Beloved Destiny

by carol fears

  Carina's eyes filled with tears and they began spilling down her cheeks. Even though she couldn't escape the cold, logical truth of what he was saying, her heart insisted on denying it. His words seemed to truly seal her fate: a loveless marriage of convenience for the purpose of combining fortunes, strengthening already powerful families even further. This was what she had to look forward to. Her only choice would be, if she was lucky, which wealthy powerful man she would marry with her family's blessing. She walked back to where the horses were grazing. Joshua walked behind her, saying nothing. He had left her enough to chew on, he thought to himself. Truth to tell, he was going to have to answer to his family's demand that he marry sometime soon, probably after the grand tour. Perhaps this little innocent before him would be as good as any. She was ignorant of the real ways of the world so that he could mold her to his will. He would eventually need to provide an heir and Carina was young and healthy. He would speak to his mother about putting even more pressure on Carina and her mother to accept him as a suitor when he returned from Europe.

  Lost at Sea

  t the end of the month, surfeited with galas and balls, Carina and her mother returned to the farm. Carina had tried to enjoy herself although William remained constantly in her thoughts. She had missed her Papa, who always made her laugh even when her spirits were low. He encouraged her to be her own woman in contrast to Mama's insistence on intractable conventionality.

  Their lives slowed down, flowing along with the rhythm of producing crops. The herds of cattle Papa prided himself on were increasing and were beginning to produce more abundant quantities of milk. Plantation owners in the vicinity were making offers to buy some of his herd. Carina was very glad for him; proud that all of his hard work was at last coming to fruition.

  Joshua came to the farm once, stating his intention to call on Carina with her parents' permission. Her parents, overjoyed, naturally gave their blessing to his endeavor. Carina herself, frustrated by her impotence to determine her own future, acquiesced, even though she still had no intention of marrying Joshua. She decided to string him along to prevent unpleasantness with her parents, knowing she would stop short of committing to a betrothal. Joshua seemed to have turned over a new leaf, at last finding his manners and showing more interest in Carina than he had in the past. Carina was puzzled by his sudden change of heart, but she welcomed it since it made his presence tolerable. They attended a party together at the Judson's, who were neighbors a few miles from the Blanchett's place. Joshua was courtly and attentive to Carina, playing the smitten swain to perfection. She began to think maybe she had been mistaken in her assessment of him early on; he certainly no longer acted as if he barely tolerated her.

  On June 15th, a rider stopped at the Blanchett's with a letter from Mr. Prewitt. Papa was in the garden, but he came in to the front parlor where Mama and Carina were attending to the household ledger so that he could include them in the reading of the missive. Such letters were usually full of news that the whole family enjoyed hearing. Papa started to read the letter aloud, then stopped, his face growing white. He looked up at Carina and Mama, lost for words for a time.

  "Oh, my dear ones, I fear this news is of the most dreadful nature. Young Mr. Porter's ship has sunk in a gale somewhere in the mid-Atlantic. All on board are lost; the ship at the bottom of the sea. A passing frigate found wreckage strewn everywhere. There was total devastation and although they searched for survivors, none were found."

  Carina tried to stand but felt herself go weak, her head spinning, then she sank to the floor. Papa ran forward with a shout, picked her up and laid her gently on the divan. Mama went for a cool cloth, calling to Mary to bring some vinegar to bring her daughter around. As Mary held the pungent liquid near her nose, Carina's eyelids fluttered and she opened her eyes. For a moment she couldn't remember what had happened.

  "My dear girl, you have had a shock. I am sure your previous friendship with

  Mr. Porter made you react with some emotion to hearing of his death so that it was too much for you. I am going to have two of the men carry you up to bed where I insist you remain the rest of the day. Delia will tend to you and your supper will be brought up on a tray." Papa was holding her hands in his, rubbing them gently to try to warm them. Carina felt as if her whole body was made of ice that would never thaw.

  After she was carried up to her bedroom and gently tucked into her bed by Delia and Mama, Carina lay there looking at the wall. Strangely, she did not find tears; she felt a dread empty feeling too deep for that. She thought of William, lying there in the cold depths of the sea. She thought it might be better if she were there with him. Mama herself brought a tray up that evening and tried to coax Carina to eat a bite or two, but Carina knew she could not swallow food although she did take a sip of wine. Finally Mama went to get the bottle of laudanum that was kept in a locked cabinet in case of injury or illness. She gave Carina a good dose mixed with a little wine. Carina sank into a dark sleep and knew nothing until the next day. She felt no interest in getting out of bed, continuing to stay there for three days. At the end of that time, she finally arose from her bed, calling Delia to assist her with performing her toilet. She saw her reflection in the mirror and drew back in disgust at this hollow-cheeked vision, eyes sunk into their sockets, hair in tangles all around her face. Delia helped Carina with her grooming, dressed her hair in a simple bun and helped her into a soft cotton morning gown. She made her way down the staircase and into the dining room where her Mama and Papa jumped up to embrace her. They all sat down to breakfast although Carina could only swallow a bite of melon and a sip of tea.

  Over the next weeks Carina tried hard to act as if she weren't overcome with grief. It would do no good for her parents to see her suffering. She loved them too much to cause them sorrow, as she knew that she would if they had to watch their only child mourning such a loss. She attended meals, eating little, and assisted Mama in running the household.

  Three weeks after the letter had arrived; Joshua rode over on horseback to pay a call to Carina. They walked out into the garden, where he took her hand. With tears shining in his eyes Joshua related his own grief at the loss of his dear, dear friend. Carina was finally able to shed some of her own tears as she saw him express the depths of his emotional distress. They sat quietly on a stone bench and spoke of their feelings for William. Carina found comfort in their mutual sharing of sadness. Since both of them had loved William deeply, they shared the perfect bond to draw them toward each other. Joshua stayed for dinner that evening, sleeping in one of the guest rooms. He left to return to Easton Hall early the next morning. The Blanchetts commiserated with him on the loss of his friend and embraced him much as they might have done if he were their own son.

  The months passed. The hardwood forest became red and gold as the radiant sunlight seemed to light up the world. Despite her lingering grief, Carina had begun to take a renewed interest in Pomme. Her father went out riding with her two or three times a week, convinced that the fresh air would benefit her. Carina was soothed by the constancy of farm life; she needed the routine day-to-day events of life to allow her soul to heal.

  The first cold days of December brought icy winds and a few flakes of snow to preview the winter ahead. The Blanchetts planned several Christmas parties since they always especially enjoyed the festive nature of this holiday. A Christmas day feast for their neighbors featured venison, hams cured in their own smokehouse, all variety of fruit jams, fruitcake and eggnog made stout with brandy. Mary baked a White Mountain cake and made candies of almond paste that were shaped like strawberries. Joshua was staying for the holidays to enjoy the parties and dances the Blanchetts so enjoyed providing. He danced frequently with Carina as his spirits slowly beginning to lift from deepest grief.

  In March Mama and Carina made a trip to Natchez to stay with Lettie Prewitt and select fabric for new gowns. Carina often walked into a room where Mama and Mrs. Prewitt were talking, to find that they suddenly hushed while look
ing at her curiously. Carina knew they were discussing her, trying to decide whether it was time for Joshua to press his suit. Carina had decided to accept Joshua by now, thinking that they would at least share a bond due to their love of William. He did seem to like to speak to her about his friend as much as he could, which had an endearing effect on Carina. The visit was quite pleasant, and Carina was almost sorry when it came time to go back home. Mrs. Prewitt hugged her with especially warm affection as they said their good-bys.

  The summer came with its stifling, wet, heat. Life slowed to a crawl during the hottest months, except in the fields, where the crops demanded constant attention. Papa was frequently away from the house all day, returning only at dinner time, looking worn-out. Carina whiled away her time with needlework and painting. All of her paintings were of maritime subjects. Sometimes they were pictures of thundering turbulence and angry storms. Then there were scenes which reflected the soothing calm side of the sea; smooth as glass with no wind to ruffle the blue tranquil waters. For the most part her paintings portrayed the more turbulent scenes, sometimes with wrecks of ships or bits of flotsam floating in the water. Twice Joshua visited in his surrey to take Carina out for a refreshing jaunt in the countryside. They chatted about William and all the good times Joshua and William had when they were at school. Joshua made some pointed remarks to Carina about marriage, sharing his ideas regarding the ideal wife, which caused her to think that he was on the verge of asking for her hand. They had not as yet shared a kiss, or for that matter any affectionate gesture, but Carina had to think that Joshua was the perfect gentleman to refrain from such things until they were officially betrothed.

  Mary's Mission

  ary hurried down to the root cellar in the early dawn hours as the family slept. She had been doing this without their knowledge for almost a year now. No one ever came down here except her, nor did anyone have need to do so. This was a cold, dreary damp place without any appeal. Mary came down occasionally to replenish some supply of vegetable, jams or jellies that were stored here in the cool darkness. After the harvest, she had some of the hands bring foods down here to be stored for winter. The two people huddled in the corner wrapped in heavy wool blankets looked up at her eagerly as she approached. With a finger to her lips in a shushing gesture, she sat down a tray of bread and milk on the ground in front of them. She lit the nub of a candle, dropped some wax on the hard stone and set the taper upright. She spoke in a low whisper: "You-ins needs to eat up and be ready soon as time the hay be loaded in the wagon. The driver's gon' pull the wagon 'round back where nobody can see. You-ins git in under the hay. This wagon goin' all the way to Vicksburg, then the driver's gon' tell you what to do next. In four or five days you-ins will be all the way up North. They's some good Christian folk up there that'll make sure you-ins has work and someplace to stay. Hurry up and eat now. I'se goin' out this door and I'll clap my hands three times when the wagon's here. Then run as fast as you-ins ever has and git under that hay. I don't need to tell you-ins what'll happen to all of us if you was to git caught."

  Mary pulled the latch on the wooden door and stepped out into the gray foggy dawn. The hay wagon was just coming around the corner of the house. When the driver pulled up and came to a stop Mary clapped her hands loudly. The two people ran through the door, jumped on the back of the wagon, diving under the hay as if the hounds of hell were upon them. The driver didn't hesitate long before jingling his reins to give the horses the signal to move. Mary watched the wagon pull around the circle to the front of the house and down the long drive. She prayed under her breath that these two young people made it all the way up North to where the good people there would take care of them. This was a dangerous business. Slaves were expensive property, essential on the large plantations. The landowners were determined to keep what they had bought and paid for. The South had already lost close to a hundred thousand slaves to what folks now were calling the "Underground Railroad." Anyone escaping or helping slaves escape would be punished severely. If a runaway slave was caught, he would be "hobbled" which consisted of breaking both of his legs. Then he would be whipped before all the slaves on the plantation. Even if his master was kindhearted and wanted to forego this punishment, he could not, because the owner would then be fined up to $1000. That was such a huge sum of money; no one was willing to pay such a fine. If a black slave was caught aiding a runaway, the punishment would probably be whipping and two years in jail.

  Mary loved the Blanchetts dearly, and she suffered considerable guilt due to her actions in helping slaves escape the South. If she were discovered it might involve the family in some nasty unpleasantness. She had come to this plantation as a young girl and had always been treated kindly. The Blanchett family made sure that she felt more like a valuable servant, almost a part of the family, than a slave. She could not, however, stand by and allow her people to be abused or treated like animals. Most of the slaves using the Underground Railroad had good reason to be fleeing. Some were escaping cruel labor and punishment. Still others were about to be separated from their families. Among slave families it was not unheard of for the sale of a slave to separate husbands from wives, adolescent children from their parents. No, some things were too cruel and unjust, so Mary began to help even though she knew the grave danger she risked. Next week there would probably be more of these runaways taking shelter in the root cellar.

  The Betrothal

  eptember came and with it a slight respite from summer's smothering heat. The air had the slightest trace of fall and the days were getting a bit shorter. On September 10th Joshua came to call, having been invited by Mr. Blanchett to have dinner and stay for a night or two. After dinner, the two men retired to Papa's study for brandy and cigars. The men were closeted together for several hours.

  "What on earth do you suppose they are talking about so long, and being so secretive about?" Mama murmured. She was working on a piece of cut-work for one of the small tables in the parlor. Carina was sitting across from her tallying up the month's accounts for the household. She was so adept at this that Mama had given her the job entirely, trusting Carina to keep track of every penny that was spent.

  Finally Papa and Joshua came out of the study. Papa was beaming while Joshua had a sheepish grin on his face. "Well, my darling, young Joshua has a question to ask you, which we have all expected for some time. Perhaps you two young people would like to retire to the music room where you can speak in private."

  Joshua took Carina's hand and led her into the less formal music room. An ebony piano had the place of honor in the room. When Carina was eight years old Papa had hired a music teacher from the closest town to come once a week for her musical education. She enjoyed playing the instrument, and was an adequate, but not gifted, musician. As they approached a deep red brocaded settee Carina sat down, as Joshua dropped to one knee taking took her hand.

  "Carina, I told you my dreams of the ideal wife, and I believe that you would be peerless in that capacity. So I ask that you entertain the idea of becoming my wife. Your father has given his blessing, as has my father. Of course, it goes without saying that both of our mothers will be overjoyed."

  Carina thought that there was little romance in this proposal. It actually sounded rather like a business proposition. However, she liked Joshua well enough and they had gotten to be friends. She most emphatically didn't want to be married off to some old rich farmer. Who knew what Mama and Papa would force her to do if she refused Joshua? Even though they loved her they would not allow her to make what they thought was a bad decision. And so she decided that Joshua would do well enough. They could have a good marriage, perhaps growing to care for each other over the years. Besides, she dearly hoped to have children on whom she could shower her affection. She and Joshua were young and could reasonably hope to have several offspring together. Things could certainly be worse.

  "Yes, Joshua, I would be proud to be your wife. You have done me a great honor with your proposal."

  Hearing
her acceptance, Joshua removed a small box from his waistcoat pocket and opened it. Inside was a dazzling opal and amethyst ring. He slipped it on her finger easily since it fit as if it had been made for her. Light reflected off the amethysts in all directions, and the opal glowed with an inner fire.

  "This was my great-grandmother's ring, Carina. Mother has kept it tucked away for years to be presented to my fiancee. It appears to fit you well, so the jeweler will not even have to make it smaller. I will be pleased for you to wear it."

  Now Carina felt herself blushing and put her hand on Joshua's shoulder. She leaned forward slightly and kissed his cheek. He did not move to kiss her back, but stood up to lead her back into the parlor. Mama and Papa were still sitting in the same positions as when the young couple left, looking expectantly toward the door.

  "I have wonderful news, Mr. and Mrs. Blanchett. Carina has honored me by consenting to be my wife. I was hoping perhaps we could be wed in mid-October after the harvest is in if you find that suitable."

  "Oh, my yes, I think we can manage that. Carina and I will need to go to Vicksburg for her trousseau, of course. Then I must plan an engagement party for all of our friends. We'll have the wedding right here in the ballroom. By then the weather should have turned cool and pleasant." Mama was rattling off plans so fast that Carina thought her head would spin.

  "Excellent, that would make me a very happy man." Joshua made a courtly little bow toward Carina's parents, then turned and did the same to Carina. "I think we all have had plenty of excitement this evening; so I shall take my leave to retire for the night. In the morning I plan to leave early to return home. I know my mother will be overjoyed to hear of our betrothal. She has spoken of her wish for a daughter-in-law for several years. I suppose that since she has no female children of her own, she would welcome the company of another woman in the house."