I kneel beside Jonny, who tries to give me a reassuring smile. “What has happened?” I ask with pleading eyes.
“I’m okay, don’t panic.” Jonny strokes my arm, but I can see he is in a lot of pain. Mary has an ice pack pressed on a lump just above his brow bone. My confused thoughts run wildly away with me.
“Who did this to you?” I ask in a trembling, panicked voice.
Jonny holds my hand. “Darling, calm down. I’ll be fine. I have to tell you something, but I don’t want you to be angry with me.”
My panic-stricken voice rises, “Why . . . what has happened, please tell me?”
Jonny looks at me, nervously swallowing. “I have been to see Shawn.” Shit! What did he just say?
I blink hard, not understanding. “Shawn? I don’t understand . . . why?”
“To try to talk to him.” Jonny tells me, wincing as Mary moves the ice pack on his eye.
“Did he do this to you?” I ask with tears now forming in my eyes. Jonny nods, looking over at a shaken looking Beef. I try to process what he is telling me. Panic surges through me once again. “Shit Jonny, you didn’t fight?” I try to stand up, but Jonny pulls me back down.
“No, no . . . of course I didn’t fight with Shawn.”
“Then what happened?” I desperately search Jonny’s face. Beef steps forward. His deep voice is quiet but strong.
“Shawn is what happened, Jessica.”
“Shawn hit you?” I am now looking back at Jonny, he nods slowly. “Did the girls see?” I ask, fearful of his answer.
Jonny shakes his head. “I don’t think so.”
I lean against his knees. “Why didn’t you tell me where you were going?”
“Because you would have tried to stop me.” Jonny says, trying to smile.
“Too bloody right. What were you thinking, Jonny?”
“I just wanted to try to make him see sense, but as you can see it didn’t quite go according to plan.” He attempts another smile, but it hurts him when his eyes crease upwards.
I hold his hands in mine. My stomach is gnarled, when I look at his raw and bruised face more closely. “I can’t believe you would be so stupid.”
He looks down at the floor. “I wanted to try to make things better. I’m so sorry, Jessica.”
I grip his hands tighter. “Don’t be sorry, but please promise me you won’t do anything like this ever again.”
Jonny rests his head onto mine kissing the tip of my nose. “I promise.” He then carefully stands up, kissing a scared looking Mary on the cheek. “Thank you Mary, I think I am going to have a shower now.” Jonny’s pride has been hurt. I don’t think I have ever seen him look so dejected as he quietly leaves the room.
“I’ll be up in a minute,” I shout after him, but he doesn’t answer. All three of us stand there in stunned silence. I look at Beef. “Is he okay?” I ask.
“Just a little shaken, I think.” Beef rubs his concerned hand over his smooth head.
“I am just going to check on Mr. Riley’s dinner. After the day he has had. I don’t want to spoil his meal, too.” Mary is visibly shaken. I walk towards her, wrapping my arms around her.
“He will be okay, Mary . . . nothing a bit of TLC won’t sort.”
“I hope you’re right, Jessica.” She tries to force a smile.
“Do you want Beef to take you home after you’ve checked dinner?” I ask.
“There’s no need. My husband is collecting me, I texted him earlier.”
“If you’re sure?”
Mary smiles. “It’s a kind offer, but really there’s no need.”
I nod, stroking her arm. “As long as you are sure?”
“I am . . . thank you.” She quickly leaves the room.
Beef and I look at one another once again. His tanned face is so tense as he nervously walks towards one of the leather chairs near the fireplace.
“You okay, Beef?” I have to ask because I have never seen him look so perturbed either.
Stretching his arms out in front of him, he blows a burdened breath away. “I am fine. It has been one hell of a day, though.”
I slump down into the chair opposite him. “What was he thinking?” I ask with a heavy sigh, nervously clasping my hands on my lap.
Beef looks at me. “He was just trying to sort things out for you, Jessica.”
“Did you go to the door with him?” I ask, frowning with worry.
Beef shakes his head, looking sadly back at the fire. “Jonny didn’t want me to, but I followed anyway in case things turned nasty. It’s a good job I did, really.”
I lean forward in my chair, resting my elbows on my knees. “Tell me what happened, Beef?”
“Shawn answered the door and Jonny calmly told him he wanted to talk to him, but Shawn wouldn’t let him in. So Jonny then asked him why he wouldn’t allow the girls to see you. That’s when Shawn hit him. I went to protect Jonny, but he told me to back the hell off. Then he walked straight back up to Shawn. Telling him he deserved that and if that’s what makes him feel better for destroying his family, then he will happily stand there and be punched over and over again. So Shawn hits him again.” Beef looks pained, telling me his re-count of what happened.
“Shit, Beef! He really said that?” I lower my head into my hands. I am shocked, scared and yet strangely proud. I know Jonny meant what he said to Shawn. He probably would have kept taking the beating because he believes he truly deserves it. His perverse chivalry only makes me love him even more.
“That’s not all, Jessica. When Jonny approaches Shawn again. He also tells him that they both love the same woman. He knows that Shawn is hurting and trying hard not to love you anymore, but deep down Shawn also knows that you are not a bad mother and punishing you by using your daughters is just wrong.” Beef says, staring at me hard.
I swallow with disbelief, blinking back my tears. “Then what?” I ask.
“Shawn just closes the door.” Beef grips the arm of the leather chair with his overly large hand. He looks so upset about it all, like he is blaming himself.
“There was nothing you could do, Beef. We both know that when Jonny puts his mind to something, there is just no stopping him. Why do you think I am still here?” I anxiously laugh.
Beef’s surly expression changes to a small smile. His formidable shoulders shrug heavily. “He’s a fucking pain in my ass,” he gruffly says, tinged with a little humour.
I smile but it soon leaves my lips as the enormity of what Jonny has done hits me. “I am overwhelmed by Jonny’s actions, Beef. “ I say, bringing my shaky hand to my chin.
“He loves you very much, Jessica.”
“I know he does.” There’s a relaxing, comfortable silence between us.
I notice Beef’s gaze on me. He hesitates before speaking. His whole upper body rises as he takes in a deep breath, slowly letting it back out. “Why do you think I was always so guarded with you when we first met?” Beef quietly asks.
My eyes widen. Remembering how once upon a time, Beef always used to make me feel so inadequate and unworthy around him. His coldness had always bothered me so much.
I shrug my shoulders, tilting my head with a weak smile. “Because you didn’t like me?”
Beef smirks to himself. “It was never about me not liking you, Jessica. I have only seen Jonny care about one other woman and when he met you, he had the very same look in his eyes. It didn’t work out for him with her. So when I found out that you were married. I thought, here we go again! For me, you just meant more heartache for him.” Beef admits with a smile.
“Who was this woman?” I ask, pretending to not know about the mysterious Georgina. It has to be Georgina that Beef is talking about. Jonny’s forever love!
“Her name is Georgina. Who she is really doesn’t matter though. My point is, he fell for you harder than he ever did with her and he hardly knew you. Georgina was someone he had history with, yet never before had I seen him want someone as much as he wanted you. I won’t lie, Jess
ica. It worried me.” Beef stands tall, his magnificent shadow, blankets the reception wall.
“So what happened between them?” I ask, my hands nervously tighten together.
Beef shakes his head, turning his back on me. “It’s not for me to say. I am sure one day, Jonny will tell you all about her. What I can tell you is this, it took him a long time to get over her and my job is to protect Jonny. I protect him in a professional manner every single day. However, Jonny is not only my employer. He is my friend, too. I am able to shield him from everyday harm in the physical sense, but when you see a friend who is emotionally crippled by their own hurt. That is a tough thing to have to handle, Jessica. It is something I never want to see him go through ever again.” Beef is opening up to me in a way I never thought possible. His relationship with Jonny runs very deep. I now completely understand why he acted in the way in which he did towards me. Beef was only trying to protect Jonny’s heart.
“You care about him very much, don’t you?” I ask in a soft voice.
Beef smiles without any hesitation. “I love him like a brother.”
My heart swells at Beef’s candid words. “How long have you known Jonny?”
Beef comes and sits opposite me. “We had mutual friends in Devon. We always got on and had a laugh together. I’d been a bouncer in a couple of the local clubs for years and when Jonny’s career took off, he asked me whether I’d be interested in being responsible for his security. That was over ten years ago.”
I look at Beef with a dipped chin. “Remember when I first met Jonny? You scared the shit out of me!” I tell him with a small smile.
His weathered face softens, then he laughs at my admission. “I suppose that is kind of the idea, Jessica. I am meant to look scary.”
I laugh, relaxing into the leather chair. “That is true, but even after that. I always felt that you didn’t like me.”
Beef’s eyes dart up at me. “I am sorry if I made you feel like that, Jessica. I was just looking out for Jonny, that’s all.
I have watched his career grow and when someone becomes famous, they become public property. That has been tough for Jonny. He is one of the good guys in this business. He really cares about people, which unfortunately can make him an easy target for all of the undesirables in this world.”
I stand up and walk over to Beef. Even though he is sitting down, I am still very much dwarfed by his burly body. I don’t even need to bend down too far in order to give him an affectionate kiss on his big cheek. “I really am glad we have had this chat, Beef. I now have a better understanding of you. Jonny is extremely lucky to have you looking out for him, he really is.” I affectionately stroke his shoulder.
Beef looks proud. “Believe me, it’s a pleasure. I get to travel, meet all kinds of people and work with someone who is like family. I have a great life.”
“So, are you all set for New York?” I ask. Whenever I mention New York, my stomach just rolls forward.
Beefs nods, with a wary smile. “I am looking forward to it, but I know that Jonny is feeling very torn about going. He is really going to be a nightmare, mainly because he will be missing you.”
I agree, with a weighted sadness in the pit of my stomach. “It’s going to be tough for the both of us, but we can talk to each other every day. I know I am going to miss him terribly, regardless. I am hoping that by keeping myself busy, it will keep the pining at bay.” I solemnly look out at the room in front of me.
Beef stands, placing his giant-like hand on my shoulder. “He will kill me for telling you this, but he has told me that leaving you behind Jessica, is going to be one of the hardest things he will ever have to do.”
I am being overtaken by my emotions. I try to hold them back, biting down on my lip. “Letting him go Beef, is one of the hardest things I will ever have to do. Only today I panicked when I realised he won’t be here soon.” Beef squeezes my shoulder, a consoling squeeze. I lift my hand to give his a gratified pat.
“That is why he wants to celebrate your first Christmas together by having a party; he wants to leave on a high.” Beef explains.
“I am looking forward to it, I really am. I just hope I can hold it together.” I weakly smile, with tears in my eyes.
“You will Jessica. Besides, he’s not going to be gone forever. He will be back before you know it.”
I know Beef is trying to ease my mind but even a day without Jonny, feels like a damned eternity. I try to stop my chin from quivering by being strong. “No, he’s not.” I quietly respond.
“In fact, we both will be back before you know it.” Beef’s broad grin greets me, pulling me from my solemn slump.
I smile, still facing the man who used to intimidate me so much. His bright eyes still on me. “Thanks, Beef. I suppose I had better go up and see how my wounded prince is doing.”
Beef’s loud laugh fills the room. “I am heading home now. So I will see you both tomorrow, Jessica. Take care of him, won’t you?”
“I certainly will. See you tomorrow.” I turn, heading towards the door.
“Oh, and Jess?” Beef turns to face my direction. I am near the reception door so his gruff voice has to be heard from across the room.
“Yes?” I ask loudly.
“I am glad we’ve had this chat. I just want you to know that how I used to feel about you, is not how I feel about you now.” I nod with a thankful smile.
“The same applies to you, Beef.” I leave the room feeling light. A new and deeper understanding has passed between us. I walk up the stairs with a smile on my face and needing to be with Jonny.
When I enter our bedroom, I hear Jonny in the en suite. He is looking in the mirror, gently pressing some tissue against the cut on his left cheekbone. I stand behind him wrapping my arms around his naked waist. He feels so good in my arms.
Jonny smiles at me in the mirror. “So, you’re still talking to me, then?”
“Why wouldn’t I be?” I ask, kissing his back.
“I thought you’d be angry?”
“You were trying to help and for that reason alone, I love you more than ever.” I squeeze him tightly.
Jonny turns around to hold me in his arms. “I am relieved that you don’t hate me, Jessica. When Shawn hit me, all I kept thinking was that I fucked everything up.”
I tilt my head with a serene smile. “I could never hate you, Jonny. What you did was the sweetest yet most ridiculous thing anyone has ever done for me.”
His forehead meets mine. “I am sorry I wasn’t able to make things right.”
I lightly brush my thumb across his lower lip. “You have nothing to apologise for. It’s my problem, but thank you for trying.”
His fingers now stroke my cheek. “Shawn still loves you.”
I pull back. “Why do you say that?” I ask with a tense expression.
Jonny smiles. “I can see it in his eyes.”
I grimace, shaking my head. “Well, he couldn’t even look at me when I saw him.” I shrug off his comment.
“That’s because it’s too painful for him to look at you.” Jonny says, pulling me nearer to him.
I cannot believe for one second that Shawn would still love me. Whatever I saw in Shawn’s eyes, was definitely not love. I hold Jonny ridiculously tight, gaining comfort from his body against mine. “Beef said you let him hit you twice . . . why?” I ask, lifting my chin to look at him.
Jonny looks me in the eyes, a sadness veiling his own. “He is a man in bits, Jessica. To see for myself what I have done to him was hard. If hitting me makes him feel better, then it strangely makes me feel better,” I pull his tortured face down to mine, my lips place feather light kisses over his sore cheek and eye. Jonny winces, pushing me back so we can talk. “Do you remember the night I found the bite marks on your birthday?”
I nod. “I will always remember that night, Jonny.”
His hazel eyes bore into me, unblinking and sad. ”I have never told you this, but the pain that I felt when I left you alone in that roo
m was indescribable, Jessica. All the time that we were apart killed me inside. After a particularly bad day, I nearly called you. I was so fucking close to picking up that phone, just to hear your voice.” Jonny looks at the phone beside the bed, before holding my face in his hands. “I was standing right here, looking at myself in this mirror. What I saw was the reflection of a destroyed man. I realised that if I picked up the phone, Shawn’s image would one day be the reflection staring back at me. So I pushed away my own feelings because I thought I was doing the right thing by you and your husband.” Jonny is now almost too choked for words. I stroke his face with one tender glide of my palm as I fight back my own tears. He closes his eyes to my loving touch, clearing his throat so he can continue. “Seeing Shawn today, took me right back to the day that I nearly called you. He now has the same hurt tattooed all over his face. I know how that feels and it’s something I wouldn’t wish on anyone. Letting him hit me was like hitting myself. It’s really hard to live with yourself, Jessica, when you know you are the reason for someone else’s pain. It is even worse when you know exactly how that pain feels. I know Shawn’s pain. I have felt the very same because of my love for you.”
I am stroking his swollen features, kissing where my fingers have been. “We have to stop doing this, Jonny. We both made choices and have to live with those choices. I love you so much; I can barely breathe when I think about it. We have to allow ourselves to be happy together. I know we are not out of the woods just yet, but loving you is the easiest thing in my life right now. Don’t give up on us, please.” I am not ashamed to beg. I hate seeing Jonny torturing himself like this.
Cupping my face in his desperate hands, his eyes narrow. “That’s the hardest thing, Jessica. Even though I know exactly how Shawn is feeling, I could never give you up. I did it once and I will never do it again.” He pulls me hard into him. His arms take me territorially. I am his and he is mine. I don’t know how long we stand there for. In an embrace of our unified declaration of our feelings for one another. I do, however, know that it’s a wonderful relief to be held by him.
Jonny pulls me into the bedroom, lying down on the bed. I follow, caressing his exhausted and tainted face. Though now bruised and swollen, his heavenly good looks are still clearly visible. There is nothing than can detract from his beautiful bone structure, straight nose and eyes which have the cutest brown lashes. His light brown hair is still a little damp and unkempt, yet tantalising all the same. While his divine and sexily full lips are beautifully relaxed. Oh, those precious lips of his will forever have me surrendering to him over and over again. I trace his sweet mouth with my little finger, which makes them twitch into a faint smile. When he opens his eyes, I almost melt into those beguiling cappuccino pots. They reveal to me their adoration and love. I caress his face, the lump on his brow bone is beginning to look much worse. I lean down, tenderly kissing it. “Jay isn’t going to be pleased when he sees this,” I whisper.
A Famous Affair Page 34
