Wanted

by Annika James

  He spread his hands in a helpless gesture. I stepped out from behind Matt, to his side. Matt put an arm around my shoulders, still holding me close. I watched Conor’s gaze slide over the embrace to Matt’s face, before coming back to mine. He had apologized, now he waited for me to say it was okay.

  “I suppose I probably was.” My voice was soft, though not wobbly. “Though I didn’t mean to.” I was pretty calm now, thanks to Matt. And I was almost sure Conor wasn’t going to attack me. I had unknowingly given him the green light, forgetting he wasn’t just a normal boy, and this wasn’t just a normal party. I liked him so much, I had sent him signals that probably seemed the same as “Bite me!”

  “Sorry I threw you across the room.” I did feel bad. I hadn’t meant to hurt him.

  Matt looked at me as Conor smiled slightly. “I deserved it.” Some of the confidence returned to his voice. “It was quite impressive.”

  “You did that?” Matt sounded surprised and a little proud. “Your power?”

  I nodded. “I guess the panic took over. I reacted without thinking. And there he was, flying, crashing.” I gestured from where I’d read the poem to the pile of books on the floor.

  Matt’s smile was big and genuine. “That is awesome, Ash.” He gave my shoulder a small squeeze.

  Conor took a step toward us. I didn’t flinch. I knew he meant me no harm. If he had bitten me, my mind knew it would have felt amazing, completely opposite of how it had felt the last time I was bitten. Although, it would still have been against my will, without permission, and that was rape. No one was going to bite me again, ever. Even Conor. I didn’t want to be under anyone’s control but my own.

  “You’re very powerful,” Conor observed.

  I shrugged. “I guess.”

  Sometimes, when I performed spells, I had surges of power, though more frequently I had those small bouts fueled by emotions, like what had happened at school days earlier. Yet, I couldn’t control it well enough to make things like books fly when I wanted them to.

  I was vaguely aware of Matt’s arm still around me. Conor, however, seemed well aware.

  “Matthew,” He pointedly looked at Matt’s arm. “I would rethink your opinion that she is not yours.” Matt let go of me, a derisive sound coming from his throat.

  “She’s one of my best friends. I’m protective. Ever since I found her practically dead,” Matt protested. “Besides, you know she’s obsessed with you.”

  My head snapped to Matt.

  “Matt!” I screeched.

  He didn’t look at me. My face flushed with heat.

  Conor crossed his arms, face neutral. “So you said. Which is why I thought I was in the right.”

  My jaw dropped. “You told him?”

  Matt frowned, but offered no excuses. My whole body was now on fire, a fine trembling beginning in my hands. I was both mortified and pissed as hell. A few books fell off shelves across the room, though, thankfully, no flying objects yet. The boys didn’t notice.

  Goddess, what an idiot. It was all a set-up, a joke. The hallway at school, the freaking poetry. And oh, that kiss.

  Conor knew I liked him and was playing me so I would let him bite me. He’d been using me to get what he wanted.

  Realization washed over me quickly, leaving me nauseated. And Matt had helped him, he had told Conor I liked him, made Conor think I would let him bite me. I felt so stupid, so betrayed, so naïve. I stepped away from my best friend, shaking. Glancing across the room, I noticed with relief the books had quieted.

  “Wow,” I croaked, backing toward the door.

  Matt had lied to me. To me. He had never lied to me, ever.

  He didn’t look at me. He knew I was pissed and there was nothing he could say right now. Hanging his head, he ran a hand through his hair.

  I ignored him and turned my furious glare on Conor. “I’d say you’re an asshole, but it’s my own dumbass fault.” My voice was low and thick with tears threatening to surface. I shook my head and gave a sarcastic laugh. “I’m an idiot.”

  “Ashlinn,” Conor started.

  I held up a hand to silence him and closed my eyes, holding back the stupid tears. I turned on Matt. He stared at me, an expectant look on his face. What was he waiting for? Forgiveness? I wasn’t ready to offer it yet. I knew he could see my tears. My pain was reflected on his face.

  “Thanks, Matt,” I managed around the lump in my throat, my sarcasm evident. Stupid vamps. I couldn’t believe I’d actually thought Conor might really like me. I shook my head. Their bent heads made them look like little boys who’d been caught being naughty. I turned my back on them and left the room. I felt betrayed by Matt and angered that Conor turned out to be a big jerk.

  “Ash?” Cora appeared at the end of the hallway. “Are you okay?” Her voice cracked with concern. Steven appeared behind her.

  “Nothing a sharp stake and some holy water couldn’t cure,” I quipped. I didn’t want to ruin her night of fun. Not that either of those things would actually injure the boys, but it sounded good. Holy water did nothing but get them wet, and a stake through the heart wouldn’t actually kill a vampire. Although, I bet I could put enough force behind a good stake to give them a splinter or two. Bastards.

  Her eyebrows pulled together as we got closer to each other, meeting in the middle.

  “Um…what happened?” she ventured.

  I shook my head. I really didn’t want to rehash it right now. “Nothing, hon. You go have fun. I’m out. I’ll call you tomorrow.” I moved past her into the foyer.

  She wasn’t giving up. “Hey. I’ll go with you.”

  “But, Steven…” I indicated to where he hovered in the hallway, looking unsure of what to do.

  She waved her hand dismissively at him. “He’s a big boy. You’re my girl, and you obviously need me. Let’s go.” She put an arm around me, threw Steven a look, and led me out of the suddenly oppressive mansion.

  Chapter Four

  My hot skin welcomed the cool night air. I leaned my head back and took in the clear night sky, crescent moon, and bright stars everywhere. I felt at home in the night. It was calming. Ha! I was a creature of the night, yet not a vamp. I’d never belonged in the same world as Matt, Cora, and Conor. The events of tonight made that reality as clear as the sky. Cora walked next to me in companionable silence. I knew she wouldn’t push me to talk.

  “So, Conor kissed me tonight,” I started.

  “He kissed you?” she squealed, stopping. Her face lit up, excited. I kept walking, forcing her to catch up with me. “How was it?”

  I ignored the question because, before the teeth, it had been awesome. The best kiss I ever experienced. Even though my stomach churned with the feeling of betrayal, my lips still burned with his heat and I wanted more. Such an idiot.

  “It was only because Matt told him I liked him and Conor thought he could persuade me to be a donor,” I spit out.

  She halted a little. “What?”

  I kept my face forward, willing myself not to cry. I shoved my hands into the back pockets of my jeans. “Yeah, well, after he tried to bite me, I threw him across the room. Well, my power did. Matt came in, got all protective. Conor thought I was Matt’s, and Matt told him I was obsessed with him.” I relayed the whole scene to her, feeling my skin grow hot with anger as I remembered. Cora remained quiet, letting me vent. “He was just playing me the whole time. Playing me for blood, which I don’t understand. He could get blood from any girl. Why pick on me?”

  “Well, he wanted to bite you, that’s a compliment,” Cora pointed out.

  “Somehow, that’s not how I saw it,” I replied with a sigh. “The worst part is Matt.” My chest tightened. “He lied to me and told Conor I liked him. I just feel so…ugh. I don’t even know.” I pushed my hair off my face, frustrated.

  “You and Matt have been friends forever. Of course it hurts. I’m sure he didn’t mean any harm. He probably thought he was helping you.”

  I nodded. “He did seem su
rprised Conor hadn’t asked before he tried to bite me.” I remembered how angry Matt was.

  Throughout the years, I’d watched Matt date the occasional vamp, break a few hearts, take humans in other rooms to feed, break a few more hearts. Since freshman year, though, he made friends with more vamps, started spending more time with them and less time with me. Vamps stuck together. In our school, the different species tended to hang out with their own kind.

  Over the last year, we’d drifted apart more, and I realized I didn’t know much about Matt’s life outside of school. I didn’t know how involved with the Vampire Council he had become or how much time he spent with Conor and the other vamps. What loyalty did he have to them that he’d tell Conor of my secret obsession with him? Or maybe Matt had been trying to help me with Conor, like Cora had suggested?

  Cora had quieted again, leaving me to my thoughts.

  Headlights flashed behind us, and Matt’s car pulled to the curb. Steven appeared as the window rolled down. “Get in, girls. It’s a long walk.” He gave us a hopeful smile.

  Cora hesitated, waiting for my answer. I loved her so much for her loyalty. I glared past Steven to Matt. He waited patiently, watching us.

  It was a long walk. I sighed and moved toward the car. Steven opened his door and got out to let us crawl in the back. Matt turned and opened his mouth.

  “Matt,” I cut him off, and he snapped his mouth shut. “Thank you for the ride. But I’m pissed as hell at you right now, and I need some time before you try talking to me.”

  His gaze raked my face, gauging my seriousness. He nodded once and turned back to the front. I clenched my jaw and stared out my window.

  I felt like an idiot. Maybe it was the burning humiliation making me so angry. I’d had a crush on Conor for months. Matt had never offered to introduce us or anything. He’d just laughed at the futility of my obsession, telling me I needed to move on. I hadn’t been invited to any parties at Conor’s house before tonight. And suddenly, Conor knew my name, flirted with me in the hall at school, and practically seduced me in his library, all because he knew I liked him and thought I would let him bite me. Why spend so much time on one little witch? He could bite any girl he wanted. I was more than confused.

  My phone vibrated in my pocket, bringing me out of my ponderings. I felt three sets of eyes on me. Of course they had all heard it vibrate. Who would be texting me? Everyone I usually texted was in the car. I fished my phone out. It was a number I didn’t recognize. I hit read.

  Ashlinn, I am sorry for offending you. Please allow me to make up for it.

  It had to be Conor. My face burned. Formality again, which in vamp politics, meant he was sincere. It seemed strange for kids our age to talk so formally, even stranger to text in full words. But Conor was far from normal.

  “What did he say?” Cora whispered. Matt’s head tilted ever so slightly to hear us better.

  “He apologized again,” I told her in a normal voice. They could hear us anyway.

  “Good. Make him grovel.” Her hard voice made me sure she wasn’t referring only to Conor.

  “I wonder how he got my number,” I mused aloud. Cora gave Matt a pointed look. He kept his eyes on the road, not admitting anything. I knew he had probably done it. Maybe it was part of their scheme.

  I looked down at my phone as the screen turned dark. Despite my lingering embarrassment, one text from Conor was enough to make my stomach all fluttery. What a stupid girl I was. Cora said to make him beg. I could do that. I couldn’t forgive him until he thoroughly convinced me he hadn’t intended to just use me for blood. I sighed and pushed buttons to reply.

  Im going 2 need time.

  It was the best I could come up with at the moment. Short, sweet, not too forgiving. Cora watched me type before settling back against the seat. I guess my reply satisfied her for the moment.

  After hitting send, I looked at her. She studied me, worried. I could tell she wanted to talk, just not in front of present company. I hadn’t really been expecting a reply from Conor, so when my phone vibrated, my stomach flipped.

  I understand. Thank you.

  Ugh. How could I go from totally crushing on this guy, to being totally humiliated and pissed at him, to liking him again all in the space of a few hours? Was he really sincere? What was his deal, anyway? And how exactly was he planning on making it up to me like he said? Life was so much simpler when I’d just been pining after the guy, sure he had no idea who I was. At least I’d known exactly where I’d stood.

  Matt pulled into Cora’s driveway. I was spending the night at her house. I glanced at the glowing green numbers of Matt’s clock. It wasn’t too late, our time at the party having been cut short by Conor’s boldness. Matt opened the car door for me. I fully intended to walk away from him without saying anything, punishing him further.

  While I stood in the driveway, he got back in and gripped the steering wheel, eyes forward. Cora stood across the car from me, waiting to hear if I would say anything. I paused and gripped the door before he could shut it. I couldn’t just walk away without giving him a little reprieve.

  “Matt.” His hands tightened on the wheel. I looked down at the asphalt, not wanting to see the desperation in his eyes. “I will want to know everything and I fully expect you not to lie to me. Ever again.” I moved to leave before the tears came.

  “Ash,” he croaked. “I had to.” I froze at the depths of sorrow in his choked out words. “My loyalties” —he swallowed— “lie with my own kind. As I’m finding out. I…” He paused. My world was spinning. Loyalties? So he had to stick with all vamps? Would I lose Matt completely? “I have to obey. But I will try to be as honest with you as I can.”

  I stared hard at the ground, wishing it would open and end this misery I feared was only beginning. I could just see Matt in the dim light. He put his head on the steering wheel, his despair palpable enough to choke me. A fist of anxiety grew in my chest, squeezing my lungs. Would vamp politics take Matt away from me? My rock? My anchor? I needed him. The thought of him being gone was too much for me to contemplate at the moment. Was he already halfway gone, and I hadn’t even known? I tried to swallow past the lump in my throat.

  “We can talk more tomorrow,” I managed.

  He grunted in reply, obviously as distraught as I was. I closed the door on him and moved toward the house. Cora was at my side as the headlights retreated behind us. I glanced back to watch the taillights disappear into the night. I hugged myself and tried not to feel like he was driving right out of my life.

  * * * *

  In her basement, Cora and I huddled together under blankets on her humongous, L-shaped couch. We each had a pint of Ben & Jerry’s, which we enjoyed in companionable silence. The large-screen TV to our left flashed scenes from our favorite movie neither of us watched, both lost in our own thoughts. Cora finished swallowing a spoonful of Chunky Monkey and tapped her chin with a finger.

  “I just can’t believe Matt told Conor. I mean, all those times Matt kept telling you how you had no chance, that Conor didn’t even know you were alive. And suddenly he goes and tells the boy how much you want him?” She shook her head and dug her spoon in again. “It just doesn’t make any damn sense.”

  I concentrated on getting a brownie chunk out of my own pint. She hit on exactly what I had been so perplexed about.

  “And why would Conor care?” I asked, jabbing my spoon into the ice cream. I leaned forward and set it on the low coffee table. “He can get blood from anyone and he already has a girlfriend.”

  Cora put her ice cream down as well, sitting forward on the couch and looking back at me with a thoughtful expression. “Actually, I didn’t see Victoria anywhere.” She leaned back and tucked her bare feet underneath her. She let the blanket pool in her lap, and shoved her hands into the big pocket of her hooded sweatshirt. I pulled the extra blanket up around me and curled up my legs under my boxer shorts.

  “Do you think Conor and Victoria broke up?” She picked at lint on the
blanket. “What if he really is interested in you?”

  I shook my head, banishing the thought, not wanting to get my hopes up. “Impossible. I’m not a vamp. I don’t think he’s even allowed to date non-vamps.”

  She shrugged. “Yeah, but who really listens to their parents?” she joked.

  “I have to know what he wants, Cora. I won’t be able to just sit around all day tomorrow with these questions. I’m texting Matt.” I set the blanket aside and padded to her room to retrieve my phone.

  “Do you think he’ll tell you?” she called after me. I couldn’t answer. I honestly didn’t know; his last words had been so cryptic. I carried my phone to the couch, crawled back under the blanket, and snuggled closer to Cora for support. She calmed me some, easing the storm brewing inside of me. I texted Matt.

  Can we talk?

  It didn’t take him long to respond.

  Alrdy? thought youd make me suffer longer.

  I could picture him smiling ironically, with his lopsided grin.

  too many ?? need answrs now.

  be over in a few.

  Cora had been reading over my shoulder. She sat straight up. “He’s coming here?” Her voice squeaked in alarm.

  “I guess.”

  It shouldn’t have been a problem. Cora’s parents slept in their bedroom two floors up. Matt wouldn’t wake them because he could just come in through the patio door down here. He’d snuck in before.

  She stood, pulled her mahogany hair out of its ponytail, and began fluffing it around her shoulders.

  I rolled my eyes. “It’s just Matt.”

  “Um, yeah. Have you looked at Matt lately? He’s grown into a full-on hottie.”

  “You look fine. And Matt is not a hottie.”

  She looked around and grabbed our forgotten ice cream, and then bugged her eyes at me. “His body is totally ripped from God knows what. You seriously haven’t noticed?”

  I shook my head, not being able to imagine Matt as hot. He was cute, the blue-eyed, blond-haired, all-American boy, but hot? Not Matty.