Wanted

by Annika James

  I shivered. I did not want Matt to like me that way, did not want to break his heart, and I just could not see him as anything more than a brother. “So should I let Conor try to convince me?” I wanted to stay as far away from the subject of Matt liking me as possible.

  Cora answered with a giggle. “It could be fun,” she pointed out.

  I sighed. I just didn’t know; no easy answer presented itself to me. We continued talking until her mom called us upstairs for breakfast. Even the waffles didn’t help me be any surer of what to do.

  I was exhausted from not sleeping the night before. All I wanted to do was get home and crawl into bed and pretend none of this was really happening. I showered at Cora’s and she drove me home. Funny, after talking all night, we were oddly silent on the ride to my house. I just kept thinking of the two boys now in my life. Cora was letting me come to my decision without any added pressure from her. As I moved to exit the car at my house, I muttered, “Thanks.”

  She put a hand on my arm. “Hey. I totally got your back, okay? I’m here for you. In any way you need me. I can even be there for…” She looked at my throat. “Whatever you need,” she finished lamely.

  I understood her unspoken offer. She would be there for me up to and after the deed was done. I repressed a shudder just thinking about the biting, but my heart filled with gratitude for her offer. Again, I was reminded she was the only one of my friends right now who didn’t want anything from me.

  “Thanks, honey.” I leaned in and hugged her. I gave her a grateful smile as I gathered my stuff and got out.

  My house was empty, my family probably at church. Yes, witches in church sounded funny, but my parents were pretty strong Catholics. Go figure. I trudged up the stairs, overwhelmed with a sense of loneliness. Cora said she’d be there for me, and I knew she would. In the end, though, the decision was mine to make, mine alone. And I would be the one who would have to endure the whole being a vampire’s familiar thing; being bitten every few days, my power at the disposal of my protector, for him to use, possibly a pawn of the Council by extension.

  I dropped my bag just inside the door to my room and dug out my phone. No messages. Maybe the boys were wisely giving me today to digest everything before they started trying to convince me to choose one over the other. I shoved my phone in my pocket and flopped facedown on my bed, not even bothering to take off my shoes. Soon, I sunk blissfully into the oblivion of sleep.

  * * * *

  The sound of the doorbell woke me. I rolled over and rubbed at my eyes. Dusky red light shone through my window. Had I really slept all day? Groggy, I sat up and wondered if the doorbell had been a dream. My mom’s voice drifted upstairs as the front door closed. I blinked the sleep out of my eyes, left my room to see who was here, and met my mom on the stairs.

  “Oh, Ashlinn, you’re awake.” She walked to the bottom with me and glanced toward the foyer. “You have a visitor.”

  She frowned at me, but I didn’t know what she was thinking. She turned left and went into the kitchen. Intrigued, I walked through the living room to the front door.

  Goddess, Conor looked amazing in my house. He stood in my foyer, hands stuffed into the pockets of his dark, ripped jeans. A soft gray T-shirt hugged his arms, emphasizing the muscles there. He wasn’t hugely muscled, just lean and strong, and oh so sexy.

  My breath hitched and my steps slowed. He’d heard me coming and looked up, giving me a shy grin. Shy? When had Conor ever been unsure of himself?

  “Hey,” he said. Wary of his motives, I stopped a few feet from him, crossing my arms. I had thought he was going to give me today; yet here he was in my house, looking completely hot. So not fair.

  “Hey, yourself.” I grinned a little in spite of my misgivings. I couldn’t help my strong reaction to him. My heart raced. I realized it wasn’t because I was nervous. I had the power here. He wanted something from me and it was my decision whether I would give it to him.

  His dark hair was mussed, like he’d just rolled out of bed. Oh, wait. That was me. My hand flew to my hair. Damn. I wondered what I looked like. Before I could panic, his voice calmed me.

  “You probably didn’t sleep much last night, huh?”

  “Not really,” I admitted.

  He nodded and looked off into the living room. “Me neither.”

  I scoffed, “Wow. You must want power pretty badly, huh?”

  His head snapped back. “What? No. I…” His gaze focused over my shoulder, toward the kitchen.

  He cleared his throat and tried again. “Can we go for a drive, maybe?”

  I glanced backward, figuring my parents or sister must not be far off. His vamp senses could probably pick them up. He wanted us to be able to talk in private. I sighed, but acquiesced.

  “Okay. Just a minute.” I hustled to the kitchen. “Ma, Dad, I’m going out for a while with Conor, okay?”

  My mom looked up from stirring something on the stove, her eyebrows drawn together in concern. “Don’t be long. Dinner’s almost ready.” She looked past me, as if she could see Conor. I supposed she probably could sense what he was. My mom was pretty powerful herself. I wondered why she didn’t have problems with vamps. “Will Conor,” she said his name pointedly, “be staying for dinner?”

  How awkward would that be? I imagined the dinner conversation. “Mom, Dad, Conor here wants me to be his familiar.” No thanks. I’d save that talk for a later date.

  “Um, no.”

  “He’s cute,” my little sister, Gabby, whispered, and then giggled.

  I rolled my eyes and made to leave the kitchen. “I’ll be back.”

  In the driveway sat a big, black SUV. Conor moved ahead and opened the door for me, waiting until I was buckled up to close it and move around to the driver’s side. What a gentleman, when he wasn’t trying to sink his teeth in my jugular.

  As he pulled into the street, he glanced over at me. “Thanks for coming with me, for giving me some time today with you.”

  I shrugged, trying to remain nonchalant. Fact was, his car smelled like leather, new car, and Conor. His scent was everywhere, surrounding me, enveloping me, and it was amazing. Woodsy and manly, it made my stomach flutter and knees tingle. I was trying not to breathe too deeply and stared out my window, so I didn’t have to look at His Hotness.

  He made a sound like a cough drawing my attention. “To answer your sort of question. No, I do not want power that badly. That’s not why I’m here.”

  I dropped my gaze to study my hands in my lap. “Why?” I said, just above a whisper. “Why do I feel like you’re torturing me?”

  He chuckled. “I didn’t know I was so bad. Sorry.” He sighed. “I’m just trying to get to know you, let you get to know me.” His voice was resigned. “You have a week. I’ve scared you, made you uncomfortable, and upset you. I’m trying to prove to you I’m not a bad guy.”

  I looked at his profile, his strong jaw and chin. His nose was a little too straight, a little too big. Those emerald eyes shone above high, chiseled cheekbones.

  “Why?” I repeated. “If it’s not just the power, like you say, then why do you care so much what I think?”

  His grip on the steering wheel tightened briefly. “Because, I figure you will choose either Matt or me. I also figure you’re smart enough to begin to realize Matt may be—may like you more than a friend.”

  I shifted uncomfortably. Did everyone know this except me?

  “And,” I prodded, not wanting to dwell on Matt’s feelings for me.

  “And,” he continued. “I know you won’t want to risk breaking his heart by becoming his familiar. You care too much about him.”

  Wow. How did Conor know me so well?

  He shrugged. “So, that leaves me. I really haven’t given you any reason to trust me, or even like me. I’ve actually done the opposite. So I’m trying to make up for the crap I put you through.” He fell silent, and studied the road.

  I wanted to believe him, I did. I really wanted to trust him. If I
was being totally honest, I really wanted to kiss him again.

  “You know, being a familiar doesn’t necessarily mean I have to be the girlfriend, too. I could pick Matt. I already trust him and I’m comfortable with him. He makes me feel safe and protected already. Being his familiar isn’t much more of a step.”

  “Yes,” he conceded. “But the bond is such an intimate one, familiars often become consorts as well.” There he was, talking all formal again. I knew his point already; I’d thought about it myself. “Matt may expect more from you if you entered into a bond with him.”

  I bristled. “Matt wouldn’t expect anything from me that I wasn’t willing to give.” I defended my friend and took a jab at Conor. It worked. He squirmed.

  “Maybe,” was his only response.

  I felt sure Matt wouldn’t try to push romance on me, yet I couldn’t help but wonder if what Conor said was true. Even if Matt didn’t try and force me to love him in a more-than-friends kind of way, I might end up hurting him.

  “Does that mean you want to be my boyfriend as well as my vamp protector?” I tried for boldness, watching his face for a response.

  He never took his eyes off the road, his lips curved upward slightly, and I swore he blushed a little. “I think I ruined my chances for more.” His gaze fell on me briefly before refocusing on the road ahead.

  He hadn’t really answered the question. Did he want to be with me? I really didn’t want to push. “But you’re trying to convince me to trust you?”

  He nodded. I sighed and steeled myself.

  “Conor, I won’t be used by you or anyone. I don’t care how hot you are.” His mouth twitched. I kept going. “If I do this, it’s going to be on my terms. You never talked to me before the other day. Now all of a sudden you want me to be your familiar? I’m wary…and nervous…and confused. This is not how I envisioned my life, my future. This decision is huge. I mean, what if the more time you spend with me, the more you realize you don’t like me? What if I start to annoy you? I know I’m not much to look at, so I’m relying on personality here. If you end up thinking I’m annoying or something, then it’s just my power—and that would suck for me.”

  Conor shook his head and uttered a sound of disbelief.

  “What?” I asked.

  He looked at me, eyebrows knit together. “Who said you were unattractive?”

  I shrugged. “No one, specifically, I guess. I’m just, not…Victoria.” I gnawed a little on my lower lip. It wasn’t like guys were lining up, asking me on dates. I’d had a boyfriend or two throughout high school, no one special.

  “You don’t have to look like Victoria to be attractive, Ashlinn.” He arched an eyebrow at me. “You are pretty. Do you think I kiss unattractive girls?” His grin was cocky.

  I rolled my eyes. “You would if you wanted their power.”

  He put a hand to his heart as if I’d wounded him. “Ouch! Is that really what you think of me?”

  I paused. I hadn’t really, but when I thought about it, it was exactly what worried me. “The jury’s still out on that one, I guess.”

  He nodded, tight-lipped. “Thus, why I need to prove to you that’s not who I am.”

  Wait, he’d said I was pretty. He thought I was pretty? My mouth pulled into a grin.

  He saw and raised his eyebrows in question.

  “What?” he asked, now looking between me and the road.

  I flushed. “You said I was pretty,” I replied softly.

  He rolled his eyes, looking very un-Conor-like. “Hasn’t anyone told you you were pretty?”

  I shook my head. My parents really didn’t count.

  “Well, you are.”

  I didn’t know what to say. Coming from Conor, the compliment warmed me to my toes and set my face afire. “Pssh. You’ll say anything now,” I joked. “Anything to butter me up.” I laughed, even as I wondered if he was telling the truth.

  He scoffed. “Ash. Really?” His gaze flicked to me and back forward. “I am not a liar. I’ve been honest with you from the start.” I opened my mouth. “Okay,” he corrected. “I left some important information out in the heat of the moment, but everything I’ve said to you has been truth.”

  Yeah, yeah. He was right, if I actually thought about it. He hadn’t lied. I sat back and sighed. Fine, so I could believe him.

  He pulled into a forest preserve parking lot. We sat in the car, facing the darkening forest, the dimming sunset filling the car with semi-darkness. It felt intimate and romantic.

  I swallowed and stared out my window, avoiding looking at him. He was beautiful, smart, amazing, and apparently, he wanted me. Whether for me or just for what I could give him remained to be seen.

  “I want to be honest with you, Ashlinn,” he said, bringing my attention to him.

  I unbuckled and leaned against my door, so I could see him better, and put some distance between us. This was all getting so cheesy for me, like some clichéd movie script.

  “Look at it from my perspective.” I found my voice, and focused on his earlobe. If I didn’t look at his eyes, I could remain firm. “I’m a vamp nobody. My best friends are vamps, but I don’t really go to any vamp functions. They’re really the only vamps I hang out with.” I played with the zipper on my hoodie.

  He was rapt with attention, letting me gather my thoughts and get them all out. “I’m totally crushing on, like, the king vamp kid in school, hot, popular, rich, yadda, yadda.”

  Blushing, I glanced out the windshield as he grinned. Even hot guys liked to hear they were hot. I cleared my throat and refocused, meeting his eyes this time. Yay, me. “As far as I know, he has no idea that I even exist. Best friend Matt, who is also friends with hot guy, keeps telling me to give it up. But he won’t even offer to introduce me, or invite me to any parties. Oh yeah, and said hot vamp boy has gorgeous vamp girlfriend, so I really have zero chance.” I paused. How much did I tell him? He hadn’t really given me anything; he’d tried to bite me and was trying to win my trust back. Dare I bare my soul to him now, give him more power over me?

  “You have a chance,” he cut in. “You had a chance before you walked into me this week. You’re not invisible, Ashlinn. Saturday night, I...wanted to kiss you. Yes, I wanted to bite you, but more than that, I wanted to keep kissing you. I screwed it all up, and it suckes I have to start from scratch because I’ve wasted a lot of kissing time.” He stared ahead as he talked, hands flexing on the steering wheel, the lingering shadows playing on the contours of his face.

  A small bloom of warmth ignited in my center and began to radiate outward. I pressed my lips together to keep from smiling like an idiot, even as they burned with the memory of his kiss. I entwined my fingers in my lap and took a deep breath. That had been totally honest from him. I could give him something deeper, as well.

  The next part was totally honest and revealing, more than I’d ever told Cora even. “He’s everywhere,” I continued. My voice dropped to just above a whisper, but Conor would have no trouble hearing me. “In my dreams at night, in my daydreams, all I can think about some days. He shows up everywhere. I’m kinda obsessed, and I can’t do anything about it. I’m just drawn to him. I feel like…”

  I glanced back into the woods, now almost completely dark. Looking back at Conor, I could see his eyes almost glowing. I foraged on.

  “I feel like we’re connected somehow. Weird, crazy, I know. Cora thinks I’m crazy, Matt thinks I’m crazy. Yet, I can’t help how I feel.” I stopped and took a breath.

  He was frozen, watching me, like he was afraid if he moved, I would run. His lips curved up a little, his only movement. I waited. Waited for him to laugh, to confirm I was crazy. To tell me to forget the whole thing because I was definitely loony. He just sat there, mouth shut. I pulled my zipper up and down, and blew out a breath. “So imagine my reaction when said hot boy corners me in his library and proceeds to seduce me.” I grinned wryly.

  He leaned away in shock. “Seduce you?”

  I rolled my eyes. �
��Please! Poetry?” I scoffed. “Like you didn’t have that planned?”

  His laughter filled the car. I couldn’t help but join in.

  “Truth?” he asked when he’d sobered a little. I nodded.

  “I was nervous. I had no idea how to start a conversation when I found you, let alone ask you what I wanted to. I thought it would break the ice a little. But—” It was his turn to look away. “I told you, I really wanted to kiss you. I just got caught up in the moment, and—well, you know—” He shrugged and drummed his fingers on the steering wheel.

  I did know. “Um. Yeah. Well, imagine how I felt when I realized you meant to bite me, without asking me first. I thought…I thought you were just using me, kissing me to soften me up so you could get what you wanted. That’s when I panicked. I was scared and angry.” I couldn’t look at him now, remembering the first wave of humiliation.

  “I know,” he whispered. “I can’t tell you how sorry I am.” He’d already apologized so many times. I had to move on. I knew he felt bad.

  “I know,” I repeated his words. “I just felt stupid. And then I found out my best friend had told you I liked you. It was just…embarrassing.” I raised a shoulder and tilted my head, hoping he understood my predicament.

  He reached across the console and took my hand. The cold vampire thing was all bunk, because his touch warmed me. “Which is why I want to start over with you. Can we do that?”

  My immediate reaction was just to say yes, to give into his pleading eyes. I hesitated, studying him. His mouth turned down at the corners, forehead creased in concern. “What do you want from me, Conor?”

  He looked taken aback, eyes widening, but recovered quickly. “A chance to be friends, to earn your trust, and the possibility you might eventually find me worthy of having you as my familiar. In return, I can protect you. I can give you friendship and trust. All the same I’m asking of you, I’ll give you.”

  I nodded slowly as I digested his words, ignoring the twinge in my gut. He hadn’t said he wanted to date me. Was it just an omission, or did he really just want to be friends? I could be just friends with Conor, really. “Okay.” I covered up my disappointment with a small smile. “We can start over.”