Dare to Stay (Puppy Love Romances Book 3)

by Georgia Beers

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  By 6:30 Monday morning, Sydney had scoured her bathroom, mopped her boot-tray-sized kitchen floor, and returned from the gym where she’d run four miles that had nearly killed her.

  I should’ve gone after her.

  That thought tortured her all night, poked at her any time she dozed off, slapped her when her brain drifted toward another subject.

  She was stumbling back into her apartment on legs that felt like wet noodles when her iPhone chirped. She dug it out of her bag and saw it was a FaceTime call from Laura. The mixed emotions hit immediately. She needed to talk to Laura. She didn’t want to talk to Laura. But she needed to. But she really didn’t want to because…Laura never let her get away with anything.

  Damn it.

  It was barely dawn and she already felt like she was losing her mind.

  “Hey, you,” she said as she answered the call and held the phone up so she could be seen, doing her best to look totally normal.

  “Holy shit, what happened to you? Bus? Mugger? Vicious raccoon?”

  “Nice. You’re funny.”

  Laura laughed. “Seriously. Your face is all flushed. Your hair’s a mess.” She gasped. “Wait! I didn’t interrupt you and”—she dropped her voice to an obnoxious stage whisper—“one of the animal shelter chicks, did I?”

  “If you had, I wouldn’t have answered the phone,” Sydney said, but her voice was low-key and she didn’t feel like joking around, even with Laura, who picked up on it instantly.

  “What’s the matter?” Laura asked, growing serious, her brow furrowed. “I don’t have to be to school for another hour. Talk to me.”

  “Oh, Laura. I don’t even know where to start.” It was the truth. Sydney felt…stuck. Like she was wading through oatmeal. It was why she hadn’t been able to reconcile what had happened last night. Or even think about it clearly.

  “Start at the beginning.”

  So she did. With a deep, fortifying breath, Sydney dove in and told Laura everything. Not that she didn’t already know most of it, but she told her anyway. Everything. She reiterated the Anna situation, but then added in Jessica and the crazy chemistry they’d had from the beginning. “I tried to avoid it,” she said, feeling she was being truthful.

  “Why?” Laura stared at her, in her eyes, through the iPhone’s screen. Sydney loved and hated FaceTime for exactly this reason. She couldn’t fib, couldn’t gloss over, couldn’t pull a fast one on Laura if her face was visible. Laura knew her too well.

  “Because I didn’t want to get too close to her.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I knew we’d end up in bed.”

  “And did you?”

  “Twice.”

  “And?”

  Sydney sighed. How did she describe what it was like to be with Jessica that way? Where did she begin? How honest should she be?

  “I’m going to get it out of you sooner or later,” Laura said, but with a gentle smile. “You might as well just tell me.”

  “I know.” Sydney’s cheeks puffed as she blew out a breath, ran a hand through her still-sweaty hair, and pursed her lips in thought as she tried to find the right words. “When we were together the first time…it was…surreal. Just…surreal. In a good way. An amazing way. But…” She gazed off in the distance as she remembered how different being with Jessica had been from anybody else she’d slept with. That wild, unfamiliar connection and how much it had scared her.

  “You ran afterward, didn’t you?” Laura’s voice pulled her back.

  “What do you mean?”

  “You know exactly what I mean. You left. You didn’t spend the night.” Laura gave her a look of disapproval and even through the tiny screen, it shamed her.

  “I left. Yeah.” Lying to Laura was of no use.

  “Jesus, Sydney.”

  “I know. I know.” Sydney rubbed her forehead with one hand.

  “What am I gonna do with you? Huh?” Laura shook her head from side to side and finally broke eye contact, looking off into her kitchen as if she couldn’t bear to look at Sydney’s face any longer.

  “I don’t know. I don’t know what my problem is.” A tiny crumb of self-pity snuck into her voice.

  “I do.” Laura’s voice was stern now.

  “What’s that tone? Are you mad at me?” Sydney was taken aback.

  “I’m not mad at you.” Laura grimaced. “But you frustrate the crap out of me. I just wish you’d pay more attention.”

  “To what?”

  “To yourself,” Laura said, her irritation so obvious it was almost tangible. “To your patterns. If I can see them, why can’t you?”

  “What patterns?” What the hell was she talking about? Sydney felt a tiny spark of indignation ignite deep down in the pit of her stomach.

  “You can’t stay still, Syd. You always have to move, move, move. You leave school and get a job as a PA, but you’re waiting for the next thing. And in the meantime, you have a really nice girl who loves you and wants you to follow her to her new job. But you don’t. Because that’d make sense. So you get another good job and you like it and you do well, but then a new job comes along and you drop everything and take that. And you do well there. You’re doing well there, right? And you like this girl. I know you and I know when you like a girl. But then an e-mail from Austin comes in and bam! You’re looking to go there. As soon as something seems good—too good, maybe?—you’re on to the next thing. You don’t know how to sit still and breathe, not in all the years I’ve known you. That is your pattern. I wish you could see it as clearly as I do.”

  “Wow.” It was about all Sydney could come up with.

  “Yeah, well.” Laura was actually a little out of breath. “As somebody who loves you, it’s kind of hard to watch.”

  Sydney gave a snort.

  “So, you said that was the first time you were together. What happened the second?”

  Again, Sydney gazed away from the screen, watched Homer swim in adorable circles, chewed the inside of her cheek.

  Laura, of course, waited her out.

  “She left this time.” Sydney’s voice was quiet when she finally said it.

  “She left…you mean Jessica left? I need details, please.”

  Sydney sighed in annoyed defeat for about the sixth time during this conversation, hating to have to spill the truth to Laura, but having no other recourse. She told Laura the rest, how the telethon had rocked, how it had brought in way more money than expected, how amazing it had been to be side-by-side with Jessica all day, to see the awe in her eyes when the final total was revealed.

  “And then came the adrenaline crash.” Sydney grinned. “We were so tired, but…it was like we weren’t ready to be apart quite yet. So we ordered a pizza and came back here.”

  “And ended up in the sack.”

  “Not right away, no. We talked. We talked a lot.”

  Laura’s right eyebrow arched, but she made no comment.

  “We got to know each other a bit better. It was nice.” Sydney realized in that moment that she was telling the truth. It was nice talking with Jessica. She enjoyed conversation with her.

  “And then you ended up in the sack.”

  “And then we ended up in the sack. Yes.”

  “And?”

  “She left.”

  Laura blinked at her and was silent for a beat. “Wait. What?”

  “She left.”

  “You made it known that you wanted her to?”

  Sydney gave a humorless laugh. “No. That’s the ridiculous part. I actually kind of wanted her to stay.”

  More silence. More blinking.

  “I don’t understand what’s happening here,” Laura said finally.

  “She was just doing what she thought I would’ve done.” Sydney went over the conversation with Laura, telling her what had been said and how. “It was self-preservation. It sucked, but I got it.”

  “You didn’t go after her?”

  “I was naked.
” Laura gave her a look through the phone. “Okay, fine. No, I didn’t go after her, and I should’ve.”

  “You most definitely should have. Man, you may have really screwed this up, Sydney. What the hell am I going to do with you?” It was the second time she’d said it and it didn’t sting any less.

  But Laura was right. Sydney knew it. Jessica had pretty much been saying her goodbyes last night and Sydney had pretty much let her, even though—she understood now—that wasn’t what she wanted. “Love me forever?” she asked in a small voice.

  “Well, that’s a given, you dumbass.”

  They chatted for a bit longer, but didn’t come to any conclusions—aside from Sydney being a dumbass—or hammer out any solutions. Still, it was good to talk it through.

  After hanging up with Laura, Sydney gathered her garbage from last night’s pizza and took it out into the hall where Vivian Green was coming up the stairs.

  “Hey, Doc,” Sydney said by way of greeting.

  “Your friend left rather abruptly last night,” the elderly woman said, stopped halfway up the staircase.

  Sydney was so surprised by the observation, she wasn’t sure what to say.

  “She didn’t look happy about it.”

  “You saw her?”

  “I was having trouble getting to sleep, so I decided to take a walk.” Dr. Green’s rheumy eyes bored into Sydney’s with an unexpected intensity that made Sydney shift her weight from one foot to the other. “She wasn’t happy.”

  Sydney swallowed, hung her head. “I know.”

  “Things we need don’t come along in this life very often, Sydney. When they do, we should grab onto them with both hands. You know what I’m saying?”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  “Good.” Dr. Green continued on her way up, leaving Sydney to stay rooted to the steps while she stared at her in dumbfounded disbelief until she went into her apartment and shut the door.

  “What the hell?” Sydney whispered aloud, feeling like she’d just unwittingly taken part in a romantic comedy from the eighties. Collecting herself, she blew out a breath and took her garbage out. She knew she had some serious thinking to do, some major self-analysis. And she needed to do it alone.

  She wondered if she’d ever see Jessica again.

  *

  For the past two weeks, Jessica did what she’d always done to combat something that was bothering her: she threw herself into her work. The shelter had been bustling steadily since the telethon, and that was a good thing. They were set to have a record number of adoptees this month, which was always cause for celebration.

  Jessica had done something else as well, something slightly out of character for her. Something that she hadn’t thought twice about. Something that, shockingly, had given her nothing but joy. As if on cue, Millie snuffled in her sleep from the round dog bed in the corner of Jessica’s office. Despite her intimidating appearance, Jessica had never known a gentler animal—and that said a lot given her job. When Jessica had shown up at Millie’s kennel the day after she’d run from Sydney’s, leash in hand and a smile on her face, Millie had jumped up and spun in circles on the concrete, making happy dog sounds and—Jessica would swear to it—smiling. Once leashed up, she pranced along next to Jessica as if she’d known all along she was coming, had simply been waiting for her to arrive and put her in her rightful place beside her. At Jessica’s house, Millie had lain on the kitchen floor and let each cat come to her, sniff her, paw at her, crawl on her (in Shaggy’s case), waiting patiently for them to give their approval. Which they had, in less than two days.

  Not surprisingly, Millie also seemed to get the sadness inside Jessica, the ache in her heart. Jessica found the dog “checking in” with her often. Jessica would look up and Millie would be looking at her. Millie would come to her and nuzzle her for no reason, as if she was making sure Jessica was okay, as if she was simply saying, “I love you. I’m here for you. It’s going to be okay.” Jessica had never been so grateful for anything in her life.

  Though it tended to be muffled when in her office, Jessica could still hear the sound of the shelter today. The barking, howling, meowing, conversation, all of it making up the soundtrack of her life. It brought her comfort, even now as she sat in her desk chair, her new dog napping nearby, and gazed out the window at the sparsely populated parking lot, the dusk fading rapidly into darkness, and tried hard not to think about Sydney.

  The story of her life lately.

  There’d been no contact since the Sunday of the telethon, so Jessica had no choice but to believe this was how Sydney wanted it, how she’d meant it to be from the start. If Jessica was going to be honest, she had to admit that was okay. It was allowed. Casual sex was not uncommon—hell, she’d had it herself more than once. And if that’s what Sydney’d wanted, who was Jessica to judge? It was her own fault she hadn’t asked for specifics before jumping in and finding herself liking Sydney a lot more than she’d planned to. Like, way more than she’d planned to. She’d miscalculated. Underestimated.

  Stupidly.

  “Stop that.”

  The voice surprised her. It also surprised Millie, judging by the way she woke up with a start and a little yip.

  “Stop what?” Jessica asked as Catherine entered her office, followed closely by Emily. Catherine carried a bottle of wine in her hand. Emily had a large paper bag.

  “Stop beating yourself up for misreading things with Sydney. You’ve been doing that for two weeks now, and I’m sick of it.”

  “We’re sick of it,” Emily added, but winked to let Jessica know they said it with love.

  Jessica didn’t respond. She simply watched while they set up dinner on her desk. The food was from Bucky’s—she could tell immediately, as she’d recognize the scent of Javier’s brisket anywhere—and the wine was a deep red Zinfandel. Despite being poured into a clear plastic cup, it made Jessica’s mouth water just looking at the color.

  When they finally sat, food dished out, wine distributed, Jessica looked at them both, touched. “You guys. You didn’t have to do this.”

  Catherine shrugged. “We know. We wanted to.”

  “Cat’s been worried about you,” Emily said.

  Jessica’s gaze turned to Catherine. “She calls you Cat now?” she asked in surprise, knowing Catherine hated the nickname.

  Catherine’s eyebrow was already arched. “No. She does not.”

  Jessica chuckled as Emily leaned over and kissed Catherine on the cheek.

  “How’d you get food from Bucky’s?” Jessica asked, biting into the brisket and humming with pleasure, which was not an atypical reaction in the slightest. The stuff was like heaven on a plate.

  “I stopped home to take care of the boys,” Emily said, referring to her and Catherine’s two dogs. “Catherine decided we were having dinner with you.” Her grin, as always, was infectious. It was hard not to like Emily Breckenridge, even when you tried.

  “Well, thank you.” She lifted her little plastic cup and touched it to the other two. “I appreciate it. You guys are the best.”

  “I knew you would’ve either eaten alone or not at all.” Catherine said it so matter-of-factly that it actually made Jessica pause with her food halfway to her lips and experience a moment of self-pity. Because she was right. “Speaking of you not eating alone, we have a proposition for you.”

  “Uh-oh.” They were the first words Jessica could think of and they surprised nobody, given the tandem grins on both the faces before her.

  “We want you to come to dinner with us and some friends tomorrow night.”

  Jessica studied Catherine’s face as she chewed. She swallowed and took a sip of wine before saying, “One of whom is single, and you want me to meet her.”

  “So close,” Catherine said, holding her thumb and forefinger millimeters apart. “You almost got it. One of whom is single and she wants to meet you.”

  “Oh.” Jessica sat back in her chair. “Well, that’s new.”

  “I’ve ta
lked about you before,” Emily said, “but she saw you on the telethon and was all about how I needed to introduce you.”

  “Is she nice?” Jessica did her best to appear interested. And she was. A little. And while her initial reaction was to decline, part of her thought maybe this would be a good way to get a certain television reporter out of her head. Or at least shove her to the back and up on a high shelf.

  “She is. She’s in advertising. Really smart. Hard worker. Cute.”

  “And she’s single why?” Jessica asked, her red flags rising.

  “Her partner died a couple years ago. Cancer.” Catherine sipped her wine and watched Jessica over the rim as if daring her to push further.

  “Oh. That’s terrible.”

  “So, you’ll go then?” Emily was noticeably excited. “I’ve known Trish for a while. I think you’ll like her.”

  Two facts triggered Jessica’s positive reply. One was that there really wasn’t any way she could say no, not after these two had brought her dinner and were doing so much to keep her smiling. And two: maybe going on a date, even one that she knew already would go nowhere, would keep her from dwelling on Sydney. She was getting better. At first, her mind had been occupied with Sydney nearly the entire time she was awake—and some of her sleeping time as well. But after two weeks, that had dwindled a bit. Focusing on making Millie a part of her family had helped take some of the focus. Maybe this would, too.

  “Sure. But I’m meeting you guys so I can escape if I need to.”

  Catherine turned to Emily. “See? She laid down the law.”

  “Just like you said she would,” Emily replied, and they fist-bumped.

  “Oh, you two are hilarious.” Jessica shook her head and continued with dinner as Catherine changed the subject to a couple of the senior cats that had been adopted this week. She listened to her friends, thanked God she had them to keep her from drowning, to help her stay social. Catherine knew Jessica had the propensity to lock herself away at the shelter and barely deal with the outside world at all, so as her friend, she saw it as her duty to prevent that from happening. Jessica was lucky and she knew it.