Our Time

by Jessica Wilde

  It was now five weeks into our newly discovered relationship and I was still holding back for her. Anything about the future seemed to rattle her. I asked her what her plans were for Thanksgiving and Christmas and she got a little distant afterward. Although it wasn't causing any problems between us, I wasn't going to keep quiet for much longer. She needed to talk to me, to trust that whatever she felt about our future, we would get through together. I wasn't going anywhere and I was nothing like that grade A asshole that left her.

  Olivia alternated between calling me 'Adoo' and 'Daddy'. I finally realized that she noticed Ella and Josh constantly addressing Ethan as 'Daddy' and she was smart enough to figure out that I was playing a similar role in her life. My heart melted when she said it and I could feel the contentment radiating from Jocelyn each time. I thanked Olivia quietly many times because I knew that she was only helping my case.

  I kissed Jocelyn every opportunity I got and touched her even more. Some days I was pretty much glued to her and she didn't seem to mind. I just couldn't get enough of her. She didn't understand how sexy she actually is, and I wanted to show her. She drove me crazy some days when she just lounged around in her pajamas. She thought she looked lazy and dirty when she did that, I thought it was the hottest damn thing I had ever seen.

  I hadn't pushed for anything more physical, but we never really got a chance to see how far we were both willing to go. We were constantly moving and when we weren't, we were with Olivia. It was frequently on my mind, though, which didn't help my frustration at all.

  I missed her like mad when I had to work and when I went home, and when I woke up and didn't see her. Maybe I was turning into a crazy stalker, but I didn't want to miss a minute with her.

  I had picked up a couple extra shifts over the last week to make up for the time I was planning on taking off for the weekend and it nearly killed me. Mumford & Sons was coming to Portland Friday night and I was going to surprise Jocelyn. She was always listening to their music and after we first met and I found out she liked them, I had planned on getting the tickets for her. She had always wanted to go to one of their shows, but never got the opportunity.

  Her birthday was another week away, but I had other plans for her. Maddy was already planning on watching Liv during the concert and I was hoping to have some time alone together afterwards so I could talk to her without any interruptions and tell her what I wanted. I didn't have it in me to wait any longer and even though I felt like I was being a girl about it, it felt right.

  Friday morning, I got up earlier than normal and snuck into her house. Monty stalked down the stairs, ready to attack if it was an intruder, but his tail wagged wildly when he saw me.

  "You stay down here and keep quiet, okay? I'm going to go see our girls."

  He jumped up on the recliner and curled into a ball, apparently content to have it all to himself. I snuck up the stairs and peeked into Olivia's room. She was asleep in her crib with her legs sprawled out and her tiny hands clutching the big elephant I had bought her last week. I watched her sleep for a few moments and fought the urge to lean down and kiss her little head. I didn't want to wake her, yet.

  I silently made my way to Jocelyn's room and found her asleep with her head nearly hanging off the edge of the bed. I never figured out why she slept like that, but the several times I had woke her up in the morning, that's how I would find her.

  I glanced around the room that I had been in many times over the last few months, but rarely alone with her. Her dresser had a framed picture of Olivia when she was a year old and Monty snuggled together and smiling up at the camera. At least, it sure looked like he was smiling.

  Above the dresser was a board covered in the strips of pictures we had taken in the photo booth on the 4th of July. Olivia was smiling and pointing toward the camera for some and had her head thrown back in laughter for others when Jocelyn and I were tickling her. Some were of her face up close to the camera because she wanted to see inside. They both looked so happy in all of them and I felt a sense of pride that I had succeeded in capturing the memory of that day.

  I turned back to the bed and glanced down at her night stand. There was a framed picture of her, Liv, Monty, and me that we had a stranger take when we made a trip to the coast one Saturday. I picked the picture up and studied it. We had spent the afternoon playing Frisbee with Monty and building sand castles with Olivia and after we got home that night and put Liv to bed, we spent the next couple hours out on the patio talking and laughing. That was before I knew she had any feelings for me and I had known then that she was it for me. It made my heart leap when I realized she had most likely had the picture framed before then, too.

  Tucked into the side of the frame was a strip of booth pictures of just me and her. In every one, we were stuck close together and she was smiling widely. I remember how I was feeling in that moment. I had wanted to kiss her more than I had wanted anything before, but all I could do was look at her. The last picture, I had pulled her onto my lap and kissed her cheek right as the camera went off. Her eyes were closed and the smile on her face was breath taking.

  I set the picture back on the night stand and looked down at her. She looked so peaceful and beautiful with her hair splayed out behind her on the pillow. I walked around to the other side of the bed and climbed in behind her, wrapping an arm around her waist and pulling her away from the edge of the bed and into my chest. She immediately snuggled back into me and the warmth of her body penetrated my clothes and spread through me. I kissed the sensitive spot where her shoulder and neck meet and inhaled her lavender scent.

  I knew the exact moment that she woke because her whole body stiffened for a split second at the surprise of someone else in her bed, but she recovered just as fast. I nuzzled her neck again and placed soft kisses along her soft, ivory skin to her shoulder.

  "Good morning, beautiful," I whispered against her skin.

  "Mmmm, good morning. I like waking up like this."

  "Good." I ran my hand down her arm to her hip and caressed the sliver of skin peeking out between her tank top and boxers. "Your skin is so soft." My heart was thumping violently against my chest and I was struggling to stay in control. The things this woman did to me without even trying.

  "Mmmm, your lips are soft," she said sleepily.

  I was still kissing a path between her neck and shoulder and the feel of her so close to me sent all my blood rushing downward. I pulled my hips back so she wouldn't feel the twitch in my pants and possibly freak out.

  "What are you doing here so early?" she asked. "Is Liv awake?"

  "No, she's still asleep. I was planning on making you both some breakfast so it could be ready when you woke up, but I kind of got distracted."

  She chuckled and turned in my arms making her tank shift up, exposing more skin, and I couldn't help but follow it with my fingers. I softly stroked her skin and leaned in to kiss her lips.

  "Oh no, I probably have horrible morning breath," she said and brought her hand up to cover her mouth.

  I grabbed her wrist and stopped her, no way was I going to let morning breath delay this any longer. "I really don't care, I just need to kiss you right now." I covered her mouth with mine and parted her lips with my tongue. She resisted for a moment, but gave in when I returned my hand to the skin peeking out above her hip. The small whimper she made caused me to get hard to the point of pain and my hips moved forward of their own accord. She gasped right before her soft body pressed tighter to mine.

  Her hands made an electric path from the nape of my neck to just below my shoulder blades while I moved my hand to the soft, warm skin at the small of her back and marveled at the feel of all the silkiness beneath my fingers and her sensual curves pressing against me. She belonged in my arms, fit so perfectly.

  She always smelled good, even now first thing in the morning, and I swore I could taste her for hours after kissing her which never helped with any of my thoughts and was more than a few times pretty embarrassing while I
was at work. She lit a fire in me that no one else could and it showed no signs of burning out. Ever. Everything about her made me crazy in love with her.

  I deepened the kiss and started to shift myself above her. I needed to be closer.

  "Mommy, up."

  I froze at the sound of that tiny voice and reluctantly pulled my mouth away from hers. Olivia was at the side of the bed and was attempting to pull herself up by gripping the blanket tightly. Monty was right behind her and, amazingly, lifted her bottom with his snout to help her up. Jocelyn and I were trying to catch our breath still, but I moved back to the other side of the bed as Olivia climbed on top of her with a giggle. Her hair was a mess and there was a dry drool trail across her cheek.

  She was perfect.

  "Mommy, seep?" She looked over at me and smiled, "Daddy, shh," she whispered and pressed her tiny little finger against her lips.

  I leaned over and kissed the top of her head while she rubbed her eyes and took a deep breath in and out. Her bottom lip poked out as she looked down at her mother. I questioned my plans for the night and leaving her for the concert. I would definitely miss her every second.

  "Good morning, love. Did you sleep well?" Jocelyn asked softly and pulled herself up to a sitting position with her back against the headboard. She was a little flushed from our make out session and it reminded me of the first morning I saw her. Her cheeks were rosy then, but this blush made her glow. I couldn't read how she felt about it, if she was going to stop me anyway or if she would have let me touch her more, kiss her everywhere.

  "Moneen…" Liv started talking about all kinds of things that made her excited and no one but her could really understand. She pointed at different objects around the room and named them, the gibberish seemed to be getting a little clearer as if she was really saying the correct words and her facial expressions were so concentrated. She was growing up fast and I could only imagine how bittersweet it had to be for Jocelyn. "Mommy seep en Monnee seep en Daddy seep."

  "Yep, we were all sleeping, but now we are awake. Are you hungry?"

  "Eat nana," she said excitedly and clapped her hands.

  "Oh babe, I don't think we have any bananas this morning." Jocelyn was climbing out of the bed and turned to me with a shy smile and winked, not helping with my attempt to calm down.

  "I have some bananas," I said, but then I was currently in a situation where I would need a minute to compose myself before standing up and she knew it.

  "Well," she chuckled, "I'm sure you do." She sashayed over to her closet and grabbed her robe from the door. I gaped at her, but couldn't for the life of me take my eyes off of her butt. I was extremely disappointed when she covered herself with the robe, hiding that beautiful curvy frame.

  "I really do. I just need a minute and I can go and get them."

  She smiled widely and blushed again.

  "You aren't helping, by the way," I said and wasn't expecting my voice to be so rough. Just looking at her made my chest hurt and my fingers twitch.

  She laughed as she made her way over to me and stood just inches away. I reached my hand out to rest on her hip and pulled her a little closer as she leaned down and kissed me hard, but backed away after just a couple of seconds making me groan rebelliously.

  "Well, hurry it up." I watched her turn and glide back across the room to a waiting Olivia and Monty, but she swayed and stumbled at the door and had to grab the frame for support.

  I shot out of the bed and hurried over to her, "Whoa, you okay?"

  She was still gripping the frame and had the heel of her hand against her temple. Her fingers were shaking. I placed my hand at the small of her back and she took a deep shaky breath. She was really pale and the look on her face made my stomach roll.

  "Yeah," she croaked. "Yeah, I'm fine. Sorry… I, um… thought I saw a… um, spider."

  She didn't look at me, but I nodded and looked down at Monty and Olivia. Monty was sitting perfectly straight with his ears perked up high and head tilted slightly. He looked a little distressed. Olivia was hugging her leg tightly and whimpering 'careful Mommy'. Something didn't feel right.

  "Andrew, I'm fine. Just got a little startled. Hurry and get those bananas so Liv can eat."

  I didn't want to leave her, but her color returned and she looked better than she had a minute ago. I had to accept her excuse.

  "Okay, I'll look around for it when I get back." After a minute, she looked up at me and smiled, but it wasn't the smile she normally gave me and it worried me. "Give me a few minutes, okay?"

  She nodded as I kissed her forehead and quickly walked ahead of them and down the stairs. Her near fall was like a bucket of ice water being poured all over me. I kept telling myself it was nothing, but I couldn't help the feeling that she somehow had gotten dizzy and could have hit her head with a fall. Stop being paranoid, she said she was fine. I knew there wasn't a spider. I had just sprayed for them a week ago.

  I stepped into my house and heard my cell ringing on the kitchen counter. There was only one person that would be calling me this early.

  "Hey, Maddy."

  "Hey Drew, we still on for tonight?"

  "Yeah, we are. Can you come pick Liv up around 4:30? The concert starts at seven, but I wanted to take Joss to eat first."

  "Yeah, no problem." She cleared her throat and sounded a little uncomfortable, "Um, so do you think Liv might be spending the night? I just want to make sure I have things ready for her."

  I chuckled at her subtle inquiry of whether or not Joss and I would be spending the whole night together. "I don't know, yet. I'm not going to plan on it, but I really wanted to spend some time alone with her to talk so it might be pretty late."

  "Well, whatever you need, Drew. Just let me know." She was silent for a moment and I knew she had something else to say, but was trying not to say it.

  "Maddy, just spit it out," I pressed.

  She took a deep breath and quietly spoke. "Drew, I'm worried about her."

  My stomach dropped and that same feeling I had in her bedroom came back to me. "What are you worried about?"

  "I just… okay so she was over here a couple days ago right? We went shopping for a while and had lunch and then she brought me back home. We were sitting in the car talking and she kind of spaced out and started shaking and got really pale. I don't know if it was because of something I said or… well, no it couldn't have been because we were just talking about that movie we all went to see last weekend. I don't know, Drew." Her voice was anxious and rose an octave. "It was really weird. She said she just wasn't feeling well and thought maybe it was the chicken we ate for lunch. I tried to get her to come inside, but she wanted to get home and put Liv down for her nap and just rest for a while. Has she been okay? It seemed like more than just the food and--"

  My hand gripped the phone tightly as a flood of emotions coursed through me. "Maddy! Why didn't you tell me this before?"

  "I don't know." She exhaled loudly, "I thought I was just being paranoid or something."

  I ran a hand through my hair and down my face trying to clear my head. Was what happened this morning the same thing?

  "She hasn't said anything to me, but she has been fine for the most part. She might just be tired. Olivia is a handful some nights and she has been trying to get more hours in for work. I'll talk her into taking a break."

  "Good. Maybe you guys should leave Olivia here for the night. If anything so she can get some extra sleep."

  I immediately felt awful for waking her up this morning. I was being ignorant and felt like maybe some of her exhaustion was because of me. I had kept her up late this last week trying to get some time with her while I wasn't working. "I'll let you know. Thanks, Maddy."

  We talked for a minute about how I was going to tell Jocelyn about the concert, but I still had no idea. I told her I had to go and we said our goodbyes.

  I felt a little better about everything when I walked into Jocelyn's kitchen and saw her dancing with Olivia in her arms and
singing a funny song from Olivia's favorite movie. She was completely fine and acted as if nothing had happened.

  She was just tired, that was it.

  Today, I would convince her to take a nap and then wake her up in time to get ready to go.

  She saw me watching her, but didn't stop dancing. Olivia was laughing hard and her hair was bouncing everywhere as Jocelyn moved.

  My beautiful girls. What would I do without them?

  Jocelyn

  My headaches had started coming back. I hadn't been getting enough sleep and I was stressed about talking to Andrew. I had put it off for too long. After what almost happened this morning, I knew it was time to come clean. I was in love with him and didn't want to go slow anymore, but I had to be sure he would still want a life with me and Olivia knowing what was inevitable.

  After what happened with Madison, I called Benjamin and finally told him what was going on. Needless to say, he was upset and worried and freaking out like I expected. He called James Harrison and got me in for the next week since the other two doctors were out for a couple of weeks. I felt a little better after calling Ben and getting something done.

  I was planning on talking to Andrew after my appointment, when I found out how bad it was. I would need him to watch Liv while I went and I was going to force myself to tell him. Ben didn't like it and tried to convince me to tell him now, but I just couldn't get myself to do it.

  Andrew was cleaning Olivia up after breakfast and set her on the ground with some of her toys. I was cleaning up some of the dishes when he wrapped his arms around me and waved two tickets in front of my eyes. When I saw that they were for a Mumford & Sons concert, I dropped the pan I was washing and it banged against the sink loudly.

  "Oh my God!" I snatched up the tickets and stared at them incredulously. He laughed into my hair and I spun around and kissed him fully on the lips.

  "Thank you, thank you, thank you! When did you get them? Oh my God, I can't wait!" Only Andrew would remember me talking about how much I wanted to go to this show.