We Were Forever

by Brandi Aga

  The nurse pokes her head in the door overhearing all the commotion. With a quirked eyebrow she asks, “Is everything okay in here?”

  “Yes, we’re just finishing up, thank you.”

  She eyes us warily not buying a word I said but leaves us alone regardless.

  “I’m sorry for whatever he did to you to make you become this person. Who you’ve been for the past year isn’t who you are, and I know that. I’m sorry if I could have done something to change that. I forgive you, but I can’t be friends with you.”

  She doesn’t look surprised by my words. If anything, it’s relief she expels and part of me is glad by that too. She walks to the side of my bed and wraps her arms around me in a warm embrace.

  “Thank you.”

  She pulls away and leaves just as quick as she came.

  I look to Ryan and if his face mirrors mine, I’d imagine we look like a pair of idiots right about now.

  “I need to know if there’s anyone else walking through that door today. Because I’m about at my limit for peopling.”

  Ryan laughs and tells me to get some rest, that he’ll guard the door and ward off any unwanted visitors. He better take his job very seriously. If I don’t get some sleep soon, the next person that walks through that door may not leave alive.

  This jail is a lot different than the one I was in. Or maybe it’s just the fact that I’m on this side of the glass this time. B walks down the row of chairs until he gets to our assigned window and sinks down onto the round metal seat. His head is shaved completely, and he’s got some new face tats. I know exactly what he’s going through in there. Close enough, anyway. He’s about to find out real quick who he really is in there.

  He gestures toward the phone on the wall rack between us with his cuffed hands. I pick it up and wait for him to do the same.

  “Look what the cat dragged in,” he smirks.

  “You doing okay? Need anything? You look good.” His skin has normal color back into it, maybe even a bit tan from spending time out in the yard. The discoloring of his eyes is all but gone and it makes it hurt a little bit more than it should. He looks like the Blaze that I knew before all of this.

  “I could use that lawyer of yours, if she’s got the time.”

  He jokes about it, but I know behind every joke is a little bit of the truth. So, I do the same.

  “I’ll let her know you mentioned it.”

  His face sobers, all joking aside, and he nods. “Why you here, bro?”

  I shake my head at a loss for words yet all of them want to come out at once, in anger and betrayal. I feel a huge sense of loss staring at someone that used to be my brother, who I don’t even know who he is anymore, on the other side of that glass. “I couldn’t not come.”

  “You don’t have to do this. I don’t need a pity visit.” It’s funny. Those words sound all too familiar.

  “I don’t pity you.”

  “Morgan, five-minute warning.” The guard calls out B’s last name and reminds him of his time limit. Our time together is quickly running out.

  “What’d you do with the money?”

  His forehead wrinkles, confusion seeping off of him in regard to why I’m asking that question here and now of all times. Probably because I won’t ever see him again. I’m not coming back here, I’ve decided. And once he gets out, we’re too far gone to ever come back from it.

  He sets the phone down in his lap momentarily, and I wait for him to find the courage he needs to tell the truth. “A lot of that went to that smart girlfriend of yours.”

  “What?” It’s my turn to be confused, because what the fuck?

  “Relax, man. I told her not to tell you. I knew you wouldn’t accept the help if you knew.” I grip the phone so hard it might crack.

  “And the rest of it?”

  “Put some of it in an account. The rest of it,” he shrugs, “that’s why I’m here, isn’t it? Go see Erin.”

  “Time’s up, Morgan,” the guard calls out for the last time and B is quickly on his feet, headed back to his cell. I sit here for the next five minutes working out what he just told me. If he’d have done what I asked, would Leylah still have ran from me all this time? It’s a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, knowing that my future was left in someone else’s hands that had no intentions of doing the right thing. I see that now. He’s a fucking psychopath, for Christ’s sake. A psychopath with the hunger for addiction. I just didn’t want to allow myself to see that then. Blinded by his will to do anything and everything. This is on me.

  “Holy shit, you scared me.” Erin’s hand flies to her chest when she sees me standing in her doorway as soon as she walks in. I shut the door behind her with my boot and slam her body up against it.

  “The outcome of this visit is all on you. Don’t lie to me.”

  Her eyes are wide, shocked that this has finally caught up with her. All the shit her and Blaze put Leylah through. And now me, here to see it through. “Okay. About what?”

  “You have something for me?”

  “It’s in my room.”

  “It’s all on you,” I remind her just in case she needs it. I follow her down the hall and into what was her and B’s room. She rummages through the closet and pulls down a box and hands me a key from inside of it.

  “It’s the credit union over on 3rd St. That’s all I know about it.”

  I believe her. “Thank you.”

  “Did you see him?” I pause in the doorway but I’m not going to entertain any kind of conversation with her. She was once a good friend to Ley, I know that. But not anymore. She claims to have been in the dark about all of B’s shit stirring, and that he forced her not to say anything, but I don’t buy it. She’s smarter than that. But maybe not, since she allowed him to play her like that.

  “Don’t go back there.”

  “Why not?”

  “He’ll ruin you too, eventually. If he hasn’t already. You look better, Erin. Run while you can.”

  Vault number seventy-six is written on the key tag of the key to the deposit box. Thankfully. I hadn’t thought that far ahead yet but it’s always nice when things do come easy.

  The woman behind the counter checks me in and swipes her key to gain access to the vault. “Take your time.”

  “Thanks.” I stare at the sea of boxes in the room around me. All the important, shady shit that must be in here is suffocating. I put the key in the hole and turn the lock. It opens without difficulty and there lies a plain white envelope.

  I grab it and lock the box. I leave the key with the woman that helped me because this place will likely never see any of our faces again.

  I hop back in the truck and pour the contents of the envelope out on the center console. There are only three things inside. The deed to the shop, a picture of me and Leylah, and a check made out to me for fifteen thousand dollars. Leylah was pregnant in the picture. We were on the Newport Pier, my arms wrapped around her from behind. A smile stretched across her face that says she was genuinely happy.

  The check made out to me is chump change compared to what I left behind. I wanted her to have it all. I didn’t deserve a penny of it to be spent toward my freedom. I almost rip up the check right here and now but decide better of it. I know exactly what I need to do.

  I’m not on my time with Maddilyn right now, and I don’t even know if they’re home, but I made an impulsive decision to come here anyway. I turn the truck off and before I can even start up the driveway, Leylah opens the door and stands on the front porch.

  “Hey? I didn’t know you were coming. Ryan took the kids out. She’s not here but I can call him if you want to see her.”

  “Wait, it’s not that.” I reach in my back pocket and pull out the newly written check. The one that’s now made out to Leylah, instead of me. I stopped and bought a book of checks, which is weird as fuck. I’ll never use the rest of them but it’s whatever. I deposited the money into an account no one will use but her and made the check out to her so no o
ne else could touch it.

  Her eyes bug out of her head at the zeros I’m casually handing over.

  “It’s for Maddilyn.”

  “Wait. How’d you get this, because I don’t want…”

  “It’s clean money. Buy her a car when she’s old enough. Put it in a college fund. Whatever you think she needs, do that.”

  “Why are you giving it to me? Why not give it to her yourself?”

  “You’ve always been there for her. I’m learning, Leylah. Let me do this.”

  She glances down at the check again and still looks doubtful, but she gives in at my pleas. “Okay.”

  “Cool. Thanks.” I turn to go, and she doesn’t say anything else. I palm the picture in my back pocket and get the hell out of dodge before I undo everything I just did.

  Veronica opens the door before I even get to storm through it. Actually, I’m not so sure I was going to. I don’t know. I spent the whole flight back to California weighing my options and going back and forth between being pissed and confused. That just makes me even more mad that I feel these atrocious feelings. That I allowed another woman to have this kind of hold over me after I swore I’d never do it again. Not unless it was her, and it will never be her again.

  I’m surprised to see Veronica standing there in only a towel, her long blonde hair wet from obviously just stepping out of the shower.

  “What’s wrong? What are you doing here?”

  “I need to ask you something.”

  “Okay, come in. It’s cold.” She shivers in her towel and gives me a weird look when I don’t immediately move to come inside. Uncertainty looming in the air between us.

  “I’m not coming in.”

  “You’re just going to stand out there like a crazy person?” She pulls her towel around her tighter and looks past me at the street at anyone that might see her standing here half naked.

  “Did you take money from Blaze to get me out?”

  She visibly relaxes once she hears what I’m here about. Rather that should relieve me or not, I’m not sure.

  “I did.”

  I nod and turn away from her, unable to speak. Crippled by anger and pain. Story of my life. I might strangle her with my bare hands right here and now if she opens her pretty lips and says one wrong thing. Right now, I’m just a ticking time bomb and my timer’s long expired.

  I knew something was shady the minute she walked through those prison doors. Hearing B tell me he paid her off only confirms what I’ve known all along. And now hearing it straight from the source is like a kick in the dick.

  “Will you please come in and stop being ridiculous?”

  I stand here another minute before I allow myself to make yet another shitty decision that ruins everything. Fed up with me, she sighs and walks away from the door, leaving it cracked enough to hear her rummaging around inside. She comes back a few seconds later.

  “Do you mean this money?” she asks, shoving a check at me that’s seen better days. “He wrote it out to me because obviously I’m not taking a huge bag of cash. Too many red flags. Plus, I had no intention of actually using it. It was safer this way.” She waves off the money matter-of-fact like.

  I let out a long whistle, unable to tear my eyes away from the zeros written out beside her name. She didn’t cash the check and I’m not sure what that means for us. “When were you planning on showing me this?”

  She shrugs her shoulders and leans her head against the doorframe. “I don’t know. That’s the truth.”

  “If you didn’t want my money,” I ask holding up the check, “then why take it in the first place?”

  Veronica scoffs. “I’m smarter than you give me credit for. I wasn’t going to let him keep all that money. Not the way he was flaunting it around and acting crazy. After I met with you that day, I wanted you to be okay. No bars between us, no strings attached. That’s it. I did what I had to do to get you out of there and I guess I was afraid if I gave you that back, you’d be out of here in a heartbeat. I don’t know that I want you to go anywhere else.”

  “You’re wrong. If you were a smart girl, you’d be running for the hills. As far away from me as possible, in the opposite direction.”

  “Maybe so. But here we are.”

  “Here we are.”

  Her towel slowly slides off her body and pools around her feet as it hits the floor. “I missed you,” she says quietly, pulling me in to her. I could stop her if I wanted to. She’s tiny and couldn’t sway me an inch if I didn’t let her. But here I am, giving in to this woman in the flesh, baring herself to me with honesty and flaws. “And I want you here.” She takes my hand in hers and guides it between her legs.

  “Yeah?”

  She nods.

  Me not needing anyone to show me what to do, I pick her up and knead her ass in my hands.

  “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” her lips whisper on mine.

  I bite her shoulder and work a finger inside of her knuckle deep until my ring rubs the inside of her pussy. She closes her eyes and cries out at all the mixed sensations. Pain and pleasure, my two favorite things.

  “You want me?”

  “Yes. So much.”

  “Tell me what you want, babe.”

  “I want you inside me. Please.” She grinds against my hand in desperation for more.

  I won’t deny her that. Not now, or ever for that matter.

  I grip her hair in my fist just hard enough to get her to pull back and look at me. “I’m sorry I’m an asshole. I told you I always would be.”

  “I can handle it. You’re not as scary as you think.”

  Fuck me. This woman will be my undoing.

  And I’m about to show her scary. She hasn’t seen nothing yet.

  “That’s me you’re killing, Ley.”

  “Oh, shit. This is hard! I can’t tell who’s who.”

  I also can’t move my fingers fast enough on the controller to keep up with Ryan. I don’t know why up is down and down is up. He’s adjusted my setting ten different times already, I just suck.

  Zombies attack me out of nowhere and I scream. Ryan laughs and shoots everything around me before I can even respawn.

  Repeat this over and over and that’s how we spend the rest of our Christmas Eve. On the floor, propped up against the couch with a bowl of popcorn between us with nothing on but the tv and the white lights of the Christmas tree.

  I used to get so annoyed when Ryan would play games all day and night and not pay me any attention. How stupid is that? Even if I suck at what we’re playing, I can learn to do it. It’s something I’m trying to work on because I know he likes it. And you know what? It’s fun! He’s not out there buying drugs or addicted to alcohol or porn or something worth asking questions about. He’s in our home, doing what he likes to do. When he asks me if I want to play with him, you bet your sweet ass I do. I’ve never spent so much time laughing till it hurts with tears running down my face than I have playing Xbox with him. Who would’ve thought?

  Despite the fact that I’m slowly learning the different games he plays, I’m admitting that I’m probably never going to get any better at it. Or good at all for that matter, but it’s okay. I look over and study his profile with his headset on, taking the game all too seriously. The veins in his hands start to pop out when he’s attacking someone, and he hits the buttons extra hard with both hands.

  My husband is hot.

  His match ends and I’ve long been dead. He looks over at me and catches me watching him. I bite my lip to fight the smile that spreads across my face until my cheeks hurt. I’m caught.

  He slides his headset off and crawls over between my knees, knocking over the bowl of popcorn. I can’t help but giggle at the more he moves, the more mess of snacks and blankets he makes all around us. He slides me down to my back and kisses my neck.

  Shit gets real when he pulls my panties to the side and aligns himself up with my entrance. I stop giggling and watch where the two of us meet. I throw my head back to th
e floor as soon as he enters, unable to keep my eyes open and watch any longer.

  I arch my hips up off the floor, angling myself better for him. His breath hitches the faster he goes in and out. His hands hold up my ass, palming my ass cheeks harder with each thrust. He tortures me like this, taking turns going fast and slow, denying me on just the cusp of pleasure.

  My insides start to burn like fire, and I know he feels it too. He grips my hips so hard; I know I’ll have bruises tomorrow, but it hurts so good.

  He continues like this for a moment longer until my vision sparkles with little black dots. He joins me in nirvana and our limbs tangle together as we pant and heave for air to reach our lungs again.

  I reach over and slap his naked ass. “Good game.”

  Christmas day is always supposed to be something special. I think having kids makes it that much more magical. I dressed Maddy in her pretty red and white Christmas dress she picked out and Oliver’s wearing his first pair of red baby suspenders with a white onesie and a pair of jeans because the chill in the air is just enough to need something extra for warmth. Yes, I’m currently that mother that dresses her kids in matching clothes. Fight me.

  Times sure have changed since the past few holiday seasons. I’ve lost a few people and gained others.

  I follow behind Ryan, my arms full of presents, all the way up the long driveway at his mom’s house. The view in front of me isn’t too bad to look at.

  Maddy insisted Ryan carry her no matter how many times he put her down. In the end, he caved. She has him firmly wrapped around her little finger. She always has.

  His other arm flexes as he grips Oliver’s car seat. Between his muscles and his butt in those jeans—yeah, I’m one lucky girl.

  “You guys made it, after all!”

  Janice swings the heavy front door open and I crane my neck up to take in the view of her ginormous house. I’ve only ever been to their house a few times in the beginning of our marriage and they have moved since then.