No Going Back

by Karen Foley

  “That was a mistake,” he said in a low voice, not looking at her. “I’m sorry.”

  “Please don’t apologize,” she murmured. “This was my fault, not yours.”

  He angled his head to look at her, and she could see remnants of the earlier heat lingering in his eyes. “My job is to keep you safe, not to take advantage of you.”

  Kate gave him a wry look. “I’m thirty-one years old, not sixteen. I know what I want.”

  “Do you? Because I think if you thought this through, you’d realize the last thing you want is a short-lived fling with a guy you’ll never see again after this trip.”

  The thought of never seeing Chase Rawlins again caused a tightening sensation in her chest. She knew he was right, but at that moment, the only thing she wanted was to finish what they had begun and to hell with the consequences. Her job as Tenley’s publicist kept her too busy to see anyone seriously, but Chase’s touch had reminded her just how much she missed having intimacy in her life, even superficial intimacy with a near stranger. She was pathetic.

  Gathering her dignity, she laid a hand on his arm and gave him a forced smile. “You’re right. I’m sorry to put you in such an awkward position. I didn’t mean to make this any more unpleasant for you than it already is.”

  “Jesus.” Chase gave a disbelieving laugh. “You think that was unpleasant for me?” His eyes grew hot. “Do you know how badly I want you?”

  Abruptly he stood up, adjusting himself quickly, but not before Kate saw the evidence of his arousal. Her hand fell away from his sleeve, and she pressed her fingers against her mouth, still feeling him there. He stood looking down at her for a long moment, before he dragged a hand over his hair, frustrated.

  “I’ve gotta get out of here.” His voice was no more than a husky rasp. “Get some sleep, Kate.”

  She watched as he left the bedroom, and then she heard the door open and close, followed by the click of a key in the lock. It was the first time he had called her Kate, and she wished she didn’t like how it sounded coming from his lips. She lay down and dragged the blankets over her shoulder, staring into the darkness as she replayed the encounter over and over in her mind.

  Turning on her side, she bunched the pillow beneath her cheek. His scent clung to the fabric and she found herself turning her face into the cloth and breathing deeply. Only then did she drift into sleep.

  6

  “HOW LONG WILL IT TAKE us to reach Camp Leatherneck?” Kate asked the following morning, as she rode in the passenger seat of a Humvee, watching Chase drive.

  “A couple of hours,” he said shortly.

  As if by tacit agreement, neither had mentioned the incident from the previous night. But Kate couldn’t help but notice that Chase seemed a little short on patience and temper, and she wondered if he regretted what had happened. She hoped he would lighten up a bit, because she wasn’t sure she could spend an entire day with him if he was going to be surly.

  She studied him furtively as he drove. He wore a clean uniform and a camouflage-patterned baseball cap that was frayed along the brim. He hadn’t shaved his beard and he still looked as if he kicked ass for a living. Charity lay obediently on the back seat, and Kate had been surprised to learn the dog would travel with them to each base.

  Chase had woken her up before seven o’clock by pounding with his fist on the door of his housing unit until she opened it, bleary-eyed but feeling rested. He, on the other hand, had looked tired and irritable. He’d retrieved her duffel bag and belongings from the women’s tent and had given her just ten minutes to dress and meet him outside.

  Now they drove across the base, past the housing units and the dining facility. The smell of bacon wafted from the kitchens and her stomach growled loudly, reminding her that she hadn’t yet had breakfast.

  “Will we have a chance to grab a bite to eat before we leave?” she asked hopefully. “I could really use a cup of coffee.”

  “Later,” he said brusquely. “I have some grub in my bag and we can eat on the way to Camp Leatherneck. But our flight departs in ten minutes and if we’re not on board, it leaves without us.”

  Kate was silent after that. They continued to drive past the parade field, until the only buildings in sight were enormous hangars and storage facilities. But it wasn’t until Kate caught sight of a helicopter landing pad, complete with military attack helicopters, that she began to understand just how they would travel to Camp Leatherneck.

  “You’re kidding,” she breathed, and looked over at Chase for confirmation that he was, indeed, just pulling her leg. But he kept his attention fixed on the road, and the only indication that he’d heard her was a small smile that played at the edges of his mouth. “We’re flying in a helicopter?”

  “Not just a helicopter. A Black Hawk.”

  He drew the Humvee to a stop at the edge of the helo pad and climbed out of the vehicle, while Kate sat in the passenger seat and peered through the window at the helicopter. Were those rockets strapped to the underside of the small stub wings? Her heart began to thud hard in her chest.

  Chase opened the door and waited for her to climb out before he reached in and grabbed their duffel bags and a rucksack. Charity hopped down, her tail wagging in anticipation of this new adventure.

  “I brought you something,” Chase said, opening the rear of the vehicle.

  “A thermos of coffee?” she asked hopefully.

  To her surprise, he pulled out a combat helmet and a flak vest. “Try these on for size.”

  Kate took the helmet from him and put it on, then waited while he fastened it beneath her chin. His fingers brushed the skin of her neck and she tried not to stare at his mouth. He was so close that she could see the tiny scar that bisected his upper lip. She wanted to rub her fingertip over it. When she raised her gaze to his, she found his light green eyes were fastened on her mouth. She had to resist the urge to nervously moisten her lips.

  He helped her into the body armor, lifting her arms to tighten the Velcro fastenings on either side. The weight of the metal plates inside the vest were enough to make Kate’s shoulders sag.

  “Is this really necessary?” she asked, noticing that he wore neither a helmet nor a vest. “We’re in a helicopter, after all.”

  Even without body armor, his uniform, combined with his expression, gave him a distinctly dangerous appearance. He nodded toward her vest. “Those metal plates are the only thing standing between you and a bullet. If we come under attack en route to Camp Leatherneck, you’re going to be glad you’re wearing them.”

  Kate knew her face went a little pale. “Is that a possibility?”

  “That’s always a possibility, Miss Fitzgerald.”

  “Where is your equipment?” He didn’t respond, and Kate suddenly knew why. “Wait. Am I wearing your helmet and flak vest?” She couldn’t keep the astonishment out of her voice. “Is that why you’re not wearing anything?”

  “Don’t worry about me.” Hefting his rucksack over one shoulder, he lifted their duffel bags as if they weighed nothing, and handed her shoulder bag to her. “Are you ready?”

  She wasn’t, but she nodded mutely and followed him and the dog across the tarmac to the waiting helicopter. She felt humbled by the knowledge that he’d given her his protective gear, and his speech about the possibility of coming under attack had dampened her mood.

  The sliding door on the side of the aircraft was open, and he threw their gear inside before climbing in. He snapped his fingers and Charity jumped nimbly in, enthusiastically sniffing at the interior before he gave her a command to lie down. Turning, he extended a hand to Kate and helped her up and into the main cabin. There were five soldiers inside, and two more in the cockpit. Kate saw with a sense of surprise that both pilots were women, as were two of the soldiers in the main cabin. They were occupied cleaning what looked like machine guns mounted inside two windows directly behind the pilot and copilot.

  The pilot turned in her seat and gave Kate an appraising look before sh
ifting her attention to Chase and the dog. A broad smile spread across her face. She extended her hand and offered the dog a treat, before shifting her attention back to Chase. “Hey, great to see you.”

  “Great to see you, too,” he replied. “What have you been up to?”

  “Keeping busy, doing the Afghan shuffle,” she said with a grin. “When did you get back?”

  “Yesterday.”

  Kate didn’t miss how the other woman practically devoured Chase with her eyes, and she experienced an unfamiliar tightening in her chest at their obvious friendship.

  “Let’s catch up when we reach Camp Leatherneck,” the pilot said, still smiling. “I have a lot to tell you.”

  “Yeah, I’d like that.” Turning toward Kate, he indicated one of the empty canvas jump seats. “Why don’t you sit there and strap yourself in? We should be airborne in just a few minutes.”

  Kate did as he asked, fumbling briefly with the harness until Chase swept her hands aside and buckled her in himself. Kate told herself that her accelerated heart rate had to do with anticipation of the flight, and not with the way his hands brushed against her breasts. He took the seat next to her, and his hip pressed against hers in the narrow confines.

  Kate watched as the two female soldiers slid the cabin doors closed and then took up positions at the open windows on either side of the cabin, their hands maneuvering the mounted machine guns with ease and confidence. Kate’s stomach did an uneasy roll, and she was suddenly glad that she hadn’t eaten breakfast. Glancing at the three male soldiers who sat in the other jump seats, Kate was relieved to see that none of them looked alarmed. In fact, one of them had tipped his head back against the seat and closed his eyes, apparently happy to sleep through the flight. Even Charity had settled down, curling up near Chase’s seat with a small whine.

  The pilot twisted in her seat and gave both Chase and Kate a smile. “Welcome aboard. I’m Captain Larson and your copilot today is Chief Warrant Officer Costanza. We’ll be departing shortly. Our ETA at Camp Leatherneck is approximately 0900 hours. There’s some adverse weather moving into the region, so the ride could get a little bumpy, but nothing to worry about.” Her gaze touched briefly on Kate and then lingered on Chase. “Sit back and enjoy the flight.”

  The rotors whirred into life, and Kate forced herself to relax as she listened to the pilots go through their checklists for departure. Chase pulled a mobile device out of his pocket and began scrolling through his messages, as if he had no concerns at all. The action was so normal that Kate found herself relaxing in spite of herself.

  “You okay?” he asked without looking at her.

  “I think so. So the flight will take about two hours?”

  “Give or take.”

  Even as he spoke, the enormous helicopter lifted from the ground. Through the window, Kate watched Bagram Airfield slide away beneath them. She found herself studying the two pilots and wondering what kind of woman would choose a career that endangered her life on a daily basis. Did Chase and Captain Larson have a romantic relationship? There was no question that the other woman was attractive, and Kate hadn’t missed the way she looked at Chase, or how pleased he had been to see her.

  “Will Tenley and her band also travel from Bagram to Camp Leatherneck in a helicopter?” she asked.

  He glanced up briefly from his mobile device. “All of the singers and their band members will be transported in a Chinook. They’re heavy-lift helicopters capable of transporting up to fifty-five people, so we should be able to get all of the performers in one trip, which means we have fewer helicopters tied up.”

  Kate tried to envision Tenley in a military helicopter but failed. She’d be scared to death. She couldn’t picture her gentle sister over here, roughing it. How would she react to the sight of so many uniformed soldiers?

  “Here, why don’t you eat something?” Chase said, interrupting her thoughts.

  Kate watched as he opened his rucksack and withdrew a large thermos and two cups. He poured them each a mug of steaming coffee and then passed the thermos to the other soldiers. Kate curled her fingers around the cup and inhaled the fragrance of the coffee.

  “You had this in your backpack all this time and didn’t tell me? Even though you knew I was dying for caffeine?”

  Chase laughed softly and handed her a foil-wrapped Pop-Tart. “I can’t have you thinking I’m a complete dick,” he said, slanting her an amused look. “It’s not a gourmet breakfast, but at least it’s not an MRE.” Reaching into the backpack, he withdrew a treat for Charity and let her eat it from his fingers, rubbing her head in approval when she took it gently.

  Kate unwrapped the pastry and took a bite. “I haven’t had a Pop-Tart since I was a kid.”

  They ate in silence, and Chase took her empty mug and wiped it clean before stowing it back in his rucksack. At that moment, the helicopter dipped sharply, and Kate would have come out of her seat if not for the harness. She gasped and reflexively clutched Chase’s forearm.

  “Relax,” he soothed. “Just a little turbulence.”

  But when the helicopter suddenly dropped in altitude and shuddered violently, Kate saw that even the soldiers looked troubled. Charity lifted her head and gave a small whine, but Chase spoke to her gently and she dropped her muzzle back onto her paws. Instinctively, Kate clutched at Chase’s hand, gratified when he didn’t pull away.

  “Are we crashing?” she asked, her heart slamming in her chest. “Maybe we should be wearing parachutes or something.”

  “Folks, we’re encountering a storm front that’s moving over the area,” the copilot said over the intercom. “We’re going to try and fly around it, but expect some turbulence.”

  “You see? Everything is fine,” Chase said, and stretched his legs out and crossed his boots as if there was nothing to worry about.

  Kate sat rigidly at his side, her fingers still curled in his, certain that he was wrong, that the pilots were only trying to avoid a panic in the cabin before they plummeted to the earth. Outside the windows, she could see the distant mountains and the dark storm clouds that had gathered on the horizon. She was only mildly comforted by the fact they were flying away from those mountains, and not directly into the storm.

  “Try and get some sleep,” Chase grunted. Pulling his hand free, he crossed his arms over his chest and dragged his baseball cap low over his eyes, effectively shutting her out.

  Kate stared at him in disbelief. Even if she could relax enough to take a nap, the helmet and flak vest she wore made it nearly impossible to find a comfortable position. Her bottom ached from the angle of the jump seat, and the coffee and Pop-Tart sat heavily in her stomach. Looking around, she saw the other three soldiers had also closed their eyes, seemingly oblivious to the peril surrounding them.

  With a deep breath, she sat back and tried to control her breathing, repeating her age-old mantra that when she had no control over the situation, she could at least control herself. But the flight took another nerve-racking two hours, where the helicopter occasionally bucked and dipped, and Kate only barely restrained herself from grabbing onto Chase again. It wasn’t until they began to descend that he finally stirred and opened his eyes, looking rested and relaxed.

  “Did you manage to get any sleep?” he asked innocently.

  Kate gave him a baleful look, and then saw the telltale dimple in his cheek.

  “You know I didn’t,” she said through gritted teeth.

  “We’ll be on the ground in just a few minutes,” he said, glancing out the window.

  Following his gaze, Kate saw another military base that looked remarkably like the one they had just left. “Are you sure we didn’t just fly around in circles for two hours and land back at Bagram?” she asked doubtfully. Even the mountains on the horizon seemed exactly the same.

  Chase chuckled. “I’m sure. Camp Leatherneck isn’t nearly as big as Bagram, but the conditions are actually better. I may have to leave you for a bit while I secure accommodations for you.”
>
  Kate covered her mouth and yawned hugely. “As long as I can have another cup of coffee, I’ll be fine.” Reaching down, she patted her shoulder bag. “I have my book and my iPod.”

  They were met on the helipad by two soldiers in a Humvee. As they crossed the tarmac to the waiting vehicle, the wind tore at Kate’s hair, dragging it loose from her ponytail and spraying sand against her exposed skin. Chase tried to shield her with his body, but the stinging wind was relentless.

  “Oh, my God,” she gasped when she was safely inside the Humvee. “Are we in a sandstorm?”

  Chase tossed their luggage into the back of the vehicle and climbed in beside her. “No. If that was a sandstorm, you wouldn’t be able to walk outside without face protection. This is just a storm front moving in. You can take off the helmet. Here, let me help you with the vest.”

  Chase deftly unfastened Kate’s flak vest and helped her remove it. At the same time, the soldier driving the Humvee glanced at them in the rearview mirror. “We’re due for some pretty nasty weather later this afternoon and through the night,” he commented. “And you know what that means.”

  Kate looked at Chase in time to see him send the driver a silent warning with his eyes. “What does that mean?” she asked, a frisson of alarm feathering its way along her spine.

  “There’s a higher incidence of mortar attacks during bad weather,” he said. “But I don’t want you to worry. Even if we come under attack, the insurgents don’t have the technology to direct their mortars with any accuracy.”

  Kate stared at him, appalled. “So a bomb could literally land anywhere on the base?”

  “We have a good tracking system. The warning sirens will go off and we’ll have time to get to a bunker.” He tapped the helmet that lay on the seat between them. “But if you hear the sirens, make sure you don’t go out without this.”

  Warning sirens? Kate knew her eyes had widened, but she hadn’t really considered the possibility that they could come under attack. “What about you?” she asked. “If I have your protective gear, what are you going to wear?”