped and stared daggers through his front windshield. Ben had run up against these kind of “WTF” looks since he’d made the move to the country. Funny enough, they always came from the city dwellers. Everyone in his adopted hometown of Bugscuffle had accepted him and could care less about his striped vests, long hair and bracelets. Especially since he’d become the go-to guy for local small businesses looking for inexpensive help with their computers and advertising. He’d set up a handful of Facebook and Twitter accounts his first month there. These dudes didn’t look like they’d be interested though, so he tried to ignore them.

  One of them did that unfriendly upward tilt of his chin thing. Some kind of testosterone challenge. Ben had seen Jaxon take a swing at a guy for less.

  Instead of picking a losing fight, Ben let out a “Whassup?” but apparently they had somewhere better, tougher and louder to be and left, taking their sneers with them. “Whatevs,” Ben muttered when they ducked inside the rockabilly bar two doors down. Yeah, he’d probably dodged something painful with that one. He’d never been happier that Haven was safe inside as he watched her security guy Manny helping with the club’s closing duties.

  Man, Ben was a lucky dude to have been in her bed. Her office futon. Whatever.

  The birthday night pain had subsided and the eagerness of talking to Haven, who had the prettiest hair…He watched her fluff her fingers through the soft cinnamon pieces near her ears until they got stuck in the tighter curls at the ends. It looked like it bugged her but it cheered him up.

  No doubt he’d had his hands in it the other night. No doubt it had felt amazing. Had he tasted it? Had he been soft with her and careful not to pull it? The erection beginning in his pants, looser ones he’d picked out this time, said hell yeah you moron. Dicks don’t just stand at attention for no reason. But his apparently had no problem with reacting to unknown women.

  He was lost in thoughts of red silky curls when his phone rang with Darth Vader’s “Ooo, purr” signature breathing.

  There went his hard on.

  “Hey Stefan.”

  “What’s up, Home Fry?”

  “Dude, I’d say I can’t wait for you to finally find a place out here but I might be lying. And you called me. So, whassup?”

  “Love you too, sweetie. And I’m working on it.”

  “Um Stefan, seriously?”

  “Yeah, man, you know I’m just messing with you. I need to let you know there’s a strong possibility I won’t make it to the camping trip.”

  “No way. If I have to go, you have to go. News flash, you’re in the band. No hall passes.” Stefan had to be there. He notoriously showed up to these annual band trips with more camping dates than he could handle. The odd girl out usually needed someone to talk to and Ben liked the conversation because it kept his mind off the moaning he could usually hear coming from everyone else’s tents.

  But it got real quiet, real fast. Very unlike Sin Pointe’s raucous lead singer who always had a comeback.

  “Hey, is everything okay?” Ben asked, holding his phone closer to his ear.

  “Nah man. My uh, my mom’s not doing so well so I’m heading out to spend some time with her.”

  “Oh, I’m sorry, man. I hope she’s going to be okay. Have you already left town? Need a ride to the airport?”

  Ben was sure Stefan’s Nashville hotel could arrange a car but this was his friend.

  “I’m good. Gonna drive up there myself. So hey, I called because I wanted you to know I’m giving you my proxy vote for any band business that comes up at the camping trip.”

  Oh, Jaxon was gonna love this. Not.

  He was half joking when Ben told Stefan it was gonna cost him.

  Luckily, Ben heard Stefan laugh on the other end.

  “Okay, shoot. What’s your price?”

  “I need your advice. About a woman.”
<
br />   “You finally hook up with Erby?”

  “Not exactly.”

  Ben filled Stefan in on his Haven dilemma.

  “So, walk her home when she finishes up. Treat her nice. And don’t fucking get drunk this time.”

  Spoken how only Stefan Calderon could put something.

  “Yeah, thanks. But what about the other night? How do I bring up the fact I didn’t cover up my stuff?”

  “Benny, that was very unwise my friend, but it’s done. Look, you’re a good guy. I know you’re worried about that. But I guarantee you a grown woman like this Haven of yours is probably on the pill or she wouldn’t have left you a note saying you fucked her good. She enjoyed it, brother. Which means she’s not hung up on the fact you weren’t covered up.”

  “That’s not exactly how she put it.”

  “Okay, that’s my version of it. But do you see what I’m saying? She didn’t sound too worried about it so you shouldn’t be. And your worst case scenario isn’t that bad. You’ve got Daddy Material written all over you, big man. Kids love you.”

  Even though most of what he’d said was all kinds of jacked up, Ben was glad Stefan had called. He was right. Ben had to deal with whatever might come which was why he had to be here in person to meet with Haven. Speaking of dealing with things, his stare-down buddies were walking his way. They continued past his car to the less used side entrance of Haven’s club by the dumpsters. Ben’s protective instincts kicked in and he wanted to get out of his car and be there to meet Haven at the door before these stellar fellas did.

  “Hey Stefan, I’m gonna let you go. I’ll remember what you said.”

  “Alright, brother, be well and thanks for taking Jaxon’s wrath for me. I owe you one.”

  Ben put his phone to sleep and stepped out of then locked his car, looking at his watch. These places usually closed up shop by two a.m. He didn’t know how much longer Haven would take but she and Manny appeared to have more things to take care of inside. Maybe back office stuff since he didn’t see either of them through the windows.

  One of the trio came up to him just then and asked for a light which Ben didn’t have.

  They made eye contact and Ben’s adrenaline responded to the glare, giving his heart a start. Crap, it wasn’t a friendly one. “You’ve got to be kidding me,” he muttered. Of course this would happen when he was alone.

  The other two came up behind Number One who asked, “What did you just say?”

  “Nothing man. No worries. I don’t have a light.” Self-preservation told him to tell these guys that he was waiting on friends inside who would be out any minute but he didn’t want assholes One, Two and Three knowing anything about Haven’s whereabouts. Now if Manny chose to step outside right about now, that would be awesome.

  In a slur, the one who’d asked for the light said, “You ain’t from around here, are you?”

  Here we go.

  Ben refrained from calling him Captain Obvious like he wanted to. “Nope,” he said instead, hoping they’d just walk away or return to their alley if he didn’t give them a reason to stick around.

  “Well, that sucks for you.”

  Ben thought he heard a noise behind him and turned away to see what it was when he felt a sucker kick to his back. It knocked him forward just as he was facing the hard wall of the club. His face met up with the solid, black, bricks. His only view being of wall right now, Ben tried to push away from it but his back muscles stung like they’d been ripped.

  Why was this happening? Sometimes he hated being so big.

  He sucked in and forced himself to turn around and face the jerks but they were already walking away. Ben tasted blood on his tongue as he dragged it over his bottom lip. One turned and said, “My bad,” as his buddy offered him a light and he puffed out some smoke, sneering. For one second, Ben considered going after them and returning the favor to one of their backs but another noise caught his ear and another shot of pain came alive in his side, reminding him why that probably wasn’t a good idea. A large man came into view. Not another one, he thought. Ben balled up his fist, knowing he was outnumbered, prepared to do his best at defending himself. God keep Haven inside. Please.

  ****

  “Hey Manny, you ready to head out?” Hazel asked, trying not to yawn. “Mmm, my neck,” she said to herself as she tried stretching the kinked up, tight knots out. Manny came up the hallway from the back and handed her the keys.

  “Back door’s locked, alarm is set. Let’s get home.”

  “Sounds good, buddy.” And it did sound good. Three straight days of double shifts, self-inflicted as they were, had her feeling stiff. But she wouldn’t complain too much. She’d dodged a lot by staying busy. The physical aches and pains were easier to deal with than the wayward emotional ones. “Oh, did we lock the side door?” she asked Manny.

  “I’ll go see.”

  While Manny went to check the lock, Hazel pulled the drapes closed to the front of the club and then the sides, blacking out any view from the outside through the club’s large windows.

  “All set. We’re good.”

  “Another night put to rest, my friend.”

  Manny just smiled and held the front door open then exited behind her.

  She loved the month of March at night. The calm before the heat of summer and the occasional revisiting of winter. There was rarely a cloud in the sky at midnight and whether it was just habit or intentional, Hazel always took one glance up at the stars. Sometimes it was to question and often it was to appreciate. Tonight, there were clouds. She twisted her mouth at that and bundled up her apron in the crook of her arm as she and Manny made their way to the parking lot. Manny had a small bag of trash to dump. So she gave him a quick hug and waved him off as she went to her truck.

  Not a few seconds later, she heard him curse.

  “Ah shit. Hey man, are you okay?” he asked someone in his husky voice.

  Who was Manny talking to? Who wasn’t okay?

  She ran over to meet him at the trash bin.

  What she found when she caught up was Ben, leaning against the hood of a Mini Cooper, with a busted, bleeding lip. His wool hat was barely holding on to his head but he straightened up as soon as he saw her. It was obvious he was hurt when he winced.

  “Oh my God, what happened?”

  He refused to look at her.

  “Ben? Do you need to go to the hospital?” she asked while Manny stood on guard. If whoever had done this to Ben was still hanging around, they would know they’d have a fight on their hands. Manny’s face showed a fraction of what Hazel knew he was capable of. Ben on the other hand, had a bleeding lower lip that had swollen to the size of an orange slice. The way he was grabbing his side, however, worried her that he could have something internal going on.

  “Mm, I just needed to talk to you.” His voice sounded rough as he pushed himself off the hood of the car. If it was his, she hoped he’d consider leaving it here. Which surprised her because for the first time in a year, she had absolutely no qualms about bringing a man to her apartment.

  “Okay.” She didn’t want to push him. The way he kept his head tilted down worried her. That kind of gesture could mean too many things like he was embarrassed or in denial. Maybe it was a guy thing and admitting he’d been beaten up in front of Manny was just not going to happen. Unwilling to let him go on alone, she offered, “Ben, we could talk at my place, if that’s okay?”

  He probably didn’t mean to grunt but when he tried to push the rest of the way off his car, he let one out.

  “If you’re okay with it, I’ll drive us in your car,” she said, not wanting him to worry about leaving it and knowing her 4-Runner would be fine. Ben’s comfort was her main concern.

  Moments like these were why she treasured Manny. No words needed. He went straight to helping out. It was a good thing Ben was taller than Manny because it was easy to offer his shoulder. The two guys had Ben seated after only a few painful looking transitions.

  “Hey
man, did you get a look at whoever did this? I want to keep my eye out,” Manny said to Ben and then looked at her as if to say sharing the details, no matter how humiliating, could help keep Hazel safe.

  Ben nodded, his eyes serious and looking like he was fighting a killer body ache. “Three guys, came out of that bar a couple doors down. I had a feeling they were gonna be assholes, excuse my language Hav—um, yeah they were drunk. Got me from behind.”

  “So these cowards sucker punched you. Any weapons?” asked Manny.

  That was when Ben’s head really dipped and he rubbed his forehead with straight, long, and gentle looking fingers. She noticed a tiny tremble to them. Hazel didn’t think his adrenaline should still be pumping now that he was out of harm’s way but she’d been shaky for days after finding Jay.

  “Sucker kicked. But no, no weapons.”

  Manny seemed to sympathize and didn’t push him any further. “Hazel, you want me to follow you back to your place?”

  Ben looked up at her and flinched at that.

  Hazel felt safe but it couldn’t hurt. “Yeah, I’d appreciate that, Manny. Thanks.”

  She got acquainted to Ben’s Mini-Cooper, pulling the driver’s seat way up, and waited to cruise out until Manny was ready to go.

  Knowing Ben wanted to talk, that they needed to talk, but not having any idea of what to say to him, she stayed quiet. It would be a quick ride. And all she could think about right now was making him comfortable and taking care of his wounds.

  “Hazel,” he mumbled quietly. The way he was protecting the majority of his face from her view, she couldn’t tell if the raised eyebrows meant he wanted to cry or had found something amusing.

  She waited, but he didn’t say anymore.

  The quiet time to think reminded her of how awkward it would likely be once she got him home, and they were alone, and he was ready to talk. That’s right, because the solemn man sitting beside her thought they’d slept together when in fact she hadn’t been with anyone since Jay.

  With two miles to go, she turned on her favorite indie station. Shaking her head, she considered the cloudy sky, finding Ben hurt, and now the fact she’d just blared “Out of My League” by Fitz and the Tantrums over the radio.