Have I Told You

by F. L. Jacob

  Oh how stupid could I be? Of course that’s how he knew. “Caston?”

  “Yes, Sabrina?”

  “Thank you, again.”

  “Sleep now.” He pulled me closer, and I drifted off into a peaceful sleep.

  Mark and I’d been together for about a year. He was cute, if you only saw the surface. I felt the sideways glances from the girls who thought I must feel like a queen, having snagged Mark Baker. On rare occasions, very rare, he could be nice and sweet, but most of the time he was frightening. He really wasn’t too bad when I cooperated with him.

  I laid back on his bed in the frat house and did some leg stretches, while I waited for him to come home from football practice. He had been in a mood lately and I was trying to surprise him and be there right when he got home to give him a massage and make him dinner. I closed my eyes and my mind wandered back to the last week of summer when Mark took me to a cabin on the lake for a last minute vacation before football season started up again. We were all alone. He was so attentive and even bought me flowers. It was almost as if this wasn’t the Mark I was dating. Our last night there was the most amazing. A candle-light dinner out on the patio and Mark was fawning all over me. I felt so cherished. When we finished eating, he slowly leaned over, kissed my cheek, and whispered in my ear, “I have a surprise for you, baby.” I turned to look him in the eye and smiled. I felt my cheeks getting hotter as he was looking into my eyes so deeply. “Wait right here.”

  Mark gave me another peck and walked inside. He was nervous. It was so unlike him. I started to fidget when I saw his shadow appear in the window of the cabin as he made his way back out to me. Then he appeared in the doorway. He was only a silhouette. What was he carrying? Oh wow, it was a guitar case. He could play? He walked over and pulled his chair right in front of me. “I didn’t know you played the guitar.”

  “I never really told anyone before. None of the guys know.”

  He looked so cute when he blushed. He was opening up to me. All those harsh words he had said to me over this last year seemed to disappear. I reached forward and pushed the hair out of his eyes. He looked embarrassed. “What’s that face for?” I asked.

  He looked up at me and smiled. “I was afraid you would think I was stupid for playing the guitar.”

  “No way, Mark. Thank you for sharing this with me. I can’t believe you’re just now telling me this. Plus, guitar players are HOT.”

  He laughed. It made me smile to hear his laugh. “Can I play something for you?”

  I nodded and leaned back in my chair. He got out his guitar adjusted it, so it was in tune. I couldn’t help but notice how magnificent he looked in this dusk lighting. His hair was still a little damp from our swim earlier and he was wearing a white t-shirt and black jeans. Then he slowly started strumming, and my heart started to flutter. He was looking down at the guitar and wouldn’t make eye contact with me. It was perfect. I was watching him in awe as he sang. His voice was amazing. Why wouldn’t he share this with anyone else? When he finished he looked up at me. The look in his eyes made my knees quiver. He slowly put the guitar down to the side and ran his hands through his hair. I placed a hand on each side of his face and made him look at me. “That was truly beautiful. You’re very talented and should share this gift with others. Thank you for sharing it with me. I didn’t recognize the song though. Where is it from?”

  “I wrote it.” He whispered so quietly, I barely heard it.

  I leaned forward and kissed him so lightly. He looked at me and scooped me up and carried me inside to the bedroom and we actually made love that night. The only time this year he actually seemed to care for me and take his time. I liked this new Mark.

  Smiling to myself from this memory made me stroke my stomach as I thought about what happened that night, and what our life was going to be like now because of it.

  I woke up to the door slamming. “Hey, baby. I was just dreaming about—”

  “What’s for dinner? You know I like my food ready when I get home from practice. I risk everything to have you here. You could at least do things right. Get it, now, and when you come back I need a release. Practice fucking sucked today.”

  I sighed. The peaceful, amazing memory was lost, again. I got up and picked up his bags where he dropped them on the floor and I gathered up the laundry to throw in as I walked to the kitchen in the frat house.

  I stirred in my sleep. What time was it? My eyes slowly opened, as the sun was just starting to peek through the windows. I felt strong arms around me, and snuggled deeper into Caston’s embrace. I could get used to this. I heard him moan, and I felt him rise up on his elbow and look over to me.

  “Good morning, Bre.”

  I giggled and rolled over onto my back. He looked delicious. I snaked my fingers in his hair and pulled him in for a kiss.

  “Mmmm, good morning to you. Bre, I thought you insisted on Sabrina, Cass?” I asked with a giggle.

  “Cass?” he shook his head, “I changed my mind.” I blushed, and leaned in to kiss him again. He deepened it this time, and I felt his erection pressing into my thigh.

  “I could get used to waking up like this.”

  “Me too, Bre, me too.”

  He slowly let his hands travel down my body, and when he reached my sex, his finger slipped into my soft folds. His touch instantly made me wet. He played with my clit, while his lips were brushing my neck, the sensation made me shiver. I let out a moan, as he sheathed himself. I was so ready for him. When he pushed himself in, the stretching was mind blowing. He slowly started to move. I closed my eyes and arched my back into him. “Sabrina. Bre, please look at me.”

  I froze, Mark never wanted me to look at him when we were having sex. I would ask him to look at me, but he would scream, or just leave, if I did. Eventually, I stopped asking. I was ashamed that I wanted to feel that connection. How could I look Caston in the eyes after being told for so long that I shouldn’t? I felt my eyes start to well up behind my lids, unsure of what to do.

  I opened my eyes and stared deep into his soul. He was giving himself over to me with his eyes. Leaning over he kissed me tenderly, and I relaxed into his embrace. “There’s my sweet girl,” he whispered.

  His movements sped up and I wasn’t going to last much longer. “Oh, Caston, please. I want us to come together. I can’t wait too much…” Suddenly, I felt him start to jerk, and it was my undoing. He yelled my name, and devoured my mouth as we finished.

  We laid in each other’s arms, and he stroked my arm gently. “Are you hungry, Sabrina?” he asked.

  As if on cue my stomach growled. I giggled, “I guess I am.”

  “Let’s get you up and get you something to eat then.” He pulled away, and I longed for the return of his touch as soon as it was gone.

  I rolled onto my stomach, looking over at Caston pulling on his sweatpants. I batted my eyes and said, “I’d rather have some more of you for breakfast.”

  Caston laughed. He reached over and smacked my ass. “Get up. As much as I’d love what you’re offering, I need to get recharged too. You’re wearing me out.”

  I smiled and blushed. My butt cheek stung where he smacked me, but it instantly made me wet and ready for him again. I could never tire of this man’s touch.

  Once I was decent, Caston took my hand and we walked together down the stairs to the breakfast bar. The sun was shining today, it reflected my mood. I was sure nothing could upset me. We sat down at the spots Jules had set out. I couldn’t stop smiling. I hadn’t felt this good since...since before I met Mark. It’s amazing how I got so used to being unhappy, I developed a new definition of what happy means to fit my new reality. I guess I didn’t realize it, until I was presented with a gift that brought to light what I’d have been missing.

  I had the biggest smile on my face. I couldn’t seem to stop staring at Caston as we ate breakfast.

  “What?” he laughed. “Do I have something on my face?”

  “No,” I responded, giggling like a sch
ool girl. “I’m just so happy. I feel like a one-ton weight has been lifted off of my shoulders and I’m a new person.”

  A smile crept across Caston’s face. He reached over to tuck a piece of hair behind my ear. “I’m glad to hear that, Bre. It’s only going to get better. I promise, okay?”

  I nodded and returned to my breakfast. When we were finished, I hopped up and gathered the dishes and started to clean the plates. Caston walked up behind me, snaked his hands around my waist, and kissed my neck. I shivered. “That tickles, but, please, don’t stop.”

  I felt his smile on my skin, as he moved my hair and kept kissing along my upper back to my other shoulder. “You know I employ someone to clean the dishes, don’t you?”

  “Yes, but I don’t want to be a burden on Jules, since she usually only takes care of you.”

  “Mmmm, you taste wonderful, Sabrina,” he hummed, as he continued kissing me. I’m not sure how I didn’t break any of the dishes in the sink…I could barely focus. “It’s the weekend. What would you like to do? I’ll take you any place you want to go.”

  He captured my mouth with his when I turned around to face him. My hands were wet from the dishes, but I couldn’t resist pushing them through his hair. His hands grabbed my behind, raising me up, and I wrapped my legs around his waist. He walked me over to the breakfast bar and set me down. “Oh, that’s so cold.” I said, giggling through his kiss.

  “I guess we need to heat it up then, don’t we,” Caston growled back.

  As his hands started to push my shirt up, someone cleared their throat in the doorway. My head snapped up, and I started to turn around. I thought I heard Caston mumble ‘fuck’ into my chest.

  “Well, I guess I won’t be eating at your house ever again, unless I sanitize the countertop first. Caston, dear, where are your manners? How did I bring you up?”

  “Mother, I am twenty-six, this is my house. I can damn well do as I please.”

  I wanted to die. I wouldn’t turn around to see the women standing behind me, and wished I could just melt into the floor. Even Caston had yet to look at her. He brought his hands up to my face and kissed my nose. “I will be right back. Please, do not go anywhere.”

  Son of a fucking bitch! Beverly had the worst fucking timing in the world. I’m definitely talking to Terrance about changing the locks. I hoped she wouldn’t scare Sabrina away. I kissed Sabrina’s nose and asked her not to go anywhere. I wanted to continue this. I was sporting a full-on erection. I had to adjust myself before heading toward my mother. I walked around the breakfast bar, grabbed my mother by the elbow, and led her towards the front door. “What the fuck are you doing here?”

  “Caston Holden, is that anyway to talk to your mother? Really, dear, I thought I brought you up better.” She reached up and tried to fix my hair.

  “Damn it, Mother, do not bullshit with me.” My teeth clench. “My name isn’t Holden, not anymore. How the fuck did you get in, anyway? The gate didn’t buzz. What do you want? I have company.”

  “I see that, dear. Your newest slut can wait for you. They always do.”

  My anger was about to boil over. “She is not a slut.”

  “Oh, cut the crap, Caston. She’s only with you for your money, or to be in the magazine. You’ll never find true love, not when you’re as rich and famous as you are. People will always use you. Don’t trust anyone.

  “As far as getting in, your landscaping crew was entering when I pulled up. They really should be reprimanded for allowing me to follow them in. I mean seriously, dear, they could just let anyone in.”

  She looks over behind me where Terrance has appeared. “You’re really not doing your job very well. How can you keep my baby safe?”

  “You’re talking to me, not him. I’m sure you sweet talked those workers somehow. I know your M.O.”

  We reached the front door, and I wanted nothing more than to send her packing and tell her to have a good life, but she is my father’s wife, after all. “What do you want?”

  “Your father and I are hosting a party next week at the club for his birthday. You know the type. I thought I’d let you know, so you can prepare yourself and a date.”

  “Mother, I hate coming to your parties. I would rather not think about my parents that way.”

  “Oh, honey,” she touched my cheek, “you owe us for your kinky background, or Black Hollywood might not exist, and then who would you be?”

  I knew she was full of crap. I would be successful, no matter what, but Black Hollywood was my top grossing company. “I would still be successful, Mother.”

  Her hand moved from my cheek to my chest. It disgusted me when she looked at me with sexual appreciation. I removed her hand from my chest. “Please, show yourself out. Oh, and next time, call before coming over. I am planning on having company over permanently from now on.”

  Looking displeased, she spat out, “Fine. Do whatever you want. She will leave you high and dry, like the rest of them. Mark my words, Caston.” She turned to walk out and stopped on the step and turned around. “I do hope you will be at the party, though. Your brother will be there.”

  I shut the door and leaned up against it. Parents and sex were two things that should never go together. I would admit I used to love their sex parties when I was younger, but lately I found myself wanting more than one night stands. My mind drifted back to the lovely goddess that was in my kitchen. Would she be up for a sex party? How would I even tell her about it? Ugh, I would think about it tomorrow. I rolled my head on my shoulders to relieve the stress of my mother barging in, then I pushed myself away from the door to walk back to the kitchen. “Bre, I’m so sor…Sabrina?” I hung my head. I knew she would freak out.

  I made my way to the bedroom. That was the only place I could think she would be. I slowly pushed open the door and saw her sitting on the bed cross legged. Her face had a look of terror on it. I had to let out a small chuckle. “Oh Sabrina, please tell me you’re not freaking out about someone walking in on us.”

  “Someone? Caston, really? It wasn’t someone, someone I could be okay with, it was your mother! How am I supposed to look her in the face EVER?” Her adorable babbling ended with a high pitched squeal.

  I walked over and sat next to her. “Well, just knowing you want to see her again makes me smile. Most women don’t even want to meet my family.”

  She turned to look at me, still bug-eyed but with a look of longing. “Of course, I want to meet them.” Then in a whisper that I almost didn’t hear her say, “I think I’m falling for you.

  “And who the hell is Caston Holden? I thought your name was Caston Black.”

  “I changed my name when I was old enough. I didn’t want to be associated with them, anymore. It was my rebellion.”

  I saw the confusion on her face, but I wasn’t sure how to explain my past to her, but I knew I had to try. I already knew I had fallen hard for her, dare I say loved her, but I had to show her exactly who I was. I didn’t want any more surprises, but unfortunately being with me there would always be surprises. Could she handle them? I wrapped her in a big bear hug and kissed the top of her head. “Sabrina, honey, we need to talk.”

  As soon as Caston left the kitchen, I slid off the countertop and snuck upstairs. His mother? Oh my word, how am I ever going to face her again? She must think I’m a slut. Anyone else and I think I could have laughed it off. Caston Holden, who the hell was that? I thought his name was Caston Black. Maybe Holden was his middle name. Definitely something I need clear up.

  I curled my feet under me and waited. I was sure it wasn’t long before he came in, but I swear it felt like hours. My mind was scrambling, while he was talking to me. Why did he not want to be associated with his parents?

  Then he did it. He said those dreaded four words that no one in any type of relationship wants to hear. ‘We need to talk.’ My body stiffened, and my heart felt like it was being ripped out of my chest. Oh, no, here it was. I wasn’t good enough for him. I knew it. I shouldn’t hav
e gotten myself attached this quickly. My eyes started to burn with unshed tears. Mark was right, after all.

  Noticing my tense body, Caston grabbed me by my shoulders and turned me, so I was forced to look into his eyes. “Sabrina, get those thoughts out of your head. They aren’t true. “ How did he know I what I was thinking?

  “So are you a mind reader now?” I blushed, trying to look away.

  “I tend to be sometimes, but, my dear, you are easy to read,” he smiled, pulling my face, so I met his eyes. “Get dressed. I want to talk, and you dressed like this makes me want to do everything but talk.”

  I groaned. I just wanted to be in his arms all day, he made me feel safe, but he rolled me over and gave me a swift smack on the ass, again. That restarted my juices flowing. I got up and headed into the closet. I looked over my shoulder at him getting ready. He seemed happy, but nervous. I quickly got dressed in a yellow sundress. I pulled my hair up into a messy bun and slid on my brown heeled sandals that laced around my ankles. Even though, I had only taken a few minutes, Caston was already waiting for me.

  “Ready?” he asked when I appeared from the closet.

  “Ready for anything,” I stated, trying to sound more confident than I was at that moment.

  He smiled and stood up from where he was sitting on the edge of the bed. He held out his hand to me, I grabbed it, and we headed out. Holding his hand made me feel like I had strength I didn’t possess on my own. Once we stepped outside, I saw Terrance standing by the Jeep. He opened the backseat and Caston helped me in. He said a few words to Terrance before getting in next to me.

  “Where are we going?” I questioned.

  He pulled me close and kissed the top of my head. “I want to show you my businesses. I need you to see who and what I really am.”

  I looked up at him terrified. “What does that mean?”