Of Course I Love You!: Till I find someone better…

by Durjoy Datta

  ‘Anyway, what do you plan to do now?’ I asked him. We had proved that Shrey was phenomenally better than the guy and Vandana had got a raw deal. It was her loss.

  ‘Nothing. I will wait for her to come back, beg me to take her back and dump her once we get back together. Meanwhile, I am talking to your ex-girlfriend, Smriti. She is not as boring as you claimed she was. Oh, by the way, she has some nasty things to say about you. And she told me that you were a horrible kisser.’

  Smriti? I thought she wanted somebody to get married to! With Shrey, all she would get was painful love bites and rejection. I didn’t know how to react. Not because it was Shrey, my best friend, but because like all men, I, too, was foolishly territorial about my ex-girlfriends. It didn’t matter whether I was over her or not, she wasn’t supposed to see other men, especially my friends. Maybe she was doing it just to get back at me.

  ‘I don’t want to know about anything that happens between the two of you. I can do without the explicit details. Anyway, best of luck with her. Hope it works out.’

  ‘I hope, too, man. I thought Vandana would write the patent application for the aggregate assembling robotic arm I had designed …’

  ‘Don’t start all over again. I am too tired of techno-crap.’ I was feeling way too sleepy. It had been a long day, and a very frustrating one.

  ‘Sorry, Deb. How is your blog going? Any fresh readers?’

  ‘Pretty bad. Had a fight with Avantika regarding the blog a few days back.’

  ‘Why?’ he asked as he started checking out girls in Suhel’s list of friends. I saw him put in the search bar, ‘Bannerjee’ and ‘female’. Was he looking for Suhel’s sister? He was crazy.

  ‘Nothing. She didn’t like certain parts where I had written some good things about Surabhi.’

  ‘Surabhi? The hotel management girl you used to hit on? She had the longest legs in the world! You never dated her, did you?’

  ‘Not even close. She always behaved like I was invisible. Anyway, I wrote a whole paragraph about how stunning she was and people liked the blog post. She hated it though and swore she wouldn’t read it again.’

  ‘So are you still going to write for the blog?’

  ‘As long as you give me such interesting stuff to write about.’ I was already asleep, only my lips weren’t.

  ‘That sounds good,’ he said. ‘Make Suhel look really bad if you write about my break-up.’

  ‘Done deal,’ I said and flopped on his bed. I didn’t know when I drifted off.

  Shrey loved Vandana. Shrey hadn’t been perfectly loyal to Vandana but she knew nothing about it. And after the way Shrey treated her, she wouldn’t even believe it if somebody told her. For the first time, by his own admission, something bad had happened to him. He wasn’t anticipating the break-up.

  Post break-up, Shrey never lost an opportunity to hit on whosoever he thought deserved him. But he never forgot to slow down his bike whenever we passed Hindu College, Vandana’s college, on our trips to Kamla Nagar. He would stare at it until it went out of sight. And then he’d spend the next few seconds with his head tilted upwards to keep the tears in check. It was only after parking the bike at a suitable distance from where I got down, that he would take his helmet off. Then he would take a moment in the washroom and come out, eyes red from ‘Delhi’s dust’, amongst other things.

  It was only after Shrey was dumped that I realized why it’s the friends of girls who have been dumped by heartless boys who are the most agitated lot. If I were to lay my hands on Suhel, I would have cut his guts out and hung him with them.

  Chapter 14

  ‘Hi, Deb! Why aren’t you picking up your phone?’ Avantika asked, her voice frantic.

  ‘You had called before?’ I asked and checked my phone. There were eighteen missed calls and about twenty messages. She would never call me so many times unless it was important.

  ‘Are you still angry about the interview?’ she asked.

  ‘Not at all. I was at Shrey’s place, came back tired, and drifted off. Though, I am still a little low because apart from a silly job at a software firm, I have nothing to rely on.’

  ‘Software firm? I didn’t know you sat for any other off-campus interviews?’

  ‘No, I didn’t.’

  ‘But you just said you had a job?’

  ‘I lied to my parents that I do. What was I supposed to do? Everybody knows the placement season is over. My relatives kept asking my parents about my placement and I had to give them something to say.’

  ‘But why didn’t you tell me before? Now?’

  ‘I didn’t know what to tell you. And yes, my father still isn’t happy about it. He says he expected better from me.’

  College was about to end and every conversation I got into with my dad, started with the topic of placements. People around my dad, with kids in inferior colleges, had jobs. So, lying that companies weren’t recruiting this year wasn’t an option. I gave them different reasons, every time they asked me.

  I am not interested in technical jobs. And non-technical companies aren’t recruiting these days.

  I am concentrating on taking the CAT again. Jobs come and go, education stays.

  ‘But what are you going to do now?’ Avantika asked, worried.

  ‘Wait for other off-campus interviews, what else? Just like you said. Anyway, why were you calling? Eighteen missed calls? What’s wrong? Don’t you know I can’t remain angry with you for long no matter how badly you screw me?’ I laughed. She didn’t. Something was certainly wrong.

  ‘Shawar is in jail,’ she said and paused. She added, ‘He ran over a few people. Purvi is critically injured too. God knows why he attempted to drive. I am so scared for him.’

  She went on to tell me more about the accident that had taken place the previous night near the Dhaula Kuan flyover. Shawar was drunk and trying to drive when he rammed into a police barricade and a couple of other cars. It was a mess, she told me. Crushed steel and blood.

  I sinfully loved these incidents. Being an awfully slow driver, I always hid behind the pretext of road safety. And these incidents just made my point stronger. There is no point in driving fast.

  ‘Am I to take this as bad news or what? Because I am happy he’s off my trail now. Maybe he deserved it for all the shit he gives to other people.’

  ‘Are you crazy? You are so insensitive. He was a friend, Deb. I am feeling bad about this. I met him today. He is in a terrible condition, and the bleeding hasn’t stopped yet. I could barely look at him. He is battered, has multiple fractures in his right leg, got his face smashed in and has a broken wrist. They might have to amputate his leg, if the bleeding doesn’t stop and the infection spreads. He is on a ventilator for now. I am so scared for him.’

  ‘He will be okay.’

  ‘I just hope so. I don’t know why these things are happening around me? First, it was Paritosh. Now it’s him.’

  ‘It’s just with your ex-boyfriends. Oh yes, that reminds me. Vandana dumped Shrey. She started going out with somebody while Shrey was still in Paris and says it’s serious. Shrey looked crushed, man. I don’t know why! I never expected this from him. I wonder … what would it be like if you dump me for someone else?’

  ‘I won’t,’ she said.

  ‘Avantika, I am sorry for your friend.’

  ‘It’s okay. I know you don’t like him. I will catch you later. I have to study. Law tomorrow and I am so disturbed right now. I can’t get Shawar’s image out of my mind. It scares me a lot.’

  Avantika’s internal examinations were on and generally, she left no stone unturned to maximize her score. She hardly slept on the nights before her exams.

  ‘I am going to sleep. Catch you tomorrow after the exam,’ I said as I hugged the bolster tight, the one Avantika had gifted me. I had a hard time explaining to my mom why my guy friends had gifted me a bolster.

  ‘Catch me tomorrow before the exam. Be at North Campus, eight thirty sharp. Be there or I will think you don’t lov
e me. I am serious,’ she chuckled. I heard a few girls laugh behind her.

  ‘But why?’

  ‘I will tell you tomorrow. Bye for now.’

  ‘Don’t act childish, tell me now. Right now or I won’t come.’

  ‘You will come. Bye, bye, bye. I am switching off my phone and studying. Be there. Please, please, please.’ Click.

  I had a faint idea of why they were calling me there.

  I went back to contemplate whether I should wait for some time or go and talk to Dad at once. I was waiting to get through some management college but since that hadn’t happened, I was in deep shit. There were no off-campus interviews in sight and as per some seniors, there weren’t going to be many. Not talking now could mean disaster. However, the company I was supposedly selected in had joining dates in August, leaving me with loads of time to find a job. Offer letters were still due, so Dad wouldn’t know.

  Avantika had promised to get me a job in a broking firm at a decent salary if I ended up with none by September. That promise was what kept me sane. But there was no final word on it.

  I just had to talk to Dad and tell him what had transpired. He had to know the truth. I had lied enough.

  I turned up at SRCC at 8.30 sharp to see three girls wrapped in dull shawls. Their heads were wrapped around in scarves. They walked towards me with bundles of handwritten notes tucked in their armpits.

  ‘Hi, Deb,’ Avantika said, ‘this is Yamini and this is Radhika.’ She pointed to her friends. They both looked kind of alike, their faces white in the cold and their lips pink and chapped. Yamini was skinnier and taller though.

  ‘Hi. So why have I been called early in the morning when I could still have easily been in my blanket?’ I asked as they handed over the handwritten notes to me. Their forearms were covered with little sentences written in black ink.

  ‘See, it’s extremely simple. These are the papers we have got Xeroxed. The questions are going to be asked from these sections only. All you need to do is dictate these answers to us over the phone. All four of us will be on conference. We have written the keywords to the answers to every question. Yamini will tell you the keywords and once you find the keywords, you have to start dictating. Be slow, but not painfully slow. Get it?’ Avantika laid out the entire plan. It was indeed quite simple. They had tucked in earphones behind layers of hair and scarves, so they wouldn’t get caught. I had seen people try this successfully in movies.

  ‘You’re sure the questions are going to be asked from these notes? And what if somebody drops out of the conference? Will you be able to call me back?’

  ‘That is our problem. You just keep on dictating,’ Radhika said, as if she was paying me to do so.

  ‘Deb, Radhika has talked to Murari Sir. He has confirmed the sections,’ Avantika added.

  The best thing about SRCC or Delhi University in general was that if you are cute and your professor is a guy/man/oldie, you can easily have the question paper in your hands a day before the examination. It wasn’t the first time that I had heard from Avantika that she knew the questions. But these stunts were reserved for internal examinations only, where there was less at stake.

  ‘Okay, I’ll do that,’ I said.

  ‘Great then. We will leave now. Call me up and let us arrange the conference call,’ Avantika said.

  ‘All right,’ I said.

  They left and we set up the conference call as soon as they entered the examination hall. The exam started and Yamini started reading out the keywords.

  ‘Memorandum of association … Conditions … Companies Act … Annual general meetings,’ Yamini whooshed into the microphone. ‘Quick.’

  ‘According to section 173, a company and every officer who makes default in holding AGM is liable to a fine which may extend to rupees five hundred and then there is something like a three Ws.’

  ‘What?’ Avantika shouted in whispers. I heard somebody shouting the words stop talking in the background.

  ‘It is like three Ws and followed by t? e? d?. Make it look like three Ws. Write what I tell you to. Make three W-looking things and t … e … d … then …’

  This went on for an hour or so before Yamini told me that all the questions were taken care of. I waited for them outside their class. The three of them were amongst the first few to leave the examination hall.

  ‘Thanks, Deb,’ Yamini said, came forward and hugged me.

  ‘Yeah, thanks Deb. You saved the day for us,’ said Radhika as she hugged me, too, a little too hard, a little too long. All three of them had got rid of the shawls and the scarves and looked prettier. Winter adds colour to a girl’s cheeks.

  ‘Pleasure is all mine,’ I said.

  ‘Can we go now, Deb?’ Avantika said.

  ‘Yes, sure. Are you guys coming along? Lunch at Noodle House?’ I asked Yamini and Radhika.

  ‘Ohh! You guys going to Kamla Nagar? Great, I have to get the books for the next exam. I can come along. Radhika, are you coming?’ Yamini asked Radhika and she nodded in affirmation.

  ‘Actually, we are going to Connaught Place. You guys carry on. We’ll catch you later,’ Avantika said and ground her teeth at me.

  ‘Okay, never mind. Bye then. Bye, Deb. Catch you later. And now that you know what to do, I may need your services more often. Avantika is new to this while I do this in every examination. The external examinations are in a few days and I will make sure you are here,’ she laughed and hugged me again.

  Avantika and I walked away from them and started walking towards the metro station. I didn’t know we had plans to go to Connaught Place that day.

  ‘Deb, who is it?’ Avantika asked, as soon as my cell beeped.

  ‘It is Yamini. A thank you picture message. Cute, eh?’ I said before she snatched the phone from me.

  ‘Such a pile on. And why have you stored her number, Deb?’ she asked, not quite impressed.

  ‘I stored it just in case I had to call her if she happened to drop out of the conference call. At least she thanked me! You forgot to do that,’ I said. I could see that Avantika didn’t like the ongoing argument. I did. It was nice to see her get possessive about me.

  ‘Shut up. So, I can delete it now, right?’ she asked and didn’t wait for my answer.

  ‘Why are you getting so worked up? I would not even look twice at her.’

  ‘Cut the crap, Deb. I saw you staring at her.’

  ‘Firstly, I wasn’t. And secondly, even if I was, I am not going to start going out with her. And what is the big deal? You point out cute girls to me all the time.’

  ‘Deb, I know her. She is a slut. She sticks to guys. And you hugged her, damn it. Not once, but twice!’ she went red in the face and slightly wet in her eyes.

  ‘Aww … Avantika, I love you. She hugged me, I didn’t do it. And it was just a hug,’ I said as I put my hand across her neck and pulled her close. It was quite an embarrassing thing to do on the streets of Delhi University.

  ‘You are not replying to that message,’ she said, as she broke free from my hold.

  ‘I won’t, baby. But you have to admit, there is something about me.’ I winked at her.

  ‘There is nothing about you; she even flirted with Shawar once. She is a slut and that is about it.’

  ‘Whatever. But she is hot … you have to admit that at least.’

  ‘Hot, my foot! Just because I don’t throw myself at every guy I meet doesn’t make them hot,’ she stomped down her point. I had never seen her so full of spite. But I had to agree, Avantika could beat them to a pulp if there was a comparison.

  ‘I know that, baby, you are the best,’ I said and blew a kiss at her.

  ‘I better be.’

  We walked for a while before she asked in a very meek tone, ‘Deb, are you sure you want to be with me?’

  ‘You’re the only one I have ever wanted to be with,’ I chuckled.

  ‘How do you always manage to say the right things?’ she asked and held my hand as we started to walk towards the metro. ‘By t
he way, what are you wearing on your farewell?’ Avantika asked me.

  ‘There are still a lot of weeks left. I am sure you will find something in which I don’t look like a waiter or a chauffeur.’

  ‘Don’t put yourself down. I find you pretty good-looking!’ she protested.

  ‘Yeah, right. I look like your house servant,’ I retorted. She rolled her eyes. I hugged her.

  Yamini didn’t call me and gave her external examinations without my help.

  Finally, I had got my words in order. I was ready to talk to my dad, and I did. I had braced up for his anger. I was ready to face it and bear the consequences of my actions and my foolishness. I felt heroic when I walked up to him to tell him that I was barred from placement activities. It ended in such an anti-climax.

  All the preparation I had done the day before to tell Dad the truth about everything went waste. All that came out of my mouth was, ‘Dad, I really want to work in BHEL.’

  Everyone was right. I was such a wimp.

  I knew I could get a job at BHEL. But I couldn’t admit that I had failed in getting placed and it was my last resort. My last college exams had ended and I was running out of time. Mckinsey & Company had already couriered their offer letter to Avantika asking her to join in just over two months.

  ‘Why?’ he said, putting the vegetables in my bag. It was a Wednesday. Every week on Wednesday, Dad, Mom and I went for an outing to the weekly vegetable market, where I acted as an unwilling porter. I underwent the whole ordeal week after week, year after year with my head bowed down, lest anybody from college spotted me. Even if somebody did, both of us would be so embarrassed that we’d smile and pretend it never happened.

  The clangour of the market was impossible to bear with aunties and vendors matching pitch to pitch. That’s what middle-class families do. They do not dress up like light bulbs and scheme and talk to themselves to bring the whole clan down. Damn those soap operas.

  ‘I want to work in the mechanical industry before I go for an MBA later,’ I said, pushing a beggar child aside. They sell irritation, not sympathy.