Annie's Recipe

by Lisa Jones Baker

  She paused before raising her voice with excitement. “I go to bed at night thanking God for all He’s given me.” Her eyes suddenly sparkled with moisture. “What more could a girl ask for?”

  Annie shrugged. “Nothing. You’re blessed.”

  “You will be too, Annie. Somehow, I just know it. And when that time comes, you’ll know what I’m talking about. Why look at you!” Rebecca spread her arms. “You’ve got the world at your doorstep.”

  Annie swallowed the lump in her throat. It wasn’t because she wasn’t happy for this special woman. She was. But she wasn’t sure she would ever be in Rebecca’s position. Even her voice sparkled. Happiness emanated from the woman who had left their community during Rumspringa to help the man who was now her husband run his ailing father’s cabinetry business. She had even left the state of Illinois! Jah, she was the perfect person to talk to about her forbidden love.

  “It’s hard to believe that only a short time ago, I thought none of this would happen.”

  Seated opposite her, Rebecca organized the dried flowers and leaves littering the table so there was more room. After Rebecca shoved some piles out of the way, she eyed Annie. “What would you like to drink? I made a fresh pot of tea. How about a glass?”

  “I’ll have one with you.”

  Rebecca slipped into the kitchen and returned with two glasses filled with ice and beverage. She placed one on a coaster in front of Annie and the other on her own place mat.

  “I hope you don’t mind, but there’s something I came to talk to you about,” Annie began. “It’s . . . confidential.”

  Rebecca winked. “I’m a good secret keeper.” Suddenly, her lips dropped and the tone of her voice changed. “I hope your family’s all right. Your mamma . . .”

  Annie gave an immediate shake of her head. “My folks are fine. And really, it’s nothing having to do with health. It’s personal.” She cleared her throat, feeling embarrassed. She felt a bit selfish coming to busy Rebecca for a problem about herself but desperately needed to confide her dilemma or she would go crazy. She carefully considered her next words, then she straightened her shoulders and lifted her chin, looking straight into her friend’s intense eyes. “Rebecca, you’ve got it all.” She glanced from side to side. “And your relationship with William; well, it seems too good to be true. But was there ever a time when you had something come between you?”

  When Rebecca didn’t respond, Annie went on. “I’m sure your relationship must have been challenged in some way when you helped William’s dad in Indiana.”

  Rebecca hesitated. “Challenged is putting it mildly,” she finally said. “Annie, I came close to losing him. Everything.”

  Annie sat up straight with interest. Despite the serious confession, she smiled with relief. “I knew I could talk to you, Rebecca. You’re the one person who might understand what I’m going through with Levi Miller.”

  Rebecca lifted a surprised brow.

  “When we were kids, Levi and I were best friends.”

  Rebecca’s eyes lit up as she took a drink and returned her glass to the wooden coaster, ice cubes jiggling. “I remember. You guys were practically joined at the hip.”

  Annie lowered her gaze to the table and fidgeted with her hands on her lap. She tapped the toe of her black shoe against the shiny hardwood floor. Moments later, she met Rebecca’s gaze and went on. “As you know, he was back for the wedding.”

  Rebecca nodded eagerly. “We were so happy to see him.”

  “Me too. It gave us a chance to catch up.”

  Rebecca stopped what she was doing and sat very still. Annie took in the uncertain expression on her face, as if she wasn’t sure what to expect.

  Annie’s voice cracked with emotion. “And, Rebecca, something happened. Something so wrong.”

  Rebecca’s jaw dropped.

  Annie’s chest pumped up and down as if she’d been running too fast. Catching her breath, she cleared her throat. Trying to focus on the most important parts, Annie told the woman across the table what had happened. She spoke in such rushed phrases, she wondered if Rebecca could understand everything. Finally, Annie was finished. A sigh of relief escaped her as her back met the hard chair. She had voiced her troubles; it felt good to get them off her chest.

  “Please don’t think badly of me, Rebecca, but . . .” Salty moisture stung her eyes and she blinked. “I’m in love with Levi. I can’t help it.”

  A long, tense silence ensued. While Rebecca pressed her lips together, Annie’s heart continued to pump to a wild, uncertain beat. She’d just confessed the unthinkable. Suddenly, she wasn’t certain she’d made the right decision in coming here with her problem. Had she made a mistake? Surely Rebecca wouldn’t tell anyone what she’d admitted?

  As the delicious-smelling aroma of cooked pork began to fill the room, Rebecca looked away; her brows narrowed. For something to do, Annie swallowed another sip of tea, but the liquid barely made it down her throat. Unable to finish, she returned the glass to the table and clasped her hands in her lap, awaiting a response.

  Finally, Rebecca gave a sympathetic shake of her head. “Annie, I would never think badly of you.” She inhaled and went on. “I’m a straight shooter, just like you. In fact, in many ways we’re a lot alike. And I like to credit myself for being a problem solver.” Her jaw tightened. “You’re certainly not in an easy situation; as much as I’d like to, I don’t think I can come up with a quick, logical answer.”

  She gazed at Annie and said, “I have a secret of my own.”

  Annie sat up even straighter.

  “I think it’s time for me to tell you what happened to William and me in Indiana.”

  Annie waited with keen interest as Rebecca moved in her chair, then took a stem between her fingers to play with it while she spoke. “It always helps to commiserate with someone when you’re in a pinch. And if my instincts are right, it might help you decide which path is best for something so difficult as wanting to spend your life with someone outside the faith.” She paused. “William’s dad and stepmom—they’re English, you know.”

  Annie offered a firm nod. She’d heard bits and pieces about the couple over the years.

  “Wasn’t he shunned for marrying outside of the faith? I know a little bit about it. Didn’t it happen soon after his wife passed away?”

  “Uh-huh.”

  Annie’s heart picked up speed. “I want to hear everything about Indiana. And you have my word that what you say will stay in this room.”

  Rebecca put down the stem and with a slow, careful motion, moved her glass of tea away. She clasped her palms together on the table and drew in a small sigh. “It all started when William’s dad suffered a heart attack and couldn’t keep up with his business. William’s stepmom, Beth, asked if William could help. Of course he agreed. And because I loved William, I wanted to pitch in. Even if I couldn’t do anything else, I’d be moral support. I was concerned for William. He’d never been out of this town.”

  “And you went.”

  “I did. But you can’t believe the hurdles I jumped to go.” She gave a slow shake of her head. “Even though I was in Rumspringa, getting approval wasn’t easy.” She looked away. When she returned her focus to Annie, the expression on her eyes had taken on a new, even more serious depth. “I mean, I had never left my folks. William and I weren’t married. There were other things to consider, too. My absence meant that someone would have to cover my chores while I was away. And to go and live with an English family?”

  Annie grinned at the funny way Rebecca rolled her eyes.

  “Because I was in Rumspringa, my parents and the bishop finally gave me their blessing.” She leaned forward in her chair and their gazes locked. “As long as I met certain conditions.” She shook her head and waved a hand. “But that’s a story for another day.”

  Annie giggled. Despite the seriousness of the conversation, the way Rebecca told the story held a certain humor. “What happened? Was it hard living in a different
culture?”

  Rebecca lifted a brow. “Not for me. In fact, now that it’s over, I look back and realize what a great learning experience it was. A blessing. In more ways than one. Because of the dilemma I faced with William, the time with the Conrads made me a much better person. I’m stronger than ever.” She lowered her eyes to the tabletop. When she met Annie’s gaze again, the look on her face was intense. “We all deal with things differently. But William . . .” Rebecca cleared her throat and downed some tea. “The experience confused him.”

  Before Annie could ask how, Rebecca went on. “I mean about how we live. It was such a sharp contrast from his folks’ way of life.”

  Annie gave a slow nod of understanding.

  “I was surprised and a bit taken aback when William began criticizing our faith. He started second-guessing how we do things. In fact, he forgot why we sacrifice so much to follow our beliefs. To make things simple, the English lifestyle appealed to him. Too much.”

  “Oh.”

  “Trust me, I didn’t know if we would wind up together because he seriously considered leaving the Plain Faith to live like his dad and stepmom.”

  “No!”

  Rebecca gave a slight nod. “Temptations from every direction pulled at William and I couldn’t reason with him. He especially wanted a car. And the TV? It became his best friend. I couldn’t tear him away from the sports channel.” Rebecca folded her hands in her lap. “He fell in love with Beth’s red automobile. She even taught him to drive.”

  Annie pressed her palms to her cheeks as she stared at the woman across the table. “I had no idea you went through such a struggle. What did you say? What did you do?”

  Rebecca harrumphed. “What options were there? I was in a pinch. I wrote to Old Sam and he returned my letter, but at the end of the day, even he didn’t have a black-and-white answer.” She paused and lowered her voice. “But throughout the ordeal, there was one person I turned to.” She pointed a finger up to the ceiling. “I relied on my faith to get me through it, and to be honest, I wasn’t sure the ending was going to be what I wanted. I tried to see things through William’s perspective. And in many ways, I understood.”

  “You did?”

  Rebecca nodded. “I couldn’t begrudge him feeling the way he did. For heaven’s sake, we’re only human; that means he doesn’t have to always see things my way and I don’t have to think like him. Besides. . .” She gave a casual lift of her hands, then let them fall into her lap. “We were in Rumspringa after all; becoming members of the faith is an important step, and if there was doubt in William’s mind about joining the church, that was definitely the time to figure it out. The uncertainty . . .” She gave a firm shake of her head. “It wasn’t something I would want to go through again. But despite my anxiety, in my heart I wanted William to be satisfied.” She lowered her voice to a more confidential tone. “Though selfishly, I wanted him to be happy with me at his side.”

  Annie’s jaw dropped as she digested Rebecca’s surprising words. “I don’t blame you.”

  As if understanding Annie’s confusion, Rebecca leaned back in her chair and darted her friend a sympathetic look. “As I explain this, I know it sounds crazy, but if you had been there, Annie, you would have understood.” She cleared her throat. “The Conrads are wonderful people. And I love them.” A laugh escaped her. “How could I not?” Rebecca clasped her hands together on the table. “Beth was so kind. She went out of her way to make sure I was comfortable. I love that woman to death. And William’s dad?” She moved her hands to her lap. “I couldn’t help but care for him. His heart condition really took a toll. And whether he would make it or not was questionable. Thank goodness he survived. Beth and Daniel; they’re great. But how they live . . .”

  Rebecca gave a casual lift of her shoulders. “By no means do I mean to be critical. After all, they’re English. Like us, they follow their hearts. But, Annie?”

  Annie waited.

  “I would be lying if I said they didn’t have everything at their fingertips.” Rebecca squinted as she eyed the tiny stem between her fingertips. “Privileges we’re not used to. For instance, when Beth goes to the store, she simply climbs in her car and turns the ignition. There’s no hitching up a horse to a buggy. And when it’s warm outside, they flip the switch on the wall that turns on the air. You get the picture.”

  Annie gave a quick nod.

  “These things aren’t bad, but their system is so different from what we’re used to.”

  “System. That’s an interesting way to put it. But were you really surprised?” Annie moved forward to the edge of her seat. “You knew these material things were around; we go to Walmart and Sears, just like everyone else.”

  “I know. We see Maytags, large-screen televisions; we’re not immune to cars; I mean, we ride in them when necessary. But I guess what I’m getting at is that you get a totally different picture of English life when you actually live in that world.” She put her hand over her mouth as a small laugh came out. “I suppose you could compare the differences to a swimming pool.”

  Annie lifted a curious brow.

  “It’s different watching from the shore from actually being in the water.”

  Annie smiled. “I understand. But didn’t you like it?”

  “The lifestyle?”

  Annie nodded.

  Rebecca laughed. “Who wouldn’t?”

  Annie joined in the laughter.

  “I’ve always appreciated battery-run fans in my dad’s cabinet shop, but I’m telling you: after working in the Conrad shop all day, air conditioning felt so good at night. You know, there’s even a Jacuzzi in the guest bathroom.”

  Annie’s eyes widened.

  “Have you ever heard of such a thing?” Before Annie could respond, Rebecca added, “And, Annie, when I sat in it, the water from the jets felt like heaven against my feet. And after I added the bath gel, the entire room smelled of lavender.”

  Annie took in Rebecca’s dreamy expression as she paused.

  “There were so many comforts! Looking back, I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised at how quickly William took to the oversize flat-screen television. He had the channel clicker in the palm of his hand as often as time allowed. And Beth’s double oven?” Rebecca let out a low whistle. “It was a dream come true.”

  Annie giggled.

  Rebecca’s lips lifted into a smile. “In fact, it’s what I miss the most.” Her eyes sparkled with amusement.

  When she continued, her voice was serious. “But all the while, Annie, I realized that material things aren’t what I’m about. I didn’t allow myself to become attached because I viewed them as temptations.” She shrugged. “Temporary pleasures. So when I left, giving them up wasn’t all that difficult. Besides, love for my faith prevented me from ever considering changing what I have. That said, after seeing William react in his own way, I realized how much discipline it takes to live the way we do. And to be honest . . .” She shrugged. “I’m happy.”

  Annie nodded. “I guess we’re pretty tough when you consider everything we go through to stay in the faith.”

  Rebecca squeezed her eyes closed a moment, and when she opened them, Annie noticed moisture sparkling there. It reminded her of morning dew on a leaf. She respected and admired this young woman for confessing such a unique experience.

  “Annie, struggles aren’t easy. They test us. I was fortunate to come out of that situation with William by my side. But through the process, I learned a lot about myself. At first I saw the challenges as a bad thing. Something I didn’t want. I couldn’t imagine living without William. To me, there was no plan B.”

  “Of course not.”

  She leaned forward. “But, Annie, you know what I learned?”

  “What?”

  “That challenges aren’t all bad; we get through them. And there’s a reason behind every hardship.”

  “Why do you think that happened to you?”

  “In Indiana, God tested my strength.”
>
  Annie considered the statement. She took a deep breath of astonishment. She couldn’t believe Rebecca looked back at what had almost robbed her of true love with such levelheadedness. Annie wasn’t sure she had the strength to make it through such an ordeal.

  “I’m not saying it was easy.” She gave a strong shake of her head. “Not at all! Annie, I prayed so many times for William to stay in the faith.” She clenched her fists. “Prayed with everything I had. But as the days passed, it was clear William was bent on becoming English.”

  Annie rolled her eyes in amazement.

  “I was more afraid of losing him than I’d ever been of anything in my entire life. And I was at a huge disadvantage.”

  Annie lifted a curious brow.

  “Old Sam wasn’t there for me to talk to!”

  They laughed.

  “As I said, I wrote him, and he responded of course. But to my surprise, there was nothing he could do to spare me the pain or struggle. It surprised me. I thought he had a solution for the worst things imaginable!”

  “Oh!”

  “Anyway, as the time to come home grew closer, William and I talked about which way we were headed. About our relationship.” Rebecca’s voice was edged with drama. “He actually asked me to become English.”

  Annie’s jaw dropped in amazement. “No!”

  “I told him I couldn’t.”

  Annie thought for a moment. “But you’re married now. Obviously the two of you worked things out. Something must have happened and I can’t wait to find out what it was!”

  Rebecca looked away before she offered a quick nod. “But I nearly lost William in the process. It seemed as if everything worked against my marriage to him. In fact, during all the chaos, Daniel even asked William to become his business partner. He offered him a plot of land to build on near their house. Annie, how on earth could I compete with that? Not to mention the car and television!”

  Annie’s lips pulled upward into a grin. At the same time, though, she stiffened and absorbed what her friend had gone through. Rebecca’s conflict with William definitely matched what she faced with Levi. Rebecca’s may even have been worse. Several thoughtful moments of silence passed as they studied each other. Finally, Annie asked the obvious question. “Was there something you did that . . .”