Log 1 Matter | Antimatter

by Selina Brown

  C. It’s not you!

  They were standing still now and Ara desperately needed contact. A distraction. Caleb touched her cheek and took the opportunity to kiss her.

  C. I have just the thing and, besides, we look silly just standing here. We can secretly talk now

  A. Hmmmmmmm

  C. Or not

  As they kissed, she moved her body against his and he ran a hand under her hair. She moaned softly against him. He pressed harder on her mouth, parting it, and closed his eyes. Her arms came around him and he touched her breast, flicking over the nipple. He was buzzing with lust; Ara’s term because she considered “burning with lust” was cliché.

  “Want to try Ph’bashra?”

  They did, back in his rooms, and she didn’t like it. So they resumed combinations of Al’kalay and Fyr’Lahlia.

  “Who came up with Ph’bashra anyway?”

  “Some like it, Baby.”

  “But, it’s hard doing two things at once.”

  He had doubled over laughing. “You only have to do one thing, and enjoy the other.”

  “Yes, but that’s my point. How can you relax and enjoy it when you have to work and … and, well, there’s the angle—”

  “Work?” He tickled her then; only being a little disappointed that she didn’t like it. They dressed and walked slowly under the tree house where they used to meet as kids, and into the forest, along the shaded path back to her bike. He pulled her along to the stream instead to take a swim. Ara was grateful he was prolonging their time together. She spotted a nice, grassy place for some fun. After they went swimming and re-dressed, she said, “We can try it again one day.”

  He kissed her and then studied her with an indecipherable look in his eyes but they were warm with emotion. “Sure.” They were holding hands and facing each other.

  “Thank you, Caleb. I don’t know who to turn to or how I would cope without your support. Most people I know have some obligation to care for me.” Ara sucked in her lips with the pain she was feeling. But her family did love her, she knew that. But Caleb had no obligations.

  C. You know it

  But did he love her?

  “I’m here if you need me. And Terzon if I’m not. Okay?”

  She blew air from her cheeks, nerves threatening to make her run away. “Okay. Caleb?”

  He smiled his encouragement for her to continue, his ice-green eyes were still warm, expectant. Shyness engulfed her and she stammered, “I … um … I love you.”

  Ara was sure tears had sprung in his eyes but he hugged her so tightly and was laughing.

  “I love you!” He released her and hollered into the woods. “She loves me!” He swung her around and around as they both laughed.

  Mountain Installation

  Jamie read Jesran’s report, “…still not willing to face up to the inevitable. Moving in.” Jamie resented his closeness to Ara. He hated the lie he decided. And then, with uncharacteristic bitchiness, he thought, Better Jesran than me if Ara found out Jesran’s getting closer was on for the mission. He didn’t understand those feelings either. For years, he and Leo had been dating, finding an ever-deepening attachment. Leo tried to return to Saratoga when he could, while Jamie was determined to get to Sparta Prime to visit. Plus he could go home to Lyon 3 as well. Jamie lifted his ISVoice, an interstation comms device. “Leo?” The ISV took only nine microseconds to transmit verbal signals.

  “Jamie, I was just about to call you.”

  “I was thinking about what we talked about.”

  There was a slight hesitation. Had he made a mistake? But then Leo said, “About coming here?”

  “If it’s a problem—”

  “No! I’d love you to come. In fact, I was getting up the nerve to ask you to meet my family.”

  Joy surged through him. “Yes, I’d love that.”

  As they talked, both happy and laughing with each other, Jamie knew he was hooked. For a moment, Jamie saw another future for himself, but he was getting ahead of things. He didn’t want to rush what might be his first serious relationship.

  Sub-Log XIX

  Homestead

  That night, Ara tossed and turned, so happy she had told Caleb she loved him. Ever since they were little, she had loved him. And he loved her. Warmth flooded her Sawol. For reasons she didn’t understand, something or someone didn’t like that. Ara didn’t know why. Why shouldn’t she love? Her dreams turned stranger than usual. She sat bolt upright on Trickster’s bed, as if she had never left it. Except she was in shorts and a t-shirt. “Trickster?”

  He came through the hatch patch door and closed it with Ara missing the view behind because he was blocking it with his near naked body.

  “Good. I have something to show you.”

  It was a good start. There were no explosions, burnt bodies, or debris drifting from mangled ranger parts. She got up and walked across the hut, but then sat down being too close to Trickster’s warm body. She wiped the sweat from under her nose. Tartly, she asked, “Will you put some clothes on?”

  He looked down at his body. “Does this disturb you?”

  “Ah, not disturb. Distract.”

  Trickster hesitated for a moment and then moved to a chest she hadn’t seen before because she’d been sitting on it. “We have to change anyway.”

  “Not another disaster!”

  “No.” He pulled out two sets of clothes, long pants, long sleeve tops, and soft shoes.

  “Dress.”

  She glanced around the room.

  “No food.” He dressed and gave her a pointed look.

  Ara dressed, already sweltering, and pulled down the top, feeling how soft the material was, when the portal was already opening. “I was in trouble last time with Mum and Dad.”

  He frowned. “Why?”

  “Because I was exhausted. I couldn’t get out of bed except to shower and go back to sleep. I had to have a medical examination.”

  “I will be more careful next time.”

  “Next time—”

  He pushed her through the portal. “Do what I do.”

  She stumbled through and they were in a storeroom, and Trickster was hiding behind some crates, waiting for someone or something, and then led them out and around the back, through a back entrance and then down a side alley. Ara ran her hands over the stone wall to her left. “It’s odd … um… Trickster!” She’d bumped into him.

  He was peering around a corner.

  Ahead Ara could see horses and carts and people dressed in lots of clothes, with ruffles and strange… He yanked her, and was climbing over a low metal fence with flowers. Ara’s pants snagged and ripped, and she stumbled into a chair. Her back was to the road and she tried to turn.

  Trickster connected with her. “Don’t move, listen.”

  Ara froze and tried to listen.

  A. To what?

  A male came over to them and Trickster was relaxed. “Tea for two, please.”

  Calmly, he placed what looked suspiciously like money on the table. She leaned over and began to reach out to study it when Trickster frowned at her.

  T. Close your mouth and you shouldn’t use the short ArT

  He then said, to the waiter, “Apologies, kind sir. My wife and I have come from the coast, our ship sunk—”

  “My goodness, we heard about that.”

  Ara smiled up at the male … servant.

  T. He owns the café

  A. You’re using it

  T. What?

  A. Short ArT

  Ara gave Trickster the “look” hoping it said how very annoyed she was at him but he ordered food and assured the manager he could pay and, as soon as they recovered from the ordeal, he hoped to find a reputable bank, accommodation, and tailor.

  “This is England, Earth 1600s.”

  Ara almost squealed wanting to see more, to brag to Bel and their friends, but was aware Trickster’s eyes were hard. His eyes told Ara, “I’m going to be an intractable arse.”

  Their
tea and lunch were delivered and they ate silently. Ara relaxed and became familiar with her surroundings. She was aware of a strange energy. But something was dampening the effect.

  “What do you feel?”

  Ara closed her eyes. “Energy, it’s so strange.”

  Trickster nodded slightly and sipped his tea. “Keep trying to define it.”

  “It’s strong but fragmented somehow, if I connect—”

  T. No! You must not

  Heart pounding at how loud his mental voice had become, Ara had tensed. After several seconds of deep breathing, she turned her attention to the table. She didn’t like tea and would have preferred a good, strong coffee. On the bright side, a decent grumble always helped her relax. Other than that, it was a cool, overcast day, and Ara heard people walk and chat or ride by behind her.

  “Are they still around, Feathers?”

  “I think so, but not close. They’ve been coming here for over a hundred years.” Trickster stood and quickly disappeared around the corner. Annoyed, Ara sat for a second longer and then followed, seeing him already going around the corner at the end. She had to run and felt the power of the portal already activate. As she rounded the bend she was shoved inside and fell on the floor.

  Trickster deactivated the portal and then helped her up. “I’m sorry, Ara.”

  She brushed herself off, exasperated with him, and flicked off her shoes, took off her top and pants and flung them aside. She sat on the bed and crossed her arms.

  “I want to go home now.”

  “I can’t make you go home.”

  She lay down and closed her eyes, willing herself to go to sleep but all the while hearing Trickster tidy up her mess. Swearing, she sat up and crossed her legs. She couldn’t bear it any longer. “Why were we there?”

  “Because I’ve detected it before but cannot track well. I think … it wants to hurt you. It may be your enemy.”

  She laughed but sensed he hedged for some reason. A little seed of doubt crept in even as she said, “My enemy! Sure.”

  He glanced over at her and took off his own clothes.

  Ara frowned and averted her eyes. “Why are they my enemy?”

  “That I cannot say because I do not understand it. I thought it was one thing but it was not.”

  “You knew that they had been there?”

  “It was chance that I found it. I wanted to take you to Earth, to show you, to make it more real to you.”

  He was being rather informative so she stood and helped him fold the clothes. “If I felt them, or rather their energy, they can do the same with me?”

  “Yes.”

  Ara felt a momentary thrill of fear thinking of all the times she had felt the malignant touch. How could she keep denying it? “Why?”

  He stood helpless. “I cannot say. Something was started and I was sent on a path. But then that path was crossed with another path. I cannot go down that new path, not yet. Ara, you must trust that I will when I can. And when I can I will tell you.”

  Wow, that was so clear. “Why can’t you go down that other path?”

  “Because I believe my path is more important to the greater number.”

  Ara swallowed hard. Again, she knew this had something to do with her. No matter how much she wanted to deny it or ignore it, she was going to have to face what it was. She examined her life, seeing how the people she knew, loved, and trusted were trying to nudge her to be more self-aware and alert. In a sense, she was being ungrateful and at the least she should allow herself to be nudged. At the moment she was still balking, even reversing in her willingness to accept her role in life.

  “Ara, are you alright?”

  She nodded and glanced over at the Quadrazaads. The problem was she was so afraid of being a part of genocide, even unwillingly, that she couldn’t face it. Pain threatened to engulf her every time she tried to think about it. So, how could she do it alone? How could she burden Caleb?

  “You are not alone, Ara Katron.”

  “I’m alone inside.” Her words sounded a little pathetic but she didn’t know how else to explain how she felt.

  Trickster lifted her chin and his face was soft, his eyes wet with tears. “Yes, I see now. I understand.” He hugged her tightly, and then released her. “What to do?”

  Ara’s eyes moved to the Quadrazaads again. “I think if I had the Strike I might be braver.” She flushed then. “I know it’s not for me, but it likes me. That sounds a bit silly, doesn’t it?” She dared to look at his face.

  Trickster never smiled, but his face formed a “smile” of sorts. “It is not good to use things as a crutch but this is a good idea. They were made for a different purpose though and I cannot give you the Strike … yet. But I can do something for you.”

  He walked over and opened the box. Ara saw the Quadrazaads were bigger and brighter. He lifted out the Strike and walked back to her. “Hold this and change your vision to see energy.”

  Ara carefully lifted the large, leathery sac and held it. Inside it looked like lightning zapping around and the Quadrazaad grew brighter and brighter. She changed the tiny receptors in her eyes, and how her brain processed the data, seeing energy and the incandescence of color around her and Trickster. It filled the hut, with the strongest color around the Strike and the other three seeds. Suddenly, a flash and tendril of blue-white energy pierced the sac and joined with Ara’s energy line. Her gasp caused Trickster to nod. She looked from the seed to the warm, brown eyes.

  “It’s done.”

  “What will it do?” she asked.

  “The Strike is connected to you and you to it. When you fear or feel alone, think of drawing the Strike to your heart, Ara Katron.”

  She nodded and regretfully handed back the sac. When he returned with the Sulture she frowned.

  “Let’s try with all of them?” He lifted the red and orange, glowing seed.

  Ara stared inside the Quadrazaad seeing magma swirling around and, with some hesitation, agreed. She repeated the process. All the Quadrazaads gave something of themselves to her and Ara had a feeling she gave something to them too. Either way, she felt better.

  “Are you ready to go home?”

  Something in those words made her tingle all over again. “Go home.” She closed her eyes. “Go home.” There it was again. When Ara opened her eyes, Trickster was staring at her. She had to make a decision about her life. “May I help you, Feathers?”

  At her use of his new nickname again his mouth fell open but then relief showed in his eyes. “Just record if you feel that malign energy again.”

  “I can do that.” That was it? All her worry for that? She picked up the top she had dropped.

  “So few recognize energy, I do not like to burden you so.”

  As she mused over his words, Trickster plucked the top out from her hands to fold it again.

  “That male … um … Dusty. I felt his energy too.”

  “Yes. You will feel Lusty, Crusty, and Rusty’s energy.”

  Her mouth fell open. “What?” Her eyes moved down to the long box. “Oh, do they belong to Dusty, err, Rusty, Crusty, and … um … Lusty?”

  He shrugged and studied her with interest. She screwed up her nose and he tapped it.

  “The wind will change and you will remain like that forever.”

  She giggled and remembered she wasn’t supposed to be giggling anymore after Tricia’s Virgo. Her chuckle morphed into a yawn as Ara felt the tug of sleep.

  “Lie down, Ara.”

  She lay down and curled up on her side. Trickster sat next to her, and rested a hand on her arm. “You must not tell Caleb this.”

  “But—”

  “No. There will come a day when keeping secrets will be your main protection.”

  “But—”

  “You must obey me in this.”

  “I’m not a child!”

  He traced her face with his fingers. “Yes, you are.”

  “I love him.”

  ‘I know. Now go to
sleep.”

  She struggled up. “He won’t be in danger will he? Loving me or because I love him?”

  “I am guarding him, Ara Katron.”

  Relief rose within her as sleep claimed her.

  Mountain Installation

  When Trickster contacted him, Jamie was exultant. But as the years went by he came across another “Ara” problem. Her adventurous side was coming out again.

  And then Trickster sent him a holo of the Safeguard—in a sea of sparkling gold, a ring of metal sat at an angle. On the ring were markings that Jamie couldn’t make out. Inside the ring were strange, metal wheels constantly turning and shifting position. Now and then, he saw something golden-white creep up, but then a wheel would drag it down. Jamie received a call via Voice. “It’s a perpetual in motion fluid-metal wheel labyrinth. It took Nyx over two hundred years to make the Safeguard. Only she knows where the Key is.”

  “And Nyx is?”

  “Learning all she can about the Lacuna.”

  “Yeah, to determine if there’s suffering? I can tell her that.” He had an uncomfortable flash of Leanne starting to paw Michael, his brother, and Michael had been crying.

  “She must make a hard decision, Jamie. Trillions of lives are at stake.”

  “And what about Ara?”

  “Trust me when I tell you that Nyx will not forget or forgive anything that happens to Ara.”

  Jamie drawled sarcastically, “It’s all a bit late then, isn’t it?” He hung up. For a moment, he almost considered packing up and taking Ara with him. He’d have to take Caleb too. Where would they go? Hiding in the system would be easy and then waiting for things to come crashing down? And what if Ara could help them all? He picked up an image of her hanging upside down under a ledge, poking out her tongue. Jesran had taken the shot and sent it to Jamie. “See, I’m keeping her safe. But is she keeping me safe?”

  Jamie laughed and set the image down.

  “All set to leave, Jamie?”

  He smiled at Diane who was standing at his office door. “All set. My things are already at the lift-port?”

  “They are. Have a great time, you deserve a decent break.”