All of You (A Rebel Desire Novel Book 3)

by Fabiola Francisco

  Ignoring her, I walk up to Jason and Rae to let them know I’m done.

  “We’re leaving?” Rae squeals. Her and Jason stand.

  “Sorry if she bothered you too much today.”

  “No way. She’s a great kid.”

  “Thanks. I know she can be a bit much when she’s excited.”

  “Nah. She’s funny.” He smiles down at Rae. “Can I drive you home?”

  “It’s really okay. You don’t have to.”

  “I want to.”

  “Come on, Mommy. I’m tired. He already knows where we live.” She smirks at Jason, an accomplice to his plan.

  “Fine.” Because who am I to say no to a handsome man? I should, but I’m too caught up in his eyes to turn him down. Instead, I follow him to his car and climb in.

  “Have you eaten dinner?” Jason asks.

  “No. I’ll have something at home.”

  “We’ll stop somewhere and eat.”

  “No, really. It’s okay. It’s late, and I’m tired.”

  “I’m hungry,” Rae says from the back seat. I look back at her and scowl.

  “We’ll eat at home, Rae. Besides, you ate mac and cheese for dinner.”

  “That was like two hours ago.” Jason snickers on the driver’s seat. “My teacher taught me how to tell time.”

  “You said you were tired,” I tell her.

  “But I’m hungrier. If I don’t eat something, I won’t fall asleep.”

  “Rae, I’ll give you a snack at home,” I snap, embarrassed that Jason is witnessing this. Why is Rae being so difficult today? I throw my head back on the headrest and exhale.

  “We won’t take long. A quick bite to eat and I’ll have you home, safe and sound. Promise.”

  “It’s not that.” I look out the window.

  “I want to invite you and Rae to eat. Hell, she’ll probably guide the entire conversation.”

  I giggle because it’s true. She will talk us all under the table.

  “Is that a yes?” He looks at me with a smile.

  “I smell like food and I’m tired and I don’t know what you expect from me.” No reason to pretend.

  “I think you’re pretty. You’re a good mom. I don’t know much else, but I want to. Zero expectations. I want to get to know you. I have nothing else to go by except the bit I’ve seen from watching you work, and it’s not enough.”

  Our hushed voices finally catch Rae’s attention when she says, “Are we gonna go ‘nywhere?”

  “We are, Rae Rae,” Jason cheers and Rae squeals.

  What does he want from us? What does he want from me? I don’t understand what appeal a broke, single mom has, or why he even tries coming around the diner to see me. He’s handsome, successful, and obviously sweet, so why is he trusting of me? For all he knows, I’d try to take his money and run.

  He parallel parks his car and turns off the engine. Before I can react, he’s opening my door and Rae’s. I undo my ponytail and brush out my hair with my fingers. My heart is beating fast, threatening to drown all other sound from my ears. I notice Jason lowers his cap to cover more of his face and wonder if people recognizing him is a nuisance.

  “This place is good and low-key. They also have the best ice cream sundae,” he winks at Rae. Her eyes widen with excitement and her hand squeezes mine. My normally calm and quiet girl is smitten with the bass player of Rebel Desire, and I know I’m going to have to talk her down later.

  “Hey, Maya,” Jason speaks to the hostess.

  “Hi, Jason. I don’t have you on the reservation list,” the pretty blonde smiles.

  “It was a last minute thing. Any chance you have a table away from the crowd?”

  “Let me check.”

  “Thanks.”

  Jason turns around and smiles. “They usually have some tables that are more isolated.”

  “What does isolated mean?” Rae looks up at him.

  “That they’re separate from everyone else.”

  “Why do we need a separate table?”

  “Because I don’t want people coming up to me and interrupting our dinner asking for autographs or pictures.”

  “So you’re like really famous?” Rae’s round eyes look at me.

  “Yeah, baby girl, he is.” I squeeze her hand and hope no one recognizes him for the sake of my daughter. The last thing I want is someone mentioning her in some gossip magazine, or the two of us getting pulled into some celebrity drama. Usually Rebel Desire is scandal-free, but it takes one single mother to change that. My daughter doesn’t need that kind of attention.

  “You’re in luck. We have a small table. Not your usual spot, but it’s private enough.”

  “Perfect. We’ll take it.”

  “Great. How many?”

  “Just us three,” Jason looks at Rae and me.

  “You got it,” the hostess smiles and leads us to our table.

  I self-consciously look at the people enjoying their dinner, all dressed up for a Saturday night with friends or partners, while I’m wearing old jeans and a gray tee shirt that has seen better days. We take a seat, Jason being a gentleman and holding a chair for Rae and myself. Menus in hand, I scout the options for the cheapest item. Rae is coloring on the kids menu after deciding she wants chicken nuggets with fries.

  “The burgers are great here,” Jason says.

  “I can’t believe so many people are still here.” It’s not that late, but I’m so used to town being on the quiet end by nine at night.

  “It’s not too late and it is the weekend.”

  “Yeah, I guess.” I wouldn’t know. It’s been years since I’ve been out on the weekend enjoying some free time.

  “Do you know what you want?”

  “I think a burger, since you so highly recommended them.”

  “Good choice. I’m having one, too.” He smiles.

  I take him in for a second, eyes blue as the summer sky and honest grin. The dark blond hair hidden beneath his ball cap. “I’d normally not eat with a cap on, but I don’t want anyone coming and interrupting.”

  “It’s okay. I get it.”

  An awkward silence falls around us until the waitress comes and takes our orders.

  “What are you working on, Rae Rae?” Jason asks. I can tell he purposefully uses her nickname because she likes it.

  “I’m connecting the numbers to make this house.” She holds up her menu to show us. “Oh! My mom needs a nickname too. I’m Rae Rae, and she could be….”

  “Hmmm… What do you think?”

  “How about Crae?”

  Jason and I both laugh at her suggestions. Rae frowns at us.

  “Nope. That means crazy to some people,” I explain.

  “It does?” Rae scrunches up her now. “You’re not crazy, Mommy.”

  “Cassie?” Jason asks.

  “Mmm… That’s what my Grandpa calls her. She needs something new. Caz? With a Z so it sounds cool.”

  Jason tilts his head and Rae imitates him. “Do you think she looks like a Caz?” Jason asks her. I feel awkward having him stare at me, coming up with nicknames for me with my daughter, who he only got to have a real conversation with this afternoon. They’re both so comfortable with each other, I’m starting to feel as if I’m the one who missed some kind of memo.

  “Yeah!”

  “Shhh, Rae. Not so loud.” I look around and smile apologetically to anyone watching us, which fortunately we are pretty secluded from the crowd.

  After dinner, Jason drives us back to our home.

  “I’m glad you decided to say yes to dinner,” he whispers.

  “I didn’t have much of a choice. Rae was already emotional this morning. Had I said no, the tantrum would’ve been brutal.” Rae isn’t the only one who wanted to have dinner. I was curious about what sitting at a table across from Jason would be like.

  “Well, I’m glad, regardless. She had a blast, too.” He peeks at her through the rearview mirror. As soon as he put the car in drive, Rae fell asleep.
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  “Thank you,” I say honestly.

  “I want to do this again. Take you out to dinner or whatever you want to do. Rae, too.”

  “I don’t know.” We both have such different lives, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t the teeny bit curious about him.

  “Think about it. I want you to know where I stand.”

  “All you know about me is that I’m a broke, single mom, living in a mobile home. You know where I work. That’s all. I wouldn’t fit in.”

  “Don’t even say that. I didn’t get to where I am because I had connections. The band and I worked hard, but we didn’t always have the abundance we have now. Cash makes sure to remind us every now and again, so our egos don’t inflate. But deep down, I’m a southern boy, born and raised in Tennessee, that worked hard to achieve his dreams.”

  “I was born and raised in Tennessee, too,” I offer a bit more about myself.

  Jason gives me a lopsided grin. “What are you dreams?”

  It’s obvious my dream isn’t working seven days a week at a diner. To be honest, I’ve never put much thought into my dreams. I always worked to help my parents. I look back at my sleeping daughter and smile.

  “Giving her the best life I can and making sure she has the opportunity to do anything she wants. If she wants to do ballet, be able to give that to her. Or art class. Basically, get her out of this cycle.” I sigh and turn back around, looking out the windshield.

  “I think you’re already working on that. What about you? Dreams for yourself?”

  I shake my head. I haven’t had dreams for myself in years. First, it was make sure my mom had all the care she needed. Then, I had Rae to think about. Now, I have to keep a roof over my head and sneak trips to my parents’ house a couple times a month when my schedule allows for it. Getting my own place wasn’t an easy decision, but I needed my own space to raise my daughter, even if that space is a trailer park in a shitty part of Nashville.

  Fortunately, we pull up to our row of homes and I get out of the car before Jason can open my door. I pick Rae up out of the car and carefully walk her to the door.

  “Hey,” Jason calls out, catching up to me. I turn around and meet his frown. “I want to walk you to your door.” He places his hand on the small of my back and walks with me. Careful not to wake Rae, I try to fish out the keys from my purse, but I carried her on the side of my purse, making it almost impossible.

  “Want me to hold her?” Jason offers. I look at him. He spent the entire day with Rae and I know he’s one of the good guys, but the idea of him holding my daughter as she sleeps… I don’t know. It’s too much for one day.

  “Do you mind grabbing the keys from my purse as I lift her a bit?”

  “Sure.” He reaches in and finds them right away. Not much in there to hide my set of keys anyway.

  “Thanks.” He goes as far as unlocking the house for me. When our eyes meet, he brushes a few strands of hair that have swept over my face and places them behind my shoulder. His fingers ghost down my face as he does this, covering me in chills.

  “You’re welcome. You should get her to bed.”

  I nod and walk into my house, turning back once more to look at him.

  “I’m going to see you again, Cassidy Rae,” he calls out. I bite down my smile and shut the door.

  After setting Rae down in bed, I take a quick shower to wash away the day and diner smell. This is my alone time. A moment where I can relax and reflect. Normally I reflect on work, helping my parents, and saving money. Tonight, I’m thinking about sky blue eyes that have an extraordinary shine and the sensation I felt when he touched me. Dinner was so relaxing, with Rae leading most of the conversation, I felt normal for a while. Albeit, self-conscious about being seen, especially with Jason, but there was a normalcy about going to dinner on a Saturday night that I haven’t felt since I was in high school.

  One other night felt normal, but the result of that night was a shock that began this whirlwind chaos that is now my life. I love Rae more than anything, but finding out I was pregnant hit the pause button on my life.

  I dry off, and thoughts of Jason’s hand touching my face follow me to bed. I’ve been a mother for so long that I’ve forgotten what it feels like to be a woman.

  A break in routine throws me off. It always has. After last night, I woke up disoriented, worked the morning and afternoon shift in some kind of loopy state, and got home with my eyes barely open. I’m glad I worked the earlier shift, so I could relax the rest of the day. Even Rae was asleep when I left for work.

  “Mommy,” she screams as I walk in the door. Her daily greeting always expands my heart.

  “Hey, baby.”

  “It’s Rae Rae,” her eyes light up. I sigh and give her my best smile.

  “That’s right. Rae Rae,” I relent.

  Abigail looks at me from her spot on the couch and I shake my head. As I sit next to her, she leans in and whispers, “She told me all about him.”

  I close my eyes and throw my head back against the top of the couch.

  “I don’t want her to get attached,” I murmur to Abigail.

  She places her hand on my knee. “She may already have. You know how kids are. Rae has always wanted to know her father, and in her young mind, this may be the closest thing she’ll have.”

  Tears blur my vision. “I don’t want her to get hurt. She’s too young to understand how this works.”

  “She is, yet all she did today was talk about him and dinner. She even drew him a picture to give him the next time she sees him.”

  I look at Abigail, the closest friend I have, and a few tears roll down my cheeks. “And if we never see him again? What am I supposed to do? I’ve tried to avoid this exact situation.”

  “Maybe stop avoiding it. You can try to do something, but it doesn’t mean you are actually doing it. I also think you need to talk to her. Rae is mature enough that you can have a heart to heart with her and explain some things.”

  “But she’s still a child.”

  “Yes, but have a little faith in her,” Abigail pauses, “and a little faith in him. The Lord had you cross paths for a reason.” Abigail has always kept her faith throughout her entire life. Every time things get difficult, she brings in the Lord and His love into her situation. I admire her for that, and I can’t say I’ve always had the same belief.

  “I’ll talk to her.”

  “Good.” She kisses my cheek. “Holler if you need anything.” I watch Abigail leave, knowing I won’t have any buffer for this conversation with Rae.

  “How was your day?” I look over at Rae, lying on the floor as she colors. It’s her favorite place to color, despite having a small table in the kitchen she can use.

  “Good. Abby played with me.”

  “Did you wake up late?” I ask.

  “Kinda.” She shrugs. “I’m not sure, but Abby made me pancakes.” Her focus is on coloring, so I decide a shower first and conversation later.

  “I’m going to take a quick shower, okay? Remember, don’t open the door to anyone, even if it’s Abigail.”

  “Okay, Mom.”

  I double check the door is locked and hop in for a quick wash. I go over possible ways to bring up the conversation and which direction I want to take. I haven’t exactly told my daughter she was created out of a one-night-stand—she wouldn’t even understand that—but I know this will bring up the topic of her father again. The last thing I’d want is for her to think she was unwanted.

  I walk out, combing my hair and sit on the floor with her. “What’s this?” I ask about a drawing lying next to her. Maybe this is what she made for Jason, and I can bring him up that way.

  “It’s a guitar. I drew it for Jason. When will we see him again, so I can give it to him?”

  “I don’t know.” I breathe in courage and exhale the truth. “Rae, Jason is someone we just met. We don’t really know him, and…” This isn’t off to a great start.

  “What I mean is, he has a life and a
band that he works very hard on. He’s nice, but I don’t know when we will see him again, or if we will.”

  “But he told me yesterday he would.” Rae’s little mouth twists with a pout.

  “I know it’s difficult to understand, but adults are different than kids. We have responsibilities and lives that come first.”

  “I like him,” she whines. This is exactly what I wanted to avoid.

  “I know you do, baby. I just don’t want you to have expectations for him. He’s not responsible for us, only we are responsible for ourselves. I promise, I will always protect you and love you. You’re my number one.”

  “I want him with us. If I can’t have a dad, I want Jason.” Tears gush from her eyes and my heart is slowly breaking.

  “You have a father.”

  She shakes her head furiously. “No. I don’t know him, so I don’t have a dad. If I did, he’d come to my shows at school.”

  I pull her into me and hold her tight. “I’m sorry.” It’s my fault she doesn’t know her father. I could’ve looked for him, but what man would want to get pinged for a one-night-stand? I wouldn’t even have known where to look for him. We were young and drunk.

  “You have Ryan and Blake,” I say, adding Abigail’s husband, and hoping that she realizes she does have two men in her life she can count on.

  “It’s not the same. They’re friends, not my dad.”

  “Neither is Jason.”

  “Yeah, but he could be. He likes us.”

  “It’s not that simple, Rae. You don’t just become a dad because you like someone. That’s not how it works.”

  “You could marry him. Then he’ll be like my dad.”

  There’s no winning with this girl. “I can’t just marry him. I don’t even know him. People don’t just get married the first time they meet. First they get to know each other and make sure they want to spend their lives with them.”

  “Okay, so do that.”

  I squeeze her and pull her onto my lap. Children don’t see the complications in situations, or maybe we adults make things more complicated than they are.

  Rae cries a little longer, asking questions as she does. Mainly begging me to see Jason again. My heart shatters upon hearing her, realizing that despite the amount of money I save or hard work I do to offer her the best, she’ll never have what she truly needs.