Full Circle

by Lynne, Donya

  Daniel possessively bit Zach’s lip and held it between his teeth. Then he released it and said, “Just as long as you bring your fantasies home to me, babe.”

  “You know I do.” A sly, heated look passed between them, and then Zach pecked him hard on the mouth once more and pulled away with a wet smack as their lips suctioned apart. “You’re the only one I want to share my secret fantasies with, babe. You know that better than anyone.”

  Karma felt a little like a voyeur for witnessing their hotly intimate moment. Then they separated and the three of them headed across the street. Daniel and Zach lived near the jogging trail, which was why Karma usually went to their house for their running dates.

  As they walked in silence, Karma’s mind mulled over what Zach had said about his fantasies. About how Daniel was the only one he wanted to share them with.

  And that made her think about Mark and the conversation they’d had three weeks ago. She still didn’t know quite what to think about what he’d told her. About liking anal play. Not just giving, but receiving, too.

  She glanced to the side, at her friends’ loosely joined hands. Their thick fingers wove together. Easy. Comfortable.

  For gay men, was it easier to talk about anal stuff? Was it simply assumed that a gay man liked having dildos and cocks inserted in his butt? That that sort of thing was situation normal for them but situation red alert for a straight man? And did straight men really enjoy that sort of thing? Because Mark wasn’t gay. He was absolutely and completely heterosexual. So then, why did he enjoy stuff like that? He’d explained the biology behind why, but she still didn’t fully know how she felt about what he apparently wanted her to do to him, mostly because she didn’t know how to do it.

  She was so damn green. For all her progress into the world of debauchery, there were still so many things that made her feel like a first grader in a high school trigonometry class.

  Daniel chucked her shoulder. “Hey, you okay?”

  She jolted from her thoughts. “Yeah, why?”

  His eyes scrunched into narrow slits under a furrowed brow. “You sure? You got really quiet on us, and you look like your mind is dwelling on some pretty deep shit. Is everything between you and Mark really as okay as you say it is?”

  Zach peered around Daniel’s head at her.

  “Yes,” she said, “everything’s fine. I’m just . . . it’s just that . . .” She sighed. “He and I were talking a few weeks ago, and he said something that’s got me kind of thrown.”

  “What did he say?” Concern coated Zach’s words.

  “Yeah. And what were you talking about?” Daniel added.

  “It was nothing really, but . . .” She held a greater appreciation for the effort it had taken for Mark to come clean. This was a hard subject to talk about, and she wasn’t even talking about herself. Imagine how hard it had been for Mark to reveal to her these were his fantasies and turn-ons?

  “Okay, you’re starting to worry me,” Daniel said, letting go of Zach’s hand to retrieve his keys from his pocket.

  “Really, Daniel, it’s not that big a deal. It’s just . . . awkward.” And really, should she even be discussing this with them? What if Mark found out? Would he be embarrassed? Angry?

  They started up their driveway. “Well, you’re going to come in, and I’m going to heat us all up a pot of soup to take this chill off.” He lifted his gaze to the grey, overcast skies still dropping their misty dampness. Then he glanced at Karma. “And you’re going to spill all, awkward or not.”

  As Daniel unlocked the door, Zach nodded at her as if putting the period on Daniel’s statement.

  “Fine, just let me get inside your warm house first, but you both have to promise me you’ll keep this between us. This is private. No making any smart-ass comments to Mark or anything like that.”

  “Smart-ass comments?” Daniel shut the door behind them. “Now I am intrigued.”

  In the mudroom, Karma peeled out of her cold, moisture-slicked jogging suit, pulled off her cap, and hung everything on the pegs dotting the wall before joining her friends in the kitchen.

  “Okay, girl, start talking,” Daniel said before she even had a chance to sit down. He snagged the ceramic teapot from the stove and started filling it with water.

  Meanwhile, Zach grabbed a large container of what looked like homemade soup from the refrigerator and set it by the stove.

  With a resigned sigh, she parked herself on a barstool and plunked her elbows on the counter. “Mark told me something a few weeks ago, and I’m not sure what to think about it.”

  Zach and Daniel exchanged glances, each with one eyebrow raised.

  “What did he tell you?” Zach spoke evenly. Cautious curiosity dripped from every syllable.

  “Okay, so let me say first that when we went to Saint Lucia, he opened up about his past and some of the”—how could she express all the stuff Mark had done in one word?—“things he’s done. Some of them a bit more on the wrong side of the tracks, if you know what I mean.” She held up her hand defensively. “But don’t tell him I told you that, okay.”

  They both cocked their heads and crossed their fingers over their hearts.

  “Karma, you’ve known me long enough to know I would never break your confidence,” Daniel said.

  “And you’ve known me almost as long to know I won’t either,” Zach added. “Whatever you want to tell us stays with us. We’re like Vegas, just without the cool costumes.”

  She knew that, of course. She’d known Daniel since college and met Zach soon after. Other than Lisa, they were her best friends.

  Daniel started pouring the soup in a pan. “And it’s not like we couldn’t see this coming from a hundred miles away. His wrong-side-of-the-tracks activity, I mean.”

  “Mm-hm.” Zach slid a bottle of water across the counter toward her then unscrewed the cap on his own. “Because a man that fine is bound to have some skeletons in that closet. What, with all the women he’s dated and all that.”

  Zach had always been the less tactful of the two. Not that he was insensitive. He just had a very thin brain-to-mouth filter. Sometimes it didn’t catch everything it should.

  “Gee, thanks for reminding me, Z.” She swiped the bottle of water and twisted off the cap.

  Daniel lightly punched Zach’s shoulder. “Nice going.”

  He held up his hands. “What? I’m not saying anything we don’t already know.”

  Shaking his head in consternation, Daniel turned back toward Karma. “Don’t listen to him. He still possesses Neanderthal genes.” He stirred the soup. “So, go on. What did Mark tell you that has you so flummoxed?”

  Flummoxed. Good choice of word.

  “Okay, so he told me all about his past while we were in Saint Lucia, and then a few weeks ago, he said there was more he hadn’t yet told me. In fact, it was the night we made the offer on the house.”

  Was she doing the right thing by revealing to them what Mark had told her in private? But if anyone could relate, it was Daniel and Zach, right? Maybe they could shed some light on the subject and ease her mind.

  She knitted her fingers together. The boys were now parked across the counter from her, all ears.

  She was stalling.

  “Anyway,” she said, “I thought it was going to be this really horrible thing, and then he revealed that he’s an exhibitionist. That he has exhibitionist fantasies.”

  The expression on Daniel’s face was the epitome of the phrase, “Is that all?”

  “Just wait,” she said. “There’s more.” She felt like one of those advertisements on TV. But wait! There’s more! If you buy now, you’ll also receive a second sexual fantasy for free. Aaaannnd, we’ll throw in one butt plug and an anal dildo with your order!

  “Go on,” Daniel said.

  “He wants me to do exhibitionist things with him, too. Like, wear a provocative dress in public where he can fondle me and, maybe, you know, do it in the coat closet where someone could walk in on us.”
>
  “And this is a problem because . . . ?” Zach looked like his mind was working over the possibilities of doing something similar with Daniel at their next social engagement.

  “That’s not all,” she said. “There’s more.”

  “Well then, honey, get to the point. We’re gonna grow old and wrinkly at this pace.”

  “Okay, okay. Give me a second. This is . . . ?” What exactly was this? Embarrassing? Abnormal? Perfectly normal and healthy and she was just being silly? “Odd,” she finally said. “At least for me.”

  Daniel pulled his head back and stood up straight, eyebrows pinched. “Odd?” His expression shifted into curious amusement as he leaned forward again and rested his forearms on the counter with a crooked grin splashed across his face. “Oh, I can already tell this is going to be good.”

  Groaning, Karma dropped her arms and slumped forward until her forehead bonked the counter, which made Daniel and Zach laugh.

  “It’s not funny,” she said, pushing herself back into an upright position.

  Zach nudged Daniel’s upper arm with his. “Well, if you’d just spit out whatever it is, we might understand what’s so odd about it and why it has you in such a twist.”

  Yes, she definitely felt a greater appreciation for what Mark had gone through to tell her this.

  “Fine. Okay. Just . . .” She held her hands in front of her, fingers splayed, palms down, as if she were pressing the air toward the floor. “Mark likes . . . well . . .” She sighed. “He enjoys anal play.”

  Daniel and Zach frowned and tilted their heads in unison, in perfect sync with one another. They were like twin bobbleheads. Their actions would have been humorous under different circumstances.

  Daniel pushed off the counter, eyeing her. “Okay, so he wants to have anal sex with you? Is that what you’re saying?”

  She felt like she was folding in on herself. “Partly.”

  “And the other part?”

  It was like there was a great big rolling storm cloud hanging over their heads. Just waiting to drop a deluge.

  “He says he enjoys . . . you know . . .” Did she really need to say it? Couldn’t they infer the rest without her actually having to speak the words?

  “What?” Daniel’s eyes narrowed as he turned his head slightly to one side as if his mind were racing over what exactly she was trying to tell him.

  “You know . . .” Karma nodded tightly, eyes wide, as if that would somehow communicate what she was trying to say better than her voice could.

  Zach was the first to get it.

  “Oh! Oh my God!” He jumped back and thrust his hands out in front of him as if holding back a rush of Black Friday Christmas shoppers. “Oh, hell, I think I’ve died and gone to gay heaven!” He started laughing and shoved Daniel. “He likes it up the ass, Danny! Oh my God, that’s it, isn’t it?” He turned toward Karma and rushed the counter like a winning game-show contestant, eyes bright. “Am I right? I’m right, aren’t I? He likes it up the ass.”

  And there came the deluge.

  His reaction almost made Karma laugh. Almost. Except for that on-the-edge-of-crying feeling.

  “Yes.” She held her hands palms-up, fingers curled into claws as if she were gripping a pair of elephant balls. “But, oh my God, what do I do? I’ve never . . . this has never . . . just . . . oh my God, guys! What am I supposed to do?”

  “What are you supposed to do?” Zach was beyond hysterical, laughing as if he were the happiest guy on the planet, oblivious to her consternation. “Give the man what he wants, honey!” He shook his head as if he still couldn’t believe it. “This is so awesome. A straight man who isn’t afraid to admit he enjoys taking it up the ass.”

  And there he went again, being the most tactless man on Earth.

  He spun on Daniel, whose face was the picture of amusement. “This is the best thing I’ve heard all year.” He bobbed his head back and forth and shrugged. “I mean, I know the year’s barely begun, but I can’t imagine I’ll hear anything better than this for the next ten months. This is just . . . Oh my God, Karma.” He whirled back around. “Thank you. Thank you for making my day.”

  “Glad I could be of service.” She shot them both a helpless look. “Now, help me out. I don’t know what to do.”

  Zach calmed and shimmied up to the counter, all ears and wide smiles. “Girl, he must really love you to tell you something like that. That takes balls.”

  “Why?”

  Daniel finally chimed in. “Because there’s this stigma among straight men that if they admit they like anything up their ass, people will think they’re gay.”

  Mark had told her that.

  Zach nodded. “But the truth is, if more straight men realized how good it feels, they wouldn’t be such idiots about admitting they like it. Your guy’s got a lot of courage to admit something like that. Don’t take that for granted, Karma.”

  “But what do I do?”

  “Wear a strap-on and go at him?” Zach suggested.

  She rolled her eyes and shook her head. “He already told me that’s not what he wants.”

  Daniel rested his arms on the counter again and bent forward. “How about a prostate plug or something like that to stimulate him?”

  Zach’s head bobbed up and down vigorously. “Oh yeah. Or maybe one of those prostate stimulator-cock ring combos. Those are incredible.”

  Daniel smiled at him in a way that said he and Zach possessed firsthand knowledge of this sex toy Zach spoke of. “Oh yeah, I bet he’d really like that. That’s uh, yeah, that’s a good one.” Daniel turned toward her, visibly hot under the collar. “And you would, too. Talk about giving the man staying power and still rocking his socks off.”

  “And his rocks.” Zach nodded dramatically. “The anal plug-cock ring thing is hot. Really hot. Daniel and I can definitely vouch for it. We’ve—”

  Karma held up her hand and slammed her eyes shut as if that would turn off her ears. “Okay, okay, okay. I’m learning way more about your guys’ sex life than I wanted to.”

  When she opened her eyes again, Daniel was smiling from ear to ear. “Welcome to our world, my young apprentice. You’re one of us now. Pay attention and learn well.” He straightened and reached across the counter for his laptop then opened it and began typing. “We’re about to educate you. With our help, you’re going to blow Mark’s mind.”

  “But I have so many questions. I’m not even sure I can do this.”

  “Sure you can.”

  “It’s not weird?”

  Daniel scoffed. “No, it’s not weird. As long as you don’t make it weird.”

  Zach leaned over Daniel’s shoulder, watching him type. “This isn’t weird at all, Karma. Mark’s just a man who’s obviously in tune with his body and what he likes. Seriously, if more men would explore their backdoor, they wouldn’t be such dicks about guys sticking their wicks up there.”

  Something about that sentence sounded all wrong, but given the source, should she really expect anything less?

  “Why is that?”

  “Because, honey, that’s where the magic happens. That’s where a guy’s G-spot is.”

  “Mark did try to explain that to me.”

  “Well, listen to the man. He knows what he’s talking about. If he likes a little toy up his bum, stick one there and let the fireworks fly, sweetie.” Zach placed his hand over hers. “And it’s perfectly normal. It doesn’t make him gay or anything. Which is really a tragedy if you ask me, because that man needs to be gay the way Beyoncé needs to insure her ass.”

  Daniel looked up, frowning curiously. “She hasn’t?”

  Zach shrugged. “I don’t know, but if she hasn’t, she needs to. That’s all I’m saying.”

  She was feeling a little better about this whole issue. Maybe this wasn’t the big deal her over-analyzing, hyper-aware mind had turned it into over the last few weeks. And if it could intensify their sex life then it couldn’t be a bad thing, right?

  “So, I’m j
ust being weird then? This is all perfectly normal.”

  “That’s what we’re saying,” Daniel said. The compassionate, level tone of his voice further soothed her anxiety. “You don’t have to worry about Mark going all homo on you. And like Zach said, he really loves you to share something so deeply personal. I think you’ve found yourself a winner in that one.”

  A winner. Mark was a winner. “You’re right.” She finally allowed herself to smile. “He is pretty terrific, isn’t he?”

  “Uh, slightly,” Zach said.

  Daniel spun his laptop around. “That’s what you need.”

  He was on Cārvāka’s website. The same place where Mark had ordered her a box full of toys two summers ago. Did everyone know about Cārvāka except for her? First Mark. Now Daniel and Zach.

  She stared at the smooth, curved contraption on the screen. It was black and smaller than she imagined, with a flared base that connected to a slender cord attached to a ring. So, this was what Mark wanted? She hadn’t even thought to jump online and do a web search.

  Daniel angled the laptop back toward him while Zach checked on their soup. “Or you could do something like this.” He clicked on a cock ring that was translucent pink with a protrusion that looked a bit like a lobster claw or rabbit ears on one side.

  “What’s that?”

  “That’s a cock ring made for him and her.” He pointed to a tiny silver nub to the side of the rabbit ears. “See that? That’s where the batteries go. Three watch batteries.” He sounded like he was reading that last part from the product specs.

  “Why does it need batteries?” Then she drew in her breath. “Oh, it’s a vibrator.”

  “Yes. And you can’t tell me that doesn’t excite you even just a little bit.”

  Her face warmed, so she knew she was flushed.

  Daniel began clicking and scrolling. “Or there’s these cock rings. This is a set of seven.” Daniel began reading off the site. “They stretch to accommodate any size, so that’s good. And each of the seven is textured differently to give the woman—or man”—he glanced at Zach as he returned with their soup—“a different sensation. But I think these are made more for a woman’s pleasure,” he amended.