“Don’t worry about me, handsome. I am going into the library to indulge myself in some peace and quiet with a nice book for company,” I sweetly shrug.
“Okay, darling, I’ll see you later.” Leaning forward Jonny smells light and fresh with a distinct zingy aroma. His hazel eyes are bright and warm as his luscious lips kiss mine. Shit! He hasn’t even left the room and I miss him already!
When I go up to the library, I just sit there, gathering my thoughts. I try not to think of my daughters. They’re not wanting to have anything to do with me is like a raw, open wound which doesn’t ever want to heal. I wonder how they are. I wish I could hear their voices or better still, hold them! No! No! No! I can’t think about them! I just can’t!
With feelings of boredom, sadness and loneliness, I browse the vast array of books. I am trying to decide which one to choose so I can settle down and be taken into a realm of fantasy within a corner of my mind. Anything, just to forget literally everything on the outside of these walls.
I brush the book spines with a choosing finger. I smile when I reach Of Mice and Men. I remember this classic Steinbeck novel well as we studied it in secondary school. I have fond memories of it being one of the first books I read which kind of just stayed with me. I pull it out to reacquaint myself with it again. As I open the first page I find a folded up piece of paper. With curiosity I open it. It’s a hand written letter, so with the same curiosity I begin to read it.
My Darling Jonny 23rd April 2008
I write this letter with a heavy heart. I hope you understand my reasons for not joining you in London. I know I explained it to you, but I hope deep within your heart you truly do understand. I always knew you would be a success one day, as it has always been your dream to be an actor (all those awful drama club productions at school obviously paid off in the end). I thought I would be able to handle the fame side of it, but I can’t. I thought my love for you would be enough to help me deal with it, yet I find it is not. Although there is no doubt in my heart of my feelings for you, Jonny. I know that if I leave Devon and join you in London, I would hate it. Everything that I am is here in Devon; my job, family and friends. I realised by leaving them, I would only be following your dream and not mine. I would end up resenting you and probably hating all we ever were to each other and I can’t do that to us.
I have thought about this for weeks and weeks. I’ve cried myself to sleep for most of them, as this decision is the hardest and most painful one I have ever had to make. Letting you go hurts me more than you’ll ever know because I love you. You will always be in my heart, Jonny, and I want you to be happy in all that you do and with those you choose to do it with.
Do you remember this book? We used to study from this exact same book. I give it to you now to treasure always, just as I shall always treasure our sweet memories together.
Never forget I love you and I wish you well.
Your forever love,
Georgina xxxxxx
Shit! It’s a Dear John love letter! I swallow hard, folding up the letter as it was before. My emotions rush through me from the raw and emotive words, which have been thoughtfully penned by someone from Jonny’s past.
He has never mentioned a Georgina before. She is obviously someone who he knew a long time and someone whom he loved very much; the heartfelt words show just how much she loved Jonny.
I feel like I have disturbed something so preciously private. I now have so many questions running wild within my head. Who is she? Where is she now? Does Jonny still think about her? Does he still think of her as his, forever love? Too many questions!
Of course I can never ask. Damn right you can never ask, Jessica Neel! This letter was not meant for you to ever see.
I feel like I have intruded on something I shouldn’t have. The date is 2008, but the emotions, which lie within this letter, are still as strong today. I carefully place the book, along with the letter, back to where it had been before. I am laying it to rest, so to speak. So too, must the questions I have about the mysterious Georgina. I can’t let Jonny know that I have found the letter. I would hate for him to think I have read something which was only ever meant for him to see.
As irrational as it seems, I feel jealous of the memories they share. I know Jonny and I are just creating ours and I suppose Jonny may feel exactly the same way about Shawn and me. Yet, I still can’t shake off the tinge of jealousy that I carry with me now. The fact is, both of us have a past. It is completely and utterly ridiculous to feel threatened by someone who is very much a part of Jonny’s. I must now try to ignore my groundless thoughts and feelings . . . I must forget about Georgina.
The day drags on with fleeting thoughts of the letter, the complete frustration of being unable to go out, missing Jonny and my girls and a not yet being one-hundred percent recuperated body. Fed up, I decide to go and lie down. At least there, I have the comforting scent of Jonny on the pillow. Without even knowing it, I am eventually lulled into a deep slumber.
My eyes start to twitch, I feel myself being roused from my deep sleep by the feeling that someone is in the room with me. I slowly open my eyes to the pleasing sight of a smiling Jonny at the end of the bed.
“How long have you been there?” I mumble drowsily.
“Not long . . . just long enough to see how beautiful you look when you are asleep,” he answers.
I stretch like a cat with a coy smile. “How was your meeting?” I ask with a strained voice.
Jonny smiles. “It went well, I think. In spite of everything, they are keen for me to have the lead role.”
“That’s fantastic news.” I sit up, lying back on the pillows.
Taking off his jacket and hanging it up in the mirrored wardrobe, Jonny carries on talking. “I should hear in the next few days whether I have got it or not.”
“What was the press like?” I ask.
“We had a couple of paps follow us. There are still quite a few outside, but they will soon get bored.” Jonny says, seemingly unbothered.
“I really am not looking forward to setting foot out there for the first time,” I say, smoothing down my bed-head hair.
Jonny closes the wardrobe door and sits down on the bed. “Do you think you would be up for a quiet dinner somewhere nice in a few days’ time?”
My mood brightens. “I thought you would never ask, I am slowly going crazy not being able to go out.” I admit.
He moves closer, taking my hand. “Are you sure you are up to it, Jessica? You know the press will be out there.”
I lovingly smile at him. “I need to face them sometime. It’s a nice relaxed dinner with the man that I love, nothing is too tiring about that.” I assure him, stroking his face.
He laughs, kissing my knuckles. “It’s a date then.”
Just him doing that sends tingles of desire through my just woken body. That is, until a random thought pops into my head to taunt me. I tense with a small frown forming across my forehead. “Do you think the public are going to hate me? Shit, what if I get egged or something awful like that?” I nervously blink.
Jonny huffs. “They could bloody well try.”
“Maybe I should wear waterproofs . . . just in case?” A forced little giggle passes my lips.
“Beef and Simon will be with us. If anyone’s going to get egged, it will be them.” We both laugh.
All joking aside, I really am shitting myself about facing the press and indeed the public. I can’t however, keep hiding away. I have to confront my fears, head on! I am quietly going crazy just being cooped up in the apartment. It will do me good to spend some time with Jonny, even if it is under the watchful eye of a press pack.
I wrap my arms around Jonny’s waist. “So where are you taking me?” I excitedly ask.
“A little Italian place, not too far from here. I didn’t want to take you too far. At least it’s getting you out for a bit and giving the press their much wanted first pic of you.”
“You make it sound so romantic.” I playf
ully roll my eyes.
Jonny grins. “You know what I mean. I don’t want you to overdo things, that’s all.”
“I know exactly what you mean.” I kiss his neck and snuggle into it, wrapping myself over his hips and legs.
I feel his chest rise as he speaks, “I missed you today.” Hearing him say the words that I have been feeling all day long, gives me a pleasurable warmth. I hold him tightly, like I never want to let him go. I think of Georgina and try to imagine how it must have felt to give up the man who is tightly in my arms right now. “Judging by the constricting cuddle, am I right in thinking you have missed me too?” Jonny’s deep laugh echoes through his chest.
“I really have missed you today, Jonny. I have been feeling so frustrated and bored . . . I am missing the girls terribly.
So much so, I am not quite sure what to do with myself anymore.” I feel a little pathetic, admitting just how needy I am. I don’t want Jonny thinking I am only clinging to him because he is all I have left . . . I cling to him because I love and need him.
“I knew something was up when I left you this morning.” Jonny says quietly, running his fingers through my hair.
The frustration I feel comes tumbling out of me. “I am used to being busy and, although I am feeling much better, I know my body still needs time to fully heal. Yet, my mind just wants to get going. I really need to see my girls, but I know I am not yet strong enough to face a battle with Shawn.” I bury my face in Jonny’s chest with a long, drawn out sigh.
“It won’t be long until you’ll be running around like you were before. It has only been a week since the operation and already you are so much stronger. As soon as you are well enough, then you can face Shawn,” he assures me.
“I know. At least I have meeting your mum and going out with you to look forward to. Plus, Lydia and Jake want to come up in a couple of weeks’ time as well.” I say, sounding a little more positive.
Jonny laughs. “I don’t think you are going to have much time to be bored because so do Stephanie and Harry.”
I rest my chin on his shoulder. “We have a busy time ahead of us, then?”
“We certainly do, Dimples.”
There’s a gentle tap on the bedroom door. “Jonny, your mum has just arrived,” Beef loudly announces. We both look at one another. Jonny looks confused, quickly jumping off the bed to answer the door. I am left feeling completely unprepared for this! Shit!
“Mum is here now?” Jonny asks with surprised wide eyes.
Beef looks just as confused, shrugging his shoulders. “She has just this minute arrived.”
“Why has she come early?”
“I don’t know, but she is waiting for you downstairs.” I hear Beef walk away, his heavy feet thudding all the way down the hall. I honestly don’t think I will ever get used to how ginormous that man really is!
“Well, my beautiful Dimples, you are going to meet my mum.” Jonny kisses my nervous mouth.
“You go on down, I’ll be down in a minute.” I just need to have a quiet panic attack!
“Are you sure you don’t want me to wait for you?” Jonny gently asks.
I lightheartedly shoo him away. “No, I’ll be fine. I want to freshen up a bit first.” Then have another quiet panic attack!
“See you in a minute then.” He says, slowly walking out of the door.
I breathe in deeply, trying to calm myself down before getting out of bed. Shit! Shit! Shit! I’m not ready for this! Standing up, I look at my reflection. My boot cut jeans with a turtleneck cashmere jumper in a deep blue colour, look casually classic and not too creased after my nap. I go to the bathroom to quickly brush my hair and to sweep a clear gloss across my nervous lips. No matter what colour the gloss is, it is always my saving grace. I pout back at my reflection, flicking my hair off my shoulders before heading downstairs. Now I am ready!
I hear excited chatter as I enter the reception room. I walk in wearing the biggest and bravest smile on my lip-glossed mouth. Please don’t hate me! Please don’t hate me!
“Here she is . . . Mum, this is Jessica,” Jonny attentively strides towards me, placing his loving arm around my waist before we walk towards what appears to be a beaming face of friendliness. So far so good! “Jessica, this is my mum.” Jonny proudly introduces us.
His mum has vivid red hair, obviously out of the bottle, but striking nevertheless. It is cut in long layers on top but short and tapered round the ears. Her porcelain complexion along with her pale green eyes can carry off such a bold cut and colour. She certainly makes an impression!
Her sense of style is timelessly classic. She wears tailored black trousers and low-heeled boots paired with a white, fitted three quarter sleeve blouse. The outfit is finished off with a long necklace resting within her cleavage and a large selection of colourful bracelets. She definitely looks younger than her sixty-something years. Jonny has the same defined facial features as his attractive mother. She appears to still be wearing a genuine smile, so yes . . . definitely a good first impression!
“Oh, Jessica, it’s so nice to meet you at last.” She embraces me like she has known me forever. I let go of Jonny in order to reciprocate her warm and friendly hold.
“It’s a lovely surprise to meet you too, Mrs. Riley.” I say with warm affection.
“Dear girl, call me Helena. There is no need for such formality with me.” She still has hold of my arm and doesn’t appear to be letting go any time soon. Maybe she really doesn’t hate me?
“Mum saw the headlines this morning and decided to come early.” Jonny interrupts.
“The bloody press really does get on my tits, Jessica. When I saw the newspapers this morning, I knew I had to come.
Do they have no bloody shame? Jonny was just telling me it was your bitch of a mother-in-law who told the press about the pregnancy. I bet she is single, isn’t she?” I cautiously nod; too stunned to say anything else. Jonny told me his mum was a straight-down-the-line kind of woman who doesn’t ever mince her words; I am quickly finding that out for myself. Although she’s obviously bemused about the press, her angry rant is almost comedic in her West Country twang.
“Shawn’s dad left her about ten years ago,” I manage to quietly answer.
“See? What did I say? No one gets that vindictive unless they are not getting enough sex.” Helena animatedly shrugs her shoulders.
My cheeks flush. “It was a shock to find out what Catherine did, yes.” I have to agree.
Helena’s frown is harsh. “She will regret doing that, you mark my words.”
Jonny sweetly touches his mum on the arm. I don’t know if he is gently trying to persuade her to change the subject, but it lightens the mood somewhat. “Do you want a drink, Mum?”
“I’ll have a gin and tonic please, Jonny. All those bloody journalists really do turn me to drink. Don’t any of them have homes to bloody go to?” Helena fumes.
“It would seem not . . . I’ll get you that drink. What would you like, darling?” Jonny smiles at me. How I have missed his wonderful smile today.
“Just a glass of water, please.” Helena throws us both a confused look.
“Jessica is on strong painkillers, Mum, so she’s not drinking at the mo.” Jonny kindly explains.
“Ahhh, yes, of course. So are you feeling better now, my lovely?” she asks.
“I am, thank you.” Jonny brushes the small of my back as he leaves the room. This is it . . . this is where the pretending she likes me, literally stops!
Grabbing a few grapes out of the fruit bowl beside her, Helena asks with a smile. “So how do you like London, Jessica?” Okay . . . is that a real smile she is giving me? Or the ‘I’m watching you’ kind of smile?
“I haven’t really seen any of it yet. I have been recuperating in here. Hopefully I will get to see more of it, just as soon as I am better,” I politely answer.
Helena screws her face up. “I’m not a fan, as Jonny will have already told you I expect. Far too many people for my liking, si
rens going off all the bloody time and don’t even get me started on the smog. For almost a week after every visit, I am still finding smoggy bogeys up my nose!” I can’t help but burst out laughing at her comment.
Helena’s deadpan face looks back at me, and for a moment, I think I have offended her. Shit! As I am about to profusely apologise, she joins me in my impromptu laughter.
“I am so pleased you are well, Jessica . . . and that you are both happy. That’s why I came. I needed to know Jonny was okay and that you are not letting those fools get you down. I can see they are not . . . and that pleases me.” She happily pops another grape into her mouth.
“What pleases you?” Jonny is carrying his mum’s gin and tonic and a glass of iced water for me.
As he hands Helena her drink she catches his eye and answers his casual question. “That you are happy.”
“I am . . . very happy.” Jonny rests his hand on my hip, proudly pulling me into him. God, I love this man! Helena’s gaze instantly softens at the sight of us together.
“You are a naturally beautiful girl, Jessica. It’s a relief to see all your assets are indeed real. The last girl I saw on Jonny’s arm was in the paper and my God, her lips were like dinghies and her breasts were like bouncy castles.” Jonny rolls his eyes at his mum’s words.
“I have told you both before, Allira was drunk that night. I was only helping her to walk safely in those bloody ridiculous high heels she was wearing,” He takes a sip of his Jack Daniels and Coke, heavily shrugging his shoulders. “Why on Earth do women put their feet through such torture?” With a crooked grin, he carries on. “I am actually more concerned by the fact my chivalry has indeed gone unnoticed here. And for the record, she never was my date. There was a big group of us out that night . . . shit! I am never going to live that damn picture down, am I?” He shakes his head slowly, still wearing his delicious crooked grin.
Helena holds her crystal tumbler near her mouth, tipping it slightly with her wrist before speaking. “No, you won’t! However, you have indeed redeemed yourself with Jessica. She is stunning.” I feel embarrassed by Helena talking about me as though I am not here. Although she is being lovely and complimentary, I find myself blushing nevertheless. Although I can’t deny, I am quietly elated that she thinks I am much more attractive than Miss Tits and Lips!
A Famous Affair Page 24
