Buried Sins

by Bolton, Karice

  “Am I wrong?” I asked, narrowing my eyes on Mia.

  “It’s not always about being right or wrong,” Mia muttered. “Sometimes it’s about following your heart and not your head.”

  I scooted the chair back and stared at the table. “This isn’t as simple as that, Mia and you know it. We’re talking about evil people who will stop at nothing to torment and torture our family. They’ve already proven that time and again. Would you be able to live with yourself if something happened to Hannah? If we stay in her life, her blood will be on your hands just as much as it’s on mine. For god’s sake, she’s already been abducted by these monsters.”

  “She has no one,” Mia whispered. “You think you can just up and abandon her? Where is she going to go?”

  “She’ll stay right here and attend school, and she’s not alone. She has family in the state.”

  Even when I said it, I knew it was weak.

  “Sounds like you’re leaving her in capable hands.” Mia glared at me and crossed her arms. “Her mother, who is a nut case, and a sister, who’s so embedded with the FBI that Hannah will be lucky if she sees her ever again.”

  “I’ll take care of her. Set her up so she can continue on with school.” Hearing the words leave my lips made my throat constrict. Leaving Hannah Walker would be the hardest thing I’d ever done. Just the thought of being without her made my world feel worthless. She made my life worth living, and I was about to give that up.

  But it was to save her.

  Protect her.

  “What would you do with the security firm if you went into hiding?” Mia’s brow arched.

  “It would still be fully functional. My top advisers would know where I was if anything came up, and I’d still be able to run most everything through my VPN. And I’m not going into hiding. I’m tracking these monsters down. One in particular.”

  “I’m not coming with you. I’m not uprooting the life I’ve created for myself. I’m not leaving Hannah.”

  My pulse quickened at Mia’s revelation. That was preposterous. Mia expects me to let her stay in plain sight? I let out a laugh at the absurdity of her statement. She shifted her weight and swung the bag over her shoulder.

  “You’ve got to be kidding me,” I said.

  “I’m deadly serious. I will not be going with you to wherever it is you think you’re headed. That’s not the life I’ll live. I’m sorry. I’d rather die tomorrow free than live shackled to the ghosts of my past, Luke. You should think about it too.”

  Mia was holding back her temper, but I knew she was close to her tipping point, and I didn’t have time for one of her outbursts.

  “You know what these people are capable of.” I tried a different approach with my sister. “If you stay you’re not only making yourself a target, you’re putting a bull’s eye on Hannah’s forehead.”

  “With everything that poor girl has—”

  “She’s not a victim and would hate to think anyone thinks of her that way,” I interrupted. “She’s stronger than most men I know, which is why I’m certain she’ll be fine. She’ll go on with her life. She’ll finish nursing school. She’ll create the life she’s finally allowed herself to dream about.”

  Mia let out a guttural sound as she threw her head back. “You’re so stubborn and absolutely oblivious.”

  “How so?”

  “You are her happily-ever-after. You are part of her future. Never in a million years is she going to see this coming. You’re going to shatter her. It doesn’t matter how strong she is, we’re all human and what you’re about to do will cause her to doubt every single thing about herself and her choices. You convinced her not to run from her demons and now you’re doing that to her.”

  I shook my head. Hannah wouldn’t let this destroy her. She was a capable woman and that was just one of the many things that was so damn sexy about her. She wasn’t defined by dating someone. That was why I knew she would be okay. I might not be, but she would be fine.

  “I will explain things to her,” I countered.

  “Really? And use the ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ routine? That’s really going to work well. Way to think things out, Luke.”

  Mia so rarely called me by my first name that I was taken aback, but instead of offering a rebuttal, I stood up and adjusted my suit jacket. This conversation was getting us nowhere, but I knew the longer I hung around Hannah, the more danger would find her. I needed to separate myself from her.

  “The only way for me to stop this once and for all is to get answers and disrupt their organizations…I can’t do that if I’m… attached. I don’t know how long it will take me to make our life normal again, but I’m not going to drag Hannah through it. She deserves a better life. She deserves someone better.”

  “So you’re counting on Hannah finding someone else,” Mia said, matching my stride off the patio. “What about you? Do you think you will?”

  I felt my jaw tense, but I didn’t respond. Truthfully, I didn’t dare respond. I already knew the answer and was willing to accept a very lonely life. But this decision wasn’t about me. It was about Hannah. I had to keep her safe, and I’d already failed at doing that twice. I wouldn’t fail again.

  I walked Mia through the hallway and to the front door. There was nothing more that I could say to change her mind, but I hoped she’d do me the favor of allowing me to talk to Hannah first. What I didn’t expect was for Mia to spin around and wrap her arms around my neck. She squeezed me tightly and sniffed in her tears.

  “It’s not only Hannah you’re leaving behind,” she whispered. “You won’t be able to get back the time you lose to this crazy idea of yours.”

  She took a step back and wiped a tear away.

  “It’s not like I’m leaving tonight,” I said.

  “I know how you operate. You’ll leave when I least expect it, and the goodbye I had planned will never happen.”

  My shoulders sagged as I watched misery replace the glow in my sister’s usually youthful eyes.

  She took a deep breath in. “I love you. You’re all I’ve got left, and I hope you change your mind about leaving. The thought that saddens me the most is that you’ll never find happiness once you get on that plane to wherever it is you think you need to be.”

  “Life is what we make it,” I replied.

  “You’re right, big brother, and you’re setting course to make it a miserable one. I can only hope you come to your senses before it’s too late. Searching for something that you may never find, will lead you to lose everything you cherish. Maybe these people are just crazy and there are no long-lost answers waiting to be dug up. Maybe you should just let the bureau do their job without interference.”

  Mia gave me one last hug and opened the front door. She stopped and turned around. Her eyes dulled as she spoke. “I won’t mention any of this to Hannah. I’m sure you’re worried about that. But I’m only willing to stay quiet because I hope you realize you’re about to make the biggest mistake of your life, and I hope you change your mind.”

  I gave her a slight nod and watched her walk down the steps before I gently closed the door and felt the weight of the world settle onto my shoulders, crushing one vertebrae at a time.

  I glanced at my watch. I had six hours before my plane would be taking off, and I needed to tell Hannah and say my goodbyes.

  Hannah was at orientation for her first semester of school, and I was going to pick her up and take her to her home. If Mia was home, it would only take one look at me and she’d know what I was about to do. My hope was that she had plans tonight, and I wouldn’t have to worry about that, but nothing in my life ever seemed to go smoothly.

  I ran up the stairs to my bedroom and grabbed some jeans and a shirt out of my closet. I had enough time for a shower so I threw my clothes in the bathroom and turned on the water. It was steaming in no time, and I stripped out of my suit jacket and hung it on the door. I tossed my shirt and slacks in a pile and glanced at myself in the mirror. Images of Hann
ah’s fingers skating across my chest flashed into my head as I stepped into the shower. Leaving her was getting more difficult by the second as my mind toyed with me, taunting me with images of Hannah’s glorious body pressed next to mine, her lips running along my chest, providing the one sanctuary in the world that made things all right in my life. My body responded in the only way it knew how.

  I leaned against the shower wall and pounded my fist against the tile and flipped the water to cold as I quickly scrubbed my body and rinsed the soap off. Knowing that the only thing I’d soon have of Hannah was her memory. The notion clouded everything about tonight, and I knew she would never forgive me for what I was about to do, but it had to be done.

  And I was a worse man for it.

  Hannah

  “Hey, babe,” I called to Luke. He was standing outside of his car, leaning against the passenger door, looking as fabulous as ever.

  My hand instantly slid across my cheek in an attempt to cover the bruises that were failing miserably at totally vanishing, and I shook my head with disappointment. I wasn’t that kind of person who cared, yet I did. It didn’t help that when I glanced around the parking lot, I noticed just how many women were gazing in Luke’s direction. Instead of being annoyed I just chuckled because at least I was the one who had him. There was no doubt about his ability to command attention from the opposite sex.

  Luke flashed me a smile and our eyes locked sending waves of warmth through me. There was something so comforting about being with him. Even during my darkest days, and there had been many, focusing on him made it clear why there was a bright spot in the world. A shiver pulsed through me, and Luke’s quick response made me feel less anxious about the night before. His fingers gripped my arms tightly as he pulled me in, and I pressed my cheek against his chest.

  “You cold?” he murmured, close to my ear.

  I shook my head. “No. My mind just went somewhere I didn’t expect it to.”

  I felt his muscles constrict and his breathing change as he held me closer, and if I didn’t know better, I’d swear he swallowed tears. But there was nothing to be sad about. I was safe because of him, and I was in his arms here and now. That was all we could ever ask.

  “Let’s get you home,” he said, running his fingers up and down my arms as he slid out of my reach.

  Tearing his gaze away, I saw something change almost instantly in his demeanor, and a quiet fear began to push through me. He opened the door for me and I slid inside the car and buckled quickly. He whipped open the door and slammed it as soon as he got inside.

  “Everything okay?” I asked.

  He threw the car into reverse and we were off.

  “I’ve got some things I need to take care of for the business,” he muttered, not even giving me a sideways glance as we pulled onto the main drag.

  “That’s not too unusual.” I smiled, trying to push my worry away. He was far warmer to me today than last night, but I started to see the tension resurface and my nerves ignited.

  He nodded, and I saw his jaw clench as he shifted gears and the car made the freeway speed. The sudden change pushed me into the back of the seat, but I tucked my one foot under the other and forged ahead.

  “Where do you have to jet off to now?” I teased. “And is it before I have to attend the dreaded mandatory classes? I’d love to tag along.”

  His expression softened slightly, and he moved his hand to my knee, which roused my courage. I picked his hand up and gently kissed each finger until I reached the last one and moved my lips around his fingertip. My gesture had the intended result as a slight curl of his lip appeared and he adjusted in his seat.

  “So do you need company?” I asked, placing his hand back in my lap.

  He let out a laugh that tossed my world into another universe. Hearing just how happy I could make him, made me feel like the luckiest woman in the world, but he still hadn’t answered my question.

  “It’s not that kind of trip,” he finally said. He turned the car onto the street in front of my home and parked. “Mia’s not here?”

  I shook my head. “She’s on a date, but sometimes they don’t last very long.”

  “Sounds about right,” he replied, stepping out of the car and closing the door.

  I stepped onto the sidewalk and took in the ocean air. There wasn’t a day that went by that I didn’t count my lucky stars that I got to live near the ocean. Even when I was having a bad day, and recently there were a lot of them, I could just step outside and marvel at the wonders of the world.

  My therapist had given me several tasks in the last few weeks and one of them was to hold onto life’s small moments. Embracing even a tiny instance of positivity helped me to focus and get through each minute, hour, and day since I’d returned.

  Luke sighed and slipped his hand into mine as we walked up to the house, and it was as if with each step closer, I instinctively knew something in my life was about to be changed forever. I opened the door and turned off the alarm before tossing the keys on the entry table. Maybe if I told him my decision about moving in, it would lighten whatever load he was trying to carry by himself.

  I drew him into me and slid my hand from his as I worked my fingers along his stomach. “I’ve been giving a lot of thought to your offer.”

  “Which offer is that?” he asked, his eyes steadying on mine.

  “To move in with you. You’re right. That’s where I belong.” I couldn’t keep the smile off my lips as I waited for his reaction. But the more the seconds ticked by, the more the realization settled between us that the offer was no longer on the table.

  I snapped my hands away and took a step back. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have assumed that was still—”

  Luke took a step forward to grab me. “It’s not like that.”

  “We’ve all been through so much. I completely understand…”

  Luke took my hand and walked me up the stairs into the living room without saying a word. We sat down on the couch, and I was mentally going through all of our conversations recently and realized he hadn’t brought it back up.

  “Hannah, I would love for you to move in with me. I can’t imagine spending my life with anyone else,” his voice caught and my heart soared but only for a moment as I looked into his eyes.

  There was a “but”.

  I looked away, but Luke softly touched my chin and brought my gaze back to his.

  “I need to take care of some things. I’ll be gone for a while,” he began.

  “How long is a while?” I asked, swallowing down my tears.

  This was not part of my recovery plan. I’d be fine. I always was, but this was not part of the plan. I started getting warm as I watched his expression harden.

  His gaze darkened as he cupped my hands in his. “I don’t know.”

  “You must have some idea.”

  He held my hands and shook his head before responding. “I don’t.”

  I broke my stare from his and looked around the all white room that no longer felt cozy. Instead, the room felt like a strange and empty place, but not as strange as the man sitting in front of me.

  “I don’t understand,” I whispered, bringing my gaze back to his. “You’re the president of the firm. Can’t you send someone else to do whatever it is you think needs to be done?”

  “That I cannot do.”

  I removed my hands from his and he clenched his hands into fists as they sat on his lap.

  “Are we talking a month, a year?” I asked. “I can wait. I’ll be in school anyway. I probably won’t even notice you’re gone.”

  I tried to smile, but my lips ceased to function as I watched his reaction. This moment had been rehearsed.

  How long had he been planning this?

  I touched the cuff he’d given me and rotated it around my wrist while I waited for him to give me some clue.

  “I don’t know how long it will be and because of that I can’t expect you to hold up your life and wait around for me. It wouldn’
t be fair.”

  “Fair would be giving me a choice in the matter, and it seems you’ve already made a decision. What is so important that you have to leave for such a long or indefinite period of time? If you don’t want to be in this relationship, you could just cut it off like a normal person. You honestly don’t have to flee the state or country or whatever you’re up to.” Anger had already replaced the sadness that had settled in my chest.

  “It’s not like that.”

  “Oh, but it is.” I sank into the corner of the couch and just stared at Luke, waiting for some sort of answer to my unasked question.

  Why?

  “I love you, Hannah. I swear the moment I ran into you at that Starbucks you rocked my world. You changed how I saw life. I love you more than you can imagine.”

  I found myself biting my lower lip hard just to keep myself focused, but panic flooded every vein in my body. I was about to lose control, and the more I looked at the stranger sitting beside me, the more I wanted to scream and shake sense into him. We’d been planning a life together. I didn’t understand.

  I needed him now more than ever and he was leaving.

  “Then why does it feel like you’re not just leaving town but leaving me?” I whispered. The moment I said the words, it felt like my world was imploding and every sane ending to my crazy life was slowly peeling away, leaving me more exposed than ever before.

  “I need to find who did this to you. No one I love will ever be safe until I do. I’ve ignored it long enough. I built my fortress and it wasn’t enough. They penetrated it, Hannah…And I almost lost you in the midst of it all. You mean too much to me. I can’t let it happen again. I won’t let it happen again.”

  “So what makes you think that you leaving to find people that don’t want to be found will keep me safe? I would think you’d want to be here to keep watch. Isn’t that what you normally do?”