Beloved Destiny

by carol fears

  With that Joshua turned and left the room. Mama was gushing, coming over to hug Carina, almost weeping with delight. "This is what I have always wanted for you my darling daughter. Marriage to a suitable man of breeding and education, not to mention wealth. We must begin immediately making plans for the wedding. Next week we shall travel to Vicksburg and order your trousseau. This is all so exciting!"

  Carina was delighted to see her mother so happy, but a little overwhelmed with the thought of all the activity that she would soon see taking place. She glanced down at the ring shining softly on her finger. She remembered an old wive's tale about opals sometimes bringing bad luck. What possible bad luck could befall her? Any other girl in her place would be giddy with happiness. The myth about opals was just old-fashioned nonsense.

  The next morning when Carina came to breakfast, Joshua had already gone. Strange, Carina thought, that he did not wait to bid me good-bye.

  Carina and her mother made the long trip to Vicksburg the following week. The weather was fair and the air was mild. They visited the best seamstresses in the city in order to have all the clothing made that a well-to-bride needed for her trousseau. There were luxurious undergarments and soft lawn gowns edged with the most delicate lace. They purchased dresses for all occasions along with hats to complement each one. Carina and her mother chose one of the more formal gowns to be worn as her wedding gown. It was pale blue, with sleeves puffed at the upper arm, slightly fitted at the bust, then falling to the ground. The Empire style was in vogue, having been picked up in America from the drawing rooms of France and England. The matching bonnet had lovely white hand-made flowers at the top and it tied under the chin with silk ribbons. Even the shoes matched the dress, with bows of silk ribbon decorating the toes. After two weeks all the clothing was finished, packed into trunks and loaded onto the carriage to be conveyed back to Camellia Hill. Carina and Mama spent the long trip back to Natchez talking about Carina and Joshua's engagement party as well as planning Carina's wedding day.

  The Wedding

  week before the wedding Carina found that she was unable to sleep, probably from excitement, she thought. After all, she was about to be a bride. Her wedding day would be the most solemn day in her life. She and Joshua had seen each other several times since his proposal. They passed small talk amiably enough, generally chatting of inconsequential matters. Their engagement party had been such a success that everyone in the county talked about it for weeks afterward. Mama had hired a string quartet from Brookhaven, a nearby town, to play music throughout the party. The house was decorated with waist-high urns filled with a variety of flowers from the gardens. There were still roses, asters, larkspur and marguerites aplenty since the weather had remained warm. The house smelled heavenly; a combination of beeswax which had been used to polish everything in sight mingled with the heady scent of flowers. The tables groaned with foods of all description. Seafood was brought in from the delta: shrimp in silver bowls of ice, lobster bisque featuring large chunks of the shellfish swimming in cream and butter, and crawfish etouffe. Angel biscuits filled with red cured ham were piled high on silver platters. Fruit punch for the ladies was served in a brilliant cut crystal punchbowl which reflected the candlelight, causing rainbows to appear on the white table linens. Pale pink petit-fours were decorated with an intertwined "J" and "C" for Joshua and Carina. In some ways, Carina enjoyed being the center of attention although she found herself blushing when the women made not-so-subtle little references to the wedding night. Mama had delicately hinted at what would transpire on that night although Carina really did not fully understand how the thing was accomplished. Still, she trusted that Joshua would lead her in matters of the bedroom since men were expected to know these things. He was also older and worldlier than she. A bride was only expected to be innocent.

  The day of the wedding dawned cool, with fair blue skies giving promise to the day. Carina awoke early filled with both excitement as well as some considerable trepidation. She went to the dining room and tried to eat a bit, finally managing to drink a cup of tea, but she was not able to swallow any solid food. The wedding would be at noon in the ballroom, so Carina had plenty of time to make her toilette. Delia assisted her with her hair and clothing. Mama came into Carina's room with a small box and a big smile.

  "Here, my dearest, this is from Papa and me. We are so happy to see this day. You are such a beautiful bride that we are overcome with joy. We wanted you to have a small adornment, as well as a memento from us to remember this wonderful day."

  Carina opened the box and inside, nestled in silk, was a brooch covered in emeralds. The brilliant green stones almost matched Carina's eyes, and when Mama pinned the brooch at the neck of the gown, the effect was stunning. Carina shed warm tears as she hugged her mother, reminiscing about her childhood days. She would be going to Joshua's family home as a new bride. How she would miss her parents. Carina had not spent a night away from them since her birth. She felt regret about being a grown woman who would soon leave the place she was so familiar with, the home of her childhood days. But countering those feelings was excitement about beginning her new life.

  The wedding ceremony was lovely, but simple. The deacon of their church officiated in the uniting of the bride and groom. The ballroom had been decorated with creamy magnolia blossoms and deep green smilax. Carina was a vision in the pale blue silk gown, her deep auburn hair peeking from her bonnet as it framed her face. She thought Joshua looked especially handsome in a new suit of clothes which he had ordered to be made for the occasion. Her gift to her groom was a silver stick pin with a perfectly formed pearl to adorn his cravat. Joshua had gifted her with a charming repousse sterling box to contain her jewelry. The ceremony was short; over almost before she knew it. She remembered murmuring her vows and Joshua slipping a silver band on her finger. Then he was leading her down the aisle formed by rows of chairs where their guests sat eagerly watching the newly wed couple pass by. Later she would remember almost nothing of the day.

  Mama had spent many hours planning the party to take place after the wedding. The dining room table groaned with foods of every variety. Mary and the kitchen girls had made fried chicken, okra and steamed corn. Roasted pork with tiny potatoes and biscuits filled the air with the most tantalizing smells. There was shrimp on ice, as well as oysters on the half shell. For dessert they prepared pound cake, red velvet cake and crumb cake. Oranges and melons had been delivered from down south and made into ambrosial dishes sprinkled with fresh coconut. Papa had brought wine up from the cellar which had been especially saved for this occasion. There was whiskey punch for the gentlemen, as well as fresh fruit juices in silver goblets for the ladies. A fiddler was brought in from Natchez to provide music for dancing. Joshua and Carina wandered among their guests greeting friends and family members. Well-wishers so warmly greeted them that it took some minutes to circulate around the ballroom. Carina found that by the time she got near the tables she was ravenously hungry and eager to sample some of the delicious-looking foods. Delia was apparently thinking of her and made her way into the crowd holding a plate of delicacies for Carina.

  "Oh, Delia, you are so good to me. What would I ever do without you?"

  "Don' want you to do without me, miz Carina. Where you go I want to go, too." Delia's sweet little speech touched Carina's heart.

  "Of course you shall Delia. You are going with me to Easton Hall. We'll be leaving this evening. Joshua is so anxious that we get home as soon as possible that he doesn't want to stay here tonight. He wants to surprise me with the bedchamber he has had freshened with new curtains and linens, as well as with new rugs and lamps. Do you have all my trunks packed?"

  "Oh, yes ma'am, they's all packed and on the carriage. Just as soon as you and Mr. Joshua take leave of your guests, we's all ready to go"

  Papa came to take Carina to the dance floor, where they waltzed gracefully to a popular new tune. Then Joshua and Carina whirled around while the other guests looked on admiringly.
The dancing went on for another hour and then the time came for Joshua and Carina to leave for Easton Hall. The guests came out to see them off, waving and shouting as the newly-wed couple was seated in the carriage. A few ribald shouts from some of the gentlemen caused Carina to blush while Joshua laughed with amusement. Carina turned to look out the back window as her old home grew smaller and smaller in the distance.

  Carina at Easton Hall

  hey arrived at Easton hall late at night; nevertheless all the servants came down to the entry hall to greet the newlyweds. Joshua graciously introduced Carina to the house staff, and they all bowed to the new bride. After that, some small refreshments were carried upstairs on a tray for the couple. Climbing the stairs, Carina began to be nervous all over again at the thought of what would happen later that night. She felt shy and awkward, like a child in new surroundings. She entered the bedroom and gasped with pleasure. The walls were covered in pale blue watered silk. Heavy drapes of darker blue brocade adorned the tall windows. A huge four-poster bed with a golden canopy and bed covers of the same color, piled with blue and gold pillows provided the focal point of the room. Lamps were lit, conveying a soft welcoming glow to the room. Crystal drops hung from the lamps, reflecting light onto the walls. On the floor was an Aubusson carpet, beautifully handmade and soft under the foot.

  Carina whirled around and hugged Joshua in delight. "It is beautiful! What a lovely room. You are too good to me to prepare such a room for my pleasure. Come, let us sit here at the small table and take some refreshments."

  The tray was placed on a round table in one corner of the room and the servant who had carried it bowed, leaving the room discreetly. Bride and groom sat and nibbled on some biscuit and ham along with a flute of champagne. Delia knocked quietly, telling Carina that if she rang the bell in her room Delia would help her into her nightgown. After their meal was finished Joshua stood and said he would be in his study for a while working on some account books.

  As soon as he left Carina rang for Delia, who came up to help her mistress remove her travel clothes. She sponged Carina with deliciously scented water from a porcelain bowl and then dried her with a soft linen cloth. Delia assisted Carina into a white sheer gauzy night gown with ribbons at the bosom. The fabric of the gown was so sheer that the outline of Carina's body could be seen in the light of the lamps. Delia took down Carina's hair and brushed the coppery auburn mass until it shone like silk in the glow of the lamps. Delia stepped back and admired Carina. Then she went to the bed to turn down the bed covers. Carina sat on the side of the bed and ran her hands over the sheets. The bed linens were of the softest material Carina had ever felt. They caressed her skin like a lover's touch.

  "You the purtiest bride I ever seen, Miss Carina, and Mr. Joshua such a lucky man. You just ring for me anytime you needs somethin'; any time, day or night. I got a nice room downstairs with the other girls and had me a good supper. Everbody here is real nice. Good night, Miss Carina."

  "Good night, Delia, I hope you do like it here. This is our new home and I know we will both be happy here." Carina reached over to give Delia a hug, and then watched her leave the room.

  Carina was exhausted by now, after all the excitement of the day and the long carriage ride. She sat on the edge of the bed for awhile to wait for Joshua's return but then her eyes began to close, so she lay down and was instantly asleep.

  Carina awoke the next morning surprised to find herself in the big bed alone. She looked to the other side of the bed and could see that the pillow had not been disturbed. She was puzzled by this, wondering where Joshua had spent the night. Perhaps he was as exhausted as she had been and had fallen asleep over his account books. She walked to the French doors, opening them to step outside onto a wide balcony. Ornate ironwork railings surrounded the space. Here and there were pots of flowers still blooming in the warm autumn sun. Her balcony overlooked the front lawn of the house, where a gazebo and a fountain were visible. Carina remembered that the gazebo hadn't been there when she last stayed at Easton Hall. She stepped back into the room and rang for Delia.

  Dressed in a simple pale yellow cotton morning dress, Carina went down to the dining room, where she was greeted by Mrs. Prewitt first, who kissed her cheek and embraced her warmly. Carina was touched to see a few tears in the older woman's eyes. She would strive to be the wife Mrs. Prewitt desired for Joshua and the daughter-in-law that she deserved.

  Mr. Prewitt spoke first, to welcome her to Easton Hall. "Good morning, my dear and welcome to your new home. We are delighted to have you here and wish you to have every happiness with us. If there is something that you desire, you have only to let us know and we will try to obtain it. Nothing is too good for Joshua's wife." Mr. Prewitt arose from his chair to take Carina's hand and kiss her cheek, a gesture that helped Carina to feel comfortable and cared for here in her new home. Joshua assisted Carina to her seat, leaning over to place a kiss on her cheek. Breakfast was a pleasant meal, the family enjoying conversation and getting to know one another.

  Joshua ate a hearty breakfast and then announced that he had to see to some business in town that morning. "Surely not, not on Carina's first day here. Can't this business wait? How can you leave your new bride here on her own?" Mrs. Prewitt was aghast that her son would consider such a thing. She frowned at him with a look intended to change his mind. Mrs. Prewitt could look formidable when she so chose.

  "No, Mother dear, I am afraid it cannot wait. Of course, I don't want to leave Carina here by herself. Perhaps you would be good enough to keep her company in my absence. I shall be back by late afternoon, at least in time for dinner. Until then, my dear." Joshua stood up, grasped Carina's hand and kissed it. Then he walked out the door.

  "Well, Carina dearest, let us walk around the garden and I will show you my prize roses. I had thought that Joshua would escort you, but of course I would love to show off my gardening skills. Let me just get my bonnet and a shawl. It is just a little chilly this morning. Oh, and please call me Mother Prewitt.You will be the daughter that I so longed for, but was never able to bear. If you will allow me I shall treat you exactly as such."

  Carina was so moved by Mrs. Prewitt's words that she reached over to take her mother-in-law's hands in her own. "I shall consider you second only to my own mother in affection, Mother Prewitt. You have made me feel very welcome to be here in your home. I will do all in my power to make all of you happy that I am now part of the family. I would love to see your garden. How kind of you to offer to show it to me. Papa is ever so proud of his garden back home and loves to work among his favorite species. Shall I meet you in the entry hall?"

  Mrs. Prewitt nodded and left for her room. Carina had brought her bonnet down, thinking that she and Joshua might take a tour of the plantation, so she went to the entry hall to wait. She thought it was strange that Joshua was going off on business when she had just arrived, but she told herself not to act like a spoiled little girl. She stuck her chin out and jammed her bonnet on her head.

  Joshua came in late that night, long after dinner time had come and gone. Delia had already helped Carina get ready for bed and Carina was sitting up amidst a pile of pillows, reading a novel. Joshua knocked, then entered the room and walked over to the bed. "I hope I find you well tonight, my dear?" He made a little bow and sat down on the bed. Reaching out, he pulled on the ribbon holding her gown up causing it to fall from her shoulders. "Lay down, my dear." His words were slightly slurred. Carina did as she was told as Joshua unbuttoned his trousers and flipped up the bottom of her gown. He lay down heavily upon her. She was repulsed by the smell of liquor on his breath. She squirmed a little, trying to turn her head away from him. He stayed on top of her for a few minutes, then sighed and stood up. After adjusting his clothing, he walked out of the room and shut the door.

  Carina didn't move. She remained there with the top of her gown pulled down and the bottom of it up around her waist. She was unable to comprehend what had just happened. Had she done something wrong? Was
there something that she should have done? She hated the thought that Joshua had come to her drunk, smelling disgustingly of whiskey. She wished she could ask Mama about this, but of course Mama was too far away. She was also wise enough to know that she could speak of this to no one else. Surely things would work out as they should. For all Carina knew, perhaps things like this happened in all marriages. Her innocence was shielding her from the thought that there could be something fundamentally wrong within her marriage to Joshua. She would just continue to be loving and submissive, hoping that would make him happy.

  Two weeks later, Joshua went to town in the afternoon and returned home in the early morning hours. Carina was sleeping, pillows mounded up around her to assuage her feelings of loneliness. She awoke to find Joshua, fully clothed, pulling up her gown and prying her legs apart with his knees. She began to squirm, but he held her neck tightly with his left hand, choking her, while he entered her body with his right hand. She felt intense pain, and would have shrieked if she had breath to do so. Joshua abruptly sat up, releasing her. He stood up, looking down at her menacingly. "I warn you, my dear, if you mention any of this to anyone; it will be the sorriest day of your life. You have only one choice, really. If you tell anyone what has passed between us, they won't believe you and I will make your life a living hell. If you keep your silence and behave like a good little wife, you can stay here and live a very pleasant life. You will want for nothing in the way of material possessions and pleasant occupation. I am sure you know which is the wisest course for you to take." With that, he turned and left the room.