All the Broken Places

by Anise Eden

  Suddenly close to tears, I turned away from him again and looked over to the spot where Vani was sitting peacefully. There were few things I despised more than having my hand forced. At least I knew that my clients would be in good hands with Simone in the interim. After all, she somehow managed to be a fabulous therapist without using any paranormal abilities whatsoever. I’d have to ask her to teach me how to do that sometime.

  I took a deep breath, slowly let it out, and looked up at Ben. “Okay, fine.”

  “Good. Thank you.” As we walked back over to the mat, Ben tried to break the tension. “I don’t know what you’re letting yourself get so upset about, anyway,” he murmured. “Yesterday, you said you didn’t even believe in all of this New Age stuff.”

  “Good point.” I gave him a weak smile. “It’s all bullshit. Let’s get started.”

  His eyes flashed gold, but his expression was somber. “You’ll be fine, I promise. Okay, Vani, we’re ready.”

  Vani appeared to be deep in meditation. She spoke so softly that I had to strain to hear. “Cate, make yourself comfortable.”

  Ben and I took our seats. Vani stood and walked toward me. “Now close your eyes and breathe normally. Gently draw your attention to your breath as it flows in and out of your body.”

  I recognized the relaxation technique and did as she instructed.

  “I don’t need to touch you, but I do need to touch your aura, which surrounds your body. You may hear or sense me moving around you, and you may also feel some emotional or physical sensations as I work. Some people do, some don’t. Either way, don’t worry about it. If you do feel something, I promise it won’t hurt.” There was kindness in her voice.

  “Thanks for that.” All I could feel at that moment was the anxiety that had been swirling inside of me ever since the concept of closing the portals had been introduced. But it diminished as I turned my attention away from my thoughts and toward my breathing. Of course my clients would be okay without me for a few weeks. I wondered where this inflated ego of mine came from, the one that made me think I was so critically important to their well-being. I breathed in…and out. In…and out. In…and I drifted softly away.

  “Cate?” I heard a man’s voice calling me from a long way off. “Cate?” The voice was getting closer.

  Something was pressing against the back of my head, against the back of my entire body. Was I lying down?

  I felt a hand prop up my head and put something soft beneath it. I heard a female voice next. “I don’t know. Nothing like this has ever happened before.”

  My eyelids fluttered open, and I felt as though I were coming out of a deep sleep. Ben’s face was right in front of mine.

  “Cate, can you hear me?” His brow was creased with worry.

  “Yes, she can hear you,” Vani’s voice cut in. I heard the clinking of her glass bangles. Then Ben’s face was gone, and Vani’s appeared. “Cate, you fainted at the end of our session. You’re lying on the floor in the church basement. Are you all right?”

  “Oh wow,” I said, doing a quick mental scan of my body. “Yeah, I’m okay. Can I sit up?”

  “Yes,” they said in unison, both sounding relieved. Ben took one of my hands and put his other arm around my back.

  Vani cautioned, “Slowly, slowly.”

  “I think I should take her upstairs,” Ben said.

  “Yes, and I’ll get her some tea.”

  I felt myself being lifted up off the ground. “I’m really okay,” I mumbled, but between being in a weakened state and being pressed up against Ben, I couldn’t bring myself to object too strenuously. As he carried me up the stairs, my impetuous arms slid themselves around his neck. With a soft grunt, Ben tightened his hold on me, and I barely fought off the urge to wrap myself around him completely. My body sighed with disappointment when we entered the lounge and Ben laid me down gently on a couch.

  Vani approached with a cup of tea. Finally, my head began to clear. “I’m fine, really.”

  “Pete!” Ben barked. Within a minute, Pete appeared in the doorway. He and Ben spoke in low tones. Then Pete disappeared again.

  Ben was back at my side. “Cate, I don’t know what happened. Are you sure you’re all right? Can you look at me?”

  “Ben, really, I’m fine. I hate being fussed over.”

  “Too bad,” said Pete, who came back into the room carrying an army-green bag with a red cross on it. He pulled out a blood pressure cuff.

  “Pete’s a paramedic,” Ben explained as he stepped back, giving Pete room to work. Pete’s taciturn cowboy and teasing prankster personalities disappeared, and I found myself in the presence of a practiced medical professional.

  A stethoscope, blood pressure monitor, and thermometer later—and something shining in my eyes and something poking in my ears—Pete patted me on the arm and declared, “She’s okay.”

  Only then did Ben seem to relax a bit. I could tell that he was working to regain his composure.

  Meanwhile, Vani came over and placed the mug of tea in my hands. “I’m glad you’re okay. That was quite a session, huh?”

  The more my head cleared, the more annoyed I became with being the center of attention. I was also embarrassed about having passed out in the first place. “What happened? I mean I know I fainted, but what happened before that?”

  Ben paced up and down the lounge. “I don’t know. Honestly, nothing like this has ever happened before. Has it, Vani?”

  “Ben, relax. She’s fine.” Vani waved him away. “Cate, when I went into your aura to close the portals, there were so many of them, and the energy flow coming in was much stronger than I was expecting. I had to work hard to close them. It took much longer than usual.”

  “Is that why I fainted?”

  “It’s possible,” she acknowledged. “I’ve closed a lot of portals before, but I’ve never seen a situation quite like yours. It was a significant amount of work. Maybe we should have taken it in stages.”

  Then it dawned on me what she was saying. “You mean all of the portals are closed?”

  “Yes, the ones you had opened to your clients. Your connections to friends and family, I left intact.”

  I closed my eyes and turned inward. Almost all of the filaments had disappeared. My heart was cavernous, empty. A wave of panic swept over me. I immediately tried to connect to Elana. Where there had previously been a warm pulse of life, there was nothing but cold and silence. I couldn’t help it; I started to cry.

  Vani said, “It’s okay. I know it feels strange.”

  Ben rushed over. “What is it? Are you all right?”

  “They’re…gone,” I whispered.

  Ben and Vani exchanged a meaningful glance. She stood. “I’m going to go back downstairs. I’m glad you’re all right. Let me know if you need me.” Then she disappeared.

  I couldn’t stop the tears. It felt like fifty deaths had occurred all at once. Ben sat down next to me and put his arm around my shoulder. “What have I done?” I whispered. “Where did they all go?”

  He gave me a light squeeze. “They’re all fine, Cate. They’re fine, and they’re out there living their lives. Nothing has changed for them, only for you.”

  “You mean, they can’t feel—”

  “No. This only affects your aura, not theirs. None of them will know that anything has changed.”

  Oh thank God, I thought. “But it hurts!”

  “It’s going to be okay, Cate. I promise.”

  My head fell against his chest. Feelings of grief pounded at my heart like hard rain against a window. Ben rested his hand on my forehead as I cried. After what seemed like an eternity, my tears finally began to slow.

  “I’m sorry,” he murmured, smoothing my hair back. “I didn’t know it was going to be that intense.”

  I saw that Ben’s shirt was stained with my tears. Suddenly self-conscious, I pulled away and dried my eyes. “What’s it normally like?”

  “We’ve worked with empaths before, but I’ve never seen
anyone have such an extreme reaction to a portal closure,” he said. “You’re one of a kind, Cate.”

  I rubbed my face with my hands. “In that case, I hope you’re documenting this for science.”

  “Don’t worry.” As he smiled, I saw some of the worry leave his face. “I’m starting to figure you out now, though.”

  “Figure me out?”

  “Your heart, your strength. I’m starting to get it.”

  “Meaning?”

  “Meaning, now I know to expect the unexpected. I have a feeling that nothing is going to go as planned when it comes to you.”

  “Oh,” I said, unsure what to make of that. I sighed heavily. “Did we really have to close the portals?”

  “Yes, we really did,” he said without a hint of hesitation.

  “But why?”

  “We went over this under the stairs, remember?”

  “Yes, but I didn’t believe anything was actually going to happen then.”

  His eyes widened. “Are you blaming me for that?”

  “Well, you didn’t try very hard to convince me, did you? ‘Think of it as a metaphor,’ you said.”

  “And if I had tried harder to convince you, you would have believed me. Is that what you’re saying?”

  “No, that’s not what I’m saying.”

  “Then what are you saying?”

  I paused to think. “I don’t know,” I admitted.

  Ben took my hands, which like the rest of my body felt like lifeless lumps of clay. “I hate that this was so hard for you. But believe me, it’s for the best. We had to do this before we could make any further progress. I know you won’t believe this now, but you may come to prefer being the only person living in your own body.”

  I was far from convinced. The emptiness inside of me howled softly.

  “Look,” he said, “I think you’ve had quite a day already. I don’t think we should push it any further.” He turned toward the hallway and called out Pete’s name again.

  Pete rejoined us in the lounge. “Hey, you alert now? Because I have good news.”

  “What is it?” I could use some good news.

  “While you were downstairs, the police called,” Pete said. My heart jumped into my throat. “I knew what you were doing down there, so I didn’t interrupt. But they wanted me to tell Cate that they caught that Don guy.”

  My heart flip-flopped. “They what?”

  “They caught him—get this—on a routine traffic stop. Turns out he was out hot-roddin’ around last night and got pulled over. He had a bunch of old unpaid tickets and a few outstanding bench warrants, so they took him in. He’s going to be in there for quite a while until all of that gets sorted out.” Pete grinned and hooked his thumbs into his belt buckle.

  Ben grinned back. “He must be mighty pissed off right about now!”

  Pete chuckled. “Yeah, maybe we should go pay him a visit!”

  I was still trying to wrap my brain around the facts. “You mean he’s in jail? For a while?”

  “Yeah,” Pete said, “a couple of weeks at least, the police said. Enough time to figure out what to do with your complaint. They’ll probably be callin’ you in to pick him out of a lineup or something.”

  The idea of seeing Don again made me shudder. Still, relief engulfed me—Elana and I were both safe, at least for a couple of weeks.

  Ben put his hand on mine. “Listen, this is good news, but if it would make you feel more comfortable to keep us around, Pete and I will be glad to stay on guard duty until you feel better about things.”

  Pete nodded. “No problem at all. We don’t want to intrude, but you only have to say the word and we’ll be there.”

  Deep down, I liked the idea of having them continue to guard me. My previous assumptions about safety and security had been shaken by Don’s visit the night before. But the stubborn part of me was unwilling to give in to Don’s bullying by falling victim to irrational fears. “No, thank you. Having you there last night made all the difference. But the threat is gone, thank God, and if you keep watching over me, I’m going to start to feel a bit silly.”

  “You’re sure?” Ben asked.

  “Yes, I’m sure,” I said, trying to sound confident.

  “All right, but keep the panic button just in case.”

  I nodded. “Thanks so much. I mean it.”

  Pete said, “Okay, Cate, saddle up. Time to go home and bed down.”

  Overwhelmed by exhaustion, I barely managed a wave to Ben as I followed Pete out to the truck.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Midnight found me lying in bed awake. I had slept for a few hours, but after a siren awakened me, sleep refused to come. I held my eyes closed and turned my attention inward.

  In my heart, there was no more tugging. First my mother, then my clients. They were gone. The portals had been closed. I had never felt so lonely for connection, so forced into solitude. My whole purpose and reason for being—the relationships I had worked so hard to build—had been taken away from me. And in their place was nothingness.

  Sharp points of grief scraped along the walls of my heart, but I had cried so much that I was out of tears. Ben had said I might come to prefer the feeling of being alone in my skin, but what did he know? He hadn’t expected me to react the way I had to the portal closures. I was “one of a kind,” he’d said. In other words, no one else was like me, so no one else could know the desolation I was feeling.

  I felt an acute longing to call my mother and ask for her advice. But she had chosen to remove herself from my life. The dry heat of unshed tears burned my eyes. I would have to figure it out on my own.

  I wrestled with myself. I was really growing to like Ben in spite of how difficult he could be at times, and I liked the others as well. I was genuinely interested in Dr. MacGregor’s work and in what she was trying to do. Certainly, she and Ben seemed to “get” what was going on with me more than anyone else ever had. It would be nice to have someone I could lean on. But the truth was that eventually the training program would end, and I would go back to my regular life.

  Dr. Nelson had said he didn’t want me to give up on the program after one day. Well, I had given it two days; that would just have to be good enough. After all, in only forty-eight hours, they had already taken much more away from me than I could afford to lose. Who knew what would happen if I stayed even longer?

  A quiet knowing settled upon me: There was only one thing to do. I had to get out.

  • • •

  Hell Week, Day Three

  When Pete arrived Tuesday morning, I was showered and dressed in yoga pants and a fitted T-shirt. My hair was in a neat braid, my pills taken, breakfast eaten. I heard Pete’s truck pulling up and decided to shock him by opening the door before he knocked.

  Standing on the front stoop, Pete looked impressed. “You’re ready to roll this morning.”

  “Yes,” I said brightly, determined to start the day off looking professional and competent. I had worked out a plan, and looking like an idiot was not part of it.

  As we pulled away from the curb, I realized that our commute presented me with the perfect opportunity to learn more about my opposition before going into battle. “Pete,” I inquired lightly, “what would you say Ben is like?”

  He pushed his hat back a bit. “Meanin’?”

  “I don’t know.” I made an effort to sound as though I had no ulterior motive whatsoever. “Like, if you had to describe him, how would you do it?”

  He chuckled and rubbed his hairline. “Oh, well, in the Corps, we called him Rottie.”

  “Really? What does that mean?”

  “Rottie, short for Rottweiler. You know, those big black-and-brown guard dogs. Our unit worked with one named Tank for a while, and Ben really bonded with him. They were a lot alike—both always barkin’.”

  “All bark, but no bite?” I asked hopefully.

  “Hell yeah, he could bite,” Pete said with admiration. I decided to assume he was talking about the dog
. “You surely don’t want to be anywhere near a Rottweiler when they get worked up. But really, Tank was just a big softie like all dogs. All he wanted was for us to throw him a ball, wrassle with him, scratch his belly. You know.”

  “Yeah,” I said, although I had no experience with Rottweilers. I would have to take his word for it. “So Ben’s like that, too? A big softie?”

  “Oh yeah,” Pete said, “and you can tell him I said that, by the way. Just be sure he’s got his shock collar on when you do!” He tilted his head back and laughed, taking one hand off the wheel to slap his thigh.

  I laughed tentatively. Unsure when I would get another chance to be alone with Pete, I figured I had better take full advantage of the situation. “Hey, do you know anything about Ben’s father?”

  The jovial mood disappeared instantly. Pete pushed his hat back down into place. “Now, that’s maybe somethin’ you should ask Ben about, don’t you think?”

  I looked down at my hands. “He doesn’t seem to want to talk about him.”

  “There you go, then.”

  “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked. It’s none of my business.”

  “It’s all right.” Pete rubbed his chin. “I know you don’t mean any harm. I’ll tell you this, though: Ben joined the Corps to get away from him. Beyond that, you’ll have to talk to the big dog.”

  “Okay. Thanks.”

  I looked out the window and watched the empty streets and boarded-up houses pass by. As we got closer to the church, I summoned my courage once more, figuring that it was as good a time as any to test Kai’s claim that what Pete and Ben had done in the service was all some sort of big secret. “So, you guys had a guard dog in the Marines? Was he guarding you or helping you guard something else?”

  “Oh no.” Pete smiled and shook his head. “You’re gonna have to wake up a bit earlier in the mornin’ to catch me out, girlie.”

  I feigned innocence. “What do you mean?”