Have I Told You

by F. L. Jacob

  “Nothing, Sabrina, only that I’m a complicated man, and I need you to be fully aware of everything, before I take this any further with you. I can see myself with you forever, and I need to know if you can accept me.”

  He held me tighter, and I snuggled into the crook of his arm. We fit together perfectly. It was like I was made to be there. We drove in silence, but when I snuck a glance at him, he was chewing on the end of his thumb, so I could tell he was nervous. Wanting to calm him down and let him know I could handle what he had to show me, I turned my head and kissed the side of his chest. He smelled delicious. I rested my hand on his upper thigh and let it wander closer and closer to his manhood. When I finally reached it, I stoked it through his jeans. His breath hitched. I could feel him grow under my touch.

  We suddenly came to a stop at a large building. Caston looked at me and asked, “Are you ready? We’re here.”

  I nodded. Caston adjusted himself before getting out of the door Terrance opened for us. Once again, he held his hand out to me, and we walked up to the magnificent glass entryway. I looked up and saw Rose Builders over the door. “This is your building?”

  He laughed lightly, as he opened the door for me, “One of them, Bre. We will go to the other one later.”

  The heels of my sandals made a clicking noise that echoed on the white marble tile as we walked in. I giggled when I saw all the employees scatter when Caston walked in. I guess they weren’t expecting the boss in today.

  “Good afternoon, Mr. Black. Didn’t expect to see you today. Anything I can get for you, sir?” a beautiful blond, who was carrying a stack of files, addressed Caston.

  I immediately didn’t like her. She positioned herself between Caston and me, as we walked toward the elevators. This forced him to let go of my hand. I instantly felt insignificant, as I fell into step behind the couple. Wanting to crawl under a rock, I felt like I should turn and walk back out to the car. She was laughing and giggling at Caston’s joke about the weather. Was she really flirting with him? How did he not see that?

  “Oh, how rude of me, Nicole,” Caston said, touching her on the arm. I thought he was going to introduce me to her. “Please, let me carry those heavy folders for you.” I was mistaken. His behavior was a big letdown. I hadn’t expected him to dismiss me when we were around other people.

  Handing them over to him, she brushed away some hair on his shirt that wasn’t even there. She spoke with him about emails and phone calls. She continued on, as if I wasn’t even there, and it was starting to tick me off. When the elevator came to a stop, she filed out first, letting her ass sway to and fro in her shorter than necessary pencil shirt when she walked in front of Caston, leading him to her desk. I stayed behind a ways to see how long it would take for him to acknowledge me with Blondie talking his ear off. He set the files down and continued for a few more minutes when he suddenly snapped his head around, as he remembered why he was there.

  Catching my eye, he held his hand out to me. I took it, but not without giving him the shittiest look I could muster. When my hand met his a spark of electricity ran up my arm, making me shiver. Looking confused, he pulled my hand up to his lips, never breaking eye contact with me, and pulled me into his arms. Turning toward Nicole he said, “Sabrina, I’d like you to meet Nicole. She is my PA. I couldn’t get anything done if it wasn’t for her keeping me in line.” His voice changed slightly as he said, “Nicole, this is my Sabrina.” I blushed at the way he described me. His Sabrina. Wow. How can I stay mad at him when he introduces me to her that way? Why hadn’t I noticed the difference in how he spoke to everyone, but me? He sounded so controlled when he spoke to them. Every word was spoken and enunciated clearly.

  Her mouth dropped open and then you would have thought she sucked on a lemon the way her face scrunched up. “Nice to meet you,” she hissed.

  “Nicole, could you, please, get Sabrina a new iPhone, and have Will set it up with her email and contacts? Have it delivered to my house tomorrow.” He kissed my hand again and looked at me. “I’m sorry, Bre, but your phone is so old. I think it is time to get you in the 21st century. What do you think?”

  I wanted to play it up in front of Blondie, so I giggled and put my hand on Caston’s chest, and said with a sigh, “Oh, Caston, you’re the most generous man. What did I do to deserve you?” I leaned up to give him a kiss on the cheek. I could see Blondie tense up out of the corner of my eye. That’s right he is mine. Hands off.

  Caston looked at me with a crooked smile, unsure of what he was witnessing, but kissed my head and said, “Okay, Sabrina, let’s go. I want to show you my office, then we can go to the other building.” He turned me toward a big wood door and started walking toward it.

  I snuggled up next to him, but I wanted to rub it in Blondie’s face one more time that he was mine, so I looked over my shoulder at her staring at us walk away. “It was so nice to meet you, Nicole. I hope to see you, again, soon.” I giggled. Caston just shook his head.

  Walking into his office, I was amazed at how big it was, floor to ceiling windows, black leather furniture, and a massive mahogany desk with a computer on the corner of it. It was a huge open space, but it felt warm. It definitely reflected Caston’s style. In the corner of the room was a large table filled with blueprints and models. He let go of my hand and immediately walked over to that table. He turned around with a childish grin on his face. I, however, was still mad at him and wasn’t going to let him get away with forgetting about me so quickly. So, I stood with my hands folded across my chest and didn’t follow him. When he saw my look his eyes fell and his smile faded. “What’s wrong?” he asked.

  “Really, Caston? Do I really need to spell it out for you?”

  He quickly walked back to me, wrapping me in his arms. “What, tell me, what did I do?”

  I pursed my lips and hissed, “Blondie out there has a thing for you. Can’t you see that? God, I wanted to puke with the way she was strutting around in front of you. And how did you forget I was with you?”

  “Oh, Bre, please, please don’t be upset. I’m sorry I didn’t introduce you to her right away. I walked in here and my mind immediately went to work. It shouldn’t be that way, but it’s been my sole focus for years. I promise it won’t happen again,” he looked into my eyes. “Don’t worry about Nicole. I only have eyes for you. Plus, she is my assistant, so there has never and would never be anything between us. Please, believe me.”

  He looked so sincere and sorry I couldn’t stay mad at him. I leaned up on my toes and kissed him lightly. “I could never stay mad at you, but please don’t leave me hanging anymore. You know I have self-esteem issues, and seeing Blondie out there only makes me feel more like an ugly duckling.”

  “An ugly duckling you aren’t, my beautiful swan.” He kissed me with so much passion my knees buckled. “Are we okay, now?”

  I nodded. I knew he didn’t do it on purpose.

  Looking over to the table I said, “Show me what has you so excited over there.”

  His smile was bigger than a kid in a candy shop, and I could tell he really loved what he did. He led me over to the table and started explaining and showing me his projects. Everything seemed very foreign, but listening to him made me as giddy as he was. When he finished, I gazed at him in awe. He was out of breath from talking so fast.

  “What?”

  “You’re just so cute. You really love what you do. That’s so amazing to watch you.”

  He grabbed me in a big hug again, smiling from ear to ear. “I think I love you just as much.”

  I rested my cheek on his chest. I couldn’t say it back. I wanted too. I needed too.

  “Sabrina, you don’t have to say it back. How about we get out of here and head to my other company? I wasn’t worried about this one, it’s the next one that has me worried.”

  I sighed. This was going to be the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I held onto Sabrina so hard, never wanting to let her go. She snuggled up under my chin. My heart felt as if i
t was busting at the seams. I slowly pulled away, and lifted her chin so she would look into my eyes. They were a beautiful hazel color that sparkled with a fire that wasn’t there a few days ago. “Are you ready, Bre?”

  She nodded, and I grabbed her hand bringing it to my lips. She had the softest skin I’d ever felt. I opened my office door for her, thankful that Nicole was gone. I was definitely going to have to set a few more ground rules with her Monday morning. I caressed Sabrina’s soft hand with my thumb as we waited in silence for the elevator. She was uncertain about what was going on and I wanted to ease her worries.

  The elevator arrived with a ding that vibrated through my body. It was like an alarm clock awakening my desire for her. I looked over to her. She was so cute, twirling her long dark hair in one finger and chewing on her bottom lip. I could tell she was nervous about what I needed to talk to her about.

  The doors opened and we stepped in. Typing in the code that made us bypass any floors waiting on the elevator, I needed to make this small space ours. I couldn’t wait until the doors closed to get my hands on her. I stepped in front of her, took her face in my hands, and consumed her lips, like I was dependent on them for survival. Backing her up against the wall, I wrapped her hands around my waist. She pulled me even closer than I thought was possible. Breathless we finally parted and I rested my head on her forehead. “You do things to me, Sabrina. Things I’ve never felt before. Things I can’t live without. Please, promise me something. Please, promise me to keep an open mind and let me explain everything when we get to my next stop?”

  She gasped, but shook her head yes, while her eyes stayed closed. I wished she would look at me. Then I could tell if she would really let me explain. I had to believe that she would. Giving her a peck on the forehead, knowing our ride would soon be coming to an end. I pulled away from her body and grabbed her hand again. The doors opened, and we walked out to where Terrance had our car waiting.

  The drive over to Black Hollywood wasn’t a long one, but it was silent. I wasn’t sure exactly where I was going to start. We pulled into the underground garage, so we could enter the building without being bombarded by paparazzi. They would just love to get a hold of her and smear her over all the tabloids. Once the car stopped, I turned to Sabrina and sighed. “This is it, Sabrina,” I took both of her hands in mine, “this is my main company. Have you heard of Black Hollywood before?”

  “Caston,” she tried to talk, but I put a finger over her lips. I wanted to get everything out before I let her talk.

  “Just listen Sabrina; please let me get this out.” She nodded and let me continue. “Black Hollywood is a gentlemen’s magazine. I spend a lot of time discussing sex, naked women, and everything pertaining to those things. It has been a source of tension between other women in the past, and I want to start this relationship out on the right foot and be one hundred percent honest with you. If you stay with me, you will be in the public eye and probably all over the tabloids. I need you to understand what you would be getting involved in. If you would like me to go on I will, but if not Terrance is prepared to take you to a hotel, and you can stay there at my expense until you can find a place of your own.”

  I paused waiting to see what she would say. It was only a few seconds, but the silence was like a knife slowly inching into my stomach. A smile inched onto her face, “Caston, I’ve known you were the Caston from Black Hollywood. Well, I didn’t know that first night, but once Beth said something everything seemed to make sense. Your name is unusual. It is okay. I have an open mind. I won’t go anywhere. I’m here for you, not your companies.” Her hand was on my cheek, it made me feel a little better for the moment. I let out the breath I hadn’t realized I was holding, and decided to take her into the building to continue with my confession.

  I moved to open the door of the Jeep, but she stopped me. “Caston, look at me. Whatever it is, I’m a big girl and I can handle it.”

  “Follow me.” I said, as I helped her out of the car, then held the door open to the back entrance. The walls were lined with half naked women, and for the first time ever I felt ashamed for what I did. I snaked my arm around her waist and pulled her close, to walk next to me. Really needing to get her into my office without any of my assistants seeing her until I finished my confession.

  I just don’t understand why Caston is so tense. I already told him that I understood who he was, and that I could handle anything he told me. I wanted to stop and look at the beautiful pictures lining the walls, but Caston had me pulled into him and was almost running down the hall. Finally, stopping at a door he let out the biggest sigh I’ve ever heard. Looking over to him, and seeing the worry in his eyes suddenly made my stomach knot up.

  Caston reached for the door and pushed it open, leading me in to the darkened room. I walked out of his embrace, making my way into the room a little further than he was and waited for him to turn on the lights. I could see pictures all around the walls, push pinned on boards and lying loosely on tables. Was this some sort of work room? This definitely wasn’t like any office we saw at Rose Builders.

  The lights went on, and I gasped and my eyes bugged out. I was staring at a bulletin board of snapshots. This couldn’t be happening. My head spun around, and Caston wouldn’t even make eye contact. “No,” I said barely over a whisper.

  Caston didn’t respond. I walked over to the other board, scanning the other pictures. This couldn’t be happening. I brought my hands up to my face and started to sob.

  “Sabrina.” Caston pleaded and tried to comfort me.

  “Don’t,” I held out my hand to him, so he wouldn’t come near me or continue his explanation just yet. I wasn’t sure how I was going to deal with this. All these pictures were of me. How did he manage to get all of these? Why did he have them? I sank to the floor feeling very betrayed.

  Caston gave me my space. He sat down on the edge of a chair that was close to me, but still far enough away. I could tell he wanted to explain. Do I let him? I said I could take whatever he had to tell me, but this was going too far. “You stalked me?” I said between sobs, looking up questioning him. “Why?”

  “Sabrina,” Caston tried to come near me, and I recoiled.

  “Don’t touch me.”

  “Sabrina, please, listen.” He didn’t listen. He sat in front of me and pulled me on to his lap. Not wanting to be there, I pushed at his strong arms wrapped around me and shoved at his chest, trying to escape his hold.

  “Let me go, Caston. I don’t want you to touch me. I hate you! You lied to me! I trusted you. How could you betray me like this?”

  “This is my work, Sabrina. We do research on who we want to be our next featured Sweetheart. Collecting information and data. I saw you a few months ago at a performance at State, and I knew you had to be the next one. My employees have been getting pictures and information on you ever since.”

  I stopped struggling and turned to look at him. If my eyes could shoot daggers, I think they would have. Did he really think that was okay?

  “How is this okay? How do you justify spying and collecting data on someone, without their knowing, as okay? Do you not see just how fucked up that is?”

  I could tell my words stung him. Good. They should. I wasn’t a piece of meat. His grip loosened on me, and I scrambled to stand up, leaving him kneeling on the ground staring at his hands in his lap. I stood and towered over him. “Everything you’ve said to me has been a lie. Why?”

  He looked up at me with tears in his eyes. “Sabrina, please let me explain. No, I haven’t told you the whole truth, but, please, let me explain.”

  I stepped away from him, shaking my head. “I think I want Terrance to take me to the hotel, now.”

  Caston’s head whipped up when I asked to leave. His eyes pleading with me to stay and let him explain. My heart was breaking, but also melting, as I looked at him. “Please stay, Sabrina.”

  I suddenly froze. I had nowhere to go. A sob escaped me again.

  I leaned on the edg
e of a work table trying to regain my senses. Taking a deep breath and closing my eyes, my heart was telling me to rush back into his arms. Steeling myself to his answer I asked, “Were you at the party stalking me?” I prayed he wouldn’t say yes. I wouldn’t be able to live with that. I wasn’t sure I could forgive him now, I couldn’t forgive him if it is true.

  “No, Sabrina, I was not there to stalk you. Actually, I was shocked to see you there. I could not believe you were standing in front of me when I turned around. Then when you needed my help I could not help but rescue you. I felt you were a sign from God telling me you were the one. You are my other half. Why else would things fall into place the way they have?”

  I wrapped my arms around my body. Tears were running down my cheeks. I shook my head. “I don’t care. You betrayed me. I want to leave. I need to leave now.” I walked over to the door. Thankfully, Terrance was standing on the outside of the door guarding it.

  “I’d like to leave now, Terrance. Please, take me to Beth’s house. I’ll give you the address.”

  “Very well, Ms. Bennett.”

  I took one step out the door before I stopped and looked back over my shoulder. Caston was still on his knees with his head in his hands. I could tell he was crying. I wanted to run back to him and wrap myself in his arms.

  Pausing, I tried to decide what the right decision was. No, I had to do this. I couldn’t let another man hold me under his spell and manipulate me like Mark had. I straightened my back and turned around to leave him.

  I followed Terrance back through the hallway and out into the garage that we had entered through. I crawled into the back of the Jeep and tried not to look back at the doorway. Telling Terrance where to go was so hard. I hoped Beth was home. I wanted to go to her apartment, instead of a hotel. Tears were still running down my cheeks, as I felt the car start to move. Looking back over to the door I saw Caston standing in the doorway with his hands in his pockets. I put my hand to the glass as if to touch him one last time. I left it there as we headed back out to the daylight. Out of Caston’s life forever.